Am I a bad person for returning a dog to the animal shelter?

tobothehobo

It might seem self serving asking this but myself and my girlfriend got a rescue dog at the weekend.
An 8month old lab collie cross. And unfortunately life has been hell since we get no sleep he fights with our other dog constantly who is 6 years old. He has snapped at my girlfriend a few times and destroyed the house as he received little or no training with his previous owners.
He is full of energy being so young and with us both working full time he's been locked up all day. I've walked him in the evening but it doesn't seem like enough. We pretty much decided last night that he has to go back and we aren't the right family for him.
The thing is I feel so guilty about doing it. I love animals and he can be so sweet at times.
I just feel that a family with more space and time would really benefit him.
Am I doing the right thing?

cocker5

tobothehobo wrote: »

It might seem self serving asking this but myself and my girlfriend got a rescue dog at the weekend.
An 8month old lab collie cross. And unfortunately life has been hell since we get no sleep he fights with our other dog constantly who is 6 years old. He has snapped at my girlfriend a few times and destroyed the house as he received little or no training with his previous owners.
He is full of energy being so young and with us both working full time he's been locked up all day. I've walked him in the evening but it doesn't seem like enough. We pretty much decided last night that he has to go back and we aren't the right family for him.
The thing is I feel so guilty about doing it. I love animals and he can be so sweet at times.
I just feel that a family with more space and time would really benefit him.
Am I doing the right thing?

To be honest OP if you have to ask the question you already know the answer.. the only thing i am going to say is you mentioned you got the dog at the weekend? like 3/4 days ago? and your already thinking of returning him?

3/4 days??? seriously?? not months?

cocker5

cocker5 wrote: »

To be honest OP if you have to ask the question you already know the answer.. the only thing i am going to say is you mentioned you got the dog at the weekend? like 3/4 days ago? and your already thinking of returning him?

3/4 days??? seriously?? not months?

it takes MONTHS for a dog to settle into any home, not days / weeks.

IMO 3/4 days is totally unfair on the dog, your not even giving him a chance in fairness

CelticRambler

Collies and collie-crosses need a lot of exercise. If you're not there most of the day, you're right to take him back sooner rather than later.

CelticRambler

Collies and collie-crosses need a lot of exercise. If you're not there most of the day, you're right to take him back sooner rather than later.

tobothehobo

cocker5 wrote: »

it takes MONTHS for a dog to settle into any home, not days / weeks.

IMO 3/4 days is totally unfair on the dog, your not even giving him a chance in fairness

I'd agree that it is too short a time to give the dog a proper chance and I really don't think there is anything wrong with the dog time and training wouldn't fix. Unfortunately I think the problem is with us. We rushed into it without thinking of what would be best for the animal or for us. The thing was we knew the dog before he was sent to the shelter and the previous owners put no work into him at all then blamed the dog and shipped him off.
When my girlfriend found out she got very upset and we made a snap decision. What we now believe is the wrong decision.we didn't get the dog because we wanted another dog we did it because we didn't like seeing this particular dog in the shelter. It's clearly our fault. I really feel awful about the whole thing. Our heart was in the right place but our heads were not.

Lukehandypants

Are u planning on having kids?

tobothehobo

Lukehandypants wrote: »

Are u planning on having kids?

I don't see how that has anything to do with the matter at hand.

kylith

While I agree that a few days is nowhere near long enough for a dog to settle in I think that you have done the right thing. The dog is young and of a breed that needs a lot of attention and exercise. I don't think that a home where everyone works full time would be the correct match for a dog needing that much work and, frankly, the shelter shouldn't have let you take him in the first place.

emeldc

I'm surprised at the rescue center if you told them that you already had a dog and would be missing all day, that they gave you the dog in the first place.
At least you're admitting that you screwed up and I admire you for that. Do the right thing and bring it back. You've learned a valuable lesson here. The dog will be happier with someone else.

tobothehobo

CelticRambler wrote: »

Collies and collie-crosses need a lot of exercise. If you're not there most of the day, you're right to take him back sooner rather than later.

