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Overwhelmed in New Relationship

  • 18-10-2015 6:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've recently started going out with a guy, we've only been together for about a month and I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed and anxious for what seems to be no real reason. I guess there are reasons but I'd just like some advice on how to deal with this.

    I'm 20, I've never been in a relationship before where's my boyfriend has been in 2, one of which lasted just over a year and they only broke up about a month before we started dating. I really like this guy, he's kind, funny, honest, we have a lot of fun together, we text each other every day but only see each other maybe 2 times a week, sometimes 3. This is where my problem starts, my boyfriend is constantly wanting to see me, I have a very demanding college course and although I think he understands that he still feels hurt when I say I don't have time to see him every other day. I am not an introvert but I definitely need my own space and as much as I like being with him I also need time to myself so I am beginning to feel overwhelmed. He also tells me several times a day how much he likes me and he is very touchy feely (for lack of a better word) when we are around other people. I like it to an extent but it does make me feel a little uncomfortable and awkward sometimes.

    Overall I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed, more just because this is all completely new to me and it's making me doubt my feelings for him and start to question whether I like him as much as he likes me. And if I'm not putting in as much effort as I should be.

    I feel like this was a bit all over the place but any advice would be hugely appreciated. Thanks.


Comments

  • #2
    Tigger99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,247 ✭✭✭Tigger99


    You need to tell him that you can't see him every other day and all the touchy feely stuff in public is a lot for you.

    Maybe you are both just very different and want different things from a relationship but he won't know how you are feeling until you say it to him. If he is annoyed or doesn't understand then he is not the guy for you.


  • #3
    Sunflower 27
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,955 ✭✭✭Sunflower 27


    You need to be entirely honest with him. You are putting into the relationship what suits you and what you feel right doing, there is nothing wrong with that. DO you feel guilt-tripped if you don't see him? I really think a very frank and honest conversation is needed. Don't make it a jokey conversation either, he needs to know you are serious in how you feel. Of course your college course is important to you and you will kick yourself down the line if you don't put the effort into it.

    Maybe he is co-dependent? His jumping into relationships quickly and his apparent clinginess when you have explicitly stated your availability makes me question this.


  • #4
    loalae
    Registered Users Posts: 547 ✭✭✭loalae


    I was in a relationship like this. I didn't tell my then boyfriend that I found him overwhelming and clingy. We broke up. Part of this was that we weren't compatible but another part was because I did not want to hurt him by telling him how I felt. I became distant, avoidant, and probably a bit of a mind f*** for him, as a result he became even more clingy and demanding of my time and attention. I think you need to speak to him and explain that you find him too full on. If he can't respect that, he's not for you.


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