Unable to get a girlfriend..

LegacyUser

I'm 18, and I had 2 girlfriends both at the age of 13, with two months of each other spanning a little over a week each..
I don't really count them because nothing happened.
But since then I haven't had a girlfriend.

I've had two girls who I got pretty far with and I'm sorry to say I was a pr*ck. they gave me the time of day because I wouldn't give it to them. I just set out to not care, so I said whatever I felt like.

Recently I have been talking to this girl in my year, we weren't great friends but we were friendly, anyway most people thought she liked me but I'm really just seen as a friend yet I've done nothing to get into the 'friendzone'..
I don't want to be a pr*ck to her like I was to the other girls but I don't seem to get anywhere if I'm being a decent lad.

I've had this reoccur so many times now that I have simply lost all will to attempt to be seen as a good person..

I'm not a doormat either, like that stereotypical 'nice guys finish last' lad.. I have a backbone but I still don't get anywhere...

For example I was talking to this girl, ridiculously good looking etc way out of my league and she started joking with me in school saying I was mitching class etc, I told her not to talk to, and just jokingly pretended to be annoyed with her,, and it was only then did she actually look at me as more than just an egobooster..

I don't know...Any ideas?

Shrap

Thisismyissue wrote: »

I don't know...Any ideas?

Yeah....um, I've some ideas on why you have no answers yet OP. You're not coming across as someone who deserves a nice girlfriend (or even a nasty one, come to that).

You say "don't seem to get anywhere if I'm being a decent lad" as if the only reason you have to be nice is getting somewhere with a girl. Did you ever consider that girls are actually people that can be good friends with you, IF they like you? Do you have good male friends? You could have that with girls too. I suggest you practice being nice, not because it'll get you a girlfriend but just because you get to decide what kind of man you want to be. Right now, I'd say you're heading for being the kind of man who's arrogance, sense of entitlement and "couldn't give a sh1t" attitude would make you a right nasty pr1ck, and one to be avoided at all cost.

Be the kind of man who'd treat his mother and girlfriend right. You have a choice here. Take a good decision on it is my advice to you. Use "what would my Ma think of what I just said" as a guideline.

Signed *Mother of an 18 yr old young man*

baby and crumble

First of all, you're only 18 so relax. Piles of people don't have boyfriends or girlfriends by that age.

Second, you're coming off as pretty immature. You "don't count" your 2 previous relationships because "nothing happened"- nothing ever really happens at age 13, lets be honest here. (I'm not saying they were ground breaking relationships or anything, but still someone said yes to being your girlfriend, even if only for a week).

The "friendzone" doesn't exist, at least the way you seem to think it does. Women don't put men in a "friendzone"- yes they may see you as a friend, but that's because most women do't automatically see each guy they meet as a possible boyfriend or sexual partner. So knock that thinking on its head. (You'll be happier trust me)

And look, teenaged girls can be idiots too (I was one). Negative attention is still attention and people like it, especially younger people. But it won't get you very far, not if you want an actual girlfriend as opposed to a f*ck buddy or someone who panders to you.

My advice would be to be yourself- as hard as it sounds- and treat women with respect and understand that sometimes people are just not attracted to you. That's not the "friendzone", that's just not being attracted to someone. Don't be a dick just to get attention or whatever it is. And don't be so desperate for a girlfriend. Relax. It'll help.

finglashoop

Just be yourself.

OneOfThem

When you're being nice and being friendly etc and you don't get anywhere with a girl, is it that you are making a move, and they are knocking you back? Or just that nothing spontaneously happens?

Being sound and nice isn't going to "put you in the friendzone" but the reality is your interest in these girls is sexual/romantic, not friendly/platonic. You don't just want to be thier friend, you want to fvck them (and maybe start a relationship with them). So you should ensure the type of interest you have in them is clear. Make sure they know you are interested in more than just friendship, preferably quite early on.

This post from another thread is pretty on the money advice in relation to how to go about that the right way (it's about what to do on a date but applies just as well in general when talking to a girl you like in most situations, just maybe toned back a slight bit).

beks101 wrote: »

You're able to chat but are you able to flirt with women? What's your body language like around a woman you're attracted to that you're on a date with? Do you laugh and smile a lot and catch every opportunity to touch her on the arm or playfully touch her back? Do you sit close to her? Is there playful innuendo? Do you hold strong eye contact and ask her lots of questions about herself?

I might be wrong but perhaps a part of the problem is you're failing to register sexual interest in these women and are instead establishing a 'friend' vibe - you're a sound lad with lots to talk about and not bad looking but just 'meh.' No chemistry. Can't imagine the physical stuff. You need to establish yourself as a red-blooded man with a strong sexual interest in her.

A few things that all of my best first dates that went the full stretch had in common:

- Lots of laughing and smiling. He constantly found opportunity to make jokes and slag me playfully, always good-naturedly but in a not-afraid-to-offend kind of way. I wasn't on a pedestal of any sort, in other words.

- Lots and lots of body contact. Sitting close to me, thighs brushing off each other kind of way. A brush of the upper arm/shoulder/upper thigh/hand on lower back etc. Really helps to develop chemistry and show physical interest in your date as man and woman, as opposed to two new friends having a chat.

- A playful curiosity about my body. Usually along the lines of 'your hands are so small!" and holding his against mine to compare. Any chance to touch or look. The key is, non-creepy. Not leering or salivating. Just innocent comments and comparisons. 'Your feet are so tiny', 'Your eyes are ridiculous! What colour are they?' Touching my hair or my necklace/bracelet/ring etc.
When a guy does this, I know he's physically interested and his own stature/sexual presence is immediately on my radar.

- Eye contact. Again, non creepy. Don't stare. Ask her questions and look intently. Look, look away, then look again and smile. Hold eye contact while laughing and talking about personal things. Allow it to lead into stroking her hand, sitting close to her, leaning in etc etc

- 'Future' comments. 'You're into Italian food? I know the best place in town! We should go sometime.' 'Have you been for a hike around (x random place)? No? OK. We are going!"
Anytime that happens, all going well attraction-wise it puts me in the headspace of seeing him again, this not being a one-off thing. I went on one date with a guy who told me he had snuck into Wimbledon as a child, 'it's great fun, we should try it sometime!' For our second date we bought some Pimms and sat in the sunshine outside centre-court for seven hours.
It's basically telling her 'I'm interested', without the heavy, intense, on-the-spot-ness of "do you want to see me again?"

Just a few pointers. Maybe you're doing some of these things already. It just struck me from your posts that you're one of those guys who goes along for a chat as if you've met a new mate, as opposed to viewing this person as someone you have a sexual interest in. So she's getting this 'friend' vibe. Which is fine when you're in the market for a new friend. But if she's on a date with you, she's obviously not. She's looking for more, but you're not bringing the goods to the table.

Some girls do respond with interest when guys are negative towards them, particularly at your age, but if you rely on those for girlfriends you're going to end up in relationships with a bunch of crazies tbh, and your going to get a reputation as being a dick amongst more together girls, who'll mainly write you off on that basis in terms of a relationship.

Be nice and sound, and just yourself basically. But make sure there is a clear distinction between when you want to be friends with a girl and when you want more than that, and do so early.