My thoughts were that the sooner we bring him back the sooner he might find a good fit for him.

jopax

Hi op,

You made a decision in haste, your not bad people just misguided.
It is better for the dog to find a home that is well able to train and take care of him.
Don't beat yourself up, you feel bad for it and have learned a valuable lesson.

maggiepip

Your heart ruled your head in the moment, youve made a mistake, bring the dog back, the sooner the better, it doesn't make you a bad person, just learn from it.

Eta: I say this in context of what you've told us and what your situation is, obviously it takes a long time and a lot of work for a new dog to settle, but in your circumstances it would be best to return the dog before he starts thinking he lives with you. Im surprised also the rescue didn't insist on your other dog meeting the new dog first.

Bonniedog

You can't lock an 8 month old pup up for the day and expect them to sleep for the day! They are not teddy bears.

Do you bring it for walks even?

Don't mean to be smart but dog would be better being back in rescue centre.

L1985

We had to bring a dog back before as well-absolutely lovely dog full of energy had her around 6 weeks. We have had dogs all our lives and had someone at home she was company for first dog etc. problem was she started killing our hens....we tried training her but she had the instinct and she was 3/4.we live on a farm and we can't have dogs with that instinct there. she would be lovely for another home ESP as se loved kids just not right for us.i felt terrible but nothing we could do.

Sofiztikated

tobothehobo wrote: »

I'd agree that it is too short a time to give the dog a proper chance and I really don't think there is anything wrong with the dog time and training wouldn't fix. Unfortunately I think the problem is with us. We rushed into it without thinking of what would be best for the animal or for us. The thing was we knew the dog before he was sent to the shelter and the previous owners put no work into him at all then blamed the dog and shipped him off.
When my girlfriend found out she got very upset and we made a snap decision. What we now believe is the wrong decision.we didn't get the dog because we wanted another dog we did it because we didn't like seeing this particular dog in the shelter. It's clearly our fault. I really feel awful about the whole thing. Our heart was in the right place but our heads were not.

Pot, have you met kettle?

Either put the time in, or bring him back now.

Bonniedog

Apologies, I see you do walk him, but you are right to bring him back.

TG1

Put me in the "why did the shelter give you the dog if you work all day" camp, but that's not the point of the thread.

You made a snap decision based on the fact that you and your girlfriend are nice people and didn't want the dog to suffer. You didn't take the time to think about the type of dog, the age, the temperament and how those factors would fit with your circumstances. You've admitted this, and hopefully won't make a snap decision concerning an animal again as you've seen the consequences, so take that as a positive.

As it turned out it was a mismatch. If you don't have the time to invest in a dog that obviously needs time and attention and training then giving it back is the kindest option. I don't think any dog should be left without human interaction for 8+ hours a day, but particularly not a young energetic and very intelligent dog like a collie cross pup. Hopefully he'll find a home better suited to his needs, where someone will have time to invest in him and he will flourish.

ComfortKid

You should be ashamed of yourself. What exactly did you expect with an 8 month old collie, to lie down all day? Your other dog should be rescued from you too

_Brian

It amazes me the number if people who get dogs that require huge exercise regimes, then lock them up all day, and then wonder why it's not working out.

OP may have been foolish, but the shelter didn't do their homework, this dog should never have been given to this couple.

OP, surely one dog locked up all day while ye are away is enough !!

