Should we stay friends???

annabann

I met a guy and for the first few weeks everything was great. He was totally into me could say enough good things about me. He was even up front about wanting to start a relationship with me. Then he dropped the bomb. He said he wasn't over his ex and it was killing him because he knew how wonderful I was and he didn't want to lose me. So we cooled things off but he said he'd like to still see me. I asked if it was because he hoped to keep me around so when he was over her he'd still have me. He said yes but I told him I wouldn't wait for him. We agreed to be friends. I was cool with that as I understood where he was coming from and thought there was no malice intended. So we've hung out but he's been so up and down with me I don't know is it worth it. He organises to do something and we have a great time and then he's all about me telling me how wonderful I am again. Then he goes cold again. Telling me he feels pressured by what I don't know because I've told him I don't expect anything from him. He seems all over the place he's also started seeing someone he used to date before but starts saying things like if he was ready for a relationship he'd want me. I really don't need to hear that. I'm not hanging around and I've told him I've been with someone else. I've also told him I have a date next week to show we can both do what we like. We are just friends. Take this week as an example. We spent all of Sunday together and had a great day. He kept saying it was the best day he'd had in a long time. I stayed at his but nothing happened. Then Monday he rings and wanted to call over but I was out with friends. Then we organised to do something on the Thursday. He asks on Tuesday if I could help him with something but I couldn't because I had a family dinner. So I met him Wednesday to help him with a project. He was really great full and he kissed me before he left. Then he test straight away to say how amazing I was to help and that he didn't know what he would do without me. My reply was just that he was welcome. He said he didn't want to be a nuisance to me. I said he wasn't and that I enjoyed spending time with him and that as long as we both enjoyed each others company we should see each other. He's going away for a few months in jan so I said we might as well till then anyway. Then after that he went cold again. I asked him if he wanted to go to the cinema as planned but he said he wanted to stay home and drink on his own. So I left him off. Then today he text to ask if I wanted to hang out today and that he'd call over. But by the time I got home he was really cranky and said it wouldn't be a good idea. Then he said he'd call but when he did he said he wasn't staying and went home again because he was in such bad form. Didn't want to stay in case something happened between us and then he would feel bad. He said he still thinks about his ex all the time and it's not fair on me. But why do I care if we are only friends. I'm now thinking that being friends with him is a bad idea. He's all over the place and he's getting angry at me. I'm not confused about being just friends but he seems to be telling me over and over like I haven't got the point. He's the one contacting me most of the time but if I suggest doing something then he feels pressured. I'm confused is it actually worth it or should I just cut him out of my life?

Hemerodrome

Nope, he's either genuinely confused or a total messer,either way, let him go and sort his head out without wrecking yours, better things out there for you.

Merkin

Tell him to p!ss off. Seriously. He is totally wasting your time so just cut contact and stop feeding his ego.

Ursus Horribilis

The fact that you're asking the question should be your answer for you. This is all waaaay too much hard work anyway. He's blowing hot and cold and frying your head. Some friend he is :rolleyes: I also think that you're not being truthful to yourself here. You don't want to be his friend. You still fancy him and he knows that frisson is there too. It's a mess and you're better off cutting contact.

I think you're fooling yourself here OP.
I don't believe you want him just as a friend, you may say that to him, even to yourself but you don't really mean it.

Just move on completely. He has told you he isn't ready for a relationship. Maybe in time you could be friends, but I don't believe you can right now.

annabann

I think you are all probably right. The best thing will be to perhaps text him in the morning and explain that it's better not to be friends and to cut all contact

maryfred

annabann wrote: »

We are just friends.

You're not friends. You're not even FWB because there's no benefit to you here from what I'm reading. He sounds like an immature, sulky headwrecker.
As soon as a guy says he's not over his ex, that's when you cut ties totally. Let him sort himself out, especially if he's going away shortly.
Anyway if he's been seeing someone else, how do you know he's not spinning her the same story that he's feeding you.
He's a player, and he's not very good at it. It doesn't sound like you've known him long and you have friends and other potential relationships. You don't need him.

mapaca

He doesn't know what he wants. I would cut contact and leave him to it. If he's going away in January then it'll make it easier to stop contact. Keep busy with other things and other people. Otherwise your brain will be fried trying to negotiate this "friendship".

Emme

He sounds like a headwrecker. Move on, it's pointless maintaining any sort of contact with him. Delete his details from your phone, unfriend him from fb if he's a friend, cut him out completely. It's the only way for you to move on unimpeded.

annabann

Thanks for your advice guys. You are all right I think i should just cut all contact with him and move on with my life. All he is doing is wrecking my head and upsetting me. Once I cut him out all that will stop