Breakdown after breakup

moe hok

Hey all,

It's been a month since my boyfriend ended things with me completely out of the blue. I didn't see it coming at all. We rarely argued and if we disagreed on things we discussed them like grown ups. All in all things were really good between us. It was the relationship that I saw going the distance. We were together almost 3 years. This is one of the reasons this situation hurts so much.

He just said that things weren't working out and that he didn't feel the same about me anymore. I met up with him a week later and we talked things out. It was nothing to do with me, it was all him. He didn't feel the same and was so sorry that it had to end. What I'm finding hard to believe is that this could just happen out of the blue. And even scarier, is to think that something like this could happen again in future.

I've been so depressed recently. I spend most days in bed and don't want to meet people. When I do, I just find myself becoming upset about it all. I'm finding I can't focus on anything and have this horrible knot in my stomach all the time. My appetite is gone and I'm becoming unfocused in work.

I really feel like the rug has been puled from under me. Has anyone been in a similar situation or with any advice to give? It'd be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

LegacyUser

Me and my bf broke up 5 months ago. I'm still finding it difficult however, it is becoming less painful with each day.
I was the exact same as you, crying,didn't want to meet people etc. You have to force yourself to get up and go out!

Hemerodrome

OP, if you think you are actually depressed then your GP is the first place to go. That said, what you describe there is about normal for most people in your shoes and honestly seems very far from a breakdown. Talk to friends and family and maybe give work a heads up if they are the kind of employers who'd give you some slack for a few weeks. I don't want to minimise your issue, but don't convince yourself it's the end of your life or sanity, you are going through something most people do and you will get through it.

LegacyUser

Hi OP I'm still finding things hard 4 months later since my break up. I hate when people said this to me but it really does get easier. It's not as painful. I don't cry as much! I wish I had been more strict with myself and not contact him. Big mistake! You see 'no contact' always being advised here, and that's because its so true! No contact really is the only way to get over it. As seriously hard as it can be, its the best way to move on. Take care of yourself!

LegacyUser

Hi, I feel your pain. My boyfriend cooled things off with me last week. We were together 6 years and lived together four. We rarely argued and we're the best of friends. We had a silly fight last week, and he moved out. Just upped and left. After four years. He says he's still my boyfriend but I think he's now trying to let me down gently after seen me so upset. I like you am numb going around, it's like someone close has died, except it's much worse as I know he is getting on with his life without me 😣 iv cried everyday without him. Thank god for work, it's the only time I am strong. But outsode of work I am sinking into depression I think. I don't eat, I am determined to look better. I also have thought about what I can do to show him how much I hurt. These thoughts I should not be having
But it's the truth. I really feel your pain and I'm here if you want to talk. I havmt spoken to anybody about us as I'm far too emotional for friends and family, but I did call samartians during week, there number is on this if you need someone to listen x

LegacyUser

I am in the same place, feels so strange to be going to everyday contact to being blanked. Just can't get my head around it. Feels so strange and I feel so inadequate. He seems to be fine. Says he still loves me but is too scared to move forward in case it doesn't work out. I can tell his heart isn't in it anymore. I know it will get better. I just catn bring myself to talk to anyone about it, it's so raw. I feel so rejected. I thought I was enough for him. The speed at which he has completely cut me off and moved on has my head spinning. It is hard to believe it was ever real. He didn't really break up with me just started ghosting me. Was such a dick about it. What's wrong with me, we were trying for a baby a few months ago. Just came back from holidays....and no goodbye? I'm holding my head up and hope the pain will lighten up. It helps to hear others are getting better with time that should give us hope OP.

moe hok

Thanks for all the replies everybody. It just goes to show that you're never alone. The above scenarios are heartbreaking. I really mean that. It feels, at times, like there's a lump in my chest and at other times it seems like there's this hole in my chest. I decided today to book myself a session with a therapist. I never did anything like this before but I don't know what else to do. A month of feeling these intense feelings is proving too much and I just don't if I can go on much longer. I've always been a strong, self reliant person but this was just a huge shock. If the sessions are a help I will definitely recommend them to you.

Thanks again everyone.

MugMugs

You're mourning the loss of your partner. He had the chance to come to terms with it before you hence why it's hurting you so much. Long and short of it is, that he doesn't want you. Thats a harsh reality to face.

So you've a few things to do. In a few years from now, you'll laugh at this.

Do not be defined by another person. Do not allow them to define your life. Pick yourself up and dust yourself down.

Move on. It'll take time to not think about your ex daily but it will xomecome and sooner than you'd expect.

Pick up some hobbies, paint your house, join a charity. Keep yourself busy. You'll be just fine.

Grandeeod

moe hok wrote: »

Hey all,

It's been a month since my boyfriend ended things with me completely out of the blue. I didn't see it coming at all. We rarely argued and if we disagreed on things we discussed them like grown ups. All in all things were really good between us. It was the relationship that I saw going the distance. We were together almost 3 years. This is one of the reasons this situation hurts so much.

He just said that things weren't working out and that he didn't feel the same about me anymore. I met up with him a week later and we talked things out. It was nothing to do with me, it was all him. He didn't feel the same and was so sorry that it had to end. What I'm finding hard to believe is that this could just happen out of the blue. And even scarier, is to think that something like this could happen again in future.

I've been so depressed recently. I spend most days in bed and don't want to meet people. When I do, I just find myself becoming upset about it all. I'm finding I can't focus on anything and have this horrible knot in my stomach all the time. My appetite is gone and I'm becoming unfocused in work.

I really feel like the rug has been puled from under me. Has anyone been in a similar situation or with any advice to give? It'd be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

The rug HAS been pulled from under you. You have been dumped. It's horrible. Its awful and the pain is unbearable. Lots of things will go through your mind including who else he may be with now and in the near future. I'm a man posting this and I know how men can be just like I know how women can be. I have felt the pain you are feeling right now.

Break ups often happen out of the blue, but please do not let this be an example of what can happen to you in the future. That's life. Do not judge the next relationship you enter on the basis of what has just happened. When its right, it will be right. We all go through break ups and its always hard. Time is a great healer and you will realise this. Yes its a cliche of sorts, but its true.

Get out of the bed and face everyday. Get back to something you enjoyed when you were single. Spoil yourself rotten. Be selfish and just put yourself first for as long as it takes. By all means grieve for this finished relationship, but do it while you are living a life and do not rush back into another relationship until you have accepted what happened to the last one.

Hi OP, this time a year ago my boyfriend of seven years broke up with me completely out of the blue, and I was feeling exactly the way you are now. It's completely natural, your world has been turned upside down and you had no say in it. You're going through grief so don't be hard on yourself, unfortunately you need to process all of the emotions and it will take time.

I'm glad you're going to a therapist, it will help. Gradually that knot in your stomach will go away and you'll slowly begin to feel like you're getting back to normal. I think you get so stressed and exhausted dealing with the aftermath of a breakup that at some point your body has had enough, so you will eventually get hungry and eat a proper meal, you will get tired and want to sleep, your mind will be so sick of trying to make sense of things that eventually it gives up (even if only for a little while). By the way, know that you won't be able to make sense of it. You don't know what goes on in another person's head, even when that person was your best friend in the world. You'll wear yourself out trying to figure it out.

It took about two months for me to get through a full day without crying and to feel like I was getting my bearings back. From that point things gradually got better but the hurt stays with you for a while. You will be ok though, this experience will make you stronger and it gives you the chance to find a better relationship with someone who would never dream of letting you go. Don't even think about that for now though, you need to get to know yourself again and get your confidence back first.