Your every-day idiocy

Dr.Robotnik

CaSCaDe711 wrote: »

Watching a recent darts tournament that I recorded on the UPC box, sat through nearly all the ads before copping on I could FF them :rolleyes:

I always do that! By the time I realise and start to FF to the programme, its the last ad and end up FF'ing through half the show and need to go rewinding back again!

Satts

KatW4 wrote: »

Went to the toilet in the middle of the light and never turned on the light. Walked out of the bathroom and walkes straight into a wall.

Another time, I decided to jump off the last few steps of the stairs not thinking about the low ceiling. Smacked my head on that too.

I do lots of stupid things. I'm sure I'll think of more.

Be careful or you might electrocute yourself. :eek:

gormdubhgorm

Standing in a lift at work I told the person in the lift (I vaguely know) that I have a bad cold and then sniffle... (She backs away). Then I let a silent and very smelly fart. I looked at the wall/ground/buttons until I could get off the lift.

Losing my balance while the dart came to a halt. The doors opened, and I instinctively put my hands out then rest my hands on the girls breasts on the opposite side of the the door.

KatW4

Satts wrote:

Be careful or you might electrocute yourself.

Haha oops! Middle of the night that was supposed to be.

csallmighty

Put €20 of diesel into the car, went into the shop grabbed a bottle of water and paid for it with the €20 note without saying I had diesel.

Realised what happened a few hours later when confusingly counting the irregular change in my pocket.

Rubberlegs

Intending to say "Lovely, thank you" to the butcher, but saying "Love you" instead. I never left anywhere as fast in my life !
Trying to open the front door by clicking the car keys at it. The other day I pressed my phone at the car to open it.
I'm always trying to get out of the car without taking off the seat belt. I talk to myself in public a lot too.

dollyk

putting ok xxx on the end of the text from the boss asking me to work
after being woke early Its ok Im 51 so they dont seem to notice anymore .
I normally only text my kids.

Summer wind

Walked into a glass door in McDonald's. Then had to go up to the counter and order food with a huge red lump on my forehead with everyone there knowing what I'd done. Banged my head off the stairs at my sisters house and got a second sore red lump on my head. Put the sugar in the fridge last week. I've also tried to turn down the tv with my phone and open the car with my phone too.

Tasden

Summer wind wrote: »

I've also tried to turn down the tv with my phone and open the car with my phone too.

I'm forever doing this! Only earlier today my daughter went to say something to someone just as i was watching something on the telly- instead of trying to turn up the volume on the tv with the remote I tried to turn down the volume on my kid with my phone

fanadman1

Puttin aomething near the front of the van threw the rear doors. Forgot to bend down im 6'4" it went very well got out went to get in again with another bag hit my nose of it. Third time i hit my forhead. I mastered it then ha.
Often have been caught standing at the wrong van for ages trying to get it open. This would be ok only i have my van stickered to look differnt

bridgettedon

Went to lidl and got a trolley. Walked in and realised I had come to Lidl instead of Aldi. Then I began wondering how the fcuk am I going to get out with an empty trolley as the automatic doors wouldnt let me out the way I came in. Do I queue up at the tills with an empty trolley, do I leave the trolley inside and not bother getting the coin back. My only option was to wait at the entrance and make a dash when someone entered. That worked at the first door then I was stranded in between the automatic doors and again had to wait. The thing is to stroll out with your head held high, like you meant to do it.

Diamond Doll

bridgettedon wrote: »

Went to lidl and got a trolley. Walked in and realised I had come to Lidl instead of Aldi. Then I began wondering how the fcuk am I going to get out with an empty trolley as the automatic doors wouldnt let me out the way I came in. Do I queue up at the tills with an empty trolley, do I leave the trolley inside and not bother getting the coin back. My only option was to wait at the entrance and make a dash when someone entered. That worked at the first door then I was stranded in between the automatic doors and again had to wait. The thing is to stroll out with your head held high, like you meant to do it.

Would ya not just pick up a few rolls of bog roll or kitchen paper or something ... can't be that much difference in quality between Lidl and Aldi. Maybe I'm missing something ...

The Randy Riverbeast

I click on threads despite knowing they will be a complete disaster filled with the usual lot who are excited for the chance to go on about their agenda.

bridgettedon

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Would ya not just pick up a few rolls of bog roll or kitchen paper or something ... can't be that much difference in quality between Lidl and Aldi. Maybe I'm missing something ...

I was bulk buying bags of dog food. The dog only likes the Aldi ones.

fuzzypickle

I'm always walking into door frames at home. I end up leaning to one side and going smack. :rolleyes:

Leaving a particular cupboard open and then walking into it a few minutes later.

