No engagement ring for proposal

Fluxfan

Nevermind...

dinneenp

Don't say a word to him! I'm sure he spent lots of time planning the holiday, proposal and ring. Presuming that the ring won't be with ye in hols he'll have a substitute ring to give you. And I'd presume something planned for hols about how, where & when he'll propose.
Don't ruin it for him.

Liamario

Fluxfan wrote: »

Hi everyone,

So I just found out my bf is going to propose to me - accidentally. I found a receipt while doing a massive house clean up. I'm really disappointed that I found out as I feel I've ruined what should be a massive surprise.

We're going on holidays tomorrow - however the receipt says it will be available to be collected on Monday - when we're going to be out of the country.

Now I feel doubly disappointed. He is going to propose with no ring. Whether you think this is materialistic or not I feel gutted as I have an idea of what I want it to be in my head. I really want to stop him doing this!! But obviously I can't say anything - I can't ruin his plan.

Any ideas?

Sounds like you're missing the point of getting engaged.

Penny Tration

You're disappointed because the potential proposal won't be what you imagined?

I'm sorry but you need a large dose of reality.

A man you love is going to ask you to spend he rest of your life allowing him to love you, and loving him in return.

And you're disappointed...

You should be euphoric.

Say nothing to him. Don't ruin what he was hoping would be a romantic moment that'd make you happy.

Fluxfan

Liamario wrote: »

Sounds like you're missing the point of getting engaged.

I knew I'd get this but just to say I'm not missing the point. I love him deeply and want to spend my life waking up beside him!! This doesn't mean that I don't want my proposal though!

Fluxfan

dinneenp wrote: »

Don't say a word to him! I'm sure he spent lots of time planning the holiday, proposal and ring. Presuming that the ring won't be with ye in hols he'll have a substitute ring to give you. And I'd presume something planned for hols about how, where & when he'll propose.
Don't ruin it for him.

Cheers but it is the token ring to pick up Monday

Penny Tration

Fluxfan wrote: »

I knew I'd get this but just to say I'm not missing the point. I love him deeply and want to spend my life waking up beside him!! This doesn't mean that I don't want my proposal though!

Your proposal?

So it's not his too?

You want to tell your boyfriend not to propose because he's not doing it the way you want. That's beyond selfish.

Propose to him yourself if you need to control how it goes so badly.

Hrududu

"Hi John I found the receipt for the engagement ring you bought. When you propose to me I want it to be a surprise, so I know we're going on holidays but could you hold off on proposing for another time. Like try to catch me off guard so it can be more romantic. And anyway I see the ring isn't ready and you proposing to me without it would make me even more disappointed."

Yeah there is no way you can turn the above into anything remotely reasonable. My advice is forget you found the receipt and enjoy the fact that you're likely about to get engaged to someone you love.

Emme

Fluxfan wrote: »

Hi everyone,

So I just found out my bf is going to propose to me - accidentally. I found a receipt while doing a massive house clean up. I'm really disappointed that I found out as I feel I've ruined what should be a massive surprise.

We're going on holidays tomorrow - however the receipt says it will be available to be collected on Monday - when we're going to be out of the country.

Now I feel doubly disappointed. He is going to propose with no ring. Whether you think this is materialistic or not I feel gutted as I have an idea of what I want it to be in my head. I really want to stop him doing this!! But obviously I can't say anything - I can't ruin his plan.

Any ideas?

How do you know he is going to propose to you when you are on holidays? Or even if the ring is for you?

Getting engaged is making a deeper commitment to each other. It usually leads to marriage but not always. It isn't about a man getting down on one knee and presenting an expensive diamond ring to his partner. If that's all you think it's about then you are materialistic and shallow.

Pawwed Rig

No mention of love or your future together or whether he makes you happy?? All I read in the OP was me me me.

pooch90

You also have no guarantee that he is planning to propose on holidays. Maybe he's going to collect it when you're back and do it at a later date.
I also agree with the other posters, you're being very OTT on this.

Myself and OH knew we were going to get engaged, made the appointment with the Jewellers together etc. I was a bit miffed that there would be no proposal but kept my mouth shut because we were promising to get married and that was amazing. Anyway, he surprised me with a proposal at home with a token ring. I had just finished working out and was gross. It wasn't a fairytale but,for us, it was fitting and a huge surprise for me.

