July 2016 Babies Club

dori_dormer

We have a gro clock in the room! Older fella has only been willing to follow it for the past year ( say from 4 yrs) M couldn't care less what's on it! Stairgate on the door is purely safety. He'd go and flood the bathroom, or try and take a bath or destroy the office.

Both can open the stair gates no problem. The noise and action is to help me hear them when they've woken!

Penny Dreadful

dori_dormer wrote: »

We have a gro clock in the room! Older fella has only been willing to follow it for the past year ( say from 4 yrs) M couldn't care less what's on it! Stairgate on the door is purely safety. He'd go and flood the bathroom, or try and take a bath or destroy the office.

Both can open the stair gates no problem. The noise and action is to help me hear them when they've woken!

Sounds as though you have little ones as adventurous and ......ahem interested in exploring their world as I have!

Ciarrai76

Having a pretty bad time with screaming tantrums lately. Granted it’s been worse this past week as he’s been sick & on steroids and antibiotics! But they screaming he does is crazy. He seems to it if he can’t be with me and screams and cries until I come to him and have to sit and calm him down. I don’t know what to do. His dad tries, but he won’t listen to him and I have to take over. I’ve been sick all week too and barely had any rest as it’s me he wants all the time. He’s had to sleep with me a few nights and I’m exhausted.
I managed to get out on my own for an hour today, which I had to wait and do until he was asleep having his nap! I am so fed up. I did manage to get my mom to take him one day when I was really sick and I just couldn’t manage him, but she’s now down with the flu too so I’ve literally had no break. My 2 sisters are useless and too selfish to ever help. He barely knows them anyway and I couldn’t leave him while he was sick.

I know it’s been a hard week with us being sick but I’m fed up of it all being down to me. My husband is good with him, but he just gives up and I could be cooking etc and end up having to deal with him. As it is our relationship is tough at the moment and I just need more support.
Sorry for the moan, just needed a rant.

brokensoul

Ciarrai76 wrote: »

Having a pretty bad time with screaming tantrums lately. Granted it’s been worse this past week as he’s been sick & on steroids and antibiotics! But they screaming he does is crazy. He seems to it if he can’t be with me and screams and cries until I come to him and have to sit and calm him down. I don’t know what to do. His dad tries, but he won’t listen to him and I have to take over. I’ve been sick all week too and barely had any rest as it’s me he wants all the time. He’s had to sleep with me a few nights and I’m exhausted.
I managed to get out on my own for an hour today, which I had to wait and do until he was asleep having his nap! I am so fed up. I did manage to get my mom to take him one day when I was really sick and I just couldn’t manage him, but she’s now down with the flu too so I’ve literally had no break. My 2 sisters are useless and too selfish to ever help. He barely knows them anyway and I couldn’t leave him while he was sick.

I know it’s been a hard week with us being sick but I’m fed up of it all being down to me. My husband is good with him, but he just gives up and I could be cooking etc and end up having to deal with him. As it is our relationship is tough at the moment and I just need more support.
Sorry for the moan, just needed a rant.

Ya poor thing, that sounds really really rough.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't im afraid. My two (my girl in particular) are quite clingy but I haven't figured out any way to deal with it except to breathe deeply and wait for it to pass!

shesty

Hang in there, we had an awfully rough January and honestly I felt I had reached the end of my tether a few times.Just felt trapped, like there was nowhere to go.My second is an April 2016 baby and when she is sick she is an utter nightmare with the whinging.Kids are very tough on your relationship.I would actually say to you to tell your OH you are going out and just go.Close your ears to the screaming and leave your OH to deal.It's hard when it's your first but you do have to just throw them in it and let them learn how to cope (your OH).Little guy will cut his losses pretty quick, believe me.You need a break, nobody can keep going like that.

Fyi if he is not sick and still having screaming tantrums, walk away.Let him at it.Tell him.you will talk to him when he has stopped screaming.Use very few words.They figure out very, very quickly that it gets them nowhere.But the more attention it gets them (good or bad) the more they do it.He is well able to understand at this stage and he is heading for a very difficult age (3-in my experience), so you really have to get into the habit of standing very firm with him and making clear what behaviour you will accept and what you won't.

Ciarrai76

shesty wrote: »

Hang in there, we had an awfully rough January and honestly I felt I had reached the end of my tether a few times.Just felt trapped, like there was nowhere to go.My second is an April 2016 baby and when she is sick she is an utter nightmare with the whinging.Kids are very tough on your relationship.I would actually say to you to tell your OH you are going out and just go.Close your ears to the screaming and leave your OH to deal.It's hard when it's your first but you do have to just throw them in it and let them learn how to cope (your OH).Little guy will cut his losses pretty quick, believe me.You need a break, nobody can keep going like that.

