The Flatmate Charter

Tarzana2

I have made friends with housemates but it's not something that can be forced and it's much more common to not be friends with housemates in my extensive experience. What would you even ask on the subject in a housemate interview: "Will you participate in activities with housemates?". That would send most potential housemates running for the hills. IME housemates who want to be everyone's chum often tend towards headwrecker.

keane2097

Nothing worst than a housemate who slinks around the place like a ghost, standing awkwardly around the kitchen not saying a word while they microwave their dinner, or worse again sitting in the corner of the sitting room not acknowledging you when you enter.

Ugh, people are so weird and antisocial these days.

Potatoeman

Frynge wrote: »

Me talking to a housemate

8 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the george forman after using it.
Him; ok.

No longer uses george forman

6 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the grill after using it.
Him; ok.

No longer grills food

4 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the hob after frying.
Him; ok.

He no longer frys food and I'm scared to say anything about cleaning the microware incase he starves.

You don't need to clean the grill if you use tinfoil on the tray.

john the one

One of the guys who I lived with was a bin man whom I didn't really like. one day he wasn't around so I put on his costume and took the bin from the kitchen to the wheelie bin.

Is this gross misconduct?

backspacer

john the one wrote: »

One of the guys who I lived with was a bin man whom I didn't really like. one day he wasn't around so I put on his costume and took the bin from the kitchen to the wheelie bin.

Is this gross misconduct?

...

Potatoeman

foggy_lad wrote: »

Mammy.

Some people are just in house shares because Mammy/Daddy got so fed up with their scrounging and laziness they turfed them out of the house and they have no domestic skills at all!

When growing up we had to wash our own clothes from the age of about 12 and also had to wash dishes daily and clean all the house once a week, I couldn't understand how many of my friends not only wouldn't help clear away and wash dishes but also how many of their mothers found the idea of their son having to do anything in the house abhorrent. Daughters were expected to do the good housekeeper routine though.

It's not just sons, many daughters don't do anything at home either. The amount of people that can't cook is shocking.

From sharing with women one thing that they never do is unclog the drain. Short hair doesn't get caught in the drain.

Tarzana2

keane2097 wrote: »

Nothing worst than a housemate who slinks around the place like a ghost, standing awkwardly around the kitchen not saying a word while they microwave their dinner, or worse again sitting in the corner of the sitting room not acknowledging you when you enter.

Ugh, people are so weird and antisocial these days.

You know there's a middle ground, right? Man, people on this site are binary.

keane2097

keane2097 wrote: »

Nothing worst than a housemate who slinks around the place like a ghost, standing awkwardly around the kitchen not saying a word while they microwave their dinner, or worse again sitting in the corner of the sitting room not acknowledging you when you enter.

Ugh, people are so weird and antisocial these days.

The ideal housemate is one that either spends all their time in their room or spends most of their time out of the house.

In my current place I've been lucky to hit on one of each at the same time. One only leaves his room to cook, even eats in the room a lot of the time and the other is either gone or his his room. Ok I still have to put up with the mess they leave but I have the living room to myself every evening and all weekend and almost always have the kitchen to myself (especially if I wait until one of the others is finished).

I would have to bite the bullet and rent alone (despite the crazy cost nowadays) if I was having to share communal areas etc and hang out with my housemates all the time, share the tv (in particular) etc etc.

Eric Cartman

Tarzana2 wrote: »

What? This happens in hardly any houseshares.

Ive lived in 4 house shares and with a total of about 15 people, the majority of them I didn't know at all, or didn't know well and we became quite good mates, and it was always the same, drinks together, invite each others friends to parties, become somewhat part of each others lives. I don't know how anyone could get on in a house where everyone isn't social with each other.

Tarzana2

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Ive lived in 4 house shares and with a total of about 15 people, the majority of them I didn't know at all, or didn't know well and we became quite good mates, and it was always the same, drinks together, invite each others friends to parties, become somewhat part of each others lives. I don't know how anyone could get on in a house where everyone isn't social with each other.

I've been in 8 houseshares, and in most of them, housemates were just housemates and not friends. I've a handful of friends from my housesharing years and that's all. It's not as black and white as "be mates or don't talk". It's very easy to be on good terms with housemates and not be friends unless you're a complete social cripple.

Jamsiek

Bodie Careful Quest wrote: »

The ideal housemate is one that either spends all their time in their room or spends most of their time out of the house.

In my current place I've been lucky to hit on one of each at the same time. One only leaves his room to cook, even eats in the room a lot of the time and the other is either gone or his his room. Ok I still have to put up with the mess they leave but I have the living room to myself every evening and all weekend and almost always have the kitchen to myself (especially if I wait until one of the others is finished).

I would have to bite the bullet and rent alone (despite the crazy cost nowadays) if I was having to share communal areas etc and hang out with my housemates all the time, share the tv (in particular) etc etc.

Why would you not want to be friends with your housemates? I don't get that
I have met great people over the years that way.
You can never have too many friends.

Tarzana2

Jamsiek wrote: »

You can never have too many friends.

Ah you can. :pac: There's a critical point where you have too many friends to be able to keep up all the friendships.

