Disagreement with girlfriend's housemates

Exclamation Marc · 22-11-2015 9:11pm

I'd say that your behaviour has shattered any relationship your gf has with her housemates. At the end of the day, she pays the rent so it's her place to raise any issues. Can you imagine living with someone and their mummy calling in asking you to turn it down because of their poor child's needs? It's a Friday night and those girls pay their rent so their well within their right to enjoy their place. It's unfortunate that your girlfriend works so early on a Saturday but that's not their problem.

OP I think it's pretty obvious that you're just looking for people to agree with you rather than take people's opinions on board as you're ignoring the majority of the posts.

Your gf's housemates probably thought you were acting all billy big balls, being macho by trying to come in and 'sort them out' on behalf of your 'poor gf' (as, shy or not, its her place to speak to them about these things, not yours) so no wonder they reacted the way they did. You chanced your arm asking them to turn it down, they said no and you said that it was 'unacceptable'. Have YOU any grounds to deem that unacceptable? No. You should have walked away.

esforum · 22-11-2015 9:23pm

housetypeb wrote: »

Technically both the landlord and the guards could be called.
The girlfriend is a licensee and could be asked to leave at a moments notice while the boyfriend has no more rights than a guest in your house who refuses to leave when and if asked to.

What law is being broken to warrant the Gardai? He is the girlfriends guest in the home that she has equal shares in, in the original post it doesnt state the landlord / owner of the house is actually living there so it would seem that they all have equal shares or that the lease is only in 1 persons name which means they are subletting the other rooms. If its a case of subletting then theres no rights for any of the subletters and the original tenent is in breach of the lease.

Unless it decended into violence or genuine threats of violence theres no reason to call the Gardai. Likewise I would imagine the landlord either wouldnt want to know or would feck them all out

Regardless, its a stupid situation. Where else are they supposed to go? All sit in a bedroom whispering? Utter rubbish by the OP. (60% of the workforce work shifts by the way OP so your other half and indeed you better get used to the idea that people do and will go to bed, get up and make noise at different hours to eachother)

SpaceSasqwatch · 22-11-2015 9:28pm

I think the OP was lucky in that he was dealing with girls.......

Exclamation Marc · 22-11-2015 9:37pm

esforum wrote: »

What law is being broken to warrant the Gardai?

There's a criminal offence of coercion which includes intimidation. The girls may have felt intimidated into not doing something they're entitled to do. And as you say, the landlord is not going to give a monkeys so what else would they do if they felt intimidated? Sit there and take it in their own home?

I'm not for one second suggesting that there's a criminal offence committed by the OP or anything like that, but there's certainly grounds to call the Gardai if the girls felt intimidated. To suggest that only violence or threats of violence warrants the Gardai is incorrect.

Chauncey Gardiner · 22-11-2015 9:37pm

Does the OP stay in the house after his girlfriend has gone to work at 6am?

esforum · 22-11-2015 9:43pm

Manufactured Miracle wrote: »

There's a criminal offence of coercion which includes intimidation.

There is nothing in the OP's post to suggest they had grounds for coercion against him. Possible he could claim he was being coerced by the flatmates based on the demeander he claims they had against him (felt one was going to hit him) but then the OP states it was the flatmates threatening to call the Gardai.

When all is said and done the OP started the arguement and was in the wrong. It would appear to be an overcrowded house of students so common sense and logic is probable in short supply at 10pm on Friday.

riffmongous · 22-11-2015 9:45pm

Chana Savory Cameraman wrote: »

I'd have done absolutely nothing as I would have no right to open my mouth as a guest in the house and also 10pm is early regardless of what time someone is gettjng up.

If she has to get up at 3am would the op have claimed 7pm is too early to make noise. Pure and utter nonsense, anything up to 12 is fair game on a Friday night.

Even after confronting them he should have accepted their offer of stopping by 12, I'm sure she could survive on 6 hours sleep for one night.

Fair play to you if you are willing to just sit there and leave your girlfriend to deal with it on her own, I'd say you'd have an interesting 2 hours with her afterwards while you make small talk until they turn the music off anyway

Jan Laco · 22-11-2015 9:48pm

Get your girlfriend to make a complaint to the LL. I mean she will probably have to move since you have intervened. 11 pm is the cut off for noise in a house.

Why does your GF is a licenced of one of the girls and everyone else is a tenant? Is it a live in landlord? If not I wonder does the LL know one of the tenants is sub letting.