Honestly,forget the fairytale rubbish and focus on what's important.

Fluxfan

Wow I knew I'd get slaughtered but not that much. It's just my boyfriend knows how much I'm into the lovey dovey stuff and that I've had it in my mind forever but he hasn't taken that into consideration.
I don't think this will be a massive moment for him as he's very much NOT into the lovey Dovey stuff and I know he's only doing it because he knows it's important to me.

Stheno

Fluxfan wrote: »

Wow I knew I'd get slaughtered but not that much. It's just my boyfriend knows how much I'm into the lovey dovey stuff and that I've had it in my mind forever but he hasn't taken that into consideration.
I don't think this will be a massive moment for him as he's very much NOT into the lovey Dovey stuff and I know he's only doing it because he knows it's important to me.

You've fabricated an entire scenario in youur head o n the basis of finding a receipt which you can't be certain is for any sort of ring, then decided it's not a scenario to your liking and come on here complaining about it?

Way over the top omo

bee06

You have absolutely no idea what he has planned and you're making assumptions based on one piece of information. Give the guy a break and the benefit of the doubt.

Emme

Fluxfan wrote: »

Wow I knew I'd get slaughtered but not that much. It's just my boyfriend knows how much I'm into the lovey dovey stuff and that I've had it in my mind forever but he hasn't taken that into consideration.
I don't think this will be a massive moment for him as he's very much NOT into the lovey Dovey stuff and I know he's only doing it because he knows it's important to me.

He's making compromises then. So you do the same. Accept the proposal if it comes and don't stress about it taking place in a certain place at a certain time.

MissFlitworth

It would be a bit weird for him to buy a token ring to propose to you with, knowing that it won't arrive till you're away, and then propose to you without the token ring, give you the ring when you get home and then buy another ring. You might be barking up the wrong tree thinking he's going to propose to you while you're away. It's just very clunky, couldn't see the point in a token ring if that's what was going to happen.

But if he did, surely someone asking you to marry them is the most lovey dovey thing that they can do. It's your attitude to the proposal that shapes whether it's a beautiful moment or a horrible disappointed one that mars the start of your married life together.

Cathmandooo

No good will come from you saying something. All you know is that a receipt for a ring exists. Forget you saw it, go enjoy your holiday, don't spoil both the holiday and a possible proposal on yourselves. It'll be all on you if you do.

Ursus Horribilis

OP I don't normally bash posters but you really need to cop onto yourself. You've got the makings of a bridezilla too if you're not careful. I think you need to step back and have a good long hard look at the way you're thinking here.

CaraMay

Fluxfan wrote: »

Wow I knew I'd get slaughtered but not that much. It's just my boyfriend knows how much I'm into the lovey dovey stuff and that I've had it in my mind forever but he hasn't taken that into consideration.
I don't think this will be a massive moment for him as he's very much NOT into the lovey Dovey stuff and I know he's only doing it because he knows it's important to me.

Halt right there! Does this statement make actual sense to you? It comes across as so self cantered to me. You want him to propose to you but only if he does it your way (even though he doesn't want to do it that way)! You are going to ruin the whole thing for both of you with this attitude.

retro:electro

How do you know he is going to propose when you two are away? How do you know the ring he bought is even an engagement ring? You sound awful! Cop on to yourself.

dee_mc

I don't want to sound preachy but please, seriously, take a step back and count your blessings.
You're going on holiday with your boyfriend who you presumably love, and who clearly loves you to say that he's willing to step out of his 'not that into the lovey dovey stuff' frame of mind to plan a surprise proposal of marriage to you, using a token ring so that you will have the opportunity to choose your own ring (lest he choose one you don't love - see, he's afraid of upsetting you by doing the wrong thing by choosing the 'wrong' ring).
Maybe he's trying to be unpredictable by not playing out the dream proposal scenario you imply you've described to him in the past? Maybe he's planning something that will be significant to you both, rather than what you've always visualised?
If your 'perfect proposal' is more important to you than your lovely boyfriends feelings, go ahead and cast a shadow on the whole thing: tell him he's at risk of doing it wrong, and describe how you want it to go.
If your boyfriend and potential husband is more important, then say nothing and let him do his thing.
The question and all it implies is the important thing here, not how it's asked.

