Night time problem.

LegacyUser

I'll try to be concise as possible with my problem and would appreciate any advice, thanks.

I'll cut to the chase, I have a broken heart. I've followed the advice on several different threads of the same nature about getting over someone. I have practically deleted the person from my life and have zero contact with them. I've also thrown myself into hobbies, old one's, new's one's, I've been out and about with friends and work and exercise are great ways of taking my mind off them but night-time is where I fall down.

These nights I can't drop off until 3am, sometimes 4am. This is fine on weekends (my friends are always around) but the weekday night's are tough. I try to read, listen to podcasts/ music but nothing seems to work when the quiet of night time settles in. I lie in bed and just feel like ****, thinking about that person and what they're doing and how they're getting on and I can't stop these thoughts from setting in. I dread 12am onwards now because although I will happily get on with my life throughout the day, when I'm alone at night and the buzz dies down, I feel absolutely heart broken and lonely for them. I don't know what I can do to make this better. I've tried writing my thoughts down but it doesn't help much. I've also started waking up earlier and I thought that the extra exercise in the morning would tire me out but it doesn't work like that. I'll be exhausted come 10pm but it's like my brain kicks in at 12am and keeps me wide awake. Is there anything I can do to resolve the issue? Or just wait it out? It's been three weeks now.

Penny Tration

I'm sorry you feel so bad. It's one of the worst feelings in the world and I completely relate to the loneliness at night part.

Thing is though, awful as it is to hear, it takes time. It's only been three weeks. That's no time! It probably feels like a lifetime to you though, you poor thing

It'll pass in time. What helped me sometimes (not all the time) was something an old therapist told me to do.

When you go to bed and close your eyes, listen to your breathing - not music.

Focus on your breathing, nothing else. if you start to think about anything at all, snap out of it and listen to your breathing again. If you listen to creaks in the house - again force yourself to listen to your breathing. Over and over, force yourself to just listen to your breathing.

In time, you'll fall asleep. The time it takes will become less and less (I'm asleep in ten minutes now and I used to have severe insomnia!).

I'd also suggest getting a diary or notebook. if the breathing technique doesn't help, get up and write down everything on your mind. Let yourself cry, it's therapeutic. Write it all down to get it off your chest. you'll be emotionally exhausted after and more inclined to sleep.

Good luck, op. It DOES get better but unfortunately it takes more time.

danslevent

OP, I have had sleeping problems since childhood so I will give you some advice I have picked up along the way.

Don't drink any caffeine after 6pm and don't nap during the day. If you want a hot drink, camomile tea works well for making you sleepy and is also very tasty. If you don't like herbal tea that much, add a slice of lemon and I guarantee you will enjoy it.

Don't look at any technology, phone etc for about an hour before going to bed. If you like listening to things, I found listening to an audiobook in another language really helps. There is "Le Petit Prince" on Youtube for free, it is very soothing and really helps. Maybe try a language you know a little bit of, why not learn a bit too

I found taking a really hot shower and getting into bed after helps. Your body temperature lowering makes you sleepy.

Keep a notebook by your bed and if you find yourself obsessively going over the same thoughts, turn and write it down as in "I will think about that tomorrow" that will let your brain let go of the thoughts because they are on a "to do" list.

Don't allow yourself to sleep in at the weekends, give your body a set timetable and soon it will get used to the sleeping pattern.

Good luck OP

kylith

I found that using a white noise app really helped because I'd been so used to the sound of someone else breathing. Hot milk also helps: it contains tryptophan, which is an amino acid which helps induce sleep.

To be honest staying up late at weekends doesn't help either. I know why you do it, but staying up late at weekends resets your internal clock and makes it more difficult to get to sleep at a regular time.

Lantus

Writing it all down. Thoughts feelings and what ifs is a great exercise. One you concentrate your thoughts into words you can start to relax and let go.

That and time.

shamrock2004

Hi. Can I recommend some gentle meditation? It's a fantastic way to help your mind become at ease with feelings and emotions - to essentially let them pass without judging them. It really works and I'm sure it will help you. Best of luck.

stickybookmark

Great advice above. I've suffered from insomnia in the past and it's so stressful. Don't forget there's Always the medicated route, you could pop along to the GP and see if they'll give you something. It can be notoriously difficult to get sleepng tablets off GPs these days, but certain GPs will give em to ya alright.

Or perhaps a low dose anti-depressant. Difficulty sleeping is one of the symptoms of depression.