Falsely accused by wife

Singledad1234

I am going through a bitter separation and my wife has recently falsely accused me of child abuse .She has done everything over the past year to try and not have me see my kids .I have had to take her to court for access multiple times and this now is the last straw .I have a solicitor and I have met with a social worker and Tusla.The court have said as there is an investigation ongoing that I will require supervised access .My wife will not agree to any of my family members or our Aupair to supervise access .( she won't give a reason )I have contacted a few agencies re a childminder and it is cost prohibitive as you have to take on the person as your employee .

Any advice on how to deal with all of this will be much appreciated .Does anyone know of a specialist barrister etc to defend me .This is the most disgusting thing an ex can do ,contrived out of pure spite to write me out of my kids lives.

Thanks

Sala

Your solicitor should be able to get a good barrister. I am not sure the position now, as I think it was a pilot scheme, but barnardos had a child contact centre to help with supervised access arrangements. Maybe contact them and see can they provide someone

Singledad1234

It seems to me once an allegation is proved false that the accuser gets off lightly is this so?

Singledad1234

Thanks sala for the info

howamidifferent

Singledad1234 wrote:

It seems to me once an allegation is proved false that the accuser gets off lightly is this so?

It won't be proved false just not proved to be true. And mud sticks and all that unfortunately for you. Terrible situation to be in but relationship breakups can and very frequently do get nasty beyond all belief. All you can do is your best and don't give up. Try your best to be there for your children despite whatever roadblocks are put in your way. I really hope it all works out for you. I have experienced the devastation of marital strife through the court system and its soul destroying but you will come out the other side of it eventually. Best of luck.

seamus

Singledad1234 wrote: »

It seems to me once an allegation is proved false that the accuser gets off lightly is this so?

The accuser can be sued for defamation if the accused deems it appropriate.

It's probably not a good idea to go through with it in this case, but it can be used to soften someone's cough. I'd discuss it with your solicitor.

Singledad1234

My ex has tried everything to withhold access over the last year.She has psychological issues but tries to hide them by self medicating (obtaining tablets illegally) I have mentioned this to Tusla .How do you deal with some one that is possibly bi-polar /split personality and extremely devious .My children are the only ones that matter here .Every other week she tries to stitch me up

VisibleGorilla

Go on the offensive asap.

Get everything ready for a defamation suit against her.

She seems to have mental health issues and is in no fit state to care for children, fight for sole custody.

Singledad1234

I presume a defamation case is heard in the circuit court .How long typically would this take to go to court and any other advice in same

Thanks

Acara

VisibleGorilla wrote: »

Go on the offensive asap.

Get everything ready for a defamation suit against her.

She seems to have mental health issues and is in no fit state to care for children, fight for sole custgody.

What exactly is a defamation suit. Thought wife could say anything about you in court or via solicitor just can't be in a public doc.

Second Toughest in_the Freshers

VisibleGorilla wrote: »

Go on the offensive asap.

Get everything ready for a defamation suit against her.

She seems to have mental health issues and is in no fit state to care for children, fight for sole custody.

Things are getting nasty all-right :rolleyes:

Xenophile

Try and get to see the head of Barnardos...............ie Fergus Finlay.

There is a Labour Politician in the Dail, Willie Penrose, who is a barrister he may help you to get an appointment.

Kenny B

If she actually has mental or medicine issues, 'self medicating'. I believe her doctor (if also your kids doctor) has to let you know if your kids are safe, you can personally ask her doctor and if there is anything dodgy, they have to let you know for the safety of the kids.

No point being the nice guy on the back foot when it's all tits up, solicitor should know.

seamus

Singledad1234 wrote: »

I presume a defamation case is heard in the circuit court .How long typically would this take to go to court and any other advice in same

Thanks

Look, without being blunt, if your solicitor is not chasing all of this up for you, including ways to have your ex wife declared unfit due to her mental illness, then you need to get yourself a better solicitor.

You pay them money to think of all these things and to work on your behalf. If you're online asking questions about what you can do, then it means your solicitor is not answering these questions and therefore not doing a good enough job.

Sala

Defamation is not the route to go. You have not been defamed in court - the proceedings are in camera and are between you and her (and her representatives). It would be different if she was telling everyone you know lies about you. Mud gets slung around court all the time- the judge is only concerned with the best interests of the child.

