What do I do.....do I say goodbye

ERG89

I feel dumb posting this as it isn't a relationship that happened; more a complicated fading friendship

I have a situation with a friend....she is someone I was very close to for a long time. But last August she sent me her picture and asked did she look good. I said she looks beautiful and this lead to me saying I had feelings for her beyond friendship (it was never my intention to as she lives very far away). Then she said she didn't want that so I accepted it but we both wanted to remain friends.

But the last 6 months haven't been so good, when we get close she distances herself or ignore me for long periods of time then she sometimes says things that send mixed messages. She would randomly send me kisses or say I love you to me.

Last Sunday she told me she now has a boyfriend (tbh I figured as much) and they plan to maybe get married one day and then said sorry to me because she knows I love her more than he does which just killed me. She said more about him...he sounds like such a loser.

On Wednesday she text me late to say that her day was awful & they argued but then said 5 minutes later they are fine now.....I feel hurt and jealous because she says I make her feel special and loved.

This week has been very difficult as my family are having problems too. I am struggling with this news and feel the only reason i'm standing by her is hoping she changes her mind about me as bad as that sounds. I feel guilty and selfish writing that.
I don't know what to say or do when I talk to her now but she is all i'm thinking about >.<

strandroad

I would say goodbye, yes - she's manipulating and confusing you on purpose, she's not a friend nor a girlfriend material.

Penny Tration

She doesn't sound very nice.

You have her on a pedestal but she's playing games with you. Saying she knows you love her more than he does? She would have known full well that'd hurt you!

Yes, say goodbye, because she's not a friend to you, not anymore anyway

batmanrobin

I wouldn't hang around long enough to even say goodbye! What a horrible person she is!!

That bit about her telling you they were fighting is classic in these situations. It's to make you think there's trouble in paradise and to keep you hoping.

If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. She's using you for an ego boost. Value yourself more than this. You're the one who will end up hurt. You already are.

LegacyUser

You don't need this person in your life.
Ignoring you for periods of time and telling you she loves you other times.
She doesn't love you - and it sounds like she's using you.

Sorry for sounding harsh but i hope it helps...

Cut contact and you will find someone else that really cares about you.

Buona Fortuna

Yes OP, agree with everyone else.

She is using you as the ego-boost, agony aunt, or whatever.

I think I've been in a similar situation.

Personally, I'd say good bye. I'd try and do it as nicely as I could.

Firstly to come out of this the better human and secondly to always leave her that doubt of what might have been.

All the best OP.

retro:electro

Have you ever met her? Or has this friendship always been long distance and online?

lazybones32

It sucks balls to be in your predicament but for your own good, cut contact.
People here might jump down my throat for writing this, but it's my honest experience - some women love the thought of being loved by someone, even if they have no intention of ever reciprocating that love/affection. I've seen it in women whose bf isn't as affectionate as she'd like; doesn't pay enough attention or is away on work etc;. Whether it's a self-esteem thing or just very pleasurable to know that someone loves you, depends on the individual but either way you are being used. You are a rag-doll that'll be picked up when the mood suits and discarded as soon as a need is satisfied.

ERG89

anna080 wrote: »

Have you ever met her? Or has this friendship always been long distance and online?

No....its always long distance. I was going to visit her but I kinda keep going back and forth for obvious reasons.

Penny Tration wrote: »

She doesn't sound very nice.

You have her on a pedestal but she's playing games with you. Saying she knows you love her more than he does? She would have known full well that'd hurt you!

Yes, say goodbye, because she's not a friend to you, not anymore anyway

Really you are just telling me what my friends say about her and I know they are looking out for me but I was afraid to tell them about the bolded statement. These things are easier to say when people are anonymous. I always try to defend her and brush it off or worse argue with mutual friends. One of which who was always kind to me I was a total bastard to.
I have her on a pedestal you are right. I fell in love with the person she was or I think she was.
I blocked her contact to me for a month but then I unblocked her so its my own fault that i'm not strong enough to. I always think about what if instead of never

Mongfinder General

ERG89 wrote: »

No....its always long distance. I was going to visit her but I kinda keep going back and forth for obvious reasons.



