Why should a man offer a seat to a woman on train/bus?

Weatherproof79

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Unnecessarily aggressive I think.

If it's not blatantly patronising, what's the logic? Humour my tiny intellect.

I agree you were unnecessarily aggressive. Can't argue with the tiny intellect either. Must be tiring be constantly offended. Here have my virtual seat. You're most welcome good day Miss

El_Duderino 09

Isaiah wrote:

Nobody said this or suggested this. You are creating this attitude in your head and then getting offended by it.

Forget that then and explain the logic. I see it as being a common behaviour from a time when women were routinely treated as less then men.

El_Duderino 09

Weatherproof79 wrote:

I agree you were unnecessarily aggressive. Can't argue with the tiny intellect either. Must be tiring be constantly offended. Here have my virtual seat. You're welcome good day Miss

Lol I'm a man.

Now can you please explain the logic?

One thing I've learned from AH is how many people are bothered by feminism and equality, and it affects how they view matters, how the react in situations etc. in fairness to the OP, not necessarily including him, but so many posts since.

I see it as a courtesy, I do it, most of the time it is gratefully accepted or politely declined.

Buona Fortuna

ScienceNerd wrote: »

I've never been under the impression you were supposed to give up your seat for a (young, healthy, non pregnant) woman on public transport?

So anyone that gets offered a seat by you might think:
- not looking so hot today
- should have stuck a bit of lippy on
- really should go to the Doc about that cough
- Cheeky little git, I'm joing the gym today

Lu Tze wrote: »

Was on the DART one day, an elderly couple got on, and the lady took the seat across the aisle from me. I got up and offered my seat to the gentleman with her... he insisted i keep it - we both ended up standing having a chat ( i was only going another couple of stops). It was his first day getting the pension, think it touched a nerve that he was suddenly getting people offering him a seat on that very day!

Good post

El_Duderino 09

El_Duderino 09 wrote:

If it's not blatantly patronising, what's the logic? Humour my tiny intellect.

Isaiah wrote:

Nobody said this or suggested this. You are creating this attitude in your head and then getting offended by it.

Weatherproof79 wrote:

I agree you were unnecessarily aggressive. Can't argue with the tiny intellect either. Must be tiring be constantly offended. Here have my virtual seat. You're most welcome good day Miss

Yeah no patronising going on here.

Wibbs

I don't take public transport, thereby neatly avoid this dilemma.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Wouldn't expect a man to give up a seat for me or any other healthy female.
A lot of feminists seem to pick and choose the parts of feminism that suits them.
That said, I was in Dublin on Tuesday for an appointment and I bust my back. I have sciatica and laying on a flat hard bed for almost 2 hours left me unable to walk, stand, sit or move comfortably.

I got on the crowded bus, practically hunched over because I couldn't stand, I was on the verge of tears, and about ten minutes into the journey, a young lad stood up asked me if I was alright and said I could have his seat. Now, I couldn't take his seat either because not only could I not stand, I couldn't sit either.

But it was interesting to see people blatantly trying not to make eye contact with me incase I needed their seat.

Whosthis

When I have time off I like to take rush hour public transport just so I can occupy a seat that a woman may otherwise use.

Isaiah

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Forget that then and explain the logic. I see it as being a common behaviour from a time when women were routinely treated as less then men.

So your logic is that if a man gives up his seat for a women, then somehow this is transporting their interaction back into a darker past where women had less rights and freedoms than men?

This is not logic, this is the outcome of a warped perspective where you are looking at a persons act of kindness today through a filter of what you have learned about historical social inequality issues, and then becoming offended by what you percieve to be a throwback to this period when in fact it's nothing more than a simple act of kindness.

PARlance

amdublin wrote: »

Hmmm. No that doesn't wash with me tbh. Your child (uunder 3 or iirc) is travelling free on the basis that they don't take a seat from a fare paying adult. It's not my responsibility to deal with your travelling being a pain in the hole. Frankly your child taking up a seat when it's not supposed to is a pain in the hole.

You're suffering from a big dose of hypocrisy and flawed thinking.
Children don't go free on the basis that they don't take a seat, what makes you think that? OAP's get free travel and you don't seem to mind them being offered a seat.

MilesMorales1

Its ingrained into me as a courtesy from when I was a kid. I also let women ahead of me in queues, offer to help them lift things if they look too heavy (not dirty!) etc.

I mean I'm a feminist, I believe in gender equality till the cows come home, but I cannot stop myself from acting that way.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

PARlance wrote: »

You're suffering from a big dose of hypocrisy and flawed thinking.
Children don't go free on the basis that they don't take a seat, what makes you think that? OAP's get free travel and you don't seem to mind them being offered a seat.

they don't have to pay for a seat, can sit on their parents Lap. Same as on a plane.

El_Duderino 09

Isaiah wrote:

So your logic is that if a man gives up his seat for a women, then somehow this is transporting their interaction back into a darker past where women had less rights and freedoms than men?

Isaiah wrote:

This is not logic, this is the outcome of a warped perspective where you are looking at a persons act of kindness today through a filter of what you have learned about historical social inequality issues, and then becoming offended by what you percieve to be a throwback to this period when in fact it's nothing more than a simple act of kindness.

Do you give up your seat for everyone you see standing or just women?

I'm asking about the logic of giving up a seat specifically for women. I've outlined my view on it . I'm asking for yours

Sam Kade

amdublin wrote: »

Everytime I see a seat that is vacated on a bus/train and a man taking it and leaving a woman standing it irks me. Or not offering it to the woman and just sitting it irks me.