22-11-2015 9:52pm

riffmongous wrote: »

Fair play to you if you are willing to just sit there and leave your girlfriend to deal with it on her own, I'd say you'd have an interesting 2 hours with her afterwards while you make small talk until they turn the music off anyway

Luckily my girlfriend is well able to speak up for herself and secondly had enough cop on to realise people playing music at 10pm on a Friday night are well within their rights.

Do you not get that the op has no right whatsoever to do anything. The housemates were doing nothing wrong in the first place making the op's carry on even worse.

Would you go into your girlfriends work place and confront their boss? This is no different really.

Jan Laco wrote: »

Get your girlfriend to make a complaint to the LL. I mean she will probably have to move since you have intervened. 11 pm is the cut off for noise in a house.

Why does your GF is a licenced of one of the girls and everyone else is a tenant? Is it a live in landlord? If not I wonder does the LL know one of the tenants is sub letting.

Translation: try to get the housemates in trouble because you aren't getting your way. Talk about throwing toys out of the pram.

11pm is not the cut off for noise in a house either.

Exclamation Marc · 22-11-2015 9:55pm

esforum wrote: »

There is nothing in the OP's post to suggest they had grounds for coercion against him. Possible he could claim he was being coerced by the flatmates based on the demeander he claims they had against him (felt one was going to hit him) but then the OP states it was the flatmates threatening to call the Gardai.

When all is said and done the OP started the arguement and was in the wrong. It would appear to be an overcrowded house of students so common sense and logic is probable in short supply at 10pm on Friday.

The OP said that their conversation descended into an argument. Look, I'm not getting into a legal argument of whether any offence was committed or not, its not the place. The simple fact is that if the girls felt intimidated, there is potentially an offence there that may warrant calling the Gardai.

I'm not saying they should or shouldn't have, just stating that to suggest there were no legal grounds because there was no violence or threats of violence is incorrect.

riffmongous wrote: »

Fair play to you if you are willing to just sit there and leave your girlfriend to deal with it on her own, I'd say you'd have an interesting 2 hours with her afterwards while you make small talk until they turn the music off anyway

If she's able to live out of home and have a lease, she's able to stand up for her rights herself.

riffmongous · 22-11-2015 10:03pm

Chana Savory Cameraman wrote: »

Luckily my girlfriend is well able to speak up for herself and secondly had enough cop on to realise people playing music at 10pm on a Friday night are well within their rights.

Do you not get that the op has no right whatsoever to do anything. The housemates were doing nothing wrong in the first place making the op's carry on even worse.

Would you go into your girlfriends work place and confront their boss? This is no different really.

And if she wasn't? Because the OP's girlfriend wasnt.

You seem to be awfully set on rights, imo just because you have a right to do something doesn't mean you should, especially if you care about showing a bit of respect to people and conversely just because you don't have a right to get involved doesn't mean you shouldn't, particularly when it's people you're supposed to care about.

riffmongous · 22-11-2015 10:04pm

Manufactured Miracle wrote: »

If she's able to live out of home and have a lease, she's able to stand up for her rights herself.

You don't honestly believe that's true for everyone do you? There's plenty of people out there too shy to stand up for themselves

Arbiter of Good Taste · 22-11-2015 10:06pm

riffmongous wrote: »

And if she wasn't? Because the OP's girlfriend wasnt.

You seem to be awfully set on rights, imo just because you have a right to do something doesn't mean you should, especially if you care about showing a bit of respect to people and conversely just because you don't have a right to get involved doesn't mean you shouldn't, particularly when it's people you're supposed to care about.

Are you serious? The only person abusing other people's rights and showing no respect in this scenario is the OP.

In fact, the irony of the OP accusing the other housemates of bullying is hilarious

Red Kev · 22-11-2015 10:06pm

riffmongous wrote: »

Yep, in Germany and Austria this is the case

From 10pm till 6am it is forbidden, to make noise that can disturb someone's 'night-peace', proper order too. If you want to make noise like having a party you have to inform/ask you're neighbours first and usually there is no problem if you are reasonable

That law has been up before the courts dozens of times. Flushing the jacks, reasonable noise making breakfast and having a shower is perfectly acceptable. Running the washing machine at night isn't. There used to be a law preventing kids playing in communnal spaces between 12.00-15.00. Judges decided it was nonsense as well.

Mark Hamill wrote: »

Their abusive attitude after reasonable requests to turn the music down was the bullying. They were physically in my face when I was talking to them ( I seriously thought on them, a girl, was going to take a swing at me) and when my girlfriend was there, the more aggressive one got in her face while the other tried to distract me. If it was a work place, they would have been fired.

