2nd miscarriage and need help

snucks

Hi all. I had a miscarriage 10 years ago and it broke my heart. I carried on with my life but always thought of my baby. Everyone told me the statistics but I didn't care cause this was about my baby not anyone else's. Met the man of my dreams and he like me wanted to have kids straight away. We were together a year and half when we got married. I had already done fertility tests and he had no problem doing then either. The day before our wedding we got told our only way to become parents was ivf or to adopt. This was due to my low egg count. I was devestated but put it to back of my mind and had a great wedding day. On honeymoon we decided to do both ivf and adoption so when wet got home we had our appointment with ivf clinic. The doc explained that our chance of conceiving with ivf were very slim. Again we were left devestated but decided to still go for it. I had to go to my own gp for bloods and mentioned that I had been urinating a lot. She asked could I be preganant. Went home thinking I wanted to change doctor because she was mad! 1 week later my period was late and I was pregnant!!!!!! Our little miracle baby was concieved on our honeymoon!!!!! At our first scan at seven weeks I was so nervous but baby was doing great we could even see heart beat. We went home and made so many plans. I was so afraid of something going wrong but everyone told me relax enjoy it. It wouldn't happen again. On our next scan at 9 weeks the poor nurse had to tell us that our much wanted baby had died. We had no signs of a miscarriage so I really wasn't prepared. Not that your ever could be. Got sent home until the following week and that week I can honestly say another piece of my heart died. I wanted it to be a bad dream so much. I couldn't sleep and literally did not want to be here. My new husband was by my side for everything. He was as devestated as me. I had my d & c a week later and woke up feeling numb and empty. 3 weeks on and today would have been our 12 weeks scan. I know I'm never going to be the same person. I'm still in survival mode I think. I feel bad for my husband as we should be care free newly weds. Again I'm another statistic. We have decided that emotionally we are not able to do ivf but we are still looking into adoption. My question is has anybody gotten pregnant with a low egg count and can a gp prescribe clomid as I have read that this helps with trying to concieve.

Sorry for the long message. Thanks

FindersKeepers

Hi Snucks,

I am sorry for your loss, I got upset reading your post. What you have gone through is devastating I'd imagine. I hope you get some positive feedback from other parents in similar situations and you and your husband have a happy future whatever the outcome. You sound like a solid couple. Take Care.

snucks

FindersKeepers wrote: »

Hi Snucks,

I am sorry for your loss, I got upset reading your post. What you have gone through is devastating I'd imagine. I hope you get some positive feedback from other parents in similar situations and you and your husband have a happy future whatever the outcome. You sound like a solid couple. Take Care.

Thank you xxxx

Tasden

FindersKeepers wrote: »

Hi Snucks,

I am sorry for your loss, I got upset reading your post. What you have gone through is devastating I'd imagine. I hope you get some positive feedback from other parents in similar situations and you and your husband have a happy future whatever the outcome. You sound like a solid couple. Take Care.

Just wanted to say the same really. No advice for you unfortunately but felt for you reading the post and wanted to wish you all the best. Look after yourself and each other x

snucks

Tasden wrote: »

Just wanted to say the same really. No advice for you unfortunately but felt for you reading the post and wanted to wish you all the best. Look after yourself and each other x

Thanks lads. I have to admit I don't know how I'm getting through this. I have a great family and again can't stress how great my husband is but the heart ache is literally breaking me x

Penny Dreadful

Like the others who have replied I am afraid that I too have no advice in terms of where to go next for you but I can empathise with the miscarriage.
I had one in July of this year and it knocked me for 6. I (foolishly) thought things like that happened to "other people". Little did I know we were the "other people" too.
Yes, it happens an astonishing amount of times to people and all that jazz which in some ways and at some times is good to know but when you're thinking about your baby and what might have been instead of what is, well it just takes your breath away.

Hope you find a happy outcome from the situation.

brokensoul

I am so so sorry to read of your loss.

I had a mmc in July, and it devastated me. I can't give you any magic solutions, but these are some of the things that helped me

1. I cried, and cried, and cried. To my husband, to my family, to myself.
2. I went with my husband to a garden centre and bought a rose bush, which we planted in our garden as a memorial to our baby.
3. I went and visited the angel plot in Kilcully in Cork where our baby's remains were interred.
4. I spoke to a therapist, then another one as the first one made my skin crawl!
5. I posted on here, spoke to others on here by PM and read similar stories on what others here had gone through

None of these things fixed me. I still have days where I feel overwhelmed. But each of those things gave me a little bit of comfort.

*huge hugs*

snucks

brokensoul wrote: »

I am so so sorry to read of your loss.

