Am I being trivial or?

LegacyUser

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and for a while now I've been feeling like I don't matter as he forgets things I say and generally doesn't notice things.

For example, got my hair done last week...its noticeably different and he never noticed at all. A month ago I started a new job and he never asked me how my first day went, it took over a week for him to ask how I was getting on with it. Often times I've told him something and in future if I refer to it again he doesn't notice.

I don't know if I'm being silly picking up on trivial stuff or if this is a bad sign and I'd like some advice

Rachiee

I think people often have different ways of showing other people they love them. So to you a way to show someone they are loved is to take an interest in their lives listen to them and remembering what they say and what's going on for them, to him these things could be small stuff and the best way he knows to skew his love could be physical intimacy or material gifts etc. Does he show his love for you in other ways?
The alternative is he could be stressed or distracted by whats going on in his own life or he might just have an awful memory can he be a bit ditzy in other ways?
Either way if he's making you feel unvalued I think it's worth communicating it with him rather than letting it seethe.

pookie82

unimportant87 wrote: »

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and for a while now I've been feeling like I don't matter as he forgets things I say and generally doesn't notice things.

For example, got my hair done last week...its noticeably different and he never noticed at all. A month ago I started a new job and he never asked me how my first day went, it took over a week for him to ask how I was getting on with it. Often times I've told him something and in future if I refer to it again he doesn't notice.

I don't know if I'm being silly picking up on trivial stuff or if this is a bad sign and I'd like some advice

I take the part in bold to mean he hasn't always been like this?

Is he forgetful in general? In other aspects of his life does he seem scatter brained and prone to missing dates or forgetting information told to him?

Some people are more forgetful than others, but I think it turns to inconsideration if important dates or events are completely ignored. Everyone possesses a reminder app in their phone, if you know you're forgetful, stressed or have lots on, it's easy to pop in a date and remind yourself. Starting a new job is a pretty huge deal in anyone's life and neglecting to even wish you luck or ask how your first day went is heedless at best.

The hair thing I wouldn't worry about as much. A drastic hair change for us as girls would often go unnoticed by guys, I reckon. Unless you chopped 16 inches off and went platinum blond, I don't think most guys would realise it was that different. But missing dates and not caring about your new job etc. is a sign he's pretty selfish.

If he's like this in general, you have to decide if you're willing to have events/birthdays etc. missed all the time with a casual "sorry" afterwards (if there's even one?). Have you spoken to him about how he's making you feel? I suspect he's getting a bit comfortable and "lazy".

Colser

Whatever about the hair its very odd that he didnt ask about your new job for over a week.Id be annoyed if that wasnt the first thing he asked on the day I started the job. I dont find it trivial at all as you would enquire about anyone starting a new job but most especially your girlfriend. You can say it to him but to me its something that should come natural to him and I would be iffy about being with someone that needs something like this pointed out to them.

CaraMay

That's very bizarre. Is there anything bothering him?

Xterminator

OP - can you make a list of the good things about your partner.

Not here, just to yourself. now compare the list of things that are good about him to the list above. And i wonder if in fact he has many good points? Ypu certainly didnt mention them.

If he is great in general and makes you feel happy, then the above points as side issues & its worth communicating with him to show how not asking how your job was could be interpreted as not giving a sh|t and trying for an imprvement on his part.

but if the negatives equal or outweigh the good, maybe you need to consider if there is a future in this relationship?

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