I would avoid going on the offensive- deny it all certainly, but try to put your best foot forward in front of the judge. The judge doesn't know either of you- think about how he or she will perceive you. Don't be the angry dad out for vengeance , be the great dad who loves his kids and only wants the best for them. Don't rise to the bait. The judge can order specialist reports with family therapists, social workers etc. You should talk to your solicitor about this. The judge may take it upon himself to suggest one, because the he said / she said scenario is obviously a nightmare for judges to deal with so they need the opinions of an independent specialist.

Singledad1234

I was advised to have a parenting assessment suitability on my ex .She as I said has huge psychological issues any other info appreciated

FishOnABike

Singledad1234 wrote: »

It seems to me once an allegation is proved false that the accuser gets off lightly is this so?

Fixed that for you.

Unfortunately false accusations are all too frequent used as a tactical weapon in acrimonious family law cases and even the most blatant and proven of lies seem to go unpunished. The secrecy of in camera family law hearings seems to give a carte blanche to the malicious to say what they want without sanction.

It beggars belief that both the courts and Tusla are so believing of allegations which only arise in the context of an acrimonious separation without any prior history or independent corroborating reports. Surely if the accusations were true the accusing parent is guilty of neglect for not reporting it earlier and any children should be taken into care immediately for their own welfare.

Any person who makes such false accusations is unfit to be a parent.

In my opinion far too little consideration is given to the psychological harm caused to children by unwarranted intervention in the case of a false accusation. Investigation can take months, if not more, due to the slowness of the legal process and the time to compile reports, during which time the children suffer by being denied a parent. The damage done cannot be easily undone.

It is highly unfair that a person who has to be presumed innocent is effectively being punished (as may be their children) while an investigation is being held and expected to pay for the 'privilege'. If the court or Tusla impose conditions on an innocent person they should be fully liable for all the costs of those conditions.

Your spouse cannot dictate who can or cannot supervise access. That is for the court to decide. Your spouse can object but the more and more reasonable suggestions you make the more difficult it will be for your spouse to repeatedly object to your suggestions without showing their true colours.



Don't let things happen to you, be proactive and take some control back. The Law Reform Commission has restated a lot of family law legislation with all amendments to date. http://www.lawreform.ie/revised-acts/alphabetical-list-of-html-and-pdf-post-2006-revised-acts.557.html Look at the ones related to family law, childcare and child welfare they're not exactly light reading but they may prompt things for you to ask your solicitor.

If you can pay for a report privately it may be faster than having to wait for the report of a state sponsored body, this might help move things on faster.

Perfect lies are next to impossible. Liars will eventually catch themselves out in their own stories. Look at what you can disprove. As the saying goes "Filleann an feall ar an bhfeallaire"

It can be very difficult at times but don't loose hope.

FishOnABike

Sala wrote: »

The judge can order specialist reports with family therapists, social workers etc. You should talk to your solicitor about this. The judge may take it upon himself to suggest one, because the he said / she said scenario is obviously a nightmare for judges to deal with so they need the opinions of an independent specialist.

If you can propose an independent report it may be more helpful. There is no reason why you should not make an application to the court to order an independent report and there is every reason why you should so as to have any false accusations fully investigated as fast as possible and dismissed.

If you can pay privately for a report from an independent specialist it may be quicker than waiting for the court, HSE, Tusla or whoever to decide they want one, order one, get funding approved, carry out any investigations and report back to the court.

FishOnABike

Singledad1234 wrote: »

I was advised to have a parenting assessment suitability on my ex .She as I said has huge psychological issues any other info appreciated

To avoid it been seen as a finger pointing exercise and in the interests of impartiality and openness could you suggest you both have a parenting assessment suitability. If you are willing to submit yourself to one your spouse cannot reasonably object to the same. Let the facts speak for themselves.

Singledad1234

I am thinking of asking for a parenting suitability assessment on my ex .I presume I contact the HSE for this .Whats involved in applying for sole custody ?

Thanks

Singledad1234

Thanks for all the replies .Kenny mentioned to write to the family doctor in relation to my ex's metal health .This Doctor is not my doctor .Will they give me any information ?