DBB

ComfortKid wrote: »

You should be ashamed of yourself. What exactly did you expect with an 8 month old collie, to lie down all day? Your other dog should be rescued from you too

This type of posting will NOT be tolerated in this forum. A disgraceful way to speak to another person.
I'm sick saying it. You don't have to agree with one another, but you MUST disagree respectfully.
Comfortkid, consider yourself lucky that I'm only asking you not to post in this thread again.
Do not reply to this post on thread.
Thanks,
DBB

Edited to add: my fellow mod adrenalinejunkie red-carded you as I was posting. I'm inclined to think that this is warranted... I have been accused before of going too easy on people!

tobothehobo

ComfortKid wrote: »

You should be ashamed of yourself. What exactly did you expect with an 8 month old collie, to lie down all day? Your other dog should be rescued from you too

At the end of the day you don't know me. My other dog is very happy he's incredibly affectionate towards both of us and we love him very much. I will not have anyone accuse us of being cruel to any animal.

tobothehobo

We were foolish and rash in our decision. And the answer to anyone saying "what did we think would happen?" The fact is we truly didn't think.
It wasn't a decision made because we wanted another dog (we always said one was enough) it was a decision made because we were upset about the dog in question being put into a shelter. If we had taken time to think we would have realised we were not suitable.
Foolishly we didn't do that.
I think the fact that I'm agonising over this shows I'm not a bad guy. I have asked everyone I can think that might be suitable if they might want him. Unfortunately i've had no luck. I want what's best for the dog and that clearly isn't us.

cocker5

tobothehobo wrote: »

We were foolish and rash in our decision. And the answer to anyone saying "what did we think would happen?" The fact is we truly didn't think.
It wasn't a decision made because we wanted another dog (we always said one was enough) it was a decision made because we were upset about the dog in question being put into a shelter. If we had taken time to think we would have realised we were not suitable.
Foolishly we didn't do that.
I think the fact that I'm agonising over this shows I'm not a bad guy. I have asked everyone I can think that might be suitable if they might want him. Unfortunately i've had no luck. I want what's best for the dog and that clearly isn't us.

What's best for this dog and ANY dog.. is time, training, consistency and decent exercise and if your not prepared to do this for the dog then return him.

sonnybill

Not a bad person at all .. Bring it back My dog I have here was a loonatick .. Staffordshire x American bull dog bitch .. 2 people returned her to the home in England before me .. I have her 13 years now ! She eventually quietened but we had some rows along the way ... Character to say the least!

Tilikum

_Brian wrote: »

It amazes me the number if people who get dogs that require huge exercise regimes, then lock them up all day, and then wonder why it's not working out.

OP may have been foolish, but the shelter didn't do their homework, this dog should never have been given to this couple.

OP, surely one dog locked up all day while ye are away is enough !!

Totally agree with this. Don't understand why anyone would have dog just to leave him/her alone for 8-9 hrs a day.

Where I live there's nothing but dogs crying for hours on end.

fathead82

Did you get the dog from a shelter or from a council run dog pound? If it was the dog pound, chances are high that he will be put down if you ruturn him.
Could you get him neutered & do a bit of training with him & maybe find some sort of output for his energy?

I tried to rehome my terrier last year, she was the same age as your dog at the time & was a bit wild, killing poultry etc. Thankfully, nobody wanted her and once she got over her teenage phase, she became the perfect pet.I wouldn't part with her for the world now.

tobothehobo

fathead82 wrote: »

Did you get the dog from a shelter or from a council run dog pound? If it was the dog pound, chances are high that he will be put down if you ruturn him.
Could you get him neutered & do a bit of training with him & maybe find some sort of output for his energy?

I tried to rehome my terrier last year, she was the same age as your dog at the time & was a bit wild, killing poultry etc. Thankfully, nobody wanted her and once she got over her teenage phase, she became the perfect pet.I wouldn't part with her for the world now.

He was neutered already. We got him from a privately run dog shelter. The lady who runs it has a no kill policy.
I'd never send him to anywhere that would put him down.

tobothehobo

Tilikum wrote: »

Totally agree with this. Don't understand why anyone would have dog just to leave him/her alone for 8-9 hrs a day.

Where I live there's nothing but dogs crying for hours on end.

I see where both of you are coming from. A dog locked up all day is far from ideal. My girlfriend works very close to home and spends her lunch hour at home with the dog so he is never alone for more than about 4 hours. I don't think anyone who has a dog can honestly say they haven't been away from home for that long. At the end of the day we have to work. Following your guidelines only the unemployed should ever have dogs

Evac101

Don't forget the people who are lucky enough to work from home, those with long term disabilities, full time parents, etc.

