Have i a right to be upset??

baalad

Hey guys. Just wanted to get some thoughts on this as to what peoples honest opinions are??

I recently met a girl on a dating site. We have since met up and we both seem to get on / like each other. However, i have an issue with the fact that she is still using the site and iam unsure if iam within my rights to feel annoyed or if iam being unreasonable?

Basically she tells me she likes me etc and she genuienly does seem to but its bugging me that she continues to use the site and has even added pictures to the site ? I mean why upload new pictures if you are content with the person you have found? The difficulty i have is in bringing the issue up because i did before and she accused me of snooping on her profile and suddenly it was her that was the victim and me doing the apologising!!

I cant decide if iam the one in the wrong or if she is! What do you guys think?

Youngblood.III

Imo...It's a bit early to be asking for her to commit solely to you. Give it a a couple of months...2 at least....but that just me

JaMarcusHustle

baalad wrote: »

The difficulty i have is in bringing the issue up because i did before and she accused me of snooping on her profile and suddenly it was her that was the victim and me doing the apologising!!

This will tell you if she's worth it or not. If you brought it up in a sensible, non-accusatory manner and she reacted like that, then move on. If you brought it up in a controlling manner, then it's your problem.

Roselm

baalad wrote: »

Hey guys. Just wanted to get some thoughts on this as to what peoples honest opinions are??

I recently met a girl on a dating site. We have since met up and we both seem to get on / like each other. However, i have an issue with the fact that she is still using the site and iam unsure if iam within my rights to feel annoyed or if iam being unreasonable?

Basically she tells me she likes me etc and she genuienly does seem to but its bugging me that she continues to use the site and has even added pictures to the site ? I mean why upload new pictures if you are content with the person you have found? The difficulty i have is in bringing the issue up because i did before and she accused me of snooping on her profile and suddenly it was her that was the victim and me doing the apologising!!

I cant decide if iam the one in the wrong or if she is! What do you guys think?

Well how long have you been seeing each other. If you've met up with her once then no I don't think this is abnormal on her part to be still using the site...
Equally she can't rationally get defensive. She IS still active on the site!

baalad

We have met twice but thats mainly due to the fact shes back home at the moment and isnt back near where i live until after xmas for college! We first started talking however over a month ago!

I understand we arent "official" or anything but we are both giving each other the impression we want to be!

The thing bothering me the most is that fact shes uploading new pics. I mean i could possibly understand her signing in to check messages etc but why upload new pics?

Another concerning thing is that fact i feel i cannot bring it up or iam 99.9% sure she will just get frustrated and cut contact! Where as i feel i should be able to bring this up without being accused of snooping, surely she should understand where iam coming from rather then getting defensive??

VandC

Why are you still using the site? Even to check messages, which you seem to think is OK, would imply that you're expecting something else to come along.

You're being a bit heavy to expect her to be committed and exclusive, especially if it's something you haven't discussed. I mean you are talking for a month and have met twice.

She isn't doing anything wrong. Until you have the conversation and are exclusive (if it gets that far) surely she should be free to do what she likes. Same for you BTW.

And then if you are exclusive it seems you would spy on her profile anyways. Do you have trust issues to begin with that need to be dealt with?

bee06

I think it's way too soon for you to be asking why she's still on the site. You've met twice and have only been talking for a month. If you want to be exclusive then have that conversation but I would think it's too soon for that as well.

stickyfinger

I'd agree with other posters, you've only met twice, it's perfectly normal for her to continue to use the site whether it's talking to other people or updating her profile. Wait and see how you go after another few dates, I'd only expect the other person to go off it once you're 'officially together' regardless of whether you choose to go off it early or not.

baalad

I see your view guys but i just feel its a little insulting to basically tell a guy your interested in him and that hes the only guy you talk to yet your clearly making an effort to update ur profile and continue using the site?

to me it feels like she is basically keeping her options open while she leads me to think its only me shes interested in

power pants

baalad wrote: »

to me it feels like she is basically keeping her options open while she leads me to think its only me shes interested in

That's exactly what she is doing and perfectly right to do so. She has met you 2x and told you she is interested but thats it so far.

