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I cannot handle my 21 Year Old!
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Wow, I could only dream of working in a family owned business.
I'm 20 myself and I know how it is. I agree that you're not too hard on him. He just doesn't realise what he has and doesn't respect it.
Just show him what the world out there is like and he'll cop on.0 -
I spoke from experience. I effectively pissed away the first half of my twenties while my peers got on with their lives and when I eventually got my act together had to work twice as hard to catch up. And I know others who never copped on and are still living with their parents at 40, or in bedsits permanently on the Dole, always talking about some big project that they're working on, which will never materialize.jobbridge4life wrote: »And look at you now posting psuedo-prophetic ramblings on the future of a 21 year old. So I guess there is hope(?) for him after all.
OP do not listen to anyone who decides that 'much if not all' a persons twenties are a write off because at 21 they are drifting. Its laughable.
If you lack focus, as the OP's son appears to, you end up standing still. Call it a rut, or laziness, or whatever, but it means you'll end up in a comfort zone and not realistically achieve anything, whether it is a 'safe job' or your 'dreams' as a musician or whatever. But the clock still ticks and life continues while you're making plans that never get carried out. So yes, part of all of your twenties can end up a write off quite easily.
You may think that laughable now, but I suspect you'll understand a bit better when you're older.0 -
so if you are 21 you are clueless and still a child? f*ck me, what next?
by the time i was 21, i had been living away from home full time for 4 years, had eimgrated for two summers and worked 60 hours a week both summers to fund the following years college and i was just about to complete my degree - i had a 50 hour a week job before i turned 22 and i have not lived at home since.
if he was 15 he could be excused, but 21? millions of 21 year olds have achieved something or at least by that time, have done alot with their life. no excuses here, the "child" is a lazy, useless ungrateful little brat.0 -
OP I really think that if you're son is serious about pursuing music as a career you should encourage him and support him in it (not necessarily financially though). But you should gently remind him that it's not always going to provide the money he wants/needs and therefore it might be a good idea to have something else he's trained in that he can rely on when/if there's a lull in gigs.
I know a guy who's a chef as well as a fairly successful musician. He does relief work for different places but it's something that he's able to use to get him a bit of money during the spring when he said he finds the number of gigs dip a bit.
As for the whole still being a child at 21. Sorry at that age you are a grown up & you do need to cop on to the realities of life. I don't care if that's harsh. I was not in any way perfect at 21. Yes I lived at home. I was in college & worked during the summer full time to fund myself the rest of the year (didn't want to work & study). When I worked, I paid rent, when I didn't I helped out with stuff around the house with different things. I don't agree with the calls to kick him out but maybe instead of waiting for rent to be forthcoming (not being funny but if you didn't have to, would you pay it?!) just tell him that a % of the money he makes from gigs is owed in rent. I used to work mine out (when I was at home) based on what I got in take home minus lunches/transport to work.0 -
all these people saying how great they were at 21 are missing the point, and possibly using the thread to almost gloat about how they got on with things at that age, fair enough - you're an exception. i worked since i was 15 all the way through leaving cert, college and then worked two jobs for 8 years. im in a permanent job now the last 8, and i still would consider being 21 a relative child. they dont have as much experience of the world and shouldnt have either.
it's only between the ages of about 20 and 30 that you learn about the world and how to stand on your own two feet. i had a head start beginning in the working world at 15, and i have loads to show for my hard work, but i still wouldnt begrudge anyone of that age a bit of relaxing time just to be able to prove how hard i had it etc etc...
it kind of seems a bit like jealousy.
let the lad have a few lie-ins. relaxing is good for your health, and it's a WAY better lifestyle than being one of those horrible people that go around saying "Oh i'm SO busy with this that and the other".
my point is - he'll get there anyway, and what the OP does in the meantime will only go against him in later years when the resentment of being thrown out of the house kicks in, and it would - and it would cause a deep dark rift in any family.
the chap is still young. maybe not if you're from the countryside and have different life patterns - ie: no prospects where you come from so you've no CHOICE but to boot it up to dublin to get a job or go to college.
dubs HAVE A CHOICE. we dont have to rush into pretending to be adults, we can savour a few more years of enjoying our youth, and there's a LOT to be said for that.
you can pretend to be busy for as many years as you like but it wont get you anywhere except to the hospital with stress.0 -
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So when is old enough to start standing on your own feet, or even finding your feet? How do you think people get experience of the world? From their mammy doing their laundry?notabigdeal wrote: »i still would consider being 21 a relative child. they dont have as much experience of the world and shouldnt have either.