I'm not in any of those categories, neither is my wife - we have two dogs and from the webcam footage I can say categorically that they spend most of the time when we're not there sleeping on top of each other. Frankly, that's what they spend most of the time we are there doing too :P

sillysmiles

tobothehobo - have you spoken to the rescue/shelter you got the dog from and let them know you are struggling. With it being so close to Christmas, they may not have space for him at the moment but at least talk to them and let them know that the dog going back is a possibility at the moment as he is not the right fit for your house. At least they can already be thinking of other potential homes for him.
In the mean time you are going to have to give him a walk in the morning and try work on some training with him to try tire him out and give you both a bit of peace. Will he chase a ball? Maybe your gf could drop the ball for him at lunch time and work on getting him knackered.

I know you are now realising that the snap decision wasn't the right one for the dog, but if you could try start some training with him until he gets a new home, then it will make his chances of staying in his next home much better.

eeguy

You're completely doing the right thing.

The dog doesn't suit you. Maybe a smaller dog would be a better fit.

Bonniedog

tobothehobo wrote: »

He was neutered already. We got him from a privately run dog shelter. The lady who runs it has a no kill policy.
I'd never send him to anywhere that would put him down.

I think I might know the place actually!

Yes, one thing you can be certain of is that the dog will not be killed so you can return in that safe knowledge.

ruthy_2504

OP I got an Akita cross from a rescue almost 7 years ago, and for the first 6 months I was talking about bringing her back. She was wired to the moon and back, and my then 5 year old boxer was much more settled. I was stressed to the eyeballs most of the time, but I remember looking at her one day and thinking you're mine now.

She has settled into the sweetest dog who only looks for love and affection. Yes, she is still very high energy, but I am so glad I kept her. The two of them have become best buddies, and I really believe that without her my boxer would be a much older dog physically than he is now.

Could you fence off an area in your garden and have the two dogs outside during the day? That's what I do with my two, and it does wonders for them. It lets them burn off excess energy, and when you get home from work you can work with them to train them, or bring them for their walks then and everything will be a much more enjoyable experience.

In the end, only you know what level of work you are prepared to put into settling this dog down. It will be a long process, but if you ride it out you will reap the rewards.

Riverireland

OP if you feel you made a mistake bring the dog back asap. You are not a bad person, you were trying to do good, just learn from it. I could tell you a few stories about bad people, believe me this doesn't get you anywhere near that club. Just learn from it and make a generous donation if you can, they will appreciate that.

pH

This might seem obvious, but dogs bond with their owners, and this doesn't happen overnight. A dog behaves very differently with strangers than its owners, couple what with it being in a strange environment with another dog, you're not seeing the dog as it would be in a years time at all.

Our second rescue was a nightmare when we got him, he would do nothing except "riot", today he's the most loyal, calm lovable family pet ever - dogs love to please "their" humans - and it can take months before they figure out whose dog they are!

Cherry Blossom

ruthy_2504 wrote: »

Could you fence off an area in your garden and have the two dogs outside during the day? That's what I do with my two, and it does wonders for them.

Leaving two dogs that are constantly fighting unattended in a fenced off area neither can get away from is a recipe for a blood bath in all honestly.

tobothehobo

sillysmiles wrote: »

tobothehobo - have you spoken to the rescue/shelter you got the dog from and let them know you are struggling. With it being so close to Christmas, they may not have space for him at the moment but at least talk to them and let them know that the dog going back is a possibility at the moment as he is not the right fit for your house. At least they can already be thinking of other potential homes for him.
In the mean time you are going to have to give him a walk in the morning and try work on some training with him to try tire him out and give you both a bit of peace. Will he chase a ball? Maybe your gf could drop the ball for him at lunch time and work on getting him knackered.

I know you are now realising that the snap decision wasn't the right one for the dog, but if you could try start some training with him until he gets a new home, then it will make his chances of staying in his next home much better.

