What does it feel like to give birth?

Dolbert

myshirt wrote: »

Are women who get epidurals to be looked down upon? I know in my own case it was a point of dispute between my wife and I.

No uterus, no fcuking opinion.

On the shower thing, I had to wait 3 days until I got that horrible IV out of my arm, then when I finally could the showers were closed I found a bath instead but the first shower when I got home was glorious

Diamond Doll

Dolbert wrote: »

No uterus, no fcuking opinion.

Actually in all fairness, I've found it's more often women who are lucky enough to have had "natural births" with zero intervention or pain relief that look down on other women.

It's a generalisation, but in my experience, men are more likely to encourage women to take the appropriate medical assistance that's right for their birth.

Oryx

I didnt take epidurals. To this day I reckon I was an idiot! (had been scared off them in antenatal classes!)

RentDayBlues

Oryx wrote: »

I didnt take epidurals. To this day I reckon I was an idiot! (had been scared off them in antenatal classes!)

Having done one with and one without i would go without hands down!

angeldelight

I loved my epidural - had a great sleep after it for the first time in weeks! I definitely wasn't 100% numb during my csection I felt a LOT and from speaking to others since they didn't! In a funny way I'm glad though as I had the feeling back in my legs by the time I got back to my room and could scoot myself over onto the bed etc no problem.

That first night with the little soft newborn head under my chin was so amazing

Diamond Doll

RentDayBlues wrote: »

Having done one with and one without i would go without hands down!

Ah it all depends on the birth.

I couldn't have done more research into every birth possibility than I did. I'd have ideally loved a natural birth, but I was very aware that my birth would take it's own path, and that up to a third of births end in sections. I'd have loved no pain relief, but thought I'd be ready for any intervention or pain relief that might happen, or even a section if it came to that.

In the end they gave me Oxytocin, it was unnecessary, I had a crazy fast labour and birth. The birth was fine, it was the labour that f*cked me up. They told me if they were giving me Oxytocin I'd definitely need an epidural, then they couldn't give me the epidural in time. I had a lot of resentment towards my partner for not supporting me in the labour and birth, which probably largely contributed to our break-up (I've forgiven him by now, but it's far far too late.)

I've been diagnosed with PTSD from the birth. Plus post-natal depression, and anxiety, and panic disorder. The PTSD thing really gets to me, I mean giving birth is the most normal natural thing in the world. I feel like the biggest failure. I've been hospitalised twice already, due in again at start of January, maybe (hopefully) this will be the last time. I've lost everything. My son, my partner, my career, my friends, my life. My future.

Despite everything ... I'd do it all again in an instant to have my William in the world. Without a doubt. He is the most beautiful wonderful amazing funny sweet little man. Even if he can't live with me right now, the world is undoubtedly a far better place for having him in it.

And hopefully when I get out of hospital this time - hopefully - I'll be much better, and in a strong position to get better access, and have him back living with me eventually. It's all I want. His dad is the best in the world, he'll always have 50/50 access, but my little boy needs his mum. Just not the way I am now. He deserves me at my best.

Lisha

Best of luck Diamond Doll. You are great to take charge of your recovery and because you seem to be doing it for the right reasons I'm sure you will be back to yourself very soon.

I felt like a total failure after both my labors. I definitely was in shock and traumatized after them. But it does ease. What matters is the mother you are going forward. The labour is done and now it's amazing to watch them simply grow.

You say you've lost everything... But the he future is still there and I wish you all the best for it.

dekey

myshirt wrote: »

Are women who get epidurals to be looked down upon? I know in my own case it was a point of dispute between my wife and I.

Wow, everyone is assuming it's the man who's doing the looking down. There are plenty of women who feel like they have failed by getting an epidural / section. Maybe her husband is the one disputing why his wife feels frowned upon. Maybe it's not the case, the poster hasn't said which way. But the poor fella with all the replies....innocent until proven guilty

mirrorwall14

dekey wrote: »

Wow, everyone is assuming it's the man who's doing the looking down. There are plenty of women who feel like they have failed by getting an epidural / section. Maybe her husband is the one disputing why his wife feels frowned upon. Maybe it's not the case, the poster hasn't said which way. But the poor fella with all the replies....innocent until proven guilty

Yeah I actually thought the same when I went back over the thread earlier. My husband was very pro the painkillers!

bp

I hope 2016 is good to you diamond doll.