LegacyUser

anna080 wrote: »

You sound awful!

To say the op is awful is ott in my opinion. Just because she has different views on how she wanted her proposal to go doesn't make her an awful person,She just doesn't share the same views as you.
Some people like big grand gesture,others want low key....everyone's different and that's what makes life interesting.
To the op, just go with the flow. Try not to overthink the receipt. As others pointed out it might not even be for that reason. I think you would be best putting it to the back of your mind and focus on your holiday and enjoy the time away.

Ursus Horribilis

dee_mc wrote: »

.... using a token ring so that you will have the opportunity to choose your own ring (lest he choose one you don't love - see, he's afraid of upsetting you by doing the wrong thing by choosing the 'wrong' ring)..

This is a very good point. What if he chose a ring that you really hated? That'd take the shine off things then. Not everyone proposes with a ring in their pocket. One of my best friends proposed to his now wife without a ring. Then they made an occasion out of going to pick her ring - they booked a short break in a hotel, took their time going around to different places etc.

DukeOfTheSharp

Yeah...no. This is one of those situations where I can honestly say you might want to take a step back and look at yourself and how you're reacting to this situation, because your logic is faulty at best, and potentially damaging to your future relationship at worst. Just re-read what you're after writing...who thinks this way? Like really, who? Because someone with a level of maturity akin to that of an adult would never write these words down, let alone commit to them and attempt to justify them.

Look, I doubt your boyfriend will propose on this holiday, chances are it's just a bit of a coincidence, he'll probably wait until he has the ring. However, your attitude screams 'immature' and you've got to heavily consider whether or not you should marry this guy, given how you've reacted. If you love someone, who cares how they propose? It's never going to be ideal, get over it or get gone, the way he expresses his love should be something you're both aware of and accept. Either mature past the fairytale nonsense or expect to ruin your relationship, pick an option.

Tefral

Op, as a fella that's going through the middle of wedding planning I can hand on heart say, let the guy propose how he wants. It's the last time he will have his hand on the wheel so to speak. The rest will be all about you.

Once he has proposed he will have you and everyone else making suggestions and how this and that should be.

Leave this one go OP as its one of the most nerve wracking things I and most of the guys I know and have spoken to have done. It's a huge commitment to do it count that as the heartfelt thing in all this.

retro:electro

jaysusrelax wrote: »

To say the op is awful is ott in my opinion. Just because she has different views on how she wanted her proposal to go doesn't make her an awful person,She just doesn't share the same views as you.
Some people like big grand gesture,others want low key....everyone's different and that's what makes life interesting.
To the op, just go with the flow. Try not to overthink the receipt. As others pointed out it might not even be for that reason. I think you would be best putting it to the back of your mind and focus on your holiday and enjoy the time away.

I never said she was an awful person, I said she sounds awful, which she does.

gingerhousewife

What kind of "token ring" would he get that it wouldn't be ready to buy off the shelf??? Surely a "token ring" would be a bargain basement type - just something to stick on your finger? I think you're barking up the wrong tree here OP!

Either he's not planning to propose on holidays, or what you think is the "token ring" is actually the ring!

Honestly, the proposal may be a nice memory to have but it doesn't matter in the greater scheme of things. Let him do it his way (if he is actually planning to do it!) And good luck to both of you in your life together.

Can't wait for updates!

BettePorter

Why do you assume its the token ring?? Is it not expensive enough (for you) to be the 'real' one?

jimmycrackcorm

Fluxfan wrote:

Wow I knew I'd get slaughtered but not that much. It's just my boyfriend knows how much I'm into the lovey dovey stuff and that I've had it in my mind forever but he hasn't taken that into consideration. I don't think this will be a massive moment for him as he's very much NOT into the lovey Dovey stuff and I know he's only doing it because he knows it's important to me.

You know what op, you're right. You might as well focus on the lovey dovey stuff now because after ten years of marriage it will be arguing about who's turn it is to get up on Saturday with the kids and why the other didn't put the dishes in the sink in the dishwasher.