Kenny B

My understanding is,

Her doctor will give you nothing unless her doctor is also the Kids doctor, she is then obliged to tell you if there is any mental illness involved, they can't go to you to express a worry but once you go to them And there is a problem they have to divulge it (if there is a problem).

The question you have to ask the doctor is 'are my kids safe to be left with her?',

Singledad1234

The Doctor is also my kids doctor

Kenny B

Then ask, if the doctor says she is fine, then she is fine to look after the kids, but make sure that you actually believe she is ill as opposed to anger clouding your judgement.

Singledad1234

She had been ill for years .She is obtaining medicines through a family member of hers who is working as a mental nurse for the HSE .Her true mental state is hidden by her family

Acara

Singledad1234 wrote: »

She had been ill for years .She is obtaining medicines through a family member of hers who is working as a mental nurse for the HSE .Her true mental state is hidden by her family

Her family member is guilty of serious professional misconduct here if she is giving out meds and should be reported to the HSE and could be putting your kids at risk. Seems this mental health issue is like a can of worms but we all know pychotrophic med have serious side effects. To the best of my knowledge if a chronic mental health issue like bipolar was suspected by your GP he would have referred her to the psychiatric services before now as he would need an official diagnosis to be made by an expert in the field. Just wondering what ages are your kids and what kind of abuse exactly is your wife accusing you of because new laws now allow for children to have a voice in our legal system. Very stressful time for you but you must put your kids first and do everything to not get involved in the madness.

blatantrereg

Well she thinks you abuse her kids; you throw the term bipolar as a slur to try to undermine her. I reckon you probably do abuse your kids - not sexually or physically but I reckon you're viciously mentally abusive. You're demonstrating that sort of trait in your posts here.

If you really did think she was bipolar you've been horribly negligent in not seeking help for her. Very serious and distressing condition. I reckon she isn't because her psych nurse relation would recognise it right away - it's a very common condition - seems like half the patients in psych wards are manic. Personally I demonstrated that I can recognise it after observing just one episode, and I'm not trained or even particularly astute.

You come across like a bully who just says whatever you think will harm. That's why I think you probably do abuse your kids. Best advice is to stop being an uninformed rabid bully so there is no longer a need to block you from being involved with your kids.

Grab All Association

Singledad1234 wrote: »

She had been ill for years .She is obtaining medicines through a family member of hers who is working as a mental nurse for the HSE .Her true mental state is hidden by her family

If what you are saying is true then you need to report her sister to the HSE/NB/HPRA (details below)

http://www.nursingboard.ie/en/reporting_misconduct.aspx
http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/yourhealthservice/feedback/Complaints/HowTo/

Report Suspicious Activities
You can contact us at +353-1-6343436 or email reportacase@hpra.ie with any information you may have regarding suspicious behaviour in the supply, advertising or manufacture of health products.

Any information provided will be dealt with in strictest confidence.

FluffyAngel

blatantrereg wrote: »

Well she thinks you abuse her kids; you throw the term bipolar as a slur to try to undermine her. I reckon you probably do abuse your kids - not sexually or physically but I reckon you're viciously mentally abusive. You're demonstrating that sort of trait in your posts here.

If you really did think she was bipolar you've been horribly negligent in not seeking help for her. Very serious and distressing condition. I reckon she isn't because her psych nurse relation would recognise it right away - it's a very common condition - seems like half the patients in psych wards are manic. Personally I demonstrated that I can recognise it after observing just one episode, and I'm not trained or even particularly astute.

You come across like a bully who just says whatever you think will harm. That's why I think you probably do abuse your kids. Best advice is to stop being an uninformed rabid bully so there is no longer a need to block you from being involved with your kids.

this is the worst singular post on boards i have seen,how can victim blaming help here ? whatever sex you are poster surely empathy and compassion should be used ? he is looking for advice and undertstanding ...not AH thinking

Singledad1234

Blatantrereg


I don't just throw the term bipolar out to be nasty .My ex has cousins and family members who are bi-polar and depression features a lot in her family .Depression can hit anyone throughout life but what is worrying is not dealing with it .I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old .There welfare and safety is my only concern .Its not about winning its about doing what's right and best for them

Taltos

Mod Note
If you have an issue with a post please report it. Don't try to tackle or justify it by arguing on thread. Poster above has received a warning for being uncivil. We will not tolerate victim blaming here, and there is a fine line between harsh advice and just being cruel.

