Now Ye're Talking - to Santa Claus

Notavirus.exe

Which one of the trolls at Boards HQ is posing as you?

Unless the internet is in the North Pole. Can't be sure either way.

PTH2009

santa

what is your favourite christmas Movie ???

PTH2009

The Hill Billy

Notavirus.exe wrote: »

Which one of the trolls at Boards HQ is posing as you?

Unless the internet is in the North Pole. Can't be sure either way.

Bah, humbug to you, sir!
All you'll be getting is a lump of coal.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Ho Ho Holy Reindeer crap, that's a lot of questions.

Santa is pretty busy during the day as you'd expect, but I will try to answer all your questions this evening. Keep them coming.

knucklehead6

I'm Santa Claus, AMA! wrote: »

Ho Ho Holy Reindeer crap, that's a lot of questions.

Santa is pretty busy during the day as you'd expect, but I will try to answer all your questions this evening. Keep them coming.

https://media0.giphy.com/media/WSr5U6zaOLNte/giphy.gif

Toto Wolfcastle

Hi Santa!

Am I on the naughty list? My mother said that it's touch and go this year. I've been on the nice list for 29 Christmases so it has come as a bit of a surprise to me.

whiskeyman

Santa,

Have you ever had any data protection breaches or concerns on your list?
Have anyone ever hacked into your database? DDoS etc..?

Firewalkwithme

Hi Santa.

While I appreciate all of your effort these past few years, there has always been one thing I have never quite understood.

Why is it you always give children who come from families with rich parents better presents than children from families with poor parents? I mean, if anything it should be the other way around because the rich parents could afford to buy the expensive presents anyway but the poor parents couldn't.

Now I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job or anything, I know you've been at it for a while now but would you consider reviewing this policy? Perhaps you could as I suggested reverse the established pattern or at least equalize it for all children. I mean it's kinda sh1t when you go back to school after Christmas and you find out that the little spoiled prick who's bullied you all year got the latest console, a new bike and an iPhone when all I got was books and clothes. I mean, I know he should definitely be on the naughty list this year after he broke my ruler and then he pushed Ciara Cassidy into that dog poo and it got all over her tights and everything and she was crying but he just laughed. He even got lines for that, I mean do you pay any attention to these things at all??

Thanks for your time and Happy Christmas.

Vojera

Dear Santa, what's the story with the North Pole/Lapland confusion? Which one do you actually live at? Or is Lapland where your home is and the North Pole is the base of operations (and therefore where I should send my letters)?

Vojera, (age 30 and 11/12ths)

King George VI

I'm Santa Claus, AMA! wrote: »

Ho Ho Holy Reindeer crap, that's a lot of questions.

Santa is pretty busy during the day as you'd expect, but I will try to answer all your questions this evening. Keep them coming.

Busy doing what? Your elves do all the work. You get 364 days off per year to sleep and watch Seinfeld and fill up on the billions of choc chip cookies you've collected the previous December 25th. Get up and give us some damned answers, fat man!

:pac:

Pat Mustard

Dear Santa,

I asked for a Millennium Falcon but I got an X-Wing Fighter instead.

Decades have passed but this question has always remained.

Why did this happen?

Also, will you pass over Turkish airspace on Christmas Eve?

Boards.ie: Niamh

Notavirus.exe wrote: »

Which one of the trolls at Boards HQ is posing as you?

Unless the internet is in the North Pole. Can't be sure either way.

KERSPLAT!

Dear Santa,

Die Hard, right?

Cheers,

K

(P.S Can I have a surprise this year?)

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

The Hill Billy wrote: »

What are your favourite biscuits for the children to leave out on Christmas Eve, & do you prefer a glass of milk or a drop of sherry to go with them?

There is a lot to be said for a good chocolate digestive. Hob Nobs always go down well too. Rudolph likes fig rolls.

As for the drink, I have to pace myself (otherwise I'd be twisted by the time I leave Iceland). I like milk and fanta, but I take a little sip of something stronger every 1,000 houses. Whatever is available - I'm not fussy.

mirrorwall14

ibarelycare wrote: »

Dear Santa,

Why would you never bring me a Mr Frosty? I asked for it 3 years in a row and I never got it

Love,

Niamh (age 30)

I got mr frosty two years in a row because I stopped playing with it after 2 days and my dad gave it away. Being a determined little one I demanded it all year with all the outrage of a small child to the extent that it had to be gotten again for me

sidcon

Hi

I saw mammy kissing Santa Claus under neath the mistletoe last year and I haven't seen mammy since.
Care to elaborate why santa?

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

JustShon wrote: »

Hollywood always shows your workshop making little wooden trains and dolls and such but I imagine that these days the majority of presents are electronics.

