Disagreement with girlfriend's housemates

Butters1979

Butters1979 wrote: »

Sticking up for your girlfriend has nothing to do with rights. If I thought my girlfriend was been bullied I would not be worried about my 'right to speak up' and anyone saying I'd be out on my ear would need to back that up with the ability to do it.

Trust me I have no issue sticking up for my girlfriend if its warranted but it wasn't in this situation not even close.

You are one person versus a roomful of others putting you out on your ear is not going to be too difficult.

Alf Veedersane

It's highly likely that any music or conversation in the room next to the OP's girlfriend's room was going to be 'loud' enough to prove difficult for the OP's girlfriend to sleep.

Not unreasonable to ask but it's also not unreasonable for them to disagree that it's loud and say that it will be off at 12.

East is east, west is west and never the twain shall meet.

But the can of worms has been blown open sand now it doesn't really matter if one party or t'other was in the right because it's just going to be an uncomfortable living situation if it stays as is.

Probably best to move on, OP.

Butters1979

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

The only bullying I see is the OP trying to bully the housemates. Good on them for standing up to him

Chana Savory Cameraman wrote: »

Trust me I have no issue sticking up for my girlfriend if its warranted but it wasn't in this situation not even close.

You are one person versus a roomful of others putting you out on your ear is not going to be too difficult.

That's your point of view and I see where you are coming from. However, I see threatening to call the police on my girlfriend and getting her thrown out of where she lives because of a house sharing situation they all agreed to and benefit from as bullying and aggressive.
And as I said, "if I thought", not "if everyone on boards.ie all agreed". And you be surprised how quick a 'room full of people' getting in your face and threatening turns into a lot of people suddenly backing off when things get physically aggressive. Especially with bullies. You seem to be suggesting that if someone is outnumbered they should back off, that to me is condoning the bullying. (perceived bullying)


It's hard to tell from a forum and only one side of the story however. From what I see I don't think either side handled it well and repairing the damaged relationships would probably be impossible now. I'd imagine the solution is to find other accommodation. House sharing only works with compromise and agreement, not with 'its my rights'. Just because you have the right to be an inconsiderable d***, doesn't mean you're not an d***. And that's for both sides in this situation.

Rackstar

I wish the OP would come back.

I keep checking the news for a rented house under siege by a tenants boyfriend.

Emme

cpoh1 wrote: »

I reckon this was all a ploy to get the girlfriend to move in with the OP.

"Stuck for a place to stay, why crash in my gaff for a while!"

Well played Sir.

I would not advise that.

Eugene Norman

Butters1979 wrote: »

That's your point of view and I see where you are coming from. However, I see threatening to call the police on my girlfriend and getting her thrown out of where she lives because of a house sharing situation they all agreed to and benefit from as bullying and aggressive.
And as I said, "if I thought", not "if everyone on boards.ie all agreed". And you be surprised how quick a 'room full of people' getting in your face and threatening turns into a lot of people suddenly backing off when things get physically aggressive. Especially with bullies. You seem to be suggesting that if someone is outnumbered they should back off, that to me is condoning the bullying. (perceived bullying)


It's hard to tell from a forum and only one side of the story however. From what I see I don't think either side handled it well and repairing the damaged relationships would probably be impossible now. I'd imagine the solution is to find other accommodation. House sharing only works with compromise and agreement, not with 'its my rights'. Just because you have the right to be an inconsiderable d***, doesn't mean you're not an d***

The OP said bullying. They just said they might call the guards. Given that the bf wasn't legally there that's a perfect response.

Reading between the lines I am not sure she got permission from all tenants to be there either.

As in

I first went in and asked could they turn it down, as she had to get up early the next morning. Their response was that they would turn it down around midnight, when they had their fun. I said that was unacceptable and we then descended into an argument concerning my personal lack of rights in the house, how they could call the guards and landlord on us for living in a sitting room

Firstly turning it down at midnight is perfectly acceptable behaviour. The op – a guy in off the street – then tells the rent payers that's "unacceptable"? It's only then they "bullied" the girlfriend. (But probably him. In his story he went out and then she magically appeared). Furthermore their arguments are correct. Both can be kicked out. Neither have rights.

Clearly the Guards would have, if they intervened in this domestic, kicked him out. If I have a domestic with a guest and the guards are called the guest gets kicked out not me the owner (same for the rent payer).

Which brings us back to the legality of the gf. She's almost certainly not legally there either as landlords generally don't let out living space, tenants kind of like living space. So somebody sublet to her. That probably violates the tenancy agreement for all of them but certainly the landlord needs to know about her and she needs to be on any rental agreement to have any rights.

My guess is one tenant (probably no-one in that room) invited in a friend and told the others after. They are pissed off anyway at losing shared space but then another illegal lodger pops out of the shared space most of them didn't want to rent out to begin with at 10pm and demanded silence.

Were I there I would throw out the illegal lodger today. It's in fact the only legal option.