Fyi if he is not sick and still having screaming tantrums, walk away.Let him at it.Tell him.you will talk to him when he has stopped screaming.Use very few words.They figure out very, very quickly that it gets them nowhere.But the more attention it gets them (good or bad) the more they do it.He is well able to understand at this stage and he is heading for a very difficult age (3-in my experience), so you really have to get into the habit of standing very firm with him and making clear what behaviour you will accept and what you won't.

Thank you. It is hard to deal with when it’s our only child and we are not sure what works etc. It’s exhausting. He is such a whinger when he’s sick and no doubt the steroids do not help! He is back at Creche tomorrow and it can’t come soon enough. I have to go into work as I wasn’t in last week. Thankfully we work for ourselves so it’s flexible enough for us, but I need to go in just for a break now! It’s been enough to put me off the idea of a second child! Lol

Now to try and get him to start eating again. He’s had a non existent appetite all week and I hope he starts eating something better soon! He will probably eat better in crèche tomorrow!

scarepanda

Ciarrai, my girl is an August 16 baby, so maybe what your going through at the moment is a phase that's still ahead for me. But here's my two cents.

It's awful hard looking after a sick clingy toddler when your sick yourself, trust me I know, I've had it twice the last few months while also being pregnant. But I think you just need to roll with it while he is sick. Throw the rule book out the window for the few days, bring him up to bed with you if you need a rest and set him up on your phone or whatever to keep him occupied.

Food wise, give him whatever you know he will eat, and if he eats it he eats it, if he doesn't he doesn't, don't make an issue of it. He won't starve himself. But normal, healthy food may not be the most appealing to him either at the moment. Does he like home made ice pops? My girl loves them and I load them up with fruit and veg so she still gets some goodness into her when she's being particularly fussy.

Tantrum wise, I fully agree with shesty, if he's over the worst of the sickness, then ignore every and all strop/tantrum. Make sure he's safe and walk away and let him work it out for himself and talk to him about it after. My girl is awful headstrong and stubborn and there's no talking to her when she's stropping, but she doesn't actually do it all that much anymore because she knows she won't get the attention from us. We can see a noticeable increase in strops when others are around because they will interject and give her attention and she knows it. We have to very obviously tell certain people to ignore her when she tries it, which doesn't always go down well. They would make you feel like an awful parent, when your far from it.

And you absolutely need to tell your husband that you need a break and you need him to give you more of a dig out, especially when your still sick yourself. Your son has two parents, not one. Sometimes all it needs is some small things to be done differently to make a huge difference to the person that needs the help. So if your cooking dinner, make sure your husband knows he's on baby duty while your at that task and that your not going to take over both jobs.

shesty

Oh sure I know, my second could whinge for Ireland.We are having a very bad day here today and all she has is a runny nose.The whining!!And I have an 8 month old and the four year old is just home, so she has to accept my divided attention!!!I feel like most of my conversations with her these days consist of constantly saying "stop whinging and use your proper voice," "I will answer you when you stop whinging" or "I don't know what you are saying when you are whinging"My first wasn't so bad, she had a very defined whiny phase around this age, but no.2 excels at it.Your little guy is around the half year point too (2.5), and I have always found that the worst time in a year for some reason.Just walk away from the screaming tantrums, or continue what you are doing, and make sure OH does the same thing-or else he will scream for OH and not you, because he will know who to get attention from.They are clever little buggers, you'll be amazed at how quickly he cuts his losses and the screaming reduces once he realises it's getting him nothing!!!

Ciarrai76

scarepanda wrote: »

Ciarrai, my girl is an August 16 baby, so maybe what your going through at the moment is a phase that's still ahead for me. But here's my two cents.

It's awful hard looking after a sick clingy toddler when your sick yourself, trust me I know, I've had it twice the last few months while also being pregnant. But I think you just need to roll with it while he is sick. Throw the rule book out the window for the few days, bring him up to bed with you if you need a rest and set him up on your phone or whatever to keep him occupied.

Food wise, give him whatever you know he will eat, and if he eats it he eats it, if he doesn't he doesn't, don't make an issue of it. He won't starve himself. But normal, healthy food may not be the most appealing to him either at the moment. Does he like home made ice pops? My girl loves them and I load them up with fruit and veg so she still gets some goodness into her when she's being particularly fussy.