OneOfThem

Knew of a girl once that told her boyfriend the exact dream proposal scenario she wanted of he ever proposed. Down to what colour dress she'd be wearing etc. And that she'd hate if it ever happened any other way etc. This was hilarious to us when we found out. It could not have possibly been any less "Bob" (let's call him). But he went along with what she wanted, the ring (including what kind etc) and wearing a suit and kneeling down in the park etc, picking a night she was wearing a white dress.

Right when he was about to go down on one knee she sharted on herself. That's a true story OP.

sReq | uTeK

Hopefully he reads this and sends the ring back.

Merkin

anna080 wrote: »

I never said she was an awful person, I said she sounds awful, which she does.

That's a case of semantics. You're normally a very measured and constructive poster anna80 so please try and avoid this type of thing.

Teafor two12345

Fluxfan wrote: »

Hi everyone,

So I just found out my bf is going to propose to me - accidentally. I found a receipt while doing a massive house clean up. I'm really disappointed that I found out as I feel I've ruined what should be a massive surprise.

We're going on holidays tomorrow - however the receipt says it will be available to be collected on Monday - when we're going to be out of the country.

Now I feel doubly disappointed. He is going to propose with no ring. Whether you think this is materialistic or not I feel gutted as I have an idea of what I want it to be in my head. I really want to stop him doing this!! But obviously I can't say anything - I can't ruin his plan.

Any ideas?

Why do you think the ring is for you or an engagement ring? It might not be. I may be cynical but it might be an engagement ring. And if it is perhaps he will propose when you get back.

You are making an awful lot of assumptions. He might not want to propose at all. It half crossed my mind it could be for another woman (I know terrible for me to think!). But why arrange to collect when you are gone?

But I guess that is me jumping to the worst case scenario.

Why do you tih

Teafor two12345

Providing of course it's not the above etc. I would say something.

If it were me I would wait and see if he actually DID give it to me because if he didn't I would know he was having an affair.

But if you feel he is totally on the level with you then you probably have the type of relationship where you could just say something like that to him. And say you want the proposal with a ring. But only if you really know he is a good guy. Then and ONLY then if you KNOW he is a good guy just say ...listen I suspect a proposal I want a ring in that scenario.

Seriously though I would wait and then if I didn't get a ring in the next few weeks I would know he was seeing someone else. Seriously that is what I would really do. No proposal and said ring ..BUSTED!

dinneenp

I can picture the flight/holiday....
Boyfriend: you're very quiet, what's on your mind?
Girlfriend:.... Nothing. Actually, no, never mind.

Flight home, didn't propose :
Boyfriend : what's up, what's wrong with you?
Girlfriend : silent treatment

dinneenp

Teafor two12345 wrote: »

Providing of course it's not the above etc. I would say something.

If it were me I would wait and see if he actually DID give it to me because if he didn't I would know he was having an affair.

But if you feel he is totally on the level with you then you probably have the type of relationship where you could just say something like that to him. And say you want the proposal with a ring. But only if you really know he is a good guy. Then and ONLY then if you KNOW he is a good guy just say ...listen I suspect a proposal I want a ring in that scenario.

Seriously though I would wait and then if I didn't get a ring in the next few weeks I would know he was seeing someone else. Seriously that is what I would really do. No proposal and said ring ..BUSTED!

ARE YOU FOR REAL? if not ring in a few weeks=affair!?
I'm a guy and we can plan something well in advance. Ring could be bought but not planning on giving it for a while e.g. Christmas, an anniversary, birthday.

For the guy the proposing is the ONE thing that he gets to do and if you mention engagement, ring etc. he'll know that you're onto his plan and that'll ruin the whole thing/surprise for him.

Stheno

I sometimes don't get this,

I know my OH would like to get married, and once I sort out my divorce I'd like the same.

For me, agreeing to get married is the most important point, any proposal is just tradition

And no, it's not any different the second time round, it's still something you hope will be a commitment for life.

I think this is what OP is missing.

beyondbelief67

One of the main things that concerns me is the lack of the word love in all this, except for where they say "lovey dovey stuff" !
Also why they think it's only a token ring ? When it more than likely is the actual ring, I can imagine some guy getting his attempt at being romantic and lovey dovey crushed.
But as has been mentioned it could be he bought it early for Christmas or new year. But if he does propose on the holiday please don't ruin the moment for him by being sulky, it might be the last time he tries to be romantic.

