Dating polar opposite - not sure how to handle it

LegacyUser

Hi. I am currently dating a guy that I would consider quite the opposite to me in terms of personality. He is very outgoing and confident, but I am more reserved and lack some self-confidence.

We get on great, and I really like him, but I'm worried that we're too different and I'm not sure if it's a problem or not.

He always has really interesting stories, has very little worries in life and is very self assured. Sometimes I don't know if I'm behaving the way I should because I normally have dated guys that are more like me!

For instance, he might tell me that he has a big exam coming up for work. Normally I would tell a guy "don't worry about it, I'm sure you'll do great", but with him, he would just tell me that he's not worried at all and is confident he will pass! He's not being cocky because he does have the brains and know how to back it all up.

Should I still try to boost his ego, even though he doesn't need it? I feel like any time I try to reassure him, or compliment him, it is just wasted!

Tigger99

Yeah but even if he's fairly confident that he'll pass, why not take the compliment/reassurance from his girlfriend? Could he not just say thanks? There are things I'd be confident at and if someone was polite enough to wish me well I wouldn't dismiss them like the way he seems to be dismissing you. He doesn't seem very humble.

And if he's genuinely confident great. But in my experience those that aren't modest about their achievements and love to talk about how everythings is always fine can be very insecure. Especially those that have many many interesting stories.

We all have different insecurities etc maybe he's not letting you into those as he's trying to impress you.

I could be completely wrong. How does he make you feel? Do you feel valued and listened to?

LegacyUser

Tigger99 wrote: »

Yeah but even if he's fairly confident that he'll pass, why not take the compliment/reassurance from his girlfriend? Could he not just say thanks? There are things I'd be confident at and if someone was polite enough to wish me well I wouldn't dismiss them like the way he seems to be dismissing you. He doesn't seem very humble.

He doesn't dismiss me at all. He just says something along the lines of "Thanks, but I should be fine"

I just feel foolish trying to reassure someone when they clearly don't need it!

silverbolt

Of course you should still wish him well and compliment. Your not wasting your time at all.

Just because confident people know thier worth does not mean we dont still like to be given support when we are doing something hard/stresful/important

OneOfThem

There's a reason things become clichés, so with that in mind, just be yourself. No one has ever thought, "she's being far too supportive, the bitch!", it's always OK to wish him well. You don't need to try to boost his ego, just tell him you're rooting for him. Always always nice to hear.

CaraMay

Why do you need to reassure him? He's not a child. As for the posters criticizing him for being upbeat and confident in his abilities - what's wrong with that? It's refreshing to hear about some one positive and able and who doesn't need constant propping up and reassurance.

Op sounds like you've found a treasure there. I like people who are practical and assured. Enjoy it.

Typer Monkey

I don't really get the problem OP. Can you not just say, 'Oh good luck with that. Let me know how it goes'? You can be supportive and encouraging without the assumption that he's worried or insecure

LegacyUser

conficant wrote: »

For instance, he might tell me that he has a big exam coming up for work. Normally I would tell a guy "don't worry about it, I'm sure you'll do great", but with him, he would just tell me that he's not worried at all and is confident he will pass!

Is this conversation actually hypothetical and you've just assumed that's how he would react?

There is really nothing to see here even if it actually happened, but if it's hypothetical, as I think it is, then it's a sign that you're creating an issue for yourself out of nothing and perhaps projecting as your lack of confidence means you'd like to be reassured and assume he would too.

If the conversation is real, then maybe he has done the work and has a good handle on how he's gonna fare out in exams, fair play to him, good position to be in. If it's a minor exam, save your reassurances for the bigger tests and for now responding "that's great" will be enough.

Compared to the number women on here who'll be posting about losers who couldn't get out of bed, never mind pass exams, you should probably enjoy not having to raise a manchild and get on with the relationship.

OhDearyMe

Take this man for what he is and let his positivity and confidence rub off on you. Someone like that can only be a good influence if you're lacking in those areas yourself. I don't think there's an issue here at all - people like that are great to be around, imo.

zeffabelli

conficant wrote: »

He doesn't dismiss me at all. He just says something along the lines of "Thanks, but I should be fine"

I just feel foolish trying to reassure someone when they clearly don't need it!

Then don't try to reassure him if he doesn't need it.


I don't see the problem.