Relationships

Monkeysgomad

I'm in 6th year and a 17 year old girl. I've had one serious relationship and was with him for over 2 years. We broke up over the summer and he is not part of my life anymore. I have however developed feelings for a guy who is 21. I have been sexually active for 2 years. I have not done anything sexual with him, but we have a strong connection and he is genuinely so nice and easy to talk to. He likes me back (I think) even though he has never said it, And I've never said it to him, i'm pretty sure. My friends have picked up on it and said go for it ...
How do I go about this seen as there is 4 year age gap.

Monkeysgomad

Anyone

bp

It may be difficult if you are in school and he is working or in college. It's not the actual age gap per say but the perception.

Also the social aspect, he is old enough to go to all pubs/ clubs and mightnt want to be seen with someone who won't necessarily get in.

All you can do is talk to him but there is a big emotional gap between 17 and 21 (there was for me anyway)

OnTheCouch

No offence but I don't really see the issue here. There's nothing illegal about this and girls of your age often go out with guys much older than 21. Four years in your case, which although it's not a tiny age gap or anything, is hardly generational.

Are you simply hesitating whether you should go out with him or is there another reason for the doubt which you aren't mentioning here?

LegacyUser

Monkeysgomad wrote: »

How do I go about this seen as there is 4 year age gap.

What exactly advise are you looking for OP? You've not given any background on this guy and your interactions with him. Is he someone you just saw out and about and got chatting to or is it someone who you've got some sort of exisiting relationship with ie work together in a shop at the weekend for example. You say your talking to him so clearly you've some interaction with him and I assume he is aware of your age. The age difference isn't really the issue if you both know, your both legally old enough to engage in a relationship. What's the actual issue?

Monkeysgomad

OnTheCouch wrote: »

No offence but I don't really see the issue here. There's nothing illegal about this and girls of your age often go out with guys much older than 21. Four years in your case, which although it's not a tiny age gap or anything, is hardly generational.

Are you simply hesitating whether you should go out with him or is there another reason for the doubt which you aren't mentioning here?

I think it's because my last boyfriend was my age, so to me it is a bigger age gap. There is no other reason I am hesitant other than that.
I guess I wasn't really looking for a relationship or anything but we started talking and he is really caring. I do look older for my age, he knows my age.
if I'm honest it's just the age and family wise my parents are never happy with who I'm with so I tend to keep that private from them.

PinkLemonade

Monkeysgomad wrote: »

I think it's because my last boyfriend was my age, so to me it is a bigger age gap. There is no other reason I am hesitant other than that.
I guess I wasn't really looking for a relationship or anything but we started talking and he is really caring. I do look older for my age, he knows my age.
if I'm honest it's just the age and family wise my parents are never happy with who I'm with so I tend to keep that private from them.

I think you might be over thinking this - why not wait and see if something happens with him rather than worry if your parents would approve, you're not there yet

Monkeysgomad

PinkLemonade wrote: »

I think you might be over thinking this - why not wait and see if something happens with him rather than worry if your parents would approve, you're not there yet

I guess your right - I know they won't anyway so that's not really a problem it's just the age thing I suppose

pooch90

4 years at that age can seem huge. I always felt more comfortable with guys older than me as I have two brothers who were 7 & 8 years older than me and always spent time with their friends.

When I was 19 I got a boyfriend who was 25. It seemed like a huge gap and tbh there was a big difference between his friends and I but not between the two of us. It caused some issues but mainly because of his friends opinions. I think my parents were a bit wary too but trusted i would take care of myself and behave responsibily.

Fast forward 11 years we are now married and have a baby on the way. Maturity wise we are identical (that's not to say we are very mature,we are both silly and playful). Now, he is chuffed to have the 'youngest wife'

Don't force anything,just see how you go. Try not to dwell on the age gap but do be aware of not feeling pressured into anything just because a 21 year old might expect it or because you have previously been sexually active.

Monkeysgomad

pooch90 wrote: »

4 years at that age can seem huge. I always felt more comfortable with guys older than me as I have two brothers who were 7 & 8 years older than me and always spent time with their friends.

When I was 19 I got a boyfriend who was 25. It seemed like a huge gap and tbh there was a big difference between his friends and I but not between the two of us. It caused some issues but mainly because of his friends opinions. I think my parents were a bit wary too but trusted i would take care of myself and behave responsibily.

Fast forward 11 years we are now married and have a baby on the way. Maturity wise we are identical (that's not to say we are very mature,we are both silly and playful). Now, he is chuffed to have the 'youngest wife'

Don't force anything,just see how you go. Try not to dwell on the age gap but do be aware of not feeling pressured into anything just because a 21 year old might expect it or because you have previously been sexually active.

Thanks for all that advice I guess you can't help who you fall for - I'll just see what happens and take it from there! When everyone tells you something different it's hard to make up your own mind - and sometimes what's best for you others can't see!
Glad to hear everything worked for you and best of luck with your baby