Or they'll realize it for what it was. Necessary. I know one chap who came to that conclusion years after his father cut him off financially and forced him to sort his life out. Mind you, he hated him at the time, but eventually came to see it differently.my point is - he'll get there anyway, and what the OP does in the meantime will only go against him in later years when the resentment of being thrown out of the house kicks in, and it would - and it would cause a deep dark rift in any family.
I'm not saying this is the case every time, but neither is your resentment prediction.
Sure, if you have someone paying for it. You can enjoy your youth till your parents die, by that logic. Even longer if they leave you the house and some cash to keep the party going.dubs HAVE A CHOICE. we dont have to rush into pretending to be adults, we can savour a few more years of enjoying our youth, and there's a LOT to be said for that.
Gross generalization.you can pretend to be busy for as many years as you like but it wont get you anywhere except to the hospital with stress.0 -
notabigdeal wrote: »all these people saying how great they were at 21 are missing the point, and possibly using the thread to almost gloat about how they got on with things at that age, fair enough - you're an exception. i worked since i was 15 all the way through leaving cert, college and then worked two jobs for 8 years. im in a permanent job now the last 8, and i still would consider being 21 a relative child. they dont have as much experience of the world and shouldnt have either.
it's only between the ages of about 20 and 30 that you learn about the world and how to stand on your own two feet. i had a head start beginning in the working world at 15, and i have loads to show for my hard work, but i still wouldnt begrudge anyone of that age a bit of relaxing time just to be able to prove how hard i had it etc etc...
it kind of seems a bit like jealousy.
let the lad have a few lie-ins. relaxing is good for your health, and it's a WAY better lifestyle than being one of those horrible people that go around saying "Oh i'm SO busy with this that and the other".
my point is - he'll get there anyway, and what the OP does in the meantime will only go against him in later years when the resentment of being thrown out of the house kicks in, and it would - and it would cause a deep dark rift in any family.
the chap is still young. maybe not if you're from the countryside and have different life patterns - ie: no prospects where you come from so you've no CHOICE but to boot it up to dublin to get a job or go to college.
dubs HAVE A CHOICE. we dont have to rush into pretending to be adults, we can savour a few more years of enjoying our youth, and there's a LOT to be said for that.
you can pretend to be busy for as many years as you like but it wont get you anywhere except to the hospital with stress.
I agree with a bit of what you say, people get very self-righteous when they start talking about how hard they worked when they were down the mines at 10 years of age etc, but in fairness it doesn't sound like this young fella is doing great. Doubt he's very content if he is doing very little and has no direction.0 -
notabigdeal wrote: »all these people saying how great they were at 21 are missing the point, and possibly using the thread to almost gloat about how they got on with things at that age, fair enough - you're an exception. i worked since i was 15 all the way through leaving cert, college and then worked two jobs for 8 years. im in a permanent job now the last 8, and i still would consider being 21 a relative child. they dont have as much experience of the world and shouldnt have either.
it's only between the ages of about 20 and 30 that you learn about the world and how to stand on your own two feet. i had a head start beginning in the working world at 15, and i have loads to show for my hard work, but i still wouldnt begrudge anyone of that age a bit of relaxing time just to be able to prove how hard i had it etc etc...
it kind of seems a bit like jealousy.
let the lad have a few lie-ins. relaxing is good for your health, and it's a WAY better lifestyle than being one of those horrible people that go around saying "Oh i'm SO busy with this that and the other".
my point is - he'll get there anyway, and what the OP does in the meantime will only go against him in later years when the resentment of being thrown out of the house kicks in, and it would - and it would cause a deep dark rift in any family.
the chap is still young. maybe not if you're from the countryside and have different life patterns - ie: no prospects where you come from so you've no CHOICE but to boot it up to dublin to get a job or go to college.
dubs HAVE A CHOICE. we dont have to rush into pretending to be adults, we can savour a few more years of enjoying our youth, and there's a LOT to be said for that.
you can pretend to be busy for as many years as you like but it wont get you anywhere except to the hospital with stress.