My first I didn't need an epidural and wondered why people shouted etc during labour (it was sore but bearable with gas)....My second taught me why people shouted during labour....I would have loved one on my second (too fast). My pregnancy exercise classes, I found, put women down for having an epidural or not bf which annoyed me. Labour is tough

Dolbert

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Actually in all fairness, I've found it's more often women who are lucky enough to have had "natural births" with zero intervention or pain relief that look down on other women.

It's a generalisation, but in my experience, men are more likely to encourage women to take the appropriate medical assistance that's right for their birth.

I never suggested otherwise, I was replying to that specific poster who appeared to have an issue with his wife getting one, unless I picked him up wrong.

I agree that the worst generally are women who've had relatively easy pregnancies/births, who can't seem to comprehend that everyone's experiences are different. I remember it being implied that I was a drama queen for refusing to lift things at work when pregnant, just because she had no issues and bragged about how she "just got on with it". At the time I could barely walk with the back pain.

Digs

Dolbert wrote: »

I never suggested otherwise, I was replying to that specific poster who appeared to have an issue with his wife getting one, unless I picked him up wrong.

I agree that the worst generally are women who've had relatively easy pregnancies/births, who can't seem to comprehend that everyone's experiences are different. I remember it being implied that I was a drama queen for refusing to lift things at work when pregnant, just because she had no issues and bragged about how she "just got on with it". At the time I could barely walk with the back pain.

I definitely agree it's women who give other women the hardest time! I've been on the receiving end of comments because I didn't have an epidural, apparently I need my head examining? No....I just didn't need it. It's nothing I make a song and dance about, if I'm asked I answer. I couldn't give ten hoots how anyone gives birth and I can't see why anyone would care how I did either. We literally can't do right for doing wrong and it continues, breastfeeding, weaning, what age they go to school....blah blah blah.

Diamond doll, your strength shows in your post, wishing you the best of everything for 2016z

borderlinemeath

I didn't have an epidural, but I ended up having an episiotomy with forceps delivery with just some local anaesthetic. I felt the full force of the birth!! I was always in 2 minds about getting the epidural, I always felt I'd rather be in control of being able to move about plus I was using the pool to labour in, so I would've had to get out sooner. As it turned out I had a grand labour, did most of the work in the water and only got out when I had to push, but she just wouldn't come out on her own!

pwurple

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Besides which, the midwives told me to shower four times a day

Wait... what? Why?

Diamond Doll wrote: »

They also refused to let me bath the baby for four days, now I know it's good for them to leave the vernix on..

Again, what the heck?

The vernix soaks in after a few hours. What's the 4 days about? They brought out the baby bath to show mammies and daddies how to do a bath a few hours after the birth in CUMH.

ChewChew

I've never heard of anyone being "looked down upon" regardless of what type of birth they had or pain relief/intervention. But I know one things for sure, I certainly wouldn't want to be associated with that kind of person.

Neyite

I've never met anyone who looked down on women for the way they gave birth either. I've met a lot of women who hope for as natural experience as possible, but are open to whatever assistance they need to deliver safely as the need arises.

Any male opinion I've heard was men in awe of their partners which ever way they gave birth, a few did emphasise their partner not taking any pain relief - in a way that implied they thought she was amazing and that they wouldnt have done it without getting all the drugs going themselves.

I had seventeen types of medications in my system during labour, EMCS birth and the first few days. Considering that doctors will barely prescribe a pregnant woman more than paracetamol unless strictly necessary it stands to reason that some of those medications would be in the baby's system either through the placenta or breastmilk. It would be nice to not have passed those on to a tiny newborn, but they were necessary to ensure we both came out of the process safely- which is all that mattered to me. So while I would have preferred a drug free birth from that point of view, it's very much a personal preference. I went into hospital with the objective of a safe delivery whichever way it unfolded and that's what happened.

