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Unmarried fathers rights during childbirth

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  • 19-10-2015 2:52pm
    #1
    labin_86
    Registered Users Posts: 18 ✭


    Hi All,

    Not sure if this is the right place to post. Apologies if not and please feel free to move :)

    I'm due to give birth in 3 weeks. My partner and I are not married.
    We have already looked into him becoming the legal guardian for our baby. We have the forms printed and will be sorting that out once he arrives :)

    There is obviously a window of time though when my partner will not be the legal guardian of our child.
    I know its not really likely but if something was to happen in childbirth, if I was incapacitated, if a decision had to be made about my treatment or the treatment of the child am I right in thinking he would not have any say? Can I nominate him or give him some kind of power of attorney or something before the child is born?

    He is not an Irish citizen, he doesn't have family or support here other than me.

    Any help or advice would be really appreciated.


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    #2
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    Speak to a solicitor. Legally, since you are not married, he has no say over your medical care or your babies medical care, if something were to happen the person to make decisions would be your parents.

    I was not married at time of birth but had my partner down as my next of kin on forms. Thankfully it never came to asking for anything but I'm not sure what would have happened if something did.


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    #3
    Little Miss Cutie
    Registered Users Posts: 1,194 ✭✭✭Little Miss Cutie


    I'm not married either and my partner is listed as next of kin on all paperwork. The hospital seem to think he could make decisions but legally I'm not sure.

    We have an appointment coming up with a solicitor to make a will and sign guardianship papers before baby arrives.


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    #4
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    It might be worth bringing up with your midwife at your next appointment. And come back here and tell the rest of us. ;). It never even occurred to me during my pregnancy and it should have :o

    I ended up having an emergency section, and vaguely remember signing a few consent forms for the epidural and for the section. But that was because I was concious, I've no idea what they would have done if I'd been unable to communicate my wishes. I'd be interested to know what a hospital does in that event. Certainly a particular case last year made me stop and think because I know that in the same scenario I (and my partner) would have decided one way, but my legal NOK has religious beliefs that would mean they would decide the opposite of what we would want.


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    #5
    Lucuma
    Registered Users Posts: 1,356 ✭✭✭Lucuma


    I Always assumed your next of kin if you're unmarried was your parents or closest living relative. I didn't think you could over-ride that by just writing your partner down as next of kin? Does that mean next of kin can be whoever you write on the form?


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    we weren't married when we had our first,

    i put him down as my next of kin in all the maternity forms but that still didn't matter,

    the hospital wrote in our birth plan that should i not be able to make decisions my partner was to be consulted or to make them, while they promised to try and follow this as much as they could they did warn us that should either the baby or i get into distress or a life or death scenario that my next of kin would be called to make the decisions instead,

    i was also warned that in the event of anything happening to me during childbirth, my next of kin would get custody of the baby before my partner would (in fact we were told more of my relatives would get the baby before he would), so the baby would only be given to my next of kin according to their "policy". We were told no affidavits or signed pieces of paper would change this (as i would have trusted him completely and signed anything i could to help him)

    Luckily for us nothing came of it, everything went to plan, he was listened to and respected in the delivery room, and it was a wonderful experience, but i remember we were so seriously shocked by all this and how bad things were for unmarried fathers (and this was only 5 years ago) and have campaigned and have been discussing with politicians for more rights for unmarried fathers since. it's one of our pet peeves that my partner was legally a stranger to his child because we didn't marry before having children.


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    #7
    labin_86
    Registered Users Posts: 18 ✭labin_86


    Thanks all for your advice. It is much appreciated.
    I'm going to write a will with a solicitor. In addition to this we will have a chat with my parents, my next of kin so we are all on the same page with our wishes.

    I find it crazy that men have so few rights. :(


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    #8
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    labin_86 wrote: »
    I find it crazy that men have so few rights. :(

    They do have rights, when people get their heads out of the sand and set their legal stuff in order. How do you expect the law to know that the legal stranger standing next to you in a hospital is suddenly your next of kin without making any declaration of the fact?

    I don't know what people think marriage is, but beyond the Disney Princess version, it is actually a cold hard set of legal mechanisms linking you and your spouse together for inheritance, next of kin, consent and guardianship.


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    #9
    IvyTheTerrible
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,949 ✭✭✭✭IvyTheTerrible


    pwurple wrote: »
    They do have rights, when people get their heads out of the sand and set their legal stuff in order. How do you expect the law to know that the legal stranger standing next to you in a hospital is suddenly your next of kin without making any declaration of the fact?

    I don't know what people think marriage is, but beyond the Disney Princess version, it is actually a cold hard set of legal mechanisms linking you and your spouse together for inheritance, next of kin, consent and guardianship.
    Hmm. Marriage is a big commitment and it's a complicated and expensive to get out of.
    Here in France, we have the PACS system (a sort of civil union "lite") that is very quick to do, it gives partners the right to be next-of-kin and to have more rights wrt children. And if you want to dissolve it, it takes no length of time and costs nothing. Pity something like that doesn't exist in Ireland.


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    #10
    labin_86
    Registered Users Posts: 18 ✭labin_86


    pwurple wrote: »
    They do have rights, when people get their heads out of the sand and set their legal stuff in order. How do you expect the law to know that the legal stranger standing next to you in a hospital is suddenly your next of kin without making any declaration of the fact?

    I don't expect anyone to suddenly know that my partner is my next of kin, I was asking if there was any kind of declaration that could be made before the child is born so if anything was to happen he would have a say in my healthcare or the babies if I couldn't as marriage is not an option.

    During that window of time, before any guardianship forms are signed, he wont have any rights over the healthcare of the child it seems.

    We recently moved to Ireland and as there are a lot of unmarried pregnant ladies out there I was hoping for some advise on what others did in my situation.


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