Teafor two12345

dinneenp wrote: »

ARE YOU FOR REAL? if not ring in a few weeks=affair!?
I'm a guy and we can plan something well in advance. Ring could be bought but not planning on giving it for a while e.g. Christmas, an anniversary, birthday.

For the guy the proposing is the ONE thing that he gets to do and if you mention engagement, ring etc. he'll know that you're onto his plan and that'll ruin the whole thing/surprise for him.

Totally for real. That would be the first thing that crossed my mind.

If they do have a healthy relationship and there IS trust and he IS a good guy then she should be able to say it to him. But she will know that there is that dynamic between them. Then there is no harm in saying it.

My first thought would be it's for someone else. And if he does say oh it's a gift for something else for you well that's what he would say isn't it?

She knows if he is the generous type and gives gifts like that for crimbo etc. Since that has not crossed her mind I would think he isn't. Perhaps he can't afford it or that is not how his affection is expressed. So either it's not for her or he is going to propose. And going away would be the perfect moment. SO

IF as YOU Say guys plan this stuff in advance. THEN he should have been planning it. And if he had planned it then it's suspicious. But then that is just the way I see it.

Listen though if he is just a nice guy I don't see the harm in her saying 'Hey I love you to bits if ever we get married (no hint she knows) i would love it to be with a ring in the proposal'.

But honestly no ring in the next few weeks yes he is cheating. Deffo. I even think the scenario is slightly odd. I wouldn't say anything and just wait because if you say it he WILL say it's for her and just say it's for Christmas. Or worse propose to get out of it! People do things like this.

If they have a good relationship she can be honest and just say it. If she can't say it then something is wrong.

And yes I would think he was cheating. But then I don't know him. I am just reading this on the net etc. She knows him.

Teafor two12345

beyondbelief67 wrote: »

One of the main things that concerns me is the lack of the word love in all this, except for where they say "lovey dovey stuff" !
Also why they think it's only a token ring ? When it more than likely is the actual ring, I can imagine some guy getting his attempt at being romantic and lovey dovey crushed.
But as has been mentioned it could be he bought it early for Christmas or new year. But if he does propose on the holiday please don't ruin the moment for him by being sulky, it might be the last time he tries to be romantic.

My thinking is YOU KNOW your man. I would know a if a guy was the type to buy me a ring as a gift. And generally men don't or can't. Most men cannot afford to splash on rings. She has seen the receipt. She knows whether this is a gift or THE ring. Women know their men. She thinks the only thing it can be is THE RING. Or it's not. So ..no proposal = cheating.

And a proposal is a two way thing. It's important to a woman to be asked in the right way. He will feel better about it too in the long term.

Why lie or tell her to lie and omit the fact she has seen the receipt in the long term? Wait a bit and no proposal be honest and say she has seen it. Honesty is supposed to be good in relationships.

He is NOT going to be crushed by the way. If she can't be honest and say she has seen it and would like a proposal with a ring I would say it's not a good sign.

If it were me I would wait and see if he does propose ....then BUSTED. Yeah totally. Infact the first thing that crossed my mind was cheating when she said they were going away and the ring is to be collected during the holiday. Holidays are perfect for proposing. Why arrange to collect expensive jewelry then? Who collecting it?

SO yeah that was the first place my mind went. Sorry.

And if it's not the case and not that type of relationship and it's healthy then she should be able to say it and have him take it well. HE SHOULD WANT HER TO HAVE THE PROPOSAL SHE WANTS AND SHE DESERVES IT.

But I would wait and say nothing and see.

Rachiee

I can't believe the responses RE: possibly cheating, my sister's partner bought her ring 3 months in advance of the proposal!
he could be planning to propose at some other point in the near future.

He may have originally been planning to propose on holiday ( very lovely dovey IMHO) but found the ring wouldn't be ready on time so decided to delay it.

I too am curious as to why the OP is sure it's the holding ring, If it's very cheap then surely it could just be a promise ring for Christmas or something, if it's middle of the road then maybe it's the actual ring in which case I imagine OP would be very disappointed.