Jamsiek

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Ah you can. :pac: There's a critical point where you have too many friends to be able to keep up all the friendships.

That's what facebook is for

Lux23

Don't leave you clothes wet in the washing machine, this means don't put on a wash before work unless you're going to come home half way through the day and empty it.

Lux23

Tarzana2 wrote: »

What? This happens in hardly any houseshares.

Most houseshares I lived in were like this, I normally end up having my social life around the people I live with. I live with my boyfriend now so I do miss this.

Tarzana2

Lux23 wrote: »

Most houseshares I lived in were like this, I normally end up having my social life around the people I live with. I live with my boyfriend now so I do miss this.

I think what we need to take away then is that for many, an expectation of friendship from housemates is the norm and for many, it isn't!

intheclouds

Bodie Careful Quest wrote: »

Ok I still have to put up with the mess they leave but I have the living room to myself every evening and all weekend and almost always have the kitchen to myself (especially if I wait until one of the others is finished).

Theyre probably posting here saying they can never use the living room or kitchen cos one housemate monopolises it

intheclouds

intheclouds wrote: »

Theyre probably posting here saying they can never use the living room or kitchen cos one housemate monopolises it

They never even attempt to use the living room, are never in it when I come back for being out, come home from work (I'm almost always later home than both) or if they are up earlier than me on a saturday etc.

The kitchen I use for no longer than anyone else we just take turns really, if someone is using it I just wait till they are finished to go in and vice versa most of the time.

I have no interest in socialising or otherwise with housemates either which a few have mentioned, when I come in from work in the evening I am glad I can have piece and quiet and watch what I want and I have plenty of friends who I socialise with and prefer to keep housemates as people I see little of and when I do discuss the weather or some topical thing in the news and no more. Some people like to keep work and social life separate, whereas one of my main group of friends are people I work with while on the other hand I like to keep housemates at arms length.

Its just a different way of doing things driven mostly by the fact I really hate housesharing and would much rather be living alone but I cant bring myself to pay the crazy rent prices at the moment and I'm not in a position to buy just yet.

Lux23

Tarzana2 wrote: »

I think what we need to take away then is that for many, an expectation of friendship from housemates is the norm and for many, it isn't!

I always go into any situation with the idea that I may make a new friend in the back of my head, I don't understand people who say they have enough friends. You never know when that may change.

Jamsiek

Bodie Careful Quest wrote: »

I have no interest in socialising or otherwise with housemates either which a few have mentioned

What if they were your friends?
Did you ever have a house party in your place?
Your house situation sounds like a nightmare, I would stay out of it as much as possible if I had to live with people I didn't like.

Many of the people I lived with were like family to me.
We went out all the time, had barbeques out the back, house parties, you name it!

I feel sorry for people that never experienced this

HardyEustace

salamanca22 wrote: »

I would think 3 nights a week would be excessive having a guest over. I would find 2 nights a lot more agreeable, and that is coming from someone who would have a guest over regularly when I was in a house share.

I think as well, that its important to think about having some time where the guest isn't over at weekends. As an example, if you say to someone "two nights" and the guest is over Friday and Saturday night, it means that you never really get any downtime over the weekend as the guest is always there.

Just something that I've noticed in the past.

For the person to have the guest over midweek is less intrusive as you'll probably be at work during the day and might be at training or a class in the evening. whereas if they are there all weekend, every weekend, it'll get old pretty quickly, though technically they are only there two nights.

Frynge

Potatoeman wrote: »

You don't need to clean the grill if you use tinfoil on the tray.

Are you my housemate?

It is this kind of bull**** that drives me demented. Yes if you use tinfoil you dont have to clean the tray but everything then splashes onto the walls of the oven and fills the room with smoke when someone else uses it.

My housemate doesnt use the oven so it always end up me having to clean his crap out of it when i want to use it.

Its just like when people only clean one side of plate. Seriously wtf is your purpose on this planet?

Deshi Basara

Some needlessly obtuse outlooks on here, in my humble opinion!

I get that you don't "have" to make friends with your housemates, but it sounds like some posters avoid their housemates like the plague.

At the very least - be open to the possibility of a decent relationship with the people you live with.

I've had a few house shares at this point and the simple rules that I'm sure everybody can agree on are -

Respect eachother's space & property.

Ask before using/taking anything that isn't yours.

Clean up after yourself always & contribute to the upkeep of the place.

If there IS a problem; discuss it like adults. Often times drama unfolds when somebody lacks the backbone to speak up.

Guests are fine - just consult your roommates beforehand. I was once taken by surprise by a roommate's mother & kid brothers storming in the front door. He knew they were coming, went down to let them in, all without mentioning it. I was wearing nothing but boxers & socks. Not ideal.

In general - just be sound & communicate. Treat every situation as you & your roommates tackling the problem or issue as a team - work together to reach a compromise - as opposed to just arguing with one another.

Can't we all just get along?

Jamsiek

Jamsiek wrote: »

What if they were your friends?
Did you ever have a house party in your place?
Your house situation sounds like a nightmare, I would stay out of it as much as possible if I had to live with people I didn't like.