They got physically in your face straight away or was it as a result of an escalation of an argument? Care to give us a bit more context?

Jan Laco wrote: »

Get your girlfriend to make a complaint to the LL. I mean she will probably have to move since you have intervened. 11 pm is the cut off for noise in a house.

Why does your GF is a licenced of one of the girls and everyone else is a tenant? Is it a live in landlord? If not I wonder does the LL know one of the tenants is sub letting.

That's like throwing petrol on a fire. The GF knew the score when she moved in. She's on cheap rent for a reason. You'll make enemies for life doing that.

My advice: OP, stay away from the house for 2-3 weeks. Buy a couple of bottles of wine, give them to your GF to give to the housemates as an apology. Use tiredness/drink as an excuse for the argument. Get the GF to stay in your place if its practical on a Friday night. Apologise to them the next time you see them.

And stay the fup out of future arguments.

If you GF is being bullied (which I doubt) move out ASAP. Apart from that let them all patch things up.

riffmongous · 22-11-2015 10:09pm

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Are you serious? The only person abusing other people's rights and showing no respect in this scenario is the OP.

In fact, the irony of the OP accusing the other housemates of bullying is hilarious

Would you go playing loud music in the room beside your housemate when you know they are trying to sleep before work? I can't imagine any decent sort of person would, entitlements or not

XR3i · 22-11-2015 10:11pm

if they play loud music, why don't you play louder music?

Exclamation Marc · 22-11-2015 10:11pm

riffmongous wrote: »

And if she wasn't? Because the OP's girlfriend wasnt.

You seem to be awfully set on rights, imo just because you have a right to do something doesn't mean you should, especially if you care about showing a bit of respect to people and conversely just because you don't have a right to get involved doesn't mean you shouldn't, particularly when it's people you're supposed to care about.

That post is entirely hypocritical in this situation purely based on the part in bold.

The girls showed some respect by effectively saying 'hey we're enjoying our Friday night which we're entitled to do because we pay rent here and its not an unreasonable time of the day, but we will shut down at midnight even though we could go a lot later.' The OP showed no respect by demanding they turn it off straight away, a demand he has no right to make.

riffmongous wrote: »

Would you go playing loud music in the room beside your housemate when you know they are trying to sleep before work? I can't imagine any decent sort of person would, entitlements or not

It's 10pm on a Friday. Probably the only day they'll get to enjoy their home in that manner. It's not 3am on a Tuesday night. A bit of perspective here.

Ave Sodalis · 22-11-2015 10:12pm

riffmongous wrote:

And if she wasn't? Because the OP's girlfriend wasnt.

And what would the girlfriend do if she didn't have a boyfriend? Unless the girlfriend specifically ask him to, I don't know why the OP felt the need to do anything on her behalf, especially considering he admitted it's a fairly new relationship.
There was only one time I asked my boyfriend to tell me housemates to keep quiet, but they were playing loud music at 4 in the morning (which they did frequently) and I was coming close to my dissertation deadline so got very little sleep as it was (the housemates stayed in bed all day). I asked my boyfriend to do it because I would have blown a fuse, where I knew he'd stay calm and ask politely. However, I asked him, there was a good reason for him going instead of me, and it was under completely unacceptable circumstances. If my boyfriend had taken it upon himself to go at ten in the evening and then started arguments with the housemates, I would have been very very annoyed with him.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 22-11-2015 10:15pm

riffmongous wrote: »

Would you go playing loud music in the room beside your housemate when you know they are trying to sleep before work? I can't imagine any decent sort of person would, entitlements or not

The fact that the OP has very unrealistic expectations of what is or is not acceptable, I'm also going on the basis that his definition of "loud" is most likely skewed as well

riffmongous · 22-11-2015 10:17pm

Manufactured Miracle wrote: »

That post is entirely hypocritical in this situation purely based on the part in bold.

The girls showed some respect by effectively saying 'hey we're enjoying our Friday night which we're entitled to do because we pay rent here and its not an unreasonable time of the day, but we will shut down at midnight even though we could go a lot later.' The OP showed no respect by demanding they turn it off straight away, a demand he has no right to make.

It's 10pm on a Friday. Probably the only day they'll get to enjoy their home in that manner. It's not 3am on a Tuesday night. A bit of perspective here.

