Back with Ex- She's sent nudes to some lads in work and her college course

beks101

Christ. You sent nude pics too? Well then you're even stevens. What's the problem like. You both got up to stuff, the same stuff no less, and the judgement towards your gf on this thread is pretty damn deplorable.

Keep the nudes between yerselves now that you're in an exclusive relationship, and get on with it. That's assuming you're not going to judge the woman for the very same thing you did yourself.

Manufactured Miracle wrote: »

That's pretty unfair. The difference between him and her is that she sent the images on to people who the OP knows and works with, people he'll see five days a week.

I don't know where you're getting that from. OP said it was HER college mates and HER colleagues. Yeah he might meet them down the line. And what of it? "Lads will be lads"?

Dating several members of the same social group over a period of time is hardly a new phenomenon. My OH has met plenty of lads who have seen me naked over the years. Lads I dated or had a thing with before we got together. And vice versa. They don't snigger at him or crack jokes about having seen my knockers because they are not twelve.

Yeah privacy yadda yadda yack. Not the smartest. But not deserved of the judgements and "not the classiest" aspersions cast on the OP's gf. He did the same bloody thing.

Exclamation Marc

beks101 wrote: »

I don't know where you're getting that from. OP said it was HER college mates and HER colleagues. Yeah he might meet them down the line. And what of it? "Lads will be lads"?

Fair enough, I misread that and it does make a difference. Lads will be lads etc fair enough but maybe the OP doesn't want to turn up at his gf's functions and have the lads winking or making smart comments. Some people would have a problem with others in their social or work circle having nude pics of their gf/bf. You clearly wouldn't and that's your prerogative and no judgement there. But you can't say someone is unreasonable for having a problem with it.

beks101 wrote: »

My OH has met plenty of lads who have seen me naked over the years. Lads I dated or had a thing with before we got together. And vice versa. They don't snigger at him or crack jokes about having seen my knockers because they are not twelve.

Ah come on, that's nonsense and extraordinarily naive. Equating a memory of seeing somebody nude to having pictures of somebody nude is an absolutely ridiculous statement to make.

beks101 wrote: »

Yeah privacy yadda yadda yack. Not the smartest. But not deserved of the judgements and "not the classiest" aspersions cast on the OP's gf. He did the same bloody thing.

I think people are perfectly entitled to judge that it's 'not the classiest'. You're judging that it's absolutely fine and sure it happens, why can't others say its pretty bad (of both them no less). And whilst yeah he did the same thing (and it IS just as bad), I think we can both agree that nude pics of girls get around (and have a 'market') whilst nude pics of guys; nobody really wants to see that.

And I wouldn't dismiss privacy as yadda yadda yack, watch any documentary (like the one Odus_Fell_Down mentioned) and you'll see how nude pictures of girls can literally ruin their lives.

Ursus Horribilis

Andrew Laeddis wrote: »

We both agreed to keep what went on when we were apart in the 6 months to ourselves but curiosity got the better of me whereas she's fine not knowing who I was with or if I sent anyone any pics ( I did on both counts, albeit not to work colleagues)

You were very slow to reveal this nugget of information, weren't you? This changes a lot. So it was OK for you to sleep with other women and send them nudes but not for your girlfriend?

The only thing your girlfriend did wrong (and this is only my personal opinion) was to get entangled in that way with her work colleagues. I'm a firm believer in not dipping one's pen in the company ink, so to speak. This isn't an issue for her obviously and she didn't do anything wrong. My only concern is what has been discussed in the last few threads. Hopefully the guys who have these nudes won't be sharing them or showing them to their mates. Percentage wise, she's at much greater risk of this happening than vice versa. The only thing your girlfriend's guilty of is a lapse of judgement but that's coloured by my own thoughts on workplace relations.

Kev W

Of course you feel hypocritical. You're being hypocritical. You're upset she did something you did yourself. And no, it doesn't matter to whom she sent them.

Ann84

Op, I think you guys had the best plan when ye got back together to not disclose what happened when ye were apart!
So, now that you know something, honestly I suggest you just try to forget it because in the greater scheme of things, these guys are in ye're lives now but not forever, college ends, work colleagues change etc...

It seems like a lot of posters take issue with what she and you did, really it's no ones business (and that actually included you in relation to her actions and visa versa!) and to be honest I've heard of and know people who have, and still do stuff that would be considered waaaaaayyy freakier and inconceivable than sending a few dirty pics!
I suppose you need to ask yourself why you snooped...? Ye made an agreement not to disclose what happened, right thing really... But then you snooped and if you challenge her, you'll have to reveal your hand, would that conversation be worth having? Or can you let this go...?!

Flippyfloppy

Kev W wrote: »

Of course you feel hypocritical. You're being hypocritical. You're upset she did something you did yourself. And no, it doesn't matter to whom she sent them.

In a way at least she sent hers to people she has probably built up trust with throughout the years!

listermint

Two question's,

Why did you guys break up originally?


Did you have yo question her fidelity before .

These are core to this and only you can answer.

I do know of a girl in a similar situation, frankly she was a bit of a ditz all things considered but she was stringing her boyfriend along all the while trying to get with another guy sending images to him .other guy had a gf also and eventually kicked it to touch.

Sometimes you have to question the reason it finished in the first place . you are the only one that can decide is it worth it to go back

Andrew Laeddis

listermint wrote: »

Two question's,

Why did you guys break up originally?