Whats such a nightmare about it? I think as houseshares go its a pretty ok setup (aside from neither of my housemates having any interest whatsoever in cleaning, washing up etc) with having common areas to myself almost all of the time and very rarely having to juggle the kitchen etc. I can go a few weeks without being in the same room as one of my housemates, at times it can sort of feel like I do live on my own (again aside from people not cleaning up their mess).

As for house parties etc, don't really do them much as we are more into going to pubs etc or if we are doing something we would go to the houses of people who don't share as its much easier. When I have organised things in houseshares I've been in I have given a heads up to people and they almost always went home for the weekend or made plans so they weren't in the house when I had all my friends over and vice versa I'd head away if they were organising something and not really a big deal as I head home a lot of weekends anyway and would be home for all the christmas period and other holiday times so would neither be doing stuff in the house myself or be there if others were organising something.

Frynge wrote: »

Are you my housemate?

It is this kind of bull**** that drives me demented. Yes if you use tinfoil you dont have to clean the tray but everything then splashes onto the walls of the oven and fills the room with smoke when someone else uses it.

My housemate doesnt use the oven so it always end up me having to clean his crap out of it when i want to use it.

Its just like when people only clean one side of plate. Seriously wtf is your purpose on this planet?

Does everyone not line the grill tray with tinfoil, you would have to be cleaning it after every few uses if you didn't rather than just change the foil? How does it splash anymore than the the tray itself splashes?

intheclouds

Bodie Careful Quest wrote: »

Does everyone not line the grill tray with tinfoil, you would have to be cleaning it after every few uses if you didn't rather than just change the foil? How does it splash anymore than the the tray itself splashes?

Ugh, lining the grill tray with tinfoil is disgusting and sooooo smelly.

The grill needs to be washed after each use same as any pot, pan or oven tray.

You can always smell it in kitchens where tin foil is used to line the grill tray, gross.

intheclouds

intheclouds wrote: »

Ugh, lining the grill tray with tinfoil is disgusting and sooooo smelly.

The grill needs to be washed after each use same as any pot, pan or oven tray.

You can always smell it in kitchens where tin foil is used to line the grill tray, gross.

I think it's disgusting not to line the grill tray with tin foil to be perfectly honest. Why on earth would it make a kitchen smellier to have the tray lined.

You'd be outside the back door with a kick in my home house if you even thought about using the grill without tin foil so it's drilled into me and I have to say I couldn't imagine using the grill without it. Cleaning the grill is a bit of a pain of a job so I change the tinfoil after a few uses and that's it saves big time on the washing.

King George VI

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Ive lived in 4 house shares and with a total of about 15 people, the majority of them I didn't know at all, or didn't know well and we became quite good mates, and it was always the same, drinks together, invite each others friends to parties, become somewhat part of each others lives. I don't know how anyone could get on in a house where everyone isn't social with each other.

Can I live with you pls

intheclouds

Bodie Careful Quest wrote: »

I think it's disgusting not to line the grill tray with tin foil to be perfectly honest. Why on earth would it make a kitchen smellier to have the tray lined.

Because people who line the tray with tin foil dont wash it after each use so the accumulated fats, bits of food, burnt bits collect in the tin foil and stink as they rot. They get heated up and spread that gross smell for each use and new food waste collects on top of the old.

On top of that you are cooking food on top of food waste that gets heated and splashes up on the food. Plus those who line with tin foil never wash the wire rack so old bits of previously cooked food stick to it and stick to the next food cooked on it.

Its really disgusting, its the same as eating off a dirty plate repeatedly.

My family did it growing up too which is how I know all too well how gross and disgusting it is.

The grill tray and wire rack need to be washed after each use (unless you just do something dry in there like toast).

JustAThought

The problem with rules is that you then have to enforce them - after two years of totally ignoring all cleaning & ( their) mess I drew up a list of basic rules for sharing which we discussed & amended & added to - basically covering cleaning of commin areas/bathroom, tidying up after ourselves & courtesy (locking the front door, paying rent on time etc) . Now its a total mess as the same rules are still being utterly ignored only now its out in the open thats its dirty & antisocial & now I have totally lost the plot twice because I know they know & just are being filthy, selfish, inconsiderate spoilt ******* that behave like a petulant spoilt child.

There should be a rule that if someone continues to brush their teeth in the shower & NEVER clean it up, throws their refuse in bags onto the landing or just into the garden rather than use the bin, puts washing on at 4am to wake everyone up, cooks at all hours when people are sleeping but NEVER turns the cooker off, and uses the floor of the bathroom as a toilet because they cant or won't aim or sit (#2)that the other flatmate has a right to change the locks, throw their computers out the window & burn their stuff or sell it on eBay.

Mrs OBumble

Bodie Careful Quest wrote: »

You'd be outside the back door with a kick in my home house if you even thought about using the grill without tin foil so it's drilled into me and I have to say I couldn't imagine using the grill without it. Cleaning the grill is a bit of a pain of a job so I change the tinfoil after a few uses and that's it saves big time on the washing.

Ugh :eek:

I think that the smell would mean the chance of going into your home house are pretty low!