Is she being fair?

LegacyUser

Going to go anonymous for this one people.

My girlfriend of over a year has now decided she won't have sex with me again until I get an STD test.

I had sex many times without protection at different periods of out relationship and she never had any problem with that and in fairness it is over a year since she first said she would like me to get tested.

I have never been tested before but prior to her, I have only had one sexual partner who I was with for a year and hadnt had sex with anyone for almost 8 years until I meet my now girlfriend, she knows this.

She comes from a country outside f Ireland were apparently its very uncommon for someone not to be tested apparantly.

We havent had sex now since August....at the start she was never in the mood.....now its changed to she doesnt want to until I get tested which I will do and have no problem doing but is she being unfair?:

Figbiscuithead

Well, it's odd she'd want you to get tested after a year but as you say, she asked you before but you refused. Why don't you both get one? It's not that big of a deal and irrespective of how many partners you've had, keeping an eye on your sexual health can do no harm. You don't know how many people your previous partner slept with, by the way. If you want to compare culture with culture, I'd say Irish culture is way too relaxed about sexual health.

LegacyUser

Is there a reason you haven't gotten a test in the year since she's asked you? It's all well and good saying she knows you've only slept with one person in 8 years but in some cases a person could be naive to take that at face value, if you're showing reluctance to get tested and are taking such a long time to do it, it might be causing her concern.

Or has anything happened recently that might have made her more concerned?

I can sympathise that it might be frustrating for you to be in this position in a long term relationship when you've previously had unprotected sex with her and it mightn't make sense to you why suddenly it's an issue when if you did have an std she would already be exposed to it, but I think you need to question if any of the above apply or alternatively if there are other issues in the relationship and reasons she's avoiding sex.

smash

Maybe I'm looking into this too much but it sounds like she has or had something and wants to see if she passed it to you.

bp

Everyone should get tested regularly anyway, its a good practice.

There is a stigmatism attached to it her. Just both of you go and get it done

Penny Tration

Tbh you should be getting tested after each new partner, so if she asked a year ago, it would have been easier to do it then. It's not smart to be lax about your sexual health.

I'd go for it, but tbh I'd also be pondering on smash's comment. if she was happy enough to have sex without protection for a year, why would she all of a sudden refuse sex now, unless she's either deathly afraid of catching something (unlikely given you both had unprotected sex together) or already has something herself.

zionbiz

I dont think that should be a big deal, ask her to come along with you and get tested.

Mourinho

To be honest I wouldn't stop using condoms with a girlfriend until we got both tested. Not in a I think she's had every fella going but frankly an ex long term boyfriend of theirs could have had something before they got together or cheated and passed it onto her.

Teafor two12345

Get tested. Why wonder why or whether it's fair? Who cares when it's so easily remedied? Why does it matter?


Why does it matter if it's fair or not if you even say you don't mind doing it?

Just do it.

CaraMay

I wonder if she's become aware she has a certain Std and this is her way of checking if she's passed it on to you.

dafunk

I can't blame her not sleeping with you since August. She asked you A YEAR AGO to get a test and you didn't? I would have walked away within a month. Do you realise how disrespectful that is to her and her concern for her own health?

To answer your question, yes she's being fair. You on thr otherhand are not.

Hmm. Both of you are being unfair.

Tell her that you'll happily get tested if she gets one too. Otherwise no deal.

beks101

She caught something or she's gone off sex and this is a handy excuse, were my first thoughts.

Either way, I'd be demanding that she gets one with you. No point in one of you getting tested as if the other has something, eventually you both will. If she says she's already had one recently - ask to see the results. And clock her reaction to gauge if there's something fishy going on too (ha! pardon pun)

Wompa1

I'd go with the, she has something herself suggestion. It's a good idea to get yourself checked anyways. It does hurt like a mother*cker! But it's pretty quick. I wouldn't bother asking her to get one...the thing is, it's not like they give you a docket saying your clean. It's delivered over the phone if you're clean. (At least from the clinics). If she's not clean, she just won't share it with you. She might wait until yours comes back with something and then play the victim. But then I might just be a cynic!