It really wouldn't make sense to get a holding ring and not to have it at the proposal you might as well not bother;.which would leave me to think that he either isn't going to propose on this trip or that the ring on the receipt is the actual ring.

I also don't agree with posters saying well if he's a nice guy and they've a good relationship she should be able to say it to him, this is of course true but if she's a nice girl and they've a good relationship why would she want to hurt him like that.

OP I can understand why you're disappointed if you've always wanted a fairytale proposal and you feel you're not going to get it. What I would say is you really don't know what he's planning, he may not even be proposing to you this trip or he could have the perfect proposal planned the date on the receipt isn't enough to judge either way. Try enjoy the holiday go with the flow and see what happens.
The other thing I'd say is the biggest component of a fairy tale romance is Prince charming if he's your Prince charming it doesn't matter how or where he proposes its a fairy tale.

Teafor two12345

ok :-) I am probably wrong then. I hope it all works out like a dream op :-)

dinneenp

Teafor two12345 wrote: »

And a proposal is a two way thing. It's important to a woman to be asked in the right way. He will feel better about it too in the long term.

And if it's not the case and not that type of relationship and it's healthy then she should be able to say it and have him take it well. HE SHOULD WANT HER TO HAVE THE PROPOSAL SHE WANTS AND SHE DESERVES IT.

But I would wait and say nothing and see.

It's a two way thing but seems it's all about her from what you're saying. I think we'll have to agree to disagree.

bp

I have honestly yet to hear of a proposal going perfectly to plan. The other stories are more fun anyway.

Just go with the flow OP and you can always plan the romantic wedding instead

Clampdown

You might as well tell him that you found the receipt at this point OP and at the same time give him written instructions as how you want the proposal to go. Because you have projected the image in your mind of him messing it up so bad that no matter what the poor fella does it probably won't be right. I'll bet he has something lovely planned, us men are not all as dopey as we seem.

I would hate to think that while I was taking my OH on holiday and had a ring bought for her (neither of which I can afford) that all she was thinking was 'He's not doing it right, this isn't good enough.' If I knew that, honestly, I would rethink marrying the person altogether. (Luckily I could literally pull a Homer Simpson and stick an onion ring on her finger and she's love it but as I said, we are not all dopes.)

I'm pretty certain that this guy has got a good plan and knows darn well what a big moment it is for you and intends to do everything perfectly. Just relax, why spoil a holiday AND a proposal (whenever it happens) with all this worrying?

Pawwed Rig

Teafor two12345 wrote: »

So ..no proposal = cheating.

If it were me I would wait and see if he does propose ....then BUSTED. Yeah totally. Infact the first thing that crossed my mind was cheating when she said they were going away and the ring is to be collected during the holiday.

This is the most ridiculous jump of logic I have ever read on boards.

sReq | uTeK

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

This is the most ridiculous jump of logic I have ever read on boards.

Couldn't agree more, sometimes the mind boggles

castle

Can you be honest with this Question, where you snooping as I find it hard to believe he would leave an important receipt lying around, I know a bit off topic but if you where snooping then there is something wrong with your relationship that needs to be sorted if I am wrong then sorry,

Optimalprimerib

Fluxfan wrote: »

Wow I knew I'd get slaughtered but not that much. It's just my boyfriend knows how much I'm into the lovey dovey stuff and that I've had it in my mind forever but he hasn't taken that into consideration.
I don't think this will be a massive moment for him as he's very much NOT into the lovey Dovey stuff and I know he's only doing it because he knows it's important to me.

What if finding the reciept is part of the plan

Teafor two12345

castle wrote: »

Can you be honest with this Question, where you snooping as I find it hard to believe he would leave an important receipt lying around, I know a bit off topic but if you where snooping then there is something wrong with your relationship that needs to be sorted if I am wrong then sorry,

A gf should have freedom to snoop! (Within reason i.e. ....don't get caught!).

I call it frisking! You gotta frisk the bf to some extent.

dissed doc

Fluxfan wrote: »

I knew I'd get this but just to say I'm not missing the point. I love him deeply and want to spend my life waking up beside him!! This doesn't mean that I don't want my proposal though!

It is his proposal.