Mostly my fault. I walked out, came back, we argued and went seperate ways. No 3rd party involvement

Did you have yo question her fidelity before .

Never at any stage in 3 years. She was as good as gold

These are core to this and only you can answer.

I do know of a girl in a similar situation, frankly she was a bit of a ditz all things considered but she was stringing her boyfriend along all the while trying to get with another guy sending images to him .other guy had a gf also and eventually kicked it to touch.

Sometimes you have to question the reason it finished in the first place . you are the only one that can decide is it worth it to go back

Why did you guys break up originally?


Mostly my fault. I walked out, came back, we argued and went seperate ways. No 3rd party involvement

Did you have yo question her fidelity before .

Never at any stage in 3 years. She was as good as gold

osarusan

Andrew Laeddis wrote: »

We both agreed to keep what went on when we were apart in the 6 months to ourselves but curiosity got the better of me whereas she's fine not knowing who I was with or if I sent anyone any pics ( I did on both counts, albeit not to work colleagues)

Well now. You forgot to mention this!

Andrew Laeddis wrote: »

So now I feel hypocritical.

As you should, to be honest.

Potatoeman

Was her/your face in the pics? There is a huge difference if these resurface when it's your face.

kylith

Andrew Laeddis wrote: »

We both agreed to keep what went on when we were apart in the 6 months to ourselves but curiosity got the better of me whereas she's fine not knowing who I was with or if I sent anyone any pics ( I did on both counts, albeit not to work colleagues)

So now I feel hypocritical.

So your question is if you can forgive her for doing exactly the same thing you did? Of course you feel hypocritical; you're being a hypocrite.

If anything you should be asking if you should come clean about snooping through her sent emails.

Wompa1

Funny you mention this. I was out with an ex once and we met some guy she knew. Had a brief chat, got introduced to him but to me he seemed off. He was giggling like a school girl. Not a nervous laugh..

Anyways, months later I found out that she had sent him nudes before we met and at the time was posing for him for some (non-art) thing he was working on while we were together. Then all of a sudden that weighed on me a lot because I remembered him laughing so much for no reason....He wasn't laughing innocently. He was laughing at me..or at least that's what I still think.

It's crappy. Personally, I would dump her. She sounds like she likes drama. Particularly in this day and age, sharing nude pictures is such a dumb thing to do. Pretty poor decision on her part

LegacyUser

Wompa1 wrote: »

Funny you mention this. I was out with an ex once and we met some guy she knew. Had a brief chat, got introduced to him but to me he seemed off. He was giggling like a school girl. Not a nervous laugh..

Anyways, months later I found out that she had sent him nudes before we met and at the time was posing for him for some (non-art) thing he was working on while we were together. Then all of a sudden that weighed on me a lot because I remembered him laughing so much for no reason....He wasn't laughing innocently. He was laughing at me..or at least that's what I still think.

Why do you care that some random guy was, in your mind, laughing at you? So what, let him giggle all he wants, what difference does it make to have a stranger act like an idiot around you? If we all worried about random people thought of us we might never leave the house

Wompa1 wrote: »

It's crappy. Personally, I would dump her. She sounds like she likes drama. Particularly in this day and age, sharing nude pictures is such a dumb thing to do. Pretty poor decision on her part

The OP made the exact same decision while they were separated ie sent nude pics so he's hardly in a place to judge her.

Augme

If she meet up with some other guy and had a thing with him and sent him nudes I wouldn't mind. However the fact she fired them off to 2-3 people would bother me. I get the impression she does not even like one of these guys and so she probably just did it for the attention. Not sure I would want to date someone who was so desperate for attention they felt the need to send nude pictures to a good few lads.

Although for you the issue seems to be a bit more on the jealousy side of things which is something you need to just get over.

cloudatlas

All the evidence points to you shutting up about this and trying not to judge her or cause her to feel hurt, embarrassed.

You were broken up at the time. You had a 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy as a way of protecting the trust you now have. You have already violated that policy and the trust.

Will it be awkward if you are around these guys? Yes, it will but that is the price you will have to pay if you don't want your girlfriend to question your relationship. Sometimes it's necessary to lie or conceal things to keep a healthy relationship, this is one of those times.

Andrew Laeddis

cloudatlas wrote: »

All the evidence points to you shutting up about this and trying not to judge her or cause her to feel hurt, embarrassed.

You were broken up at the time. You had a 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy as a way of protecting the trust you now have. You have already violated that policy and the trust.

Will it be awkward if you are around these guys? Yes, it will but that is the price you will have to pay if you don't want your girlfriend to question your relationship. Sometimes it's necessary to lie or conceal things to keep a healthy relationship, this is one of those times.

I understand this now. Thanks

PressRun

This thread is horrible, full of fairly harsh judgements for a complete stranger, whose behaviour is being filtered through the lens of a partner who seems to believe there's one rule for him and another for his girlfriend.

OP, you either accept that you're both on the same page and have done the same thing, and get over it, or break up with her. Sounds like a jealousy issue more than anything.

zeffabelli

Op this is very very silly, you do know that?

So what she sent nude pictures....

Do you live her, shoes she make you feel valued and cherished?

I wish relationships weren't so hard... But no one can fit your ideal...

You were the one who snooped... You're the transgressor here...