Difficult 3 yr old behaviours.

trixychic

Hi all. So we are having problems with our 3 yo son.

1) he has been chewing on his clothes ALOT. And he doesn't like wearing wet clothes so then he takes them off. Any suggestions??? Is it normal???

2) when he gets very angry with his brother he tends to try to choke him. We have explained to him how dangerous it is... And his brother is 6 and strong. So he's not doing much damage now. But is this normal too??? How do we make him stop???

Our general go to is the bold step.. normally works but not for these. It's driving us mad!!!

Any help/suggestions would be welcome.

stuka

I have a 3 year old too. I wouldn't worry too much about the chewing on clothes. i certainly wouldnt worry about him not wearing wet clothes... who does?. We cant get our fella to put any on half the time.

re the choking his brother, have you asked the 6 year old why his little brother is doing this? Could be just cause involved.

You should listen to the podcasts from the Moncrieff show. He does a parenting slot with a couple of different child psychologists. it's actually really good and they deal with a lot of 3 year old's issues! i have learned a fair bit from it. David Coleman also has a good book dealing with this sort of stuff, so doe a psychologist called McElvaney ( cant thnk of her first name).

trixychic

Oh the 6yo is far from innocent. Most of the time he has antagonists him. He gets put straight into the bold chair of he does!!! But there have been some times that maybe the older one won't let D (The 3 yo) colour I his page so D will lash out. I just don't know where the choking came from. We try to encourage him to come and tell us instead... sometimes he does. I just don't like the choking thing.

As for the clothes?? D does often get into the house and strip!!! Loves being nude!!! We try to make him stay in the wet clothes as an incentive to not do it in the future... Not really working though.

Ruby31

stuka wrote: »

I have a 3 year old too. I wouldn't worry too much about the chewing on clothes. i certainly wouldnt worry about him not wearing wet clothes... who does?. We cant get our fella to put any on half the time.

re the choking his brother, have you asked the 6 year old why his little brother is doing this? Could be just cause involved.

You should listen to the podcasts from the Moncrieff show. He does a parenting slot with a couple of different child psychologists. it's actually really good and they deal with a lot of 3 year old's issues! i have learned a fair bit from it. David Coleman also has a good book dealing with this sort of stuff, so doe a psychologist called McElvaney ( cant thnk of her first name).

The child psychologist on Moncrieff is just brilliant. You could email the show and you might just get a reply from him.

My 3 year old son doesn't chew his clothes or choke his sister, but I've a list as long as my arm of other things he does that have me driven demented! We punish him by not letting him out with his friends and he literally goes crazy screaming, kicking, hitting, but he will be just as bold the next day

Maybe it's a 3 year old boy thing!

mordeith

It's worth checking for worms as well. Our 4 year old was being a tyrant in playschool for a few days, trying to bite people etc. Checked for worms (confirmed), gave him a dose of Vermox and he was back to his old self (which is still far from any angelic type!)

trixychic

Oh I suppose I could do a household worm dose alright. I'll give that a try. I must admit I've never heard of the other guy. Mon... something. Will defo look him up though.

Just sitting at rugby training and because D got his jumper wet taking a drink of water I am now sitting in the car with him, no t-shirt or jumper on... waiting for the 6 to I finish. He hates wet clothes.

How Strange

I wouldn't say the bold step is working too well if your son is constantly trying to choke his older brother when he gets angry. Using the bold step isn't teaching him anything but it's reinforcing the idea that he's bold.

I would be looking at what is happening in the lead up to the choking. What is going on between both children. I think the most effective things to do is distract him before it escalates to trying to choke his brother.

I suggest you read David Coleman's book or John Sharry's or both. They have very good advice and techniques for dealing with young children's behaviour.

January

My daughter who has sensory processing disorder and dyspraxia cannot stand wet clothes either goes into complete meltdown if she has wet clothes and starts stripping off.

She doesn't choke her siblings though.

Her behaviour can be challenging.

Moonbeam

Have you spoken to the public health nurse?
It might be worth requesting an assessment of need to see i there is an issue.

LegacyUser

mordeith wrote: »

It's worth checking for worms as well. Our 4 year old was being a tyrant in playschool for a few days, trying to bite people etc. Checked for worms (confirmed), gave him a dose of Vermox and he was back to his old self (which is still far from any angelic type!)

How was the worm infestation confirmed, out of interest?

mordeith

Lena23358986 wrote: »

How was the worm infestation confirmed, out of interest?

Visually. It's a rather ignomous process of using a torch and spreading butt cheeks! The worms are active in the evening.

zeffabelli

I'm guessing he saw choking on the to or picked that up from somewhere.

I never understood the reasoning behind the naughty step. For one thing three year olds have very short term memory and you need memory to stick for that kind of punishment to work. It won't work unless there are a number of memories at work, long term as well as projective.

Secondly it's a shaming tactic so I don't get how that works either.


Sibling rivalry can resemble attempted murder at times!

Call me Al

zeffabelli wrote: »

I'm guessing he saw choking on the to or picked that up from somewhere.

I never understood the reasoning behind the naughty step. For one thing three year olds have very short term memory and you need memory to stick for that kind of punishment to work. It won't work unless there are a number of memories at work, long term as well as projective.

Secondly it's a shaming tactic so I don't get how that works either.


Sibling rivalry can resemble attempted murder at times!

I used a form of the naughty corner for both my children from the age of two. It's called 123 Magic. You give them 2 chances and on the 3rd they go to the "do nothing" spot. Afterwards they have to say sorry properly and they are allowed participate again. The spot itself is usually a very boring spot in the room where I can keep an eye on them. They stayed there for their age in minutes. It hasn't reinforced any idea of their naughtiness and it's certainly not shaming. It took a few months of consistency at home for it to sink in at the start for them, but we got there eventually.