I had the EMCS on Sunday afternoon, I'd showered that morning before going into hospital. I had a shower at 9am the following morning -told to take as long as I needed by the midwife waiting outside in case I was still a bit wobbly. My baby was also given a bath a few hours later - he was the demo baby for the midwife showing us how to safely bathe them.

lazygal

I was asked whether I had my baby myself or had a section. Amusing choice of words.

Toots

lazygal wrote: »

I was asked whether I had my baby myself or had a section. Amusing choice of words.

"No, I went in and sectioned someone else and took their baby.........what do you mean that's not how it works??"

madeinamerica

Oh not all guys are such troopers though. A fella I work with had no sympathy for his wife when she was sick during the pregnancy and does indeed look down on those who have any assistance during birth - in his own words at lunch one day: women have been having children for thousands of years so what's the big deal? He thought his wife was being a complainer or something. Thankfully another guy, whose wife was pregnant at the time too, piped up to say that women have also suffered and died in childbirth for thousands of years so it is not trivial and thankfully things are better now.

There are nice people and there are a$$holes!

madeinamerica

lazygal wrote: »

I was asked whether I had my baby myself or had a section. Amusing choice of words.

lol. it is revealing alright.

I'd say some of that comes from a discomfort about using words like vaginal delivery or even referring to such a thing! It's similar to when some people ask about breastfeeding - are you feeding him yourself? I think they can't bring themselves to say breast.

Neyite

madeinamerica wrote: »

Oh not all guys are such troopers though. A fella I work with had no sympathy for his wife when she was sick during the pregnancy and does indeed look down on those who have any assistance during birth - in his own words at lunch one day: women have been having children for thousands of years so what's the big deal? He thought his wife was being a complainer or something. Thankfully another guy, whose wife was pregnant at the time too, piped up to say that women have also suffered and died in childbirth for thousands of years so it is not trivial and thankfully things are better now.

There are nice people and there are a$$holes!

True, pregnancy and post natal forum all over the place have women with men like this. You'll often find that their dismissive attitude towards childbirth also extends to them not helping with their child or around the house at all, as its wife work to them and not a shared workload. And probably lays on the sofa like a dying swan the minute he has a sniffle or headache himself. Its a selfish outlook, and one not necessarily restricted to genders either.

Diamond Doll

pwurple wrote: »

Wait... what? Why?

I think they said it was because I had stitches? To stop them getting infected. But I was doing well to have one shower a day, when my partner visited and he could mind the baby. Never mind four showers a day! The midwives were always too busy to mind him, and I just didn't like leaving him alone.

Actually I just remembered that one time I really badly needed the loo and couldn't find a midwife to mind him, so just darted out and back again as fast as I could with the curtains closed around the bed and cot and with him asleep, came back to find some of his babygros and vests missing. I was so upset, not because of the missing stuff, but because some strange randomer had been in there alone with him, anything could have happened!

pwurple wrote: »

Again, what the heck?

The vernix soaks in after a few hours. What's the 4 days about? They brought out the baby bath to show mammies and daddies how to do a bath a few hours after the birth in CUMH.

Literally every time a midwife checked on me for the few days I was in, I begged them to help me give him a bath. But they kept saying the vernix thing, despite all the blood in his hair. I think that was just an excuse, the ward was very overcrowded and understaffed. There was definitely no demonstration given on how to do it! Eventually I convinced a midwife to help me do it (well, to do it for me), I was just too scared to attempt it myself.

bp

Someone stole your stuff! That is awful. I had to leave both each time I had to pee or shower, nothing ever happened to mine. That is a disgrace

Diamond Doll

bp wrote: »

Someone stole your stuff! That is awful. I had to leave both each time I had to pee or shower, nothing ever happened to mine. That is a disgrace

I'm 99% sure it was the Nigerian woman in the bed next to mine. The woman on the other side had had a section and wasn't able to get out of bed, so it wasn't her, and it would have been very tricky for anyone else to sneak across a busy ward and get in behind closed curtains. Whereas she would have heard me leaving, and would have easily been able to sneak in with no one seeing.