We have been training him. Rewarding good behaviour and using a water bottle squrt to punish bad behaviour. He was not completely house trained and we were standing in the rain with him outside last night until he went to the toilet to reward him. He has responded well to training and honestly isn't doing anything that any pup of 8months wouldn't do. We have made our mind up to return him and have been in contact with the shelter and will be in contact today again. The lady there had no issue with it.
I can't state enough there is nothing wrong with the dog and in the right home he would thrive.
All the blame lies with us and our lack of foresight. I won't just leave him sit there while he is with us I will engage him and exercise him.

ruthy_2504

adrenalinjunkie wrote: »

Leaving two dogs that are constantly fighting unattended in a fenced off area neither can get away from is a recipe for a blood bath in all honestly.

Dear God, that would be akin to dog fighting..... I didn't mean straight away, more if the dog was being kept and they started to get on.

Evac101

That wins funniest misunderstanding of the day I think

awanderer

tobothehobo wrote: »

I see where both of you are coming from. A dog locked up all day is far from ideal. My girlfriend works very close to home and spends her lunch hour at home with the dog so he is never alone for more than about 4 hours. I don't think anyone who has a dog can honestly say they haven't been away from home for that long. At the end of the day we have to work. Following your guidelines only the unemployed should ever have dogs

I work full time, so does my partner but my dog never spends 4 hours alone (he would be very unhappy if he had to). My partner and I work different days and hours and when we see that we will have to be both away from home for that length of time, one of us makes the 40 minutes drive to the nearest doggy day care. I am not saying that this is what any decent dog people should do, I am sure that some dogs even enjoy having a few hours on their own. What I mean is, be careful, you titled the thread: " Am I a bad person ? " you later stated yourself that you know you aren't . As for myself I am not sure there is such a thing as bad people and I am quite sure that 90 % of dogs that are in shelter are there not because of bad people but because of people who at sometimes meant well.

What I want to say is the important thing here is the welfare of the dog you recentely took home not your validation as a dog owner.You obviously made a mistake that needs to be fixed and wether you are otherwise good to your other dog is not really important here. The important thing is the dog you feel unable to care for and wether you have already decided to send that dog back or also looking for other solutions (in which case this thread could be a good mean of finding alternative solutions)

My dog, best dog in the universe, had been sent back by the previous family who told the rescue that he was unbearable so I am ever so slightly biaised when I say that I think sending the dog back to the shelter to give another family the chance to love him like he deserves seems the best solution to me .

Cherry Blossom

ruthy_2504 wrote: »

Dear God, that would be akin to dog fighting..... I didn't mean straight away, more if the dog was being kept and they started to get on.

Granted, I have never been in the situation of having two dogs that fight, but if I were I don't think I would ever be in the position to trust that it definitely won't happen again no matter how long it was since the last skirmish. Once two dogs have fallen out, I don't think I could ever leave them together unsupervised, I just wouldn't take the risk. I don't know if I'm right or wrong in this train of thought but that's my opinion on it.

tobothehobo

awanderer wrote: »

I work full time, so does my partner but my dog never spends 4 hours alone (he would be very unhappy if he had to). My partner and I work different days and hours and when we see that we will have to be both away from home for that length of time, one of us makes the 40 minutes drive to the nearest doggy day care. I am not saying that this is what any decent dog people should do, I am sure that some dogs even enjoy having a few hours on their own. What I mean is, be careful, you titled the thread: " Am I a bad person ? " you later stated yourself that you know you aren't . As for myself I am not sure there is such a thing as bad people and I am quite sure that 90 % of dogs that are in shelter are there not because of bad people but because of people who at sometimes meant well.

What I want to say is the important thing here is the welfare of the dog you recentely took home not your validation as a dog owner.You obviously made a mistake that needs to be fixed and wether you are otherwise good to your other dog is not really important here. The important thing is the dog you feel unable to care for and wether you have already decided to send that dog back or also looking for other solutions (in which case this thread could be a good mean of finding alternative solutions)

My dog, best dog in the universe, had been sent back by the previous family who told the rescue that he was unbearable so I am ever so slightly biaised when I say that I think sending the dog back to the shelter to give another family the chance to love him like he deserves seems the best solution to me .