Why should she commit to you straight away because you want her to? She is on a dating site to date and find someone she wants to be with, not just the first person she dates to settle down with.

baalad

power pants wrote: »

That's exactly what she is doing and perfectly right to do so. She has met you 2x and told you she is interested but thats it so far.

Why should she commit to you straight away because you want her to? She is on a dating site to date and find someone she wants to be with, not just the first person she dates to settle down with.

cant argue with that! your right. just wish i didnt feel bothered by it i guess!

Youngblood.III

You're been a bit "stalker type" keeping tabs on her profile, you should stop...really

baalad

interesting thoughts guys. maybe iam being unreasonable so

Youngblood.III

You're only wrecking your head with this site....get out there and have a look about youself...make sure you are not missing out on "the one" too......sure isn't that what we all only want.

strandroad

baalad wrote: »

interesting thoughts guys. maybe iam being unreasonable so

Where you are with her is a bit of a no man's land, you're both interested but not yet committed or exclusive. It's okay to keep one's options open at this stage, it's just a little awkward to see it. But that's the world of online dating... Many frogs, few princes/ses.

Alf Veedersane

In a way I can see where you're coming from but I don't think you have a right or reason to feel annoyed.

It's dating. You date people, decide if you want to commit to more with any of them and then go about doing that.

You can always do the same. It doesn't mean you like her less. It just means you can find out if you like someone else more and there is nothing wrong with that

baalad

May i also add that we have added each other on facebook but yet iam unable to message her on it or see if shes online? Call me a stalker but its clear she has me blocked from seeing her online and surely its within reason to wonder why??

Summit just isnt feeling right

Alf Veedersane

All the more reason for you to keep on lining up other dates

Diamond Doll

baalad wrote: »

May i also add that we have added each other on facebook but yet iam unable to message her on it or see if shes online? Call me a stalker but its clear she has me blocked from seeing her online and surely its within reason to wonder why??

Summit just isnt feeling right

Errrmm ... chances are she's her settings set that way for everyone, not just you. My settings are that no one sees when I'm online, there's probably a way for me to do it that I don't get messages either, if that's what I wanted.

baalad

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Errrmm ... chances are she's her settings set that way for everyone, not just you. My settings are that no one sees when I'm online, there's probably a way for me to do it that I don't get messages either, if that's what I wanted.

I would maybe agree .... but she specifically said to me earlier when i asked what she was up to "just messaging one of the girls on facebook" lol

Alf Veedersane

You're focusing a bit much on this girl considering you've met twice. I'm not saying don't carryon meeting her and talking to her. Do.

But it sounds like you've gathered up all your eggs and put them into the one basket a little prematurely

baalad

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

You're focusing a bit much on this girl considering you've met twice. I'm not saying don't carryon meeting her and talking to her. Do.

But it sounds like you've gathered up all your eggs and put them into the one basket a little prematurely

Maybe your right. I think thats the problem. I have more or less decided iam happy with her where as she seems to be wanting to explore other options and iam feeling a tad jealous and offended i guess! maybe its time to keep my options open to

Alf Veedersane

baalad wrote: »

Maybe your right. I think thats the problem. I have more or less decided iam happy with her where as she seems to be wanting to explore other options and iam feeling a tad jealous and offended i guess! maybe its time to keep my options open to

I get that. A lot of people would be the same.

You don't need to withdraw. Just explore other options, like you said!

LegacyUser

You are also still on the dating site? I dont understand that you would be ok with her replying to messages but if she updates her pictures its not ok? I think you are only saying that to justify why you are still on it and you think that's ok because you are doing it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, I did read through the two pages of posts but couldn't see anywhere where this was mentioned.

Augme

baalad wrote: »

May i also add that we have added each other on facebook but yet iam unable to message her on it or see if shes online? Call me a stalker but its clear she has me blocked from seeing her online and surely its within reason to wonder why??

Summit just isnt feeling right

If she has done it then it's probably a reason to worry about your behaviour.

In this whread you come across as being very clingy and needy. She might really like you but these traits are just going to make her turn and run very quickly. Maybe the reason she hasn't yet legged it is because she really wants to give you a chance to see if your not clingy and needy?

