Now Ye're Talking - to Santa Claus

C.K Dexter Haven

Dear Santa,

Was great seeing you in Switzers all those years ago. How've you been keeping since?

Must say you continue to do a most excellent job under what must be very cold conditions. Can you recommend me a good Whiskey to keep out Mr. Freeze this Christmas- if anyone knows, it's you.

Thanks Santa

Regards,

C.K Dexter Haven.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Choc Chip wrote: »

Santa,

When is the cut-off point for the naughty list? Is the sleigh packed-up by (say) Christmas Eve and can I then be naughty with impunity after the cut-off point?

Also, what happens to all the presents that are made for the kids who go onto the naughty list last minute? Are these sold off cheap on the 26th? I'm also still after a Mister Frosty if you have any spare this year....

Best regards,

ChocChip (age 33)

Naughty list in the cloud, see earlier question. GPS + push notifications FTW.

Anything left over gets stockpiled for next year. Any Mr Frostys left over this year go to ibarelycare.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

elaney wrote: »

Hi Santa,

Hope you are well.

My five year old wants to know how you fly the sleigh?.

Hope you have a lovely christmas eve

Elaney

Hi Elaney, I could go into explanations about time dilation, relativity and quantum entanglement, but that would be too hard to explain to a 5 year old.

Instead, just tell her that the reindeer get REALLY STONED before the journey. I'll leave it to you to explain what that means.

Thanks for the best wishes!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Santa, did you always file a flight plan with NORAD? What did you do before that was there?

I tried that once, but those guys are assholes. With the timey wimey stuff I do on Christmas Eve, they don't even know I'm up there. What they don't know (or can't catch!) won't hurt them.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Peregrine wrote: »

Does the IAA ever give you any trouble?

No, I get on fine with the Israel Antiques Authority. Thanks for asking. Shalom!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

knucklehead6 wrote: »

I've another one, I see that your sleigh will be visible at about 5:15pm on Christmas Eve. Where will you be heading to at that time?

Nope, timey wimey stuff, not visible to the naked eye while flying. I'm probably around Japan at that time too so maybe you're just seeing a plane or a scud missile or something.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Hi Santa,

How old are you?

How did you and Mrs Claus meet, and do you have any children?

I'm the 57th Santa. I'm not immortal, that's just stupid. I'll pass the torch to Santa Jr. in about 2032.

Funny story about the then future Mrs. Claus, Copperface Jacks and a pack of ping pong balls. I'll save that for another day.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Omackeral wrote: »

Dear Santa,

I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and thus never got to get gifts from you on the 25th. I feel really left out and sad, especially since I had no say in it. I used to pray each year that you'd leave me something and would wake up with a glimmer of hope every December 25th. Alas, it was never to be. It seems magic always bypassed my house.

Since turning 18 (I'm 29 now) I've legally become an adult, which entitles me to leave that particular religion behind me for all intents and purposes. With that said, I've done some thorough calculations and I have allowed for inflation (and have taken into account the change of currency from punt to euro in 2002) and arrived at a reasonable figure.

You owe me €4,890.

I'll give you a Mr. Frosty and we'll call it even.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

NinjaTruncs wrote: »

Hi Santa,

Why do you wrap presents for some children and not others?

Depends on how much drink the elves have had. They tend to get rowdy and stop working about half way through wrapping.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

ScienceNerd wrote: »

What country leaves the best snacks out for you?

Ireland!

/pander.

Mr.Crinklewood

Is it true that you have the toe nail clippings of the bold children, and that you cut all the childrens toe nails on Christmas morning to cross check DNA?

uck51js9zml2yt

What do your elves do with all the socks they steal.?

Don't deny it, I read it on the wall at your grotto in rathdrum today.

And were was Rudolf last week when my son (age 5) went up to the park to see him and he wasn't there? And of course when he asked the deer about Rudolf's location they wouldn't tell him even though he gave them carrots! Don't you know what that does to a child ?


Thanks for all the pressies BTW

Dad. ..age 47


PS ..my son wants 2 guns ( probably to shoot the deer)

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Diamond Doll wrote: »

You're often referred to as Saint Nicholas - are you really a saint, and if so, are you dead? Also what are your religious leanings?

How do you access apartments which don't have chimneys for you to come down?

