Any solution to this Irish dating dilemma?

Do Me Good

Have you ever heard it said that Irish men lack confidence? It think a lot of the reason for this may be because Irish women lack confidence too. In other words they don't know how to turn a guy down in polite way, which seems so simple to me.

I often strike up great banter with girls here, but if I was to say at any given point; 'would you like to go out some time?', they'd be completely surprised, or may think that I watch too many movies. And that attitude is all very well if I can assume that I'll bump into the same gal some other time at a party when she's drunk. Any actual dates I go on are with girls from continent... visiting students are a good option.

When it comes to courting in Ireland, there's a lot of unspoken rules. And what made it more confusing in my younger years, is that when people give advice about the matter, they don't speak of such unspoken rules. They just say "oh, ask her out. The worst that could happen is she'll say no." No one dare mentions the unspoken rules. You see it's never said outright, but Irish people simply don't date prior to the shift. Maybe they don't even date prior to being in a relationship. And I understand why; it's fear of awkwardness... and in saying so, I think that's really immature. However, I do think that showing you belong to a clique may help.

I for example, would consider myself more independent than most of my peers at college. I'm tall, have good looks, good grades, I dress well, have a car and plenty of money. But where I fall down, is that I don't have a huge amount of friends (or at least I don't belong to any clique), I also don't drink, and I don't play sport.

If you're okay with the idea of potentially being the source of gossip to your peers, then you'll find many situations that allow you to get intimate with girls. There'll always be arguments not to do so, like 'oh it's not good to do so with work colleagues' and so on. But the point being, that it often occurs that you meet a girl, and the circumstances don't allow for you get intimate. The only option is to ask her out.

But there's a big difference between having the courage to escalate in physical way, and having the courage to ask her out. If you get turned down during the former, you don't look like a fool. You're simply showing her that you have the confidence to go after what you want, while also showing you have a certain amount of contempt for her. If you actually ask her out though (and this is what I mean by Irish women not having confidence), and if she doesn't say yes, instead she'll likely:

a) squirm and pretend she has to leave.
b) presume your feelings would be hurt if she said no, and instead give an excuse she can't. (kicking the can down the road for both parties)
c) give an immediate response of laughing and immediately stop herself.

That last one is one that I know so many guys are scared of. It used to drive me crazy too, because you never really know exactly what they're thinking when they're laughing. But because girls aren't asked out during the day, at this stage they presume anyone who does is weird. Nearly all the adultolescent couples I know, were dependent on the communication of their friends in order to actually get together... as in guy friend of guy tells girl friend of girl "he said he really likes her, they should get together". That sort of thing.

And it's not women that are to blame for this, but both genders. Tinder makes this whole matter even worse. If you took away both the alcohol and tinder, I'd love to see what would happen. It's the way the system is though. But is there any way riding it to one's own advantage? because I am tired of pretending to be drunk!

ancapailldorcha

Sorry OP but discussion on dating is prohibited here.