A few lie ins is all very well at the weekend. But not when he is due at work. He'd get fired for that at any job. Because he works for you he should not be treated any different.
I wouldn't be necessarily kicking him out of the house. But I certainly would not be paying him a wage for a job he's not doing.0 -
Posters in this thread saying that musicians/artists etc. can make it and have their dreams come true, of course they can, but those successful few have something this man seems to be lacking: a work ethic.
He doesn't seem to have any appreciation for what it means to actually work for something, to earn it. Does he appreciate that his parents worked to give him a good life growing up? Does he appreciate that they are working now to support his lifestyle? Does he appreciate that there's people working to pay his dole?
Now here's my little 'gloat' as some people are calling it. I was raised by 2 very hard working parents who passed on their work ethic to their children.
My mothers rule was you were either going to college or going to work, no one was lying in bed on Monday morning when she was going to work to pay the bills. (See mothers don't have to be soft!)
I left home and started working at 18. My younger siblings stayed living at home into their 20s because they were in college, but they worked part time and paid rent.
Now of course that was 15 years ago and obviously jobs were easier got etc. But the OPs son was handed a job in the family business and didn't even respect his parents enough to turn up.
For all the dreamers, yes dreams can come true but you have to make that happen. I've had many dreams come true in the past 10 years (and more to come!). I thank my parents for that because they taught me what it is to EARN a living, but, frankly, I mostly thank myself for actually getting out there and doing it.
I agree with the poster who said there is an epidemic of this in Ireland in the past few years.0 -
I find it a little insulting to young people how immature and incapable a lot of people think 21 year olds are.
I'm not going to gloat, I certainly was green when it came to certain things at 21, but at least I was working towards my degree.
It's certainly not at all too late for him to implement changes in his life.
You need to have a serious chat with your wife to make her understand you need her support. Then you two need to have a proper mature chat with him and find out what's going on inside his head. Hopefully once a few root causes are solved he will get himself on track.
Best of luck.0 -
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I think many of us are remembering how we were back then, which in many cases was complete ejits. I was.Ensley Rich Grey wrote: »I find it a little insulting to young people how immature and incapable a lot of people think 21 year olds are.
Certainly not everyone is at 21. Some mature faster than others, and it's been an observation of mine that people from down the country tend to do so more than those from Dublin, perhaps because they're forced to become independent and take care of themselves earlier. However, I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say either that a lot of people 'grow up' later in life than our grandparents' generation.0 -
The Corinthian wrote: »I think many of us are remembering how we were back then, which in many cases was complete ejits. I was.
Certainly not everyone is at 21. Some mature faster than others, and it's been an observation of mine that people from down the country tend to do so more than those from Dublin, perhaps because they're forced to become independent and take care of themselves earlier. However, I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say either that a lot of people 'grow up' later in life than our grandparents' generation.
If you go back even earlier (1800s to early 1900s) it would have been very common to be married with children of your own by the time you hit 21/22.0 -
It was common in the 1970s and 80s, let alone in the 1880s, though usually more through accident than choice.NoCrackHaving wrote: »If you go back even earlier (1800s to early 1900s) it would have been very common to be married with children of your own by the time you hit 21/22.0 -
The Corinthian wrote: »I spoke from experience. I effectively pissed away the first half of my twenties while my peers got on with their lives and when I eventually got my act together had to work twice as hard to catch up. And I know others who never copped on and are still living with their parents at 40, or in bedsits permanently on the Dole, always talking about some big project that they're working on, which will never materialize.