This morning that happened amd something clicked with me. Why am I irked? I want equality in every other male/female scenario so why not this???

Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts on this?? On why men should or shouldn't offer seat ton women




Ps. It also annoys me when parents have a toddler on a seat and leaving an adult standing - it's in the terms and conditions of carriage that they are free so you should put them on your lap.
Also with older children I think it is a good thing to teach civic duty to a child and have them stand and offer an adult a seat.

if they weigh a ton could they even get on the bus

Cork Lass

I'm in a pure state of panic now. I have to take the bus today to get to a hospital appointment. My arm is in a sling following recent surgery so the chances are that I will be offered a seat if the bus is full. I'm fit and healthy apart from this injury. Should I take the seat if offered or would this be considered an insult to women, men, pensioners, underage children.... the list goes on. I might just cancel the appointment for fear of upsetting anyone:D:D:D

PARlance

LexieOnRale wrote: »

they don't have to pay for a seat, can sit on their parents Lap. Same as on a plane.

It's not the same as on a plane. It is a condition of travelling on a plane. And the OAP travel pass doesn't extend to airfare.

Skoop

If someone seems like they are, or are likely to, have difficulty standing, and I wouldn't, then I'd offer them my seat. Beyond that, no, of course not, that'd just be weird.

Rubberchikken

for someone elderly/frail/maybe pregnant (how would i be sure she just wasn't fat?)
after that i wouldn't expect anyone to hand up their seat to anyone else.
women aren't any less capable of standing than men. kids taking up a seat when they are under age and free wouldn't bother me, but it's not a fair thing to do, so i figure it's just some parents who would allow this.

jamesbere

Ask the woman if she wants to sit on your lap

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Years ago on the red line luas (where else!) I was sitting down and this lady got on with her daughter, about 7 I'd say, and she asked me to let the child sit down.
I said no, didn't elaborate any further and neither did she

wench

PARlance wrote: »

You're suffering from a big dose of hypocrisy and flawed thinking.
Children don't go free on the basis that they don't take a seat, what makes you think that?

From DBs website:

Who qualifies for Child Fares?
Under 4’s:
One child under 4 years of age can travel free when accompanied by a fare paying adult provided that during busy periods, the child does not occupy a seat to the exclusion of another customer.

IvyTheTerrible

I normally offer my seat to anyone who looks frail or has difficulty standing.
I use public transport a lot and now that I'm pregnant with quite a bit of joint pain, I will ask someone for a seat. I don't expect people to automatically offer me a seat as I'm not huge yet and people are afraid of reactions to these offers.

Shermanator

I was raised to believe a man gave up his seat for a woman just because he was a man. This is not about "seating etiquette". this is about what type of man you are. Yes, we could all stay seated and hide behind the equality for women argument. We could also use this argument for "men" who hit women.
I still give up my seat for women, old people etc. I hold doors open for whoever may be behind me (male or female). It costs me nothing and makes me feel good.

Have you read the story about Josh, the school kid who was being bullied in his small town school. He moved to a big school and decided he wanted to be noticed and not bullied. So on his first day, he held the door open for all the other students. He even held doors open between classes. He continued to do this every day for the rest of his time in school. At first all the kids thought he was weird and called him doorman. However, after a few weeks they started to realize it was an act of kindness and people started to look forward to him greeting them each day.
Students gave testimonies, claiming how Josh set an example for other students, and how this small act of kindness encouraged them to do nice things for other people. Beaming with infectious positive energy, Josh rose in popularity to be named Prom King the next year.
Josh is now an avid public speaker, reaching out to younger students, and hoping to inspire kindness at an even earlier age.

"It's amazing how one simple act can change your whole life," said Josh. "I never thought doing something so simple could be so rewarding.

Can't post a link but his story is on YouTube

whatismyname

I'm a woman.

If a man got up and gave me his seat and it seemed that it was because I was a woman and he a man, this would really not be ok.

Isaiah

whatismyname wrote: »

I'm a woman.

If a man got up and gave me his seat and it seemed that it was because I was a woman and he a man, this would really not be ok.

You could just politely decline.

The Backwards Man

I just stand.

I'd echo the sentiments of the majority of people in here. I live somewhere where I'm basically guaranteed a seat in the morning and 90% of the time get one on the way back. I'm generally going further than people on the way back so don't see why anyone else deserves a seat more than me.

However, if someone looks like they're having difficulty and if my leaving the seat will make their live considerably easier for that half hour or so I'll happily move, same if I'm on one seat and a family of 4 get on I'll move so they can sit together.

I take it on a case by case basis, as with most things, I'm not silly enough to tar a massive group of people with the same brush.

Fwiw, I have seen people take seats that people have vacated for someone else, so on a crowded train or bus you'd want to be sure that the person you want to sit there will do so so would lead to some hesitation as I don't want someone unaware/ignorant to take the seat I meant for someone who needs it.

SterlingArcher

To older people.

To a woman It's a nice gesture, but unfortunately from a bygone era.

you have feminist demanding trigger warnings and legal labels on compliments to be called " microagressions". so they can be on a non stop tour of outrage . When the ship goes down they better get ready. Because I am jacks sense of relief in my lifeboat. Can't have it both ways.

SterlingArcher

To older people.

To a woman It's a nice gesture, but unfortunately from a bygone era.

you have feminist demanding trigger warnings and legal labels on compliments to be called " microagressions". so they can be on a non stop tour of outrage . When the ship goes down they better get ready. Because I am jacks sense of relief in my lifeboat. Can't have it both ways.