OP - I'm edging to closing this thread right now as more of the above won't help you. Already at this point the advice you've sought and received exceeds the remit of this forum. We'll review shortly and should we determine that the above is true or continues to be true we will clock this thread.

Acara

Sala wrote: »

Defamation is not the route to go. You have not been defamed in court - the proceedings are in camera and are between you and her (and her representatives). It would be different if she was telling everyone you know lies about you. Mud gets slung around court all the time- the judge is only concerned with the best interests of the child.

I would avoid going on the offensive- deny it all certainly, but try to put your best foot forward in front of the judge. The judge doesn't know either of you- think about how he or she will perceive you. Don't be the angry dad out for vengeance , be the great dad who loves his kids and only wants the best for them. Don't rise to the bait. The judge can order specialist reports with family therapists, social workers etc. You should talk to your solicitor about this. The judge may take it upon himself to suggest one, because the he said / she said scenario is obviously a nightmare for judges to deal with so they need the opinions of an independent specialist.

By the same token your wife could accuse you of defamation by saying she has bipolar on a public forum when there is no psychiatric diagnosis. A GP does not have the authority to make such a diagnosis and would be guilty of misconduct if he did. He has a duty of care towards his patient and would refer her on to a specialist just like any other illness. All of this fighting is very damaging for your kids that is the only certainty here. They never asked to be born and you are the two adults here that brought them into this world. You had a choice in the matter they did not. This is not what is best for them but you two seem to be incompatible and would mediation not be a less stressful route to go down for all concerned. Also keep in mind that if your wife has an undiagnosed condition that is only coming to light now, any legal doc that she has signed may be invalid because of lack of legal capacity.

Singledad1234

Taltos

Thank you for you post .Its probably best to close this topic as I have got enough info now to make an informed decision on what way to proceed

I also don't need to see posts like blatantrereg

Thank you

Acara

blatantrereg wrote: »

Well she thinks you abuse her kids; you throw the term bipolar as a slur to try to undermine her. I reckon you probably do abuse your kids - not sexually or physically but I reckon you're viciously mentally abusive. You're demonstrating that sort of trait in your posts here.

If you really did think she was bipolar you've been horribly negligent in not seeking help for her. Very serious and distressing condition. I reckon she isn't because her psych nurse relation would recognise it right away - it's a very common condition - seems like half the patients in psych wards are manic. Personally I demonstrated that I can recognise it after observing just one episode, and I'm not trained or even particularly astute.

You come across like a bully who just says whatever you think will harm. That's why I think you probably do abuse your kids. Best advice is to stop being an uninformed rabid bully so there is no longer a need to block you from being involved with your kids.

What did you observe exactly ??? Could just have been a normal reaction by the poor individual to your obvious bullying as demonstrated in your post.

jennyhayes123

It's very sad what some women/men can do out of bitterness
I hope you get the best outcome for the kids.
Good luck

noway12345

Why didn't you do something about your wife's condition? Surely it would have been in your and your kids interests for her to get help?

Acara

noway12345 wrote: »

Why didn't you do something about your wife's condition? Surely it would have been in your and your kids interests for her to get help?

Impossible to do when wife does not acknowledge that she has a problem and her family of origin seem to exist in a state of denial too. In my opinion her family should not be in the picture at all and seem to have a lot of undue influence over her even taking unprescribed med for god's sake.

noway12345

Acara wrote: »

Impossible to do when wife does not acknowledge that she has a problem and her family of origin seem to exist in a state of denial too. In my opinion her family should not be in the picture at all and seem to have a lot of undue influence over her even taking unprescribed med for god's sake.

It can be done and I'm sure he's regretting not doing more now.

zeffabelli

seamus wrote: »

The accuser can be sued for defamation if the accused deems it appropriate.

It's probably not a good idea to go through with it in this case, but it can be used to soften someone's cough. I'd discuss it with your solicitor.

Not if the accusations are made via court statements. They are protected documents.