If you lack focus, as the OP's son appears to, you end up standing still. Call it a rut, or laziness, or whatever, but it means you'll end up in a comfort zone and not realistically achieve anything, whether it is a 'safe job' or your 'dreams' as a musician or whatever. But the clock still ticks and life continues while you're making plans that never get carried out. So yes, part of all of your twenties can end up a write off quite easily.
You may think that laughable now, but I suspect you'll understand a bit better when you're older.
And what age do you think I am? Look I'm glad you managed to sort out your life but that just goes to prove that stating as you did that his twenties or most of it them are a right off because he is a listless at 21 was over the top.
I've been plenty of things in my twenties, paragon of success, depresso-head, unemployed on the dole back to success. I have more to achieve before I am 30. Telling a father who is worried about his son that the boys 20s are over while he has another 8-9 years of them left is ridiculous. The same chap could be a doctor by his thirties.0 -
Well, since you ask, I would have put you in your early to mid twenties. Given your username, also at a point where you're still trying to get your career off the ground. And due to your rather belligerent response, you took what I said as a personal attack - which it was not, because I spoke specifically of someone else's situation and yours may not apply at all. I am not talking about you.jobbridge4life wrote: »And what age do you think I am?
I never said most of his twenties; I said "much if not all of his twenties", and this is indeed likely to be the case. Nothing you've written rebuts what I've said on that.Look I'm glad you managed to sort out your life but that just goes to prove that stating as you did that his twenties or most of it them are a right off because he is a listless at 21 was over the top.
Say he fundamentally decides to sort out his life. He's already 21, thus already three or four years behind his peers. Those years are gone - it's done and there's no point pretending otherwise. Whatever career he decides to pursue, is not going to happen overnight. He might go down the road of higher qualifications, for example; he'll be 22 before he can start that right now. Add up to four years before he's finished, then to establish himself you can add at least two. Or did you think all this happens overnight?
That's 28 before he does so and presumes he's ready and determined to sort out his life and stick to it. From the OP's description, he's not at that point yet. He has no plan, no real incentive to change and has failed to see anything through to date. So do you really think he's even at the point where he want's to start?
The OP's son may come to the same conclusions as once I did. But every year he remains in his comfort zone of free bed and board and easy spending money on weekends is another year he won't get back. And time flies.
Sure he could. If he has the points to do the course. And started next year to do the six or so year degree. And then, at 28 went on to get a solid two years work experience under his belt. And was ready and focused enough to stick to such a plan. Meanwhile, back on planet Earth, you'll have read the OP's posts and know this is not going to happen.Telling a father who is worried about his son that the boys 20s are over while he has another 8-9 years of them left is ridiculous. The same chap could be a doctor by his thirties.
The OP came here for advice. My advice was that he needs to have his wife on-board. And the scenario I gave is not meant for him (read his post, he's already figured this out already) but for her. Because if she continues to 'protect' him, then it will take longer for him to come to the point where he will be ready to get his life together (whether in medicine, music or whatever) and there reaches a point, that I've seen in others, when it becomes too late to reach that point. The boat will have sailed.0 -
Obviously he needs a good kick up the ass but getting that result is not easy.
The free B&B has to stop and you do need your wife on side- it sounds like she may baby him. Boys react better to their mothers.
I employ a lady in her mid-50's- she has serious medical issues and really should not be working at all but she needs the money. What pisses us off is that her son (28) lives at home with her, does nothing, pays nothing and has 2 children that he is estranged from. Also he has a very very well paid job.
I have said it her straight that he is pulling the piss and her response is:-
'Oh he is my baby and my eldest- I can't kick him out or ask him for money. He's my baby etc etc.'
He is effing well 28 and has 2 kids....interestingly she has no time of her daughters and blatantly states that boys are more important.
Of course we have kept this lady on out of sympathy- she can't do the job anymore and we have reduced her hours. It is absolutely maddening...:mad:
Sorry if I have missed this but are there other siblings?0 -
The Corinthian wrote: »Well, since you ask, I would have put you in your early to mid twenties. Given your username, also at a point where you're still trying to get your career off the ground. And due to your rather belligerent response, you took what I said as a personal attack - which it was not, because I spoke specifically of someone else's situation and yours may not apply at all. I am not talking about you.