I had a mmc in July, and it devastated me. I can't give you any magic solutions, but these are some of the things that helped me

1. I cried, and cried, and cried. To my husband, to my family, to myself.
2. I went with my husband to a garden centre and bought a rose bush, which we planted in our garden as a memorial to our baby.
3. I went and visited the angel plot in Kilcully in Cork where our baby's remains were interred.
4. I spoke to a therapist, then another one as the first one made my skin crawl!
5. I posted on here, spoke to others on here by PM and read similar stories on what others here had gone through

None of these things fixed me. I still have days where I feel overwhelmed. But each of those things gave me a little bit of comfort.

*huge hugs*

Thanks so much. The tears haven't stopped flowing since it happened. We went to kilcully the day before I had d&c so they I could see where our baby would spend the rest of its days and I have to say it gave us some peace. It is a lovely place with wind chimes in the trees and so many gifts left by other parents. It made me feel like we weren't alone. When the nurse asked the next day if we wanted to baby to go to kilcully I said yes straight away. I explained that we had gone there the day before to see it and in a stupid way to make sure baby would be safe. The poor nurse started to cry and hugged me. She was so lovely. Everyone was so lovely but nobody can take away the heart break. So different from 10 years ago and that made it a little bit easier.

Lucuma

Hi I'm so sorry to read of your miscarriage :-(
I have a very low egg count - AMH of 1.5 only and we also have issues on the male side so we were told only ICSI would work. Despite that we had a baby (naturally) and I am now pregnant with the second one. So there's always hope x

Think of it this way, you were told only IVF would work and at that, IVF had only a slim chance of working but guess what.....ye conceived naturally. Doctors aren't always right, If it could happen once it can happen again and hopefully next time will have a different outcome x

snucks

Lucuma wrote: »

Hi I'm so sorry to read of your miscarriage :-(
I have a very low egg count - AMH of 1.5 only and we also have issues on the male side so we were told only ICSI would work. Despite that we had a baby (naturally) and I am now pregnant with the second one. So there's always hope x

Think of it this way, you were told only IVF would work and at that, IVF had only a slim chance of working but guess what.....ye conceived naturally. Doctors aren't always right, If it could happen once it can happen again and hopefully next time will have a different outcome x

Thanks xxx my husband is being very positive saying it only takes one egg. Doctors were shocked we got pregnant so maybe it will happen again x

kkcatlou

Your post is breaking my heart to read. So upsetting for you. I can understand as we too, got unexpectedly pregnant straight away after getting married, only to miscarry at 10 weeks. I understand feeling like you have been robbed of that carefree newly married happy time, and you don't get it back! And also that unexpected joy of literally falling pregnant, without trying. We will never have either of those again. We are now a year on, and no luck since. But one thing the whole experience has done for me is make me realise even more how much my husband and I love each other, and how, at times like this, being married, and being in a really strong relationship actually does make things easier, and bring you closer together. So cling onto him tight and try get back some of the magic that you should be feeling right now!

It gets harder before it gets easier, but let yourself get upset and mourn. We were lucky in one sense in that I was sent home to miscarry naturally, and although it was incredibly painful and graphic, it meant we had a little bundle to bury ourselves, which we did by the river in the park behind our house, at the exact spot we had gotten engaged less than a year earlier. So it's nice to have that spot only we know about to visit. I'm glad you found a really peaceful nice place in the cemetery.

Good luck with the future, and remember all the great things in your life, and how lucky you are to have each other!

snucks

kkcatlou wrote: »

Your post is breaking my heart to read. So upsetting for you. I can understand as we too, got unexpectedly pregnant straight away after getting married, only to miscarry at 10 weeks. I understand feeling like you have been robbed of that carefree newly married happy time, and you don't get it back! And also that unexpected joy of literally falling pregnant, without trying. We will never have either of those again. We are now a year on, and no luck since. But one thing the whole experience has done for me is make me realise even more how much my husband and I love each other, and how, at times like this, being married, and being in a really strong relationship actually does make things easier, and bring you closer together. So cling onto him tight and try get back some of the magic that you should be feeling right now!

It gets harder before it gets easier, but let yourself get upset and mourn. We were lucky in one sense in that I was sent home to miscarry naturally, and although it was incredibly painful and graphic, it meant we had a little bundle to bury ourselves, which we did by the river in the park behind our house, at the exact spot we had gotten engaged less than a year earlier. So it's nice to have that spot only we know about to visit. I'm glad you found a really peaceful nice place in the cemetery.

Good luck with the future, and remember all the great things in your life, and how lucky you are to have each other!

Thank you so much. Sometimes its hard to see past our grief. Thanks for your kind words though xxx