Jesus, people like talking up their entitlements here, doesn't matter who they disturb it seems

riffmongous · 22-11-2015 10:19pm

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

The fact that the OP has very unrealistic expectations of what is or is not acceptable, I'm also going on the basis that his definition of "loud" is most likely skewed as well

Could be alright, I'm just going by what he said though

Exclamation Marc · 22-11-2015 10:32pm

riffmongous wrote: »

Jesus, people like talking up their entitlements here, doesn't matter who they disturb it seems

I'm fairly sure paying rent entitles you to enjoy your home in a not unreasonable manner at a not unreasonable time.

simdan · 22-11-2015 10:41pm

I think the OP has admitted defeat. We haven't heard from him in a few days. We can all see he was totally out of order. Is there much further to say without his input?

LilyShame · 22-11-2015 10:51pm

simdan wrote: »

I think the OP has admitted defeat. We haven't heard from him in a few days. We can all see he was totally out of order. Is there much further to say without his input?

I think the poor op has been well and truly Boarded.

Tarzana2 · 22-11-2015 11:40pm

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

To be honest, from his response further up, I would take the OP's interpretation of the situation with a pinch of salt.

Me too, I have a strong suspicion he is embellishing.

Tarzana2 · 22-11-2015 11:58pm

riffmongous, the OP is going to love you.

simdan wrote: »

I think the OP has admitted defeat. We haven't heard from him in a few days. We can all see he was totally out of order. Is there much further to say without his input?

Probably not.

esforum · 23-11-2015 1:24am

Manufactured Miracle wrote: »

The OP said that their conversation descended into an argument. Look, I'm not getting into a legal argument of whether any offence was committed or not, its not the place. The simple fact is that if the girls felt intimidated, there is potentially an offence there that may warrant calling the Gardai.

I'm not saying they should or shouldn't have, just stating that to suggest there were no legal grounds because there was no violence or threats of violence is incorrect.

Lets agree to disagree for the sake of arguement so, I would hate you to feel intimidated

riffmongous wrote: »

Fair play to you if you are willing to just sit there and leave your girlfriend to deal with it on her own,

Deal with her own housemates? FFS, It wasnt a criminal gang trying to kidnap her!

riffmongous wrote: »

I'd say you'd have an interesting 2 hours with her afterwards while you make small talk until they turn the music off anyway

Generally I think most adults staying over with their new partners would be busy having noisy, dirty sex

(ah ha. Thats why they were playing loud music!)

cpoh1 · 23-11-2015 1:16pm

I reckon this was all a ploy to get the girlfriend to move in with the OP.

"Stuck for a place to stay, why crash in my gaff for a while!"

Well played Sir.

Butters1979 · 23-11-2015 1:20pm

Chana Savory Cameraman wrote: »

I'd have done absolutely nothing as I would have no right to open my mouth as a guest in the house and also 10pm is early regardless of what time someone is gettjng up.

If she has to get up at 3am would the op have claimed 7pm is too early to make noise. Pure and utter nonsense, anything up to 12 is fair game on a Friday night.

Even after confronting them he should have accepted their offer of stopping by 12, I'm sure she could survive on 6 hours sleep for one night.

Sticking up for your girlfriend has nothing to do with rights. If I thought my girlfriend was been bullied I would not be worried about my 'right to speak up' and anyone saying I'd be out on my ear would need to back that up with the ability to do it.

Expecting people in shared accommodation not to make noise at 10PM on a Friday is probably asking for too much. The issue is there are no house agreements regarding when there can be noise and when not. That's the first thing you should establish in a shared accommodation.

The fact that these people are ok with her in the sitting room and their reduced rent yet then threaten to call the Gardaí on her when there is a disagreement seem both unreasonable and aggressive to me. As well as plain stupid.

The only important thing here is it sounds like this arrangement is not working for the OP's girlfriend and it will never work. Time to look around.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 23-11-2015 1:37pm

Butters1979 wrote: »

Sticking up for your girlfriend has nothing to do with rights. If I thought my girlfriend was been bullied I would not be worried about my 'right to speak up' and anyone saying I'd be out on my ear would need to back that up with the ability to do it.

Expecting people in shared accommodation not to make noise at 10PM on a Friday is probably asking for too much. The issue is there are no house agreements regarding when there can be noise and when not. That's the first thing you should establish in a shared accommodation.

The fact that these people are ok with her in the sitting room and their reduced rent yet then threaten to call the Gardaí on her when there is a disagreement seem both unreasonable and aggressive to me. As well as plain stupid.

The only important thing here is it sounds like this arrangement is not working for the OP's girlfriend and it will never work. Time to look around.

The only bullying I see is the OP trying to bully the housemates. Good on them for standing up to him

Disagreement with girlfriend's housemates

Comments