LoL. I ddn't remotely take it as a personal attack. I was just curious. The remarks about belligerence on the other hand;)? Its funny I would say the very same thing its not about you. Its about a chap who according to you at twenty one has some how sealed the remainder of not most but indeed perhaps all his twenties... When challenged you turned to your own experience as a justification. But apparently its all about me:DThe Corinthian wrote: »I never said most of his twenties; I said "much if not all of his twenties", and this is indeed likely to be the case. Nothing you've written rebuts what I've said on that.
Thats a distinction with out a difference. As for rebutting your totally unsubstantiated claim... I think I'll let you lack of any evidence or justification for that remake do it for me.The Corinthian wrote: »Say he fundamentally decides to sort out his life. He's already 21, thus already three or four years behind his peers. Those years are gone - it's done and there's no point pretending otherwise. Whatever career he decides to pursue, is not going to happen overnight. He might go down the road of higher qualifications, for example; he'll be 22 before he can start that right now. Add up to four years before he's finished, then to establish himself you can add at least two. Or did you think all this happens overnight?
That's 28 before he does so and presumes he's ready and determined to sort out his life and stick to it. From the OP's description, he's not at that point yet. He has no plan, no real incentive to change and has failed to see anything through to date. So do you really think he's even at the point where he want's to start?
The OP's son may come to the same conclusions as once I did. But every year he remains in his comfort zone of free bed and board and easy spending money on weekends is another year he won't get back. And time flies.
Sure he could. If he has the points to do the course. And started next year to do the six or so year degree. And then, at 28 went on to get a solid two years work experience under his belt. And was ready and focused enough to stick to such a plan. Meanwhile, back on planet Earth, you'll have read the OP's posts and know this is not going to happen.
The OP came here for advice. My advice was that he needs to have his wife on-board. And the scenario I gave is not meant for him (read his post, he's already figured this out already) but for her. Because if she continues to 'protect' him, then it will take longer for him to come to the point where he will be ready to get his life together (whether in medicine, music or whatever) and there reaches a point, that I've seen in others, when it becomes too late to reach that point. The boat will have sailed.
You see that's all fine and good and I don't necessarily think its wrong but it doesn't go remotely to showing that 'much or all of his twenties' are a write off. Not a bit. It shows that he is a little behind expectations of certain path in life nothing else.0 -
That's the impression I get. And yes, your response was pretty belligerent.jobbridge4life wrote: »LoL. I ddn't remotely take it as a personal attack. I was just curious. The remarks about belligerence on the other hand;)? Its funny I would say the very same thing its not about you. Its about a chap who according to you at twenty one has some how sealed the remainder of not most but indeed perhaps all his twenties... When challenged you turned to your own experience as a justification. But apparently its all about me:D
So much (part) is the same as most? No distinction? Right...Thats a distinction with out a difference. As for rebutting your totally unsubstantiated claim... I think I'll let you lack of any evidence or justification for that remake do it for me.
I've substantiated my claim anecdotally, I've even given reasons why I believe it to be correct. Hardly ironclad, but given you've offered nothing - not even attempted to rebut what I argued - you're hardly in a position to accuse me of not substantiating my claims.
You're entitled to your opinion, but given you've not even bothered to argue why, I'm not inclined to take it seriously.You see that's all fine and good and I don't necessarily think its wrong but it doesn't go remotely to showing that 'much or all of his twenties' are a write off. Not a bit. It shows that he is a little behind expectations of certain path in life nothing else.0 -
The Corinthian wrote: »That's the impression I get. And yes, your response was pretty belligerent.
So much (part) is the same as most? No distinction? Right...
I've substantiated my claim anecdotally, I've even given reasons why I believe it to be correct. Hardly ironclad, but given you've offered nothing - not even attempted to rebut what I argued - you're hardly in a position to accuse me of not substantiating my claims.
You're entitled to your opinion, but given you've not even bothered to argue why, I'm not inclined to take it seriously.