Does your workshop manufacture iPhones, Playstations and Laptops or is that stuff outsourced?

We still make all wooden toys, dolls, teddy bears and board games in house. We start stockpiling electronics on December 26th. Apple are a problem though - the bastards release new phones every year so we have to scramble with the rest of the sheep to stock up.

Yes, Santa rocks an Android and isn't afraid to say it.

iano.p

I am you sure you know what happen in 88. (My brother got up early and put his name on all the labels.) How come he always got the better presents after that?

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

ibarelycare wrote: »

Dear Santa,

Why would you never bring me a Mr Frosty? I asked for it 3 years in a row and I never got it

Love,

Niamh (age 30)

Hi Niamh, wonderful question. A popular toy and we could never make enough of them. The kids in hot countries get first dibs, I'm afraid. Who the hell eats flavoured ice in December in this climate? Are you NUTS?

Into The Blue

Hi Santa,

Apologies for the long gap since our last correspondence.

What union are you in?
That's a pretty sweet deal you have there, 1 on 364 off.. You have it nearly as good as council workers breast feeding their shovels looking into a hole.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Johnny Carson wrote: »

Dear Santy.

Would you prefer if I left you milk and cookies or a pint of Guinness and some bourbon creams next to the fireplace?

Festive Regards,

Stephen (age 25)

Thanks Stephen, see earlier answer (choco digestives, hob nobs, fig rolls). Spread the word. Guinness gives me massive shits for some reason so I try to drink it in moderation while working. The chimneys of the naughty kids do come in handy in urgent situations though. Ho ho ho!

Gaygooner

Dear Santa,

I love the mic and amplifier you got me- best present ever.
(I hadn't asked for it)

Bananarama- love in the first degree
Whitney Housten- I wanna dance with somebody

Somebody knew 😜

GG
35.9

Gaygooner

I'm Santa Claus, AMA! wrote: »

We still make all wooden toys, dolls, teddy bears and board games in house. We start stockpiling electronics on December 26th. Apple are a problem though - the bastards release new phones every year so we have to scramble with the rest of the sheep to stock up.

Yes, Santa rocks an Android and isn't afraid to say it.

It's over Santa

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Deleted User wrote: »

Have you met the Easter Bunny and The Grim Reaper. What are those guys _really_ like? Does Jesus still throw those house parties for you all?

The Easter Bunny's real name is Larry and believe it or not he is a diabetic. Yes, the irony is superb.

The current Grim Reaper (Fred) is an ugly drunk and never gets invited to ANY parties (no matter who holds them). As for the house parties, I'm getting sick of loaves and fishes. Is it too much to ask for some M&S samosas? Or at least some pringles.

Lando Griffin

Hi Santa. When you are doing the rounds this year can you check if my neighbours has a TV licence and leave a note in my house telling me if he do or don't so I may surprise him during the year.
Thanks Santa.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

dudara wrote: »

Hi Santa, longtime fan here. You may remember me from the local parish bazaar "Meet Santa" sessions from 1982-1988.

Anyway, what do you feed the reindeers to ensure they have enough energy to travel at hyper light speeds? And...do you ever get any "blowback" while behind them in the sleigh?

Merry Christmas!

Hi dudara, those Santas were just regular guys dressed up (although they did come from our Santa school). Sorry if that comes as a shock to you. There is only one S to the C and that's ME.

Reindeers are fast but not hyper light speed. What's the point of hyper light speed when you have to stop every tenth of a second to go to a new house? The sleigh uses quantum entanglement, relativity and time dilation. Did you know that Einstein was one of our part time Santas back in the day? Little known fact, and as it turns out, a pretty smart guy too. He rigged the sleigh with all kinds of cool shit to help with the journey.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Peregrine wrote: »

Just how large is the naughty list?

And will you ever take me off it?

Let's just say it's so big, it has gone electronic, web-based and is in the cloud. Rumours that it is powered by vBulletin are unfounded though. Who runs a really busy site on that these days? Ho!

As soon as these "Server Unavailable" errors stop, I'll look you up. Ahem.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Fat Christy wrote: »

How do you keep the weight down and the diabetes at bay? For a guy that shnacks on all the biscuits and sweets from here to China in one night, you're not half bad looking.

What's your secret, Santa?

Naked Bikram Yoga.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

GavRedKing wrote: »

Hi Santa,

Apart from working one very hectic night of the year, how do you like to spend your ample time off?

Call of Duty and Mario Kart. Anyone who teabags me and/or hits me with a blue shell gets put on the naughty list.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

ibarelycare wrote: »

Which Christmas movie do you think gives the most accurate depiction of you?

Die Hard.

Now I have a machine gun. Ho. Ho. Ho.

Sleep well, kids.