Faugheen

In work last week myself and a colleague (a friends girlfriend) were coming to the end of our shift and both of us were wrecked. She says 'I'm so tired I'm just fit for bed', to which I replied 'I think I'll join you'.

She saw the funny side to it, thankfully!

Tasden

Faugheen wrote: »

In work last week myself and a colleague (a friends girlfriend) were coming to the end of our shift and both of us were wrecked. She says 'I'm so tired I'm just fit for bed', to which I replied 'I think I'll join you'.

She saw the funny side to it, thankfully!

I absolutely love moments like this if its someone i know will see the funny side I always try my best to make the situation more awkward :pac:

maximoose

Went into a DIY shop at the weekend looking for two screws to fix a bookshelf to the wall.

Showed the guy at the till the washer they need to fit through and he said:

"Wood screws?"

To which I replied:

"No, metal"

Only realised my idiocy when I had left the shop

gnarbarian

Late for work one morning I went about making a cuppa coffee and instead of filling the cup with water I poured it into the jar of coffee :pac:

Ciaran_B

Made a cup of tea over the weekend. Went to the press to get a biscuit, then picked up my tea and chucked it down the sink. I stood there in the kitchen looking at the empty cup for a few seconds trying to work out what happened.

smash

USB keys and cables know how to make everyone look stupid. For some reason it's always the third time that it goes in properly, which is weird because that's the same side as I tried it the first time.

gnarbarian

gnarbarian wrote: »

Late for work one morning I went about making a cuppa coffee and instead of filling the cup with water I poured it into the jar of coffee :pac:

I brushed my teeth with hydrocortisone cream.

In my defence it was in a red and white tube on the edge of the sink, so I think I'm allowed a pass on that.

In the last week or so I've bruised my face from walking into a door frame en route to a small hours pee, and I've given myself a black eye from poking my eye in my sleep. I look abused.

I also go crazy looking for my glasses, and usually find them on my head.

The Backwards Man

Trying to open the back door of the house with the car key fob

I have this weird thing too where I can't invert clockwise and anticlockwise. Say I'm unscrewing a nut and I have to turn around to unscrew another, I can't get my head around that it still goes the same way.

I was loading the boot of my car and noticed my car keys had dropped in from my hand.

Even though I knew there was something very wrong with the picture, I still slammed the boot shut on them.

smash

I was walking to the post box one day with a load of letter, got there and my phone rang so I answered and said "Hang on a minute" and proceeded to throw my phone in the letter box. Stood there looking at the post in one hand while the other was empty and just ended up shouting through the letter box "I'll call you back". Luckily the post man arrived 15 minutes later.

smash

smash wrote: »

I was walking to the post box one day with a load of letter, got there and my phone rang so I answered and said "Hang on a minute" and proceeded to throw my phone in the letter box. Stood there looking at the post in one hand while the other was empty and just ended up shouting through the letter box "I'll call you back". Luckily the post man arrived 15 minutes later.

That reminds me of the time I had a plate of dinner in one hand and a tissue in the other, and I threw my dinner in the bin!

It's all coming back to me now, I am seriously thick.

The Backwards Man

Candie wrote: »

That reminds me of the time I had a plate of dinner in one hand and a tissue in the other, and I threw my dinner in the bin!

It's all coming back to me now, I am seriously thick.

Never open a wage packet beside an open fire. That's all I'm saying

The Backwards Man

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Never open a wage packet beside an open fire. That's all I'm saying

Oh no! You didn't??? :eek:

The Backwards Man

Candie wrote: »

Oh no! You didn't??? :eek:

Years ago, I was only a kid, came home and owed my Ma a few quid so opened up the packet to pay her back and threw the lot in the fire.

The look on her face as I was standing there handing her the empty envelope, still having not copped on what I did!

Ciaran_B

I once tried to open my hall door with my work swipe card. My hall door is just a regular locked door, not electronic opening facility. Standing there waving my wallet in front of the key hole.

The Backwards Man

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Years ago, I was only a kid, came home and owed my Ma a few quid so opened up the packet to pay her pack at threw the lot in the fire.

The look on her face as I was standing there handing her the empty envelope, still having not copped on what I did!

You poor thing!

Once I was standing in a hotel room in the doorway of the bathroom, the bed on my left and the loo on my right. I had my phone in my hand and decided to throw it on the bed to the left before I went to the loo.

So I threw it to the right, straight into the loo.

Oh, I was dog sitting for my boss and he was barking to be let out during the last 2 minutes of a show I was stuck into, so I picked up the remote control and tried to lower his volume. Actually took me a moment to cop on why it wasn't working.