It wasn't belligerent by any commonly accepted definition of the word. You haven't substantiated the claim. You made a statement then you attempted to justify it by reference to your personal experience and some conjecture on the chaps future.
Its a nonsense to say that a persons 20s are a write off because they don't have a degree by 21 and are a bit direction less. Since we're dealing in anecdotes there are no shortage of them to demonstrate it.0 -
Now, none of that's is actually true. To begin with I not only cited personal experience, but I also explained, in detail, why my claim was valid. In response you've ignored that explanation and dismissed my experience. So until you manage to do that you're really doing nothing more than putting your fingers in your ears and saying "that's not true".jobbridge4life wrote: »It wasn't belligerent by any commonly accepted definition of the word. You haven't substantiated the claim. You made a statement then you attempted to justify it by reference to your personal experience and some conjecture on the chaps future.
As to belligerence, the first line in your first response was a clear ad hominem:
I think you'll find that that's pretty belligerent by any commonly accepted definition of the word, so you can pettle that nonsense elsewhere. If you're angry with life, take it out on someone else please.jobbridge4life wrote: »And look at you now posting psuedo-prophetic ramblings on the future of a 21 year old. So I guess there is hope(?) for him after all.
You clearly have a shortage of them. And have been incapable of rebutting the reasoning I gave. Try addressing what I actually said rather than just saying it's nonsense. If you can't do that, I'll just let you have your hissy fit and let the OP decide for himself, because from where I'm standing only one of us actually tried to help him, even if he ultimately rejects my advice.Its a nonsense to say that a persons 20s are a write off because they don't have a degree by 21 and are a bit direction less. Since we're dealing in anecdotes there are no shortage of them to demonstrate it.0 -
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The Corinthian wrote: »Now, none of that's is actually true. To begin with I not only cited personal experience, but I also explained, in detail, why my claim was valid. In response you've ignored that explanation and dismissed my experience. So until you manage to do that you're really doing nothing more than putting your fingers in your ears and saying "that's not true".
It is true. You made a claim, by your own admission you have no evidence to back it up other than references to yourself and some other anecdotes topped up with abysmal predictions about the boys future. You haven't explained the validity of your assumptions at all.The Corinthian wrote: »As to belligerence, the first line in your first response was a clear ad hominem:
Ah that was testy alright. Wasn't an ad hominem though unless you are partiuclarly senstive about a question mark.The Corinthian wrote: »You clearly have a shortage of them. And have been incapable of rebutting the reasoning I gave. Try addressing what I actually said rather than just saying it's nonsense. If you can't do that, I'll just let you have your hissy fit and let the OP decide for himself, because from where I'm standing only one of us actually tried to help him, even if he ultimately rejects my advice.
You have tried to help but you started it by announcing that a man's 21 year old son had written off his entire twenties and yet I am the one having a 'hissy fit'? That was nothing more than hysterical hyperbole. Catastrophising like that is not helpful.0 -
Take your bickering to PM guys, I don't want to see anymore of it here.0
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There is such a thing as delayed onset adolescence. Where at 16 they seem to be so well adjusted they're a dream. Then they hit 19/20 and they go off the rails. It's actually normal. Set some ground rules, If he want's to be minded, let him, but the price is he partakes in some of the downside like handing up a fee for laundry, cooking, phone, esb, etc., and most of all, he gives you a time and day as to when he will be in the house, so you can plan your week accordingly.
He's your son, your baby and though the tough love, throw him out brigade will sound plausible, its not a situation you want to get into. Ask him to a meeting with you and his mam and work it out. It might take more than one meeting to tease it out but best done when everyone is calm and ready to discuss a plan, so a heads up to him would be good, as in:
Son, we need to have a chat about the new house rules, kitchen table tomorrow night at 7pm.
7pm next night,
Okay, here's the rules.
You get a key on the understanding you will be home on x x x night
If not you will text before 4pm so dinner can be sorted and your mam is not cooking and throwing out an unused dinner.
You look after your room otherwise on a monday morning it'll be cleared of all debris and anything that you need on the floor is gone,
Simple clear rules. nothing too extreme but you have to follow through with the punishments.
