Lost my best friend, the love of my life.

StripedBoxers

Tonight my boyfriend and I split up. We were together a number of years.

To say I am devastated is an understatement. I am inconsolable. I just can't believe it at all.

I feel sick. I miss him desperately. I would walk on hot coals if it meant having him back. The past few years have been my happiest, because of him and now I've lost him. It is absolutely horrendous. It's torture. Its absolute torture.

I don't want to lose him. What am I going to do?!?! The pain is horrendous.

I have a physical pain from missing him. What am I going to do without him? I can't bear the thoughts of it.

I'd take him back like a shot. No question of it.

There is no other person involved, no affairs, infidelity, animosity etc.

He has depression, and it really came to light about two years ago, due to his previous job, and he did get a new job, and since he got his new job, it has been one thing after another, one of major things did in fact cause us to split last year for a brief period, but we got back together and have been immensely happy since, until now.

He has never dealt with his depression, he will become depressed for a few weeks/months, and then it will "die down" and he will be okay again, then it resurfaces, and has been like this for two years. He is hoping to start counselling soon.

He said he doesn't know if he feels the same about our relationship, but then said he does, he said I was amazing to him, and that he wished we didn't split, then said he was confused. To be honest I am confused myself.

I miss him desperately. I'd take him back without a second thought. He wouldn't even need to ask.

Any time I think of my future, I see it with him. Future trips, events, holidays, moving into a new home etc. I see it all with him. I never imagined this would happen. I'm in complete shock. I'm numb.

How do I move on or even begin to move on? I just cannot bear the thoughts of my future without him in it.

Loughc

It's been said so many times before because it's true, but time will heal all wounds. You will need time and lots of it.

There's no quick fix. You need to focus on you for a while. Do something for you. Pick up a new hobby, binge on a to show that you couldn't watch cause he didn't like it or cause you didn't have time.

It will take time. Don't give yourself false hope that he might take you back when he's feeling better. Just focus on you for now rather than ye and how ye used to be.

You will get through this and come out so much stronger and better on the other side.

Final Approach

The feelings you describe are horrible. You can't possibly imagine a way forward, out of this. All you want to do is turn the clock back, and have things back to the way they were, but you can't.

Like Loughc said, it will take time, and lots of it. There is nothing much you can do to take away the intense pain your feeling right now, you need to struggle with it, and do your best to function despite it. Take it easy on yourself. Try and get plenty of sleep, stay warm, and basically be kind to yourself.

It will get better, I promise you. These feelings will go away, but they first have to run completely through you.

Take care of yourself.

StripedBoxers

Thank you both. I know it will take time, this is my first break up (he was my first and only boyfriend, together for a number of years. They always say your first break up is the worst.

I had a dream that I was out somewhere and bumped into him and he said he wanted me back that he hated being apart from me and missed me. Said he made a mistake and shouldn't have broken up with me.

I spent about two hours crying after that. Oh how I wish we didn't break up. My bed feels cold and empty without him there.

I honestly never saw this coming at all. It's just come from nowhere (for me anyway).

In the past few years I have lost so many people close to me, and now another one has bitten the dust. It feels as if everyone is leaving me and it just feels horrible.

Why is life so unfair. Why me? Why my relationship? It hurts so much, I never realised just how much a break up would hurt. I always imagined they were hard I just never realised how hard they are.

I would just love a big hug from him and for him to say its okay and we aren't broken up. I know that won't happen though.

I miss him so much, its like I can't breathe from missing him. I feel like a part of me has died too.

When we were talking last night, he became so upset, he was crying, I have never seen him like that, and it hurt so much to see him like that and hear him cry like he did.

Dellnum

He is feeling depressed as you said and the fair thing to do is leave him be to get over it. When he gets himself together he may come back and that thought will help you deal with it easier because by the time you realize he isn't coming back, which may or may not happen you will be in a better place. It's a mistake to be overdependent on another human being. Build up your own confidence, find other things to do and start a new life. The hardest part of a break up is having to start a new life, but the quicker you do this the easier you will find the breakup.

Midnight Sundance

I want to give you a big hug, I know exactly how you're feeling right now. You need to focus on yourself right now. Join a gym, or get a new hairstyle or something to cheer you up. I find keeping busy helps keep my mind off the heartbreak.
Don't listen to the radio,I found all the love songs depressed me.
Maybe in time he will heal and want you back, but maybe he won't so you need to prepare yourself for that.
Also you've to ask yourself if you could ever trust him not to do this to you again- god forbid at a time when you'd kids or a house or something.
Focus on yourself for now. Everything else will fall into place
(I have to tell myself this too or I'd crumble. )
Big hugs!!!!

Merkin

Oh you poor old sausage You know, I think the hardest break ups are the ones where one party simply doesn't see it coming. It's perplexing and bewildering and the mental loop of 'but we were so happy' only compounds the confusion further. Unfortunately though it's often the case that the dumpee (for want of a better term) only knows about it when the dumper has actually finished the relationship. The person who does the breaking up has often been mulling it over for a while.

I know it seems brutal but just sever ties. Keeping in touch instills false hope and stops you from moving on ultimately. I know the thought of moving on is far too premature right now but being in regular touch will only prolong the agony.

Surround yourself with some good girlfriends, good wine and allow yourself the time to grieve. Time really is a great healer and you'll feel a bit better with each day that passes. You will be fine, recognise the heartache for what it us and allow yourself to mend your little heart.

lazybones32

You are in shock.
Ignore for now all advice of moving on; doing 'x,y,z' with your life and other well-meaning but pointless bits of advice.
For the next few days, at very least, things are going to be fairly bad.
Make sure you eat properly - force yourself if you have to - and get quality sleep and some exercise. If you can meet up with friends/family/someone who loves you platonically, do so.

magicmushroom

Really very sorry to read you're going through this.

<SNIP>

I've felt how you feel now and it took me ages to feel better so I sympathise with you so much, I really do.

Keep busy if you can - the worst thing you can do (from my experience) is give in to the feelings of depression, I ended up lying in bed for excessive periods of time which done NOTHING to help me. The only time I felt OK was when I got out for a walk or got stuck into something like cleaning the house. You'll need to go through the heartache for a while but if after a couple of weeks you're still in this state of mind, you'll need to push yourself to get out of the house.

As another poster has said, make sure you eat. Sounds so simple but you won't want to and not eating well will make you feel worse.
You absolutely have to look after yourself in the coming days/weeks.

You will have awful days, there's no avoiding that - but with time it will get better and we're all here if you need to let it all out