Santa #6 was made a saint and that just kind of carried forward. I'm #57, which you may have seen earlier. No religious leanings for me, but Santa #56 was Mennonite. Great at carpentry.

If you don't have a chimney, I come through your gas vent.

Ted_YNWA

Hey Santa,

Which one of your reindeer ran over my grandmother?

Did you punish them for it.

Also did you ever get stuck in a chimney?

Thanks,

Ted (32)

Mystery Egg

This Santa is giving me a no feeling.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Vex Willems wrote: »

Dear Santa,

I moved out of home three years ago. Should I PM you my new address as you've yet to visit my house. You don't need to leave presents at my Parents house anymore.

Vex (Age 32)

Have you considered that you maybe on the naughty list? I can be persuaded to visit you this year though. You know what you need to do.

RayM

Dear Santa,

How do you know if I've been bad or good? Or if I'm sleeping or awake, for that matter. What... other stuff do you know...?

Raymond (age 33¾)

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

diomed wrote: »

Why "ho, ho, ho"?
Why not "he, he, he" or "ha, ha, ha"?

(and keep the answer clean )

Santa #33 was a giggler and that didn't really work out (it freaked the kids out). The "Ho Ho Ho" was added to the Santa Rule Book after that.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

mackey9387 wrote: »

Hi Santa,

Are you fearful about flying over Turkey / Syrian border in case Johnny Turks thinks your Sleigh is Russian?

Jason
(Age 28)

I'm too fast for them. Pew!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Santa,

Are you going to answer us with our real names or our boards names?

I'll have to think about that, knucklehead. Although you're one of the few where your real name is the same as your boards name, so that makes things very easy.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Hi Santa

With the massive advancements in satellite navigation and tracking in recent decades, and with the current debates of the impact of livestock on climate change, do you think the time has come to sack Rudolph? Do all of the other reindeer still need him to show the way?

Still need the reindeer for speed. Experimenting with drones at the moment though, watch this space.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Gowlasauras Rex wrote: »

With mrs Claus getting older and less nimble, do you find the naughty list to be containing more and more of Santas little helpers?

How would Mrs Clause getting older cause the naughty list to get longer? With Santas little helpers? Ask the question again after you've slept it off, thanks!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Deleted User wrote: »

Do you ever get upset with Green Giant for stealing your Ho Ho Ho?

We have a mutual agreement that he doesn't use it at Christmas. It has worked out well so far (although that year it showed on UTV on Christmas day had our lawyers talking to their lawyers - that was a close one).

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

mahoganygas wrote: »

Dear Santa,

Was that you lobbing the gob on my mammy?
Underneath the mistletoe?

Little Tommy.

What can I say, Tommy? The woman has MAD SKILLS.

gzoladz

Santa, have you ever called a sickie?

roshje

Hi Santa,
There seem to be alot of grinches on boards.ie.
Do they still get presents?
Merry Christmas

Niemoj

Hiya Santy, long time fan here.

Years and years ago I made yourself a lovely bowl of Weetabix or Weetabex as the young me called it, anyway the next morning I found half of it in the bin! What happened there?!

Did you and the reindeers not like it or something? I always thought you liked lots of sugar...

Also, an bhfuil tú Gaeilge a labhairt? Or do you have a special division to translate letters from the Gaeltacht children, what about other languages? You must be great with the languages!

Regards,

Nemo, aged 18.

Firewalkwithme

Well I guess Santa only answers the rich kids questions because he didn't mine...

Omackeral

I'm Santa Claus, AMA! wrote: »

I'll give you a Mr. Frosty and we'll call it even.

You can give it to that girl Niamh. She sounds like she would really really like it. I'll just have the 5 G's if it's all the same to you.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

tailgunner wrote: »

Hi Santy,

Big fan, love your work. I've been thinking about making a career change next year, and was wondering if there are any vacancies in the elf department? I've heard there's a lengthy period of on-the-job training before becoming a fully qualified elf, but are there any prerequisites to applying for a role?

Cheers,
Shane (age 30)

Sure! We're always looking for new elves. Send a PM to Niamh and she can get it to us. The only prerequisites are that you less than 4ft tall (the workshop has low doors) and you are AT LEAST 18 years old (we're not Nike).