MrTom1

you dont rent the house + she subletting mind your own business , if i was renting there i would of thrown you out :mad:

Butters1979

Eugene Norman wrote: »

The OP said bullying. They just said they might call the guards. Given that the bf wasn't legally there that's a perfect response.

Reading between the lines I am not sure she got permission from all tenants to be there either.

As in

I first went in and asked could they turn it down, as she had to get up early the next morning. Their response was that they would turn it down around midnight, when they had their fun. I said that was unacceptable and we then descended into an argument concerning my personal lack of rights in the house, how they could call the guards and landlord on us for living in a sitting room

Firstly turning it down at midnight is perfectly acceptable behaviour. The op – a guy in off the street – then tells the rent payers that's "unacceptable"? It's only then they "bullied" the girlfriend. (But probably him. In his story he went out and then she magically appeared). Furthermore their arguments are correct. Both can be kicked out. Neither have rights.

Clearly the Guards would have, if they intervened in this domestic, kicked him out. If I have a domestic with a guest and the guards are called the guest gets kicked out not me the owner (same for the rent payer).

Which brings us back to the legality of the gf. She's almost certainly not legally there either as landlords generally don't let out living space, tenants kind of like living space. So somebody sublet to her. That probably violates the tenancy agreement for all of them but certainly the landlord needs to know about her and she needs to be on any rental agreement.

My guess is one tenant (probably no-one in that room) invited in a friend and told the others after. They are pissed off anyway at losing shared space but then another illegal lodger pops out of the shared space most of them didn't want to rent out to begin with at 10pm and demanded silence.

Were I there I would throw out the illegal lodger today. It's in fact the only legal option.

From what I read they were going to call the Gardai because she was living in the sitting room. Not for the argument itself. Maybe I picked it up wrong. That seems aggressive to me. Threatening to throw you out of where you live for which are paying rent.

You are assuming that this arrangement with another tenant in the sitting room was done without their consent or prior knowledge. I'd be really surprised if that was the case and if it is then the issue they have should be with the landlord if they pulled this stunt or with the friend who brought them in and should have reported it immediately and not use it as leverage when there is an argument over noise. Either way it's a complete assumption and therefore nothing to do with the discussion.

You see this is the only issue I have. If they just said no to switching off the music I'd agree completely but this threat to report her for living in a sitting room makes me feel this is not so one sided. If they don't like the arrangement why haven't they protested against it properly instead of threats during an argument.

Psychosis

I dont know why but this came into my mind .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVywuwMRaCQ

Eugene Norman

Butters1979 wrote: »

From what I read they were going to call the Gardai because she was living in the sitting room. Not for the argument itself. That seems aggressive to me. Threatening to throw you out of where you live for which are paying rent.

You are assuming that this arrangement with another tenant in the sitting room was done without there consent or prior knowledge. I'd be really surprised if that was the case and if it is then the issue they have should be with the landlord if they pulled this stunt or with the friend who brought them in and should have reported it immediately and not use it as leverage when there is an argument over noise. Either way it's a complete assumption and therefore nothing to do with the discussion.

You see this is the only issue I have. If they just said no to switching off the music I'd agree completely but this threat to report her for living in a sitting room makes me feel this is not so one sided. If they don't like the arrangement why haven't they protested against it properly instead of threats during an argument.

No the threat is not bullying and fully legal. If the police are called to domestics like this then they lookup the tenancy agreement and kick out the guests, if the guests are giving agro. Legally if you are not on the tenancy list you are a guest. Subletting has no legal basis.

Maybe they agreed to have somebody sublet, wouldn't matter to the police.

It's really unlikely that the landlord agreed to or imposed this arrangement.

Butters1979

Eugene Norman wrote: »

No the threat is not bullying and fully legal. If the police are called to domestics like this then they lookup the tenancy agreement and kick out the guests, if the guests are giving agro. Legally if you are not on the tenancy list you are a guest. Subletting has no legal basis.

Maybe they agreed to have somebody sublet, wouldn't matter to the police.

It's really unlikely that the landlord agreed to or imposed this arrangement.

I completely disagree with you, it may be legal but I would see it as extremely aggressive. If they agreed to the arrangement and then use it as a threat then they are bullying and complete ***holes.
Anyway, the OP's girlfriend needs to move. She's living in a toxic environment with her housemates and has no rights if she's renting illegally. Two very big reasons to move on.

athtrasna

OP if you want to update the thread or reply to any of the responses please contact an A&P mod to reopen but with over 100 unanswered responses to the thread there is little benefit in leaving it open to further speculation.

Mod

athtrasna

Update from the OP

Hi All,
Sorry for missing the thread for so long, I was extremely busy during the week and couldn't get online long enough to give it the attention it deserved.

Thank you to all who responded to my posts, I did take them all on board, even if I disagree with the majority.

To Update: The housemates haven't said anything to either of us since then, nor we to them (everyone pretty much stays in their rooms most the time anyway). We are looking into moving into somewhere else together.

PS: To those who asked, my place is much further away from her work than hers (~40 minute drive vs 5 min drive) and she does college project work right until bed time most nights, so it's more convenient for her to be at her place with her materials.