Tantrum wise, I fully agree with shesty, if he's over the worst of the sickness, then ignore every and all strop/tantrum. Make sure he's safe and walk away and let him work it out for himself and talk to him about it after. My girl is awful headstrong and stubborn and there's no talking to her when she's stropping, but she doesn't actually do it all that much anymore because she knows she won't get the attention from us. We can see a noticeable increase in strops when others are around because they will interject and give her attention and she knows it. We have to very obviously tell certain people to ignore her when she tries it, which doesn't always go down well. They would make you feel like an awful parent, when your far from it.

And you absolutely need to tell your husband that you need a break and you need him to give you more of a dig out, especially when your still sick yourself. Your son has two parents, not one. Sometimes all it needs is some small things to be done differently to make a huge difference to the person that needs the help. So if your cooking dinner, make sure your husband knows he's on baby duty while your at that task and that your not going to take over both jobs.

I must say, he definitely acts up for me far more than for his daddy! Thank God the weather has improved and we have been able to take him outside. I've just had him out in the garden with me while I tidy up the place and he loves being outside. I insisted on his daddy taking him to the park yesterday morning so I could have some quiet time and have a shower etc. He hasn't really taken him out by himself for a while now so I think we need to make sure it happens more often again as he spends far too much time with me!

I honestly don't know how people with more than one do it! I really don't think I'm able for another one. Maybe its my age and at 42 I am better off just not having more. I'm too tired! lol

shesty

I am perpetually exhausted....but I am 36.
Actually, 1 is very intense in it's own way.Having a second is a lot of work but it pays off in a year or so especially if they are close in age.My older two are girls and play together a lot, which is brilliant (apart from when they are killing one another).They are looking for my input less and less.
Course then we went and introduced a third into the mix.....what were we thinking!!(He is currently roaring at me for his 60th rice cake of the afternoon).

Definietely take time to yourself.Also encourage him to play by himself.You aren't an entertainment centre!!Start small....I need to wash dishes so you play with your jigsaw/colour or whatever, and I will sit down with you then -and do.So that way he learns he doesn't need you all the time.I admit if I am making dinner I expect mine to entertain themselves.I have also become militant about eating my lunch lately, I tell them to go away so I can eat.They are old enough to survive without me for the five mins it takes!!!Otherwise you would be running to their beck and call all day and it's too much.

(Edit: obviously I know not everyone is a in a position to have one or more than one)

brokensoul

Ciarrai76 wrote: »

I must say, he definitely acts up for me far more than for his daddy! Thank God the weather has improved and we have been able to take him outside. I've just had him out in the garden with me while I tidy up the place and he loves being outside. I insisted on his daddy taking him to the park yesterday morning so I could have some quiet time and have a shower etc. He hasn't really taken him out by himself for a while now so I think we need to make sure it happens more often again as he spends far too much time with me!

I honestly don't know how people with more than one do it! I really don't think I'm able for another one. Maybe its my age and at 42 I am better off just not having more. I'm too tired! lol

FWIW, I think two are easier than one!

My brother has a kid a few months older than my two and he seems to take more work as he always needs adult attention whereas my two entertain each other (while killing each other half the time!)

Ciarrai76

brokensoul wrote: »

FWIW, I think two are easier than one!

My brother has a kid a few months older than my two and he seems to take more work as he always needs adult attention whereas my two entertain each other (while killing each other half the time!)

As I always say, if it was as hard as it looks, people wouldn't have more than one...or have any for that matter!

Thankfully our little man is great for playing on his own. He's very imaginative at the moment and its so cute watching him play away. So he doesn't need as much attention with playing as he used to. He loves to be outside too, so I bring him out with me in the garden when I'm doing jobs and he loves watering flower etc. He's a good little boy, but I guess this is a challenging phase now and it can be hard to control his tantrums and the screaming....my God that screaming can literally peck at my brain!!

My biggest issue right now is the fact I probably will need fertility treatment again and I really don't know if I can go through all that again. We haven't really started trying for another yet, but the likelihood is I won't conceive naturally anyway. At 42, I don't know if I want to start it all over again, with more risks than last time.

shesty

Understandably Ciarrai and that is totally your decision.However as regards the little guy, he is in a challenging phase and honestly the best thing to do is let him scream, or tell him once that you will talk to him when he has stopped and go back to what you are doing.He will get there but it takes a lot of tough love (and other love!) and BUCKETS of parental patience.