They know now if I get to 3 they've misbehaved , and there are consequences to this action. It has worked a dream and we very rarely have to use it anymore (6&8 year old boys) because they know we will follow through.

Diamond Doll

trixychic wrote: »

As for the clothes?? D does often get into the house and strip!!! Loves being nude!!! We try to make him stay in the wet clothes as an incentive to not do it in the future... Not really working though.

Ah seriously? Even apart from the fact that - as you say yourself - it's not an effective technique, it's just not hygienic or healthy for a small child to be left sitting in wet clothes.

trixychic

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Ah seriously? Even apart from the fact that - as you say yourself - it's not an effective technique, it's just not hygienic or healthy for a small child to be left sitting in wet clothes.

Well obviously I not letting him walk round the town in dirty or wet clothes!!! It's only when we are at home and he is playing in the playroom.

The choking only just started and we have only had 2 incidents. It's just a bit shocking. Normally he just shouts out if he gets angry although we also went through a period of biting or pinching when he got angry.
We try to distract most of the time and its not that the boys are always fighting. Most if the time they are destroying the house pretending to be dinosaurs or daogs or some other game. They do get on. Its just D seems to.have inherited his dads side of stubborness and my sisters mischief.


I'm mainly afraid the chewing is maybe a teething thing??? Though he has all his teeth from what we can see. Or maybe (worst case) he has dyspraxia. My mischievous sister has it. Or maybe it's just a phase.

trixychic

And can I just ask how the bold or thinking spot is a bad thing?? Once you reiterate that the kids are not bold but the action is and reinforce that they are good kind children.... I just don't get it.

Smacking is not allowed (and for obvious reasons!!!)
now the bold spot is to be frowned upon as Well??? How do ppl expect to disapline children and show them the difference between right and wrong??


My boys get a warning (as in if you do not stop x you will be put on the bold or thinking spot... depending on the situation). If they persist they get out there
Then they are told that the action they were doing is not acceptable in the house. How is that shaming??? I had wooden spoons... alot more damaging.

How Strange

Calling it a bold step is reinforcing the negative behaviour and teaching your 3 year old that he's bold. You can use a time out place which is literally just that. It's a place to go and calm down. I personally find it doesn't always work as it mightn't suit the situation although sometimes it does. There are other ways to deal with challenging behaviour.

mariaalice

trixychic wrote: »

And can I just ask how the bold or thinking spot is a bad thing?? Once you reiterate that the kids are not bold but the action is and reinforce that they are good kind children.... I just don't get it.

Smacking is not allowed (and for obvious reasons!!!)
now the bold spot is to be frowned upon as Well??? How do ppl expect to disapline children and show them the difference between right and wrong??


My boys get a warning (as in if you do not stop x you will be put on the bold or thinking spot... depending on the situation). If they persist they get out there
Then they are told that the action they were doing is not acceptable in the house. How is that shaming??? I had wooden spoons... alot more damaging.

You could try this, the next time he tries chocking his brother...say nothing but take the brother who is being chocked and give him lots of cuddles and attention and possibly one or two sweets( that you have hidden in the kitchen for emergences ) The brother who is doing the chocking will see that all that happens when he chocked his brother is that (A) he does not get any negative attention (B) the brother he has hurt gets lots of cuddles and attention.

trixychic

mariaalice wrote: »

You could try this, the next time he tries chocking his brother...say nothing but take the brother who is being chocked and give him lots of cuddles and attention and possibly one or two sweets( that you have hidden in the kitchen for emergences ) The brother who is doing the chocking will see that all that happens when he chocked his brother is that (A) he does not get any negative attention (B) the brother he has hurt gets lots of cuddles and attention.

Interesting. Might give this a try. Thanks. Boys are laughing their heads off today playing a jungle mammies and daddies. My house is a mess. Ha ha. Boys!!!!

trixychic

How Strange wrote: »

Calling it a bold step is reinforcing the negative behaviour and teaching your 3 year old that he's bold. You can use a time out place which is literally just that. It's a place to go and calm down. I personally find it doesn't always work as it mightn't suit the situation although sometimes it does. There are other ways to deal with challenging behaviour.

Well that's your opinion but I do believe I was looking for help on these other problems... Not an out of context opinion on my parenting techniques!!! You don't know my children or me and saying that x doesn't seem correct to you is not what I came on asking for help with!!! Have you any actual advice for dealing with the chewing or the choking??? Other then that I really couldn't care what your opinion of how I run my house is. Thanks anyways!

How Strange

You asked how the bold step was a 'bad' thing. I answered in my opinion. Please don't be rude just because you don't like the answer.

Moonbeam

trixychic wrote: »

Well that's your opinion but I do believe I was looking for help on these other problems... Not an out of context opinion on my parenting techniques!!! You don't know my children or me and sa jiying that x doesn't seem correct to you is not what I came on asking for help with!!! Have you any actual advice for dealing with the chewing or the choking??? Other then that I really couldn't care what your opinion of how I run my house is. Thanks anyways!

Please do not attack other posters. She was simply stating why "the bold step " is not recommended .

trixychic

I had been berated for leaving my kids in wet clothes and using a bold step. I came on here looking for advice about 2 issues. The only reason I wrote the post saying I don't support the bold chair downers is cause I get tired of ppl highjacking threads that ask for help to announce their personal opinions on how you are doing it wrong!!!!

If I wanted parenting advice on how to run my house I would have asked for it. I only asked if anyone had had similar issues and how to deal. I wasn't rude. I kept it polite. But I do not appreciate ppl posting such irrelevant opinions when they aren't asked for... such as it was in my original post!!!

Orion

trixychic: You may not always get the advice you want - that's the nature of a public forum. That doesn't mean you can be rude about it - which you were. Keep it civil from now on please.