Do you hold in your farts around your OH?

Hotblack Desiato

Try not to fart on a first date. After that, you might as well continue as you mean to go on.

After a few years the bathroom door doesn't get closed, never mind locked :pac:

ToddyDoody

There's a way of sitting that always ensures a loud fart. Push your posterior backwards into the seat as the air is being released and you too can be the most ignorant person in the room. Add a rejoinder 'it's just methane gas, dope'.

Mister Vain

Running to the bathroom every time you need to fart must be an awful nuisance. Shur I'd miss half the film if I had to do that.

Mesrine65

I'm proud of my l'odeur de l'homme :cool:

Lyaiera

Medusa22 wrote: »

farts find a way out :pac:

It's like a smelly metaphor for life.

I don't have an OH but I will let one, or three, or full auto a magazine around family and close friends. I hold them in when I'm sitting at the bar though. Nothing worse than a fart when you're propping up a bar considering you've consumed a few beers in the lead up. I've seen people barred for particularly bad ones.

Idjit

I used to hold them in out of politeness years ago but like another poster mentioned, I just ended up farting loads in my sleep when I had no control over it!

I've learned how to release them silently (and more deadly) when around my OH, usually making him laugh (he tries the ninja farts too but is far less stealthy!).

Hotblack Desiato

Rejoice in the musical rattling of your sphincter, you're here for a good time not a long time after all. Plenty of time to hold them in after you're dead :rolleyes: oh wait, corpses involuntarily fart...

Mister Vain

There was a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, Honey you were right all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you. What do you mean? asked his wife. Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in.

ToddyDoody

Forget them, would want to do it for my own sake at the best of times.

LordSutch

I try to hold in the really loud 'raspers', but I would let out the occassional 'S.B.D

Silent But Deadly.

kfallon

You'll get caught either way, if you do a loud one they'll hear it but if you for the sneaky one it'll stink so you're caught anyway.

So it's up to you, you can let out a real loud ripper for the comedy value or else you can let out the silent one and watch as your OH suddenly gets the stench of your eggy work of art

RobertKK

Ye're all gas.

smurgen

Yes.just passed the 6 months mark with her.I'm an old romantic so I'll give it a year before I stop clenching

shamrock2004

Tried farting once back in 2006, but didn't enjoy it so never did it again.

kfallon

shamrock2004 wrote: »

Tried farting once back in 2006, but didn't enjoy it so never did it again.

Followed thru??

shamrock2004

kfallon wrote: »

Followed thru??

Yes, it was during a round of golf.

Seriously, used to have to crawl to the bathroom in agony after spending hours holding them in, in front of the OH. Then one day, I couldnt hold it anymore. I just let rip and the walls shook. We both wept with joy after. It was unequivocally the happiest day of my life.

Jawgap

Generally, yes.

Herself didn't want us being on farting terms.

The bathroom, however, is a free fire zone - what goes on in there is beyond comment and reproach

Aside from that the only time I fart in front of her is when it's really funny

Hammer89

I don't have an OH, but I held in a fart from Dublin to Toronto earlier this year because there was quite a pretty girl beside me. Had I let it off mid-flight, it would've given the plane a turbo boost and shaved about half-an-hour off the journey, but I couldn't do that to her. That's the only fart anecdote I have at this time.

mravaya

When you get to my age they come out involuntarily, I just pray I do not do a follow thro' as well

lukesmom

Candie wrote: »

It's not about being comfortable, it's about manners.

No, if I have to break wind I do it in private, preferably the bathroom. I'd assume no one wants to breath in fecal spores any more than I do.

Farting in company is terrible manners and you wouldn't do it in front of a stranger, I don't see why an OH deserves less respect than a stranger.

This
I have and would never ever do it in front of my OH or anybody for that matter and we are together over 15 years. He on the other hand does it a good bit!

Larry the Logster

I wouldn't hold my faeces in, let alone farts.

Ally Dick

If you have to hold your farts in....you haven't met the right one.....

irishgrover

Turtyturd wrote: »

I blame it on the baby.

farted once in my sleep and wifey work up and got up to change our infant daughter, discovered she did not need changing, and I lay there pretending to be asleep and I got it with both barrels under her breath.....

sixfingered

Been together 14 years, it had to eventually. Tbh it's usually a funny one. Unless I've been drinking certain things or she's been eating cabbage.