Really you are just telling me what my friends say about her and I know they are looking out for me but I was afraid to tell them about the bolded statement. These things are easier to say when people are anonymous. I always try to defend her and brush it off or worse argue with mutual friends. One of which who was always kind to me I was a total bastard to.
I have her on a pedestal you are right. I fell in love with the person she was or I think she was.
I blocked her contact to me for a month but then I unblocked her so its my own fault that i'm not strong enough to. I always think about what if instead of never

You've never met her? Wtf? She could be a chick with a dick for all you know.

Sunflower 27

Mongfinder General wrote: »

You've never met her? Wtf? She could be a chick with a dick for all you know.

I agree, this sounds like one of those bizarre catfish type scenarios. The desperate need to be wanted but also in control. This is not a friend, not even close. You are being taken for a fool.

Cut this one off asap and watch them grovel because they need your validation.

Penny Tration

Just block her again. Regardless of how you met or didn't meet, the girl is being a cow to you and deliberately hurting you because she wants an ego boost. You don't know her. With people we speak to online, all we know is the side they allow us to see, which is generally their best side. if this is her best... Well, run for the hills!

retro:electro

I knew you hadn't met her. She ticks all the boxes for someone who is just out to toy with you and get a few kicks. Op there is a very high chance she isn't who she says she is. Why are you investing so much into a situation where you've never even met the person?

Merkin

Mongfinder General wrote: »

You've never met her? Wtf? She could be a chick with a dick for all you know.

This is well below the standard of post accepted in this forum. Please remind yourself of the charter.

castaway_lady

Stand back and take a reality check here man......you've lost nothing to block this 'yoke'. If this is actually a girl she's getting her kicks from messing with you, either deliberately or as an attention-ego trip for herself. You have absolutely no idea if anything with her is true. Don't waste emotional or mental energy here.

Time to man-up, take control of your emotions and the situation, not let some drama queen (or king!) toy with you and hit the block button at the very least. If it were me Id have one major last go at playing her at her own game and then hit block...tell her your old girlfriend has just quit modelling and moved home and you're getting back together and heading away to the Bahamas for a fortnight......then delete her from your life and head out with the lads to find something real.

Shrap

ERG89 wrote: »

On Wednesday she text me late to say that her day was awful & they argued but then said 5 minutes later they are fine now.....I feel hurt and jealous because she says I make her feel special and loved.

In case nobody else pointed it out OP, here's where the alarm bells are ringing LOUDLY. You are her fall-back guy. The one who will tell her she's special and lovely when her boyfriend is arguing with her. The one who never met her so still believes her hype about herself. The one who she is taking full advantage of.

The poster above recommended cutting her dead with blagging about a girlfriend who wants to get back together....yes, do that if you need some kind of excuse. But you shouldn't need an excuse, you just should stop.

You say you aren't strong enough to keep her blocked.....WHAT?! You mean that you are so desperate to find out how she is stringing you along next that you'll unblock her and deliberately fall into this doormat mode where she tells you how great you are compared to her boyfriend?? Please hon, take a step back and look at why you're so compelled to entertain this user. You KNOW there are healthier things to be doing for yourself.

LegacyUser

OP, I've been where you are and I know it's not easy. But believe me when I say this - cutting contact is your only option if you really do want to get over this girl. Yes it will hurt, you'll miss her but you if you continue on the way you are - you'll just keep repeating the same process over and over again. Her giving you false hope and then coldly snatching it away again, feeding you a few crumbs to keep you "there" as the backup. You'll become worn down and pessimistic. Nothing will ever come of this. Try your best (and I mean really give it your best effort) to stop thinking about her - do anything to distract yourself. If you block her completely from your life - in a month's time you will feel so much better.

If she loved you, she wouldn't treat you like she is. Keep that in mind too.

osarusan

She sounds horrible and is probably just amusing herself with you.

She could also be showing her boyfriend her communication with you to undermine him too, for all you know.

There's nothing healthy in this for you - say goodbye.

mapaca

She is messing you about and being completely unfair to you. Best thing to do would be to cut contact. Keep busy, hang out with friends, have some fun! You'll get over her in time. There's plenty of other lovely women out there for you to meet.