He is 21, but 21 today is not the same as 21 10 years ago.. i was engaged at that age and had 2 kids by 27. On the flip side I have a 16 year old in counselling for the last 2 years, parenting ... its not always as straightforward as it seems..
Good Luck OP0 -
There is such a thing as delayed onset adolescence. Where at 16 they seem to be so well adjusted they're a dream. Then they hit 19/20 and they go off the rails. It's actually normal. Set some ground rules, If he want's to be minded, let him, but the price is he partakes in some of the downside like handing up a fee for laundry, cooking, phone, esb, etc., and most of all, he gives you a time and day as to when he will be in the house, so you can plan your week accordingly.
He's your son, your baby and though the tough love, throw him out brigade will sound plausible, its not a situation you want to get into. Ask him to a meeting with you and his mam and work it out. It might take more than one meeting to tease it out but best done when everyone is calm and ready to discuss a plan, so a heads up to him would be good, as in:
Son, we need to have a chat about the new house rules, kitchen table tomorrow night at 7pm.
7pm next night,
Okay, here's the rules.
You get a key on the understanding you will be home on x x x night
If not you will text before 4pm so dinner can be sorted and your mam is not cooking and throwing out an unused dinner.
You look after your room otherwise on a monday morning it'll be cleared of all debris and anything that you need on the floor is gone,
Simple clear rules. nothing too extreme but you have to follow through with the punishments.
He is 21, but 21 today is not the same as 21 10 years ago.. i was engaged at that age and had 2 kids by 27. On the flip side I have a 16 year old in counselling for the last 2 years, parenting ... its not always as straightforward as it seems..
Good Luck OP
I think the delayed adolescence thing describes my experience perfectly. All round great post.0 -
If 21 is still adolescent, can I ask what age is seen as an adult? 25? 30?0
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Dr.Internet wrote: »If 21 is still adolescent, can I ask what age is seen as an adult? 25? 30?
I think there are a lot of Irish Mammies for whom their son is never an adult, always a child to be indulged. Daughters, strangely enough, rarely get this treatment in my experience.0 -
Your son needs to work elsewhere before he comes back to work for you0
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Hi OP,
dont listen to any of this crap other posters are saying. do NOT change the locks or threaten to throw him out. your son is a CHILD. 21 is NOT a time to be forcing them into this so-called "adult world". you dont seem to be scroungers yourselves, as you said you run a business, so that reason alone will pretty much mean he most likely wont end up being a junkie or dole-waster down the line.
in short - don't bother fighting it, it will lead to mutual resentment down the line.
everything will be grand, and you seem to be forgetting that being in your twenties is actually these days being a teenager. they're children until about 26/27 in my mind, unless you're a culchie with absolutely ZERO opportunites at home and must work up in dublin or whatnot., it's a different ball game.
dubs and city people tend to live at home with their parents for that little while longer, and that's normal, and so is the behaviour of your son. dont go hard on him with all these rules etc. he's a child. you may not see the cute baby/child you once saw, and see a physical man, but he's 21 and has the brain of a child. simple as.
if 21 year old is child so at what age you will look at them as an adult.
Pardon me but at age of 20 i had a full time job was married and had family.
Been living on my own since i was 18.
So 21 is adult enought
iF you can go to bar and get a booze you are adult enought.0 -
My godfather once suggested an explanation for this phenomenon in Italy, as Italian Mammas are as bad if not worse in this regard as Irish Mammies.Electric Sheep wrote: »I think there are a lot of Irish Mammies for whom their son is never an adult, always a child to be indulged. Daughters, strangely enough, rarely get this treatment in my experience.
He suggested that it was all part of a huge matriarchal conspiracy; boys were revered and spoiled, waited upon hand and foot, while girls were treated far more strictly. As a result, the latter grow up capable of taking care of themselves, the former are completely lost, thus requiring a woman to do so for them and keeping them dependent on this type of structure.
Not uncommon in Catholic countries also.0 -
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Is there anything to be said for a damn good trashing?0
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