I see. It's good to hear you gave your dog a good home. And I would be open to any suggestions on alternative solutions to returning him.

tobothehobo

My girlfriend has just spoken to the shelter where she now spoke to a man and not the lady she spoke to the other day and he said they have no room and we will have to destroy him!!! Even though it says on their website they don't it even says it on a sign on their gate. My girlfriend is now totally distraught. And I really don't know what to do. I'm not sending him to die that's for certain.

screamer

tobothehobo wrote: »

My girlfriend has just spoken to the shelter where she now spoke to a man and not the lady she spoke to the other day and he said they have no room and we will have to destroy him!!! Even though it says on their website they don't it even says it on a sign on their gate. My girlfriend is now totally distraught. And I really don't know what to do. I'm not sending him to die that's for certain.

I'm not surprised my sister got a dog from a well known shelter and it was a nightmare for had serious psychological issues. When she called first they didnt offer any help to take it back then after a few more calls grudgingly said they would. when she returned the dog they turned it all on my sister that it was all her fault etc. TBH there are some shelters out there only out for the money and it's out me off ever taking a shelter for again.

hardCopy

OP, my 2c would be, if you are now "stuck" with the dog, take the next week off to spend time working with him. Find time and space each day to run the energy out of him, preferably off lead, if he can't be trusted off lead get a really long recall line and just run around a field with him playing fetch or chasing. If your garden is not secure, build a fence and get him out during the day. Don't give him his food in a bowl, feed everything in kongs or empty coke bottles to keep his brain active. Keep him separated from your other dog and slowly introduce them to each other, probably best to start working on this outside.

Dard23

We had a collie given to us when I was young. He was a beautiful pup that my Mam hesitated taking from the start but in the end followed her heart. He was a strong fantastic dog ( Could clear our six foot fence) but very over protective and territorial. He snapped at me and my sister numerous times, bit my aunt on the face and scarred her lip. I think they are a wonderful dog for the proper environment. They need a lot of space and also I believe tend to become very attached to one person, their Alpha. Probably why they're so trainable as sheep dogs. A family environment and small space is really not suited to this breed. That is my belief but I could be wrong.

cocker5

OP,
are you willing to work with this dog to to and resolve the issues?

if so lots of us here on Boards can give you advise on how to help him settle in and behave better etc.

awanderer

tobothehobo wrote: »

My girlfriend has just spoken to the shelter where she now spoke to a man and not the lady she spoke to the other day and he said they have no room and we will have to destroy him!!! Even though it says on their website they don't it even says it on a sign on their gate. My girlfriend is now totally distraught. And I really don't know what to do. I'm not sending him to die that's for certain.

First thing I would do is warn other people on social medias! Surely that is dishonest, if they are a rescue, they rely on donations and I for one would never give anything to a shelter that considers putting a dog down as a solution.

You mentioned that both you and your partner are working. Would you consider putting your dog in a doggy day care during the day until you find a more permanent solution? Of course you can't be sure he would be accepted if he is aggressive to other dogs but he might well be ok when with several dogs and not competing for your attention. The advantage is that the dog would then probably be exhausted in the evening and a tired dog rarely misbehaves.

I also forgot to mention i n my previous post that after 3 days, my partner wanted to send our (perfect) dog back to the rescue (he would have had to do it over my dead body) After 2 weeks, he couldn't wait to sign the adoption paper .

sillysmiles

tobothehobo can I suggest that you detail the dog's day and specific problems you are having. There are few people on here who give excellent advice in terms of the correct way to train that will last and get results. Personally I don't agree at all will spraying the dog with a water bottle.

I think you need a combination of improving the dog's behaviour in the short-term while looking for an alternative home in the longer term.

Galway K9

contact a behaviourist in your area.