Medusa22

I was in Superdrug and I tried to give them my Boots loyalty card, I was confused as to why they wouldn't take it until they informed me that I was in Superdrug and not Boots

smash

Candie, this thread is showing you in a whole new light

smash

smash wrote: »

Candie, this thread is showing you in a whole new light

I just remembered more but I won't post them in case people think I'm a bit touched. :P

Medusa22

Candie wrote: »

I just remembered more but I won't post them in case people think I'm a bit touched. :P

Well I think you are just adorable

Medusa22

Medusa22 wrote: »

I was in Superdrug and I tried to give them my Boots loyalty card, I was confused as to why they wouldn't take it until they informed me that I was in Superdrug and not Boots

I put a loyalty card in the atm.

Blackwell

Nightshift, 4am and I need to do a little work in an excel spreadsheet. Open the file and start hitting numbers. Nothing is going into the spreadsheet tho. I try again. Nothing. Again, still nothing. Then I realize I'm pushing numbers on the phone beside the keyboard. Time for coffee.

smash

Candie wrote: »

I just remembered more but I won't post them in case people think I'm a bit touched. :P

I have lots too but I'm keeping most of them to myself. One was heading in to a chinese take away with a few other boardsies and ordering a donar kebab.

Rubberlegs

I was given a trolley token on a key ring and was delighted that I'd not have to be looking for a euro every time I needed a trolley. I tried it in a Lidl trolley, and it wouldn't work. Thought ah well, maybe it's the wrong size or something. I ended up nearly dislocating my arms with a basket in each hand. I headed to Tesco then, and still no joy. I couldn't get it to work at all. Later in the day it dawned in me that I hadn't removed the token from the key ring. How I thought that was going to work, with car keys attached too, I don't know

smash

smash wrote: »

I have lots too but I'm keeping most of them to myself. One was heading in to a chinese take away with a few other boardsies and ordering a donar kebab.

I went to pick up takeout when I was starving one night, and I crashed face first into the plate glass window so hard that I bounced off it. Everyone inside was crying laughing.

I did the same thing again in the same place two weeks later

Hammer Archer

Put the kettle on with the intention of pouring the water in immediately after. However, after flicking the switch I then decided to make my breakfast as the kettle boiled.
Father Ted was right. It fcuking does blow up.

smash

Hammer Archer wrote: »

Put the kettle on with the intention of pouring the water in immediately after. However, after flicking the switch I then decided to make my breakfast as the kettle boiled.
Father Ted was right. It fcuking does blow up.

When I was 16 my parents were away and I fancied hot dogs for dinner. I dropped them in the kettle and boiled it. It worked, but my mam went fcuking mental when she came home a few days later.

Medusa22

I got a pellet gun at the ripe old age of 22 and I was staying in my parent's place for the weekend while they were gone away, sitting around in the living room randomly shooting pellets, as you do. I ended up shooting directly at the tv, I thought I'd gotten away with it until we turned it on and there was a pea shaped hole in the screen and a line of colour right down the middle of it.

I had to go and buy them a new tv before they returned, and it was a bloody expensive one too I told them that we'd been playing singstar and I'd dropped my microphone on the tv screen :pac: On the upside though, I took their one with the hole in it to my apartment and it lasted about another year before it died

gnarbarian

Candie wrote: »

Oh, I was dog sitting for my boss and he was barking to be let out

Was this the dog or your boss that was barking to be let out?!:p

Fitz*

One morning, I sprayed hairspray on myself instead of deodorant!

dundalkfc10

Medusa22 wrote: »

I got a pellet gun at the ripe old age of 22 and I was staying in my parent's place for the weekend while they were gone away, sitting around in the living room randomly shooting pellets, as you do. I ended up shooting directly at the tv, I thought I'd gotten away with it until we turned it on and there was a pea shaped hole in the screen and a line of colour right down the middle of it.

I had to go and buy them a new tv before they returned, and it was a bloody expensive one too I told them that we'd been playing singstar and I'd dropped my microphone on the tv screen :pac: On the upside though, I took their one with the hole in it to my apartment and it lasted about another year before it died

When I was about 15/6, I got a pellet gun in Spain brought it home. was messing about one day with it and when i was finished messing and was out of pellets and needed be re-loaded , I was on the computer and stuck it in my mouth, i then pulled the trigger (there was still a pellet left inside)

Result: 2 New Front Teeth

mynameis905

Manged to put a huge dollop of cracked heel cream on my face this morning instead of aftershave balm.

rosie16

My most common one is when you meet someone and they say 'hello' and then I respond 'Hi, I'm fine thanks.' I answer the 'how are you' question before it's even asked. I've lost count of the amount of times I've done it.

Hammer89

smash wrote: »

When I was 16 my parents were away and I fancied hot dogs for dinner. I dropped them in the kettle and boiled it. It worked, but my mam went fcuking mental when she came home a few days later.

I can't stop laughing at this.