Help with deposit - parents

Galtee65

Post deleted. Thanks.

athtrasna

It is unfair and unrealistic to expect help from outside to fund your home purchase. You say you have no idea of your partner's parents' financial standing, nor should you. Parents are responsible for their children until they turn 18, beyond that anything is a bonus.

On another note, if you haven't a history of saving for the deposit, a parental gift can work against you when getting a mortgage.

Duvetdays

You said it there you've no idea of their financial situation.

Don't mean to be cruel but you're a grown up learn to stand on your own two feet and pay your own way in life. A bank will want to see you make an effort and are not going to give you a mortgage based on a deposit made up of gifts.

Maybe they'll give you some money when you get the house to furnish it or maybe they'll go on a big cruise it's theirs to spend if they have any as they choose. They've paid for them for about 18/20 odd years of their life. My husbands mother gave us some help with the deposit, mine didn't. It doesn't bother me in the slightest as I know we've worked damn hard and earned it.

DivingDuck

Unfortunately, it sounds like your partner's family and your own simply lie on very different sides of the "financial assistance" line, and there's not a lot to be done about it. I have immense sympathy, because my (entire, extended) own family is similar to yours, so I can't understand how little some families assist their adult children, but it is the reality and preference for many people.

You're probably just going to have to accept the situation as it is. Have you spoken with your partner about this issue? Does your partner have issue with help coming from your family, but not theirs? Is it causing friction between you and your parents?

At the end of the day, all you can do is communicate with the people who are "yours" (your partner, your parents) and accept that you'll have to leave your partner's people to them. There's not much you can or should do to influence their attitudes for fear of causing difficulties in the relationship between your partner and their parents, which they probably wouldn't thank you for.

I wish I had more cheerful advice to give, but ultimately there's not a lot you can do about it.

Atlantic Dawn

If you have to depend on outside assistance you can't afford it, wait until you can.

Taco Chips

athtrasna wrote: »

It is unfair and unrealistic to expect help from outside to fund your home purchase. You say you have no idea of your partner's parents' financial standing, nor should you. Parents are responsible for their children until they turn 18, beyond that anything is a bonus.

On another note, if you haven't a history of saving for the deposit, a parental gift can work against you when getting a mortgage.

I think that's unfair. There is an extremely strong history in this country of families assisting each other with finance in buying first homes and more. Even more so these days since this generation of buyers have been totally screwed by the ones before them with low wages, tight credit, demand far outstripping supply and totally inflating prices on the market.

OP I have sympathy for your situation but really there is nothing you can do about it and definitely nothing to be gained by brining it up with your partner or his family. It will only cause trouble. I think you'll just have to wait and save a bit longer unfortunately.

Rackstar

You're trying to buy a house, you're an adult, adults do things for themselves. Your partners parents aren't making a contribution to the house and that's perfectly ok. Who are you to dictate what they do with their money? Fair enough your parents are helping out but do not put pressure on your partner or your partners parents to give you money towards the house purchase.

They don't need any reason not to do this but there could be any number of reasons why they aren't. Maybe they haven't got the cash, maybe they have some bad investments that they are trying to sort out, maybe they are paying off loans, maybe they don't like you.

Tarzana2

Well OP, you are only speculating on your partner's parents' financial situation.

Even if they have money, maybe they're thinking "I might live another 30 years" and so want to hold on to their money, and distribute what's left as an inheritance after they both pass. Maybe they never want to struggle in their dotage. Maybe they want to travel the world. Who knows? Parental assistance towards deposits is a privilege not a right. And you definitely don't have any place feeling put out that people who are not even your parents aren't ponying up.

April 73

Traditionally coming up with a deposit has always been a struggle for first-time buyers. It required discipline, saving hard & sacrifice. The new central bank rules have meant a real return to this.

It's great for you OP if your parents want to help reduce that struggle for you. When it comes to getting a mortgage though the bank will still need to see your & your partner's ability to save & capacity to repay the mortgage. You should still be really diligent in showing your savings record.

Just because your parents are willing to do this, doesn't mean that your partner's parents are also under an obligation to do the same. Do they even know what your parents are doing? Have you had this conversation with your partner even? Be very careful about what you say about this. You sound resentful that they are not coming up with the same financial assistance as your parents. But they are under no obligation to do so, assuming you & your partner are independent, capable adults.

In a relationship both parties don't always contribute the same. One might earn more than the other, one might inherit money, one might get a bonus, one might lose their job, one might have parents who contribute to a deposit. That's just life & resenting a perceived imbalance will only cause problems.

Accept your parents input, be grateful but don't expect that your partner's parents should also have to contribute just because yours have.

ScottStorm

You have an issue, grow up, you are entitled to nothing from either sets of parents.

If you are unable to save for a deposit particularly WITH financial assistance already then you are not in a position to buy a house.

If you fell behind on mortgage payments would you expect mammy and daddy to come and bail you out then?

ElleEm

You are in a very fortunate position that your parents can give you money.
They are doing a very kind thing that should not be expected. It is very unfair of you to assume your partner's parents should give you money too. It is not their home! You really need to grow up.

athtrasna

athtrasna wrote: »

It is unfair and unrealistic to expect help from outside to fund your home purchase.

In fairness people I know who haven't got help from family when buying or building are the exception. I know very few people who have not had help from family to enable them to buy.

athtrasna

Finn Acidic Vibraphone wrote: »

In fairness people I know who haven't got help from family when buying or building are the exception. I know very few people who have not had help from family to enable them to buy.

It's the expectation that I think is unfair. Yes most parents do help out if they can but it's a bonus not an entitlement.