Farts are funny.

R.D. aka MR.D

He pretty much started farting from about 1 month in. I used to give him hell about it and was super uptight.

Then my IBS got worse and now I have no other option. I still get embarrassed but he always just makes a joke about it.

It's amazing how something like IBS will make you way less 'awkward' about anything bathroom related. You just have to deal with it.

sixfingered

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

He pretty much started farting from about 1 month in. I used to give him hell about it and was super uptight.

Then my IBS got worse and now I have no other option. I still get embarrassed but he always just makes a joke about it.

It's amazing how something like IBS will make you way less 'awkward' about anything bathroom related. You just have to deal with it.

I suppose if you're going to be someone for the long haul, you'll eventually have to help with some of their 'private' issues so getting it out of the way nice and early isn't a bad idea!

colossus-x

How would you know when the OH is keeping the farts in or out.

Maybe the OH just lets 20% out and leaves 80% in.

Or maybe it's 80% out and 20% in.

Cause like it's easy to keep some of them in and harder to keep some of them out.

Whats IBS ? Is it a new bank ?

Mesrine65

I embrace my explosive flatulence, tis a wondrous cacophony of sound

My OH however is not as appreciative of my anal orchestrations :eek:

R.D. aka MR.D

colossus-x wrote: »

Whats IBS ? Is it a new bank ?

It's a disorder of the colon. It can be mild or severe. I'm lucky that mine is quite mild and I manage it quite well.

These kinds of things are seen as funny or a joke but it's devastating for many people. For example this woman's account of Crohns: http://www.thejournal.ie/readme/living-with-crohns-disease-2495586-Dec2015/?utm_source=twitter_self

It's no joke.

IBS isn't nearly as severe as Crohns but it still can have a big impact on your day to day life usually.

XplaygirlX

Sheep Lover wrote:

A feed of curry and beer and let one rip in bed, leave it simmer and then trap her under the covers

Fleet_admiral does this seem fimluire?

Mesrine65

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

It's a disorder of the colon. It can be mild or severe. I'm lucky that mine is quite mild and I manage it quite well.

It's no joke.

IBS isn't nearly as severe as Crohns but it still can have a big impact on your day to day life usually.

I have an issue with diverticulitis that can be extremely uncomfortable with a flare up.

I too manage my condition quite well through a combination of diet & natural supplements.

Unfortunately flatulence is a side effect

nosietoes

So glad this is an AH question rather than a serious one.

Still remember first farting in front of boyfriend when I was 19 or so... Such a big deal tho he was sweet.

Now I'm married, and try & only admit/apologise audible ones but sometimes you can't always blame the cat for others

harry Bailey esq

Candie wrote: »

no one wants to breath in fecal spores any more than I do.

:eek: I never looked at it like that.I have no qualms farting around others,I get an even bigger feeling of glee when I do I around my significant other,but fecal spores?? F*ck that for a game of soldiers. As an aside, my missus won't go farting around me,not that I'd mind anyways.She does however like a bit of spooning in bed,so I get my fair share of south westerly gusts directly hitting my legs over the course of the evening,but fecal bloody spores??? I'll be definitely be raising that issue at the dinner table tonight.

Mister Vain

Mesrine65 wrote: »

My OH however is not as appreciative of my anal orchestrations :eek:

Haha I'll have to remember that one. It wasn't a fart dear, it was an anal orchestration.

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

I'll be definitely be raising that issue at the dinner table tonight.

Probably not the best time to be discussing it.

harry Bailey esq

Mister Vain wrote: »

Probably not the best time to be discussing it.

How so?Busy schedules for both of us,the only part of the day we would have time for an in-depth conversation regarding the pitfalls of fecal spores is over dinner

Mister Vain

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

How so?Busy schedules for both of us,the only part of the day we would have time for an in-depth conversation regarding the pitfalls of fecal spores is over dinner

Well I certainly wouldn't like to be discussing anything to do with fecal spores while I'm eating.

pickarooney

Fiacal mór atá agam.

Pinch Flat

We light each other's. Can't beat a romantic evening in by fart gas light.

harry Bailey esq

Mister Vain wrote: »

Well I certainly wouldn't like to be discussing anything to do with fecal spores while I'm eating.

I envy you sir.

RayCon

So nobody else shouts "Thar she blows"