Earlier that evening I'd asked her to stop her (multiple, very loud, singy and pray-ey) visitors to try to stop banging their chairs into my baby's cot through the curtains - like they'd randomly shove back their chairs, totally jolting my newborn's cot and waking him up. There was no room for him the other side of my bed. I guess she was annoyed at me for that, so maybe that's why she did it.

bp

Diamond Doll wrote: »

I'm 99% sure it was the Nigerian woman in the bed next to mine. The woman on the other side had had a section and wasn't able to get out of bed, so it wasn't her, and it would have been very tricky for anyone else to sneak across a busy ward and get in behind closed curtains. Whereas she would have heard me leaving, and would have easily been able to sneak in with no one seeing.

Earlier that evening I'd asked her to stop her (multiple, very loud, singy and pray-ey) visitors to try to stop banging their chairs into my baby's cot through the curtains - like they'd randomly shove back their chairs, totally jolting my newborn's cot and waking him up. There was no room for him the other side of my bed. I guess she was annoyed at me for that, so maybe that's why she did it.

For f*ck sake. A friend was in having a baby, a gift was bought for the baby and suddenly it was missing and the baby in the next bed over was wearing it!!! A few strong words later the outfit magically reappeared

irishgirl19

IvyTheTerrible wrote:

Oh I think it's helpful (once it's not exaggerated horror stories!)! I wish I had known more about what happens after the birth, it would have made my life easier if I had been able to prepare. Buying the right pads that don't irritate stitches. Eating to prevent constipation in advance of the birth. Having lansinoh on hand to help with soreness in breastfeeding straight away. Knowing about how much you bleed (and for how many weeks after the birth). Just simple things like that would have helped the first month be a bit easier.

This +100 Ivy.
When I had my baby 4 months ago I was very naive.
I knew you would bleed after the baby but had no idea HOW much - I thought it would just be like a normal heavy period. When I stood up I felt like (sorry for tmi) everything was going to fall out! I felt weighed down there for weeks. I think if I hadve know that in advance I would've been better prepared mentally.
I was crying non stop for first 5 days after she was born. And had the dreaded episiotomy during labour...it was on my birth plan I didn't want it. But when push comes to shove you don't even think twice about it.

I thought labour was a surreal experience. I was dreading it as I was terrified. But its amazing your body actually takes over and knows just what to do! I didn't think I'd be able to cope with the pain but handled it very well up until the point I got an epidural.
Parts of the labour (before I got epidural) I felt out of it in a way thats hard to explain. Even when I was off the gas. You know the way people say your life flashes before your eyes when your dying..im not being dramatic but I had an experience like that during labour. It was like my thoughts were going 90. This wasn't all the time though.

Labour I thought was an amazing experience although painful its totally worth it
4months later...still trying to get rid of my post partum piles and I wouldn't change it for the world lol

Oryx

I refused an episiotomy. It required an argument but I explicitly refused to consent to it in the midst of everything. I preferred to tear, and it was my choice.

irishgirl19

Vel wrote:

So yeah speaking of poos, did anyone else poo during the actual labour? I did on my first and I still get the horrors thinking about it!!!

A midwife in the coombe told me that nearly everyone does it. But the midwifes don't tell them and clean it up very quickly!
I don't know if I did it. I wasn't asking anyways

irishgirl19

Oryx wrote:

I refused an episiotomy. It required an argument but I explicitly refused to consent to it in the midst of everything. I preferred to tear, and it was my choice.

I wish I did now. My stitches came apart and caused me a bit of hassle (all good now though). Whos to say I definitely would've teared if I was left alone. Or of I did it may not have required as many stitches as the episiotomy. Next time though...

Diamond Doll

Oryx wrote: »

I refused an episiotomy. It required an argument but I explicitly refused to consent to it in the midst of everything. I preferred to tear, and it was my choice.

This would have been my preference too.

See the thing is, I had a very good understanding of everything involved with giving birth, and of all my preferences.

But I didn't bother writing them down, or even discussing them in detail with my partner, because I was very confident of my ability to voice them myself.

From when my waters broke, though, I went into this weird happy relaxed trance. Where I just went along with everything. And because I didn't have my birth preferences written out, and because I hadn't fully briefed my partner, I just went along with whatever the midwives said.

I would soooo strongly encourage any expectant mums to have everything they want in writing! It won't always happen, births that go exactly to plan are rare, but at least all involved will know what your preferences are.