It could also be that she doesn't like you that much either. However you have know way of knowing that. If that's the situation then you can't change your behaviour to amend that, but you can change your behaviour to amend the first possible situation.

Take a step back and stop over-thinking everything. Just enjoy talking to her and spending time with her without worrying about things.

Paddy Cow

Op I'm probably going against the grain here but I agree with you. I don't get this whole "keep your options open until we're exclusive" thing that seems to be the norm.

If I like a lad, I'll go on a few dates and see how it works out. I wouldn't have a few others on the go "just in case". I wouldn't be impressed if I found out that a guy I was seeing was also checking out a few other girls and "I made the cut". I'm not expecting him to put a ring on it and discuss baby names in the first couple of weeks, but is it really too much to ask that we go on a few dates before he decides to see someone else?

Call me whatever you want but I don't think it's too much to ask if you show interest in someone, that you wait to see how it goes before looking for other options. I just don't get the whole "we're not exclusive so I can still put myself out there" mentality. Surely it's not that hard to give someone a chance before you go back on your profile.

The Princess Bride

The reason she's uploading new photos is because she's hoping someone more desirable will notice her and start messaging her.
There is no other reason-she is on a dating site after all, and not a general chit chat site.

As for you, I'm assuming you're very young since you mention you're both in college.
Just be careful as your behaviour is coming across as stalking and a tad controlling. If you're not happy she's still actively online, move on.

It just looks like you're on different wavelengths here. Not a great start to a potential relationship.

silverbolt

baalad wrote: »

Hey guys. Just wanted to get some thoughts on this as to what peoples honest opinions are??

I recently met a girl on a dating site. We have since met up and we both seem to get on / like each other. However, i have an issue with the fact that she is still using the site and iam unsure if iam within my rights to feel annoyed or if iam being unreasonable?

Basically she tells me she likes me etc and she genuienly does seem to but its bugging me that she continues to use the site and has even added pictures to the site ? I mean why upload new pictures if you are content with the person you have found? The difficulty i have is in bringing the issue up because i did before and she accused me of snooping on her profile and suddenly it was her that was the victim and me doing the apologising!!

I cant decide if iam the one in the wrong or if she is! What do you guys think?

Are you two an item?

No, yo dont get to be upset.

Yes, then you can be upset.

baalad wrote: »

I see your view guys but i just feel its a little insulting to basically tell a guy your interested in him and that hes the only guy you talk to yet your clearly making an effort to update ur profile and continue using the site?

to me it feels like she is basically keeping her options open while she leads me to think its only me shes interested in

why are YOU still using the site?

Frankly your coming across as needy, insecure, jealous and stalkery - behavioural patterns that lead to controlling behaviour. If thats your personality then shes better off well away from you.

Paddy Cow wrote: »

Op I'm probably going against the grain here but I agree with you. I don't get this whole "keep your options open until we're exclusive" thing that seems to be the norm.

If I like a lad, I'll go on a few dates and see how it works out. I wouldn't have a few others on the go "just in case". I wouldn't be impressed if I found out that a guy I was seeing was also checking out a few other girls and "I made the cut". I'm not expecting him to put a ring on it and discuss baby names in the first couple of weeks, but is it really too much to ask that we go on a few dates before he decides to see someone else?

Call me whatever you want but I don't think it's too much to ask if you show interest in someone, that you wait to see how it goes before looking for other options. I just don't get the whole "we're not exclusive so I can still put myself out there" mentality. Surely it's not that hard to give someone a chance before you go back on your profile.

Simple. There may be better options out there.

crackers and cheese

It's a bit soon for you to be commenting on her still using her profile. ..leave it another few weeks and see how things go..

Wow.

You're coming over as a bit controlling, a bit aggressive, paranoid, and obsessive right now, OP. Definitely don't tell her anything that you're telling us, because, quite frankly, it's a little scary.

Regarding Facebook.. what exactly do you mean you can't message her? I often have my chat as offline, because I just much prefer it that way. But I can still message people and they can message me. What happens when you try?