Now Ye're Talking - to Santa Claus

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

PTH2009 wrote: »

santa

what is your favourite christmas Movie ???

PTH2009

Already answered.... Die Hard!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Toto Wolfcastle wrote: »

Hi Santa!

Am I on the naughty list? My mother said that it's touch and go this year. I've been on the nice list for 29 Christmases so it has come as a bit of a surprise to me.

I stopped visiting your house when you were 9. You better have a chat with your mother - I think she is blackmailing you. Did you forget her birthday or something?

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

whiskeyman wrote: »

Santa,

Have you ever had any data protection breaches or concerns on your list?
Have anyone ever hacked into your database? DDoS etc..?

Anonymous tried and failed. ELFware v12.25 is pretty bulletproof.

Taltos

Hi Santa.

Why have you gotten all cuddly and nice?
We miss the old psychotic Santa that those silly movies are based on?

Any chance we'll see a return to form?

p.s. Loved you in The Dresden Files...

This Fat Girl Runs

Dear Santa,

I went to a carol service this weekend and while I was singing along with the carols it struck me that a lot of the songs are about peace on earth. But there doesn't seem to be a lot of that lately and it made me really sad.

Is there anything YOU can do about it? About peace on earth I mean?

Sincerely,

C (age 39)

antodeco

Hi Santa,
Quick question. Do all the Santa's get Garda vetted? There was a questionable year when a guy in a red suit came into my room and basically emptied his sack on my bed.

Agent Smith

Do you have a bedside locker?

Whats in your bedside locker?

The Hill Billy

How big is your sack & how long does it take to fill?

Harika

Dear Santa, I am a "local" how my new near relatives call me and I asked them to get a bag of coal for Christmas from Santa. They said Santa would only bring me a piece of coal if I was naughty. What can I now do to become so naughty that you will bring us a full bag of coal, cause we really need heating as it is freezing cold at home.

Gaspode

Dear Santa, I was quite naughty with Josephine from accounts at the party last week, will I still get the playstation I asked for?

murpho999

Hello Santa,

Do you mind that some Irish children call you "Santy"?

Also, many British refer to you as Father Chirstmas, and I hate that, do you like it?

Finally, are you not subject to drink driving laws as you have a jar in every house you visit?

Notavirus.exe

I have an on-topic joke:

Why does Santa have a big sack?

'Cause he only comes once a year.

kneemos

Any truth in the rumours about Mrs Claus and Snow White?

knucklehead6

Notavirus.exe wrote: »

I have an on-topic joke:

Why does Santa have a big sack?

'Cause he only comes once a year.

You really aren't very funny

kerry4sam

Hello Santa, How's the form?

I've asked for nothing this year as I have what I need...Anywhoo just a few quesies for ya

~ How long did it take you to learn to drive the sleigh?
~ Was the test difficult and who carried it out?
~ Were you accompanied like in a car or followed like on a motorbike?
~ Do you have a motorbike?
~ How fast can you sleigh go?
~ Can it go faster than a modified motorbike?
~ Do you feel Special?
~ What one thing would you like to see before this year ends (aside from less questions) ?

Many Thanks for your time,
Know you're busy
kerry4sam

Dear Santa,

Remember that Christmas when I was 8 and you were worried your sleigh would be too overloaded on Christmas Eve, so you left some bags of gifts in my attic to save space? How come you only left the gifts that would be to people in my house?

Also, do the reindeers earn frequent flyer miles (I know it's only once a year, but it's been many years, after all)? Where do Rudolph and the boys go for their summer holidays?

And finally, if I could give you a gift that would make you happy after your long nights work on Christmas Eve, what would you like it to be?

Also, can I have more Lego?

Happy Christmas Santa, and give my love to Mrs Santa, and to Mrs Santas Sister.

Lots of love,
Candie (28)

uck51js9zml2yt

Dear Santa
Do you realise you're costing me a fortune between this insidious outsourcing of toy provision to parents and the purchase of mince pies and carrots.

I know we've experienced a global recession and all that and lots of enterprises had to downsize but come on Santa, getting rid of your elves and selling off your factory and requiring parents to buy toys for the kids and pretend they're from you is beyond words.....I assume you're a non union house!


Just to let you know I'll be watching you ...literally http://www.noradsanta.org/

Joey Jo-Jo Junior

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Cartoon_Head wrote: »

Hi Santa.

While I appreciate all of your effort these past few years, there has always been one thing I have never quite understood.

Why is it you always give children who come from families with rich parents better presents than children from families with poor parents? I mean, if anything it should be the other way around because the rich parents could afford to buy the expensive presents anyway but the poor parents couldn't.

Now I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job or anything, I know you've been at it for a while now but would you consider reviewing this policy? Perhaps you could as I suggested reverse the established pattern or at least equalize it for all children. I mean it's kinda sh1t when you go back to school after Christmas and you find out that the little spoiled prick who's bullied you all year got the latest console, a new bike and an iPhone when all I got was books and clothes. I mean, I know he should definitely be on the naughty list this year after he broke my ruler and then he pushed Ciara Cassidy into that dog poo and it got all over her tights and everything and she was crying but he just laughed. He even got lines for that, I mean do you pay any attention to these things at all??

Thanks for your time and Happy Christmas.

FWIW, he got an XBox 360, an iPhone 4 and I got the elves to put tiny pinpricks in his inner tubes. Santa sees all. Happy Christmas.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Vojera wrote: »

Dear Santa, what's the story with the North Pole/Lapland confusion? Which one do you actually live at? Or is Lapland where your home is and the North Pole is the base of operations (and therefore where I should send my letters)?

Vojera, (age 30 and 11/12ths)

Hi Vojera,

Lapland is in the North Pole (it's not a case of one or the other). Happy Christmas!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Johnny Carson wrote: »

Busy doing what? Your elves do all the work. You get 364 days off per year to sleep and watch Seinfeld and fill up on the billions of choc chip cookies you've collected the previous December 25th. Get up and give us some damned answers, fat man!

:pac:

Seinfeld SUCKS, I'm sorry. Jerry is just so smug. I'm more of an Always Sunny In Philadelphia man myself.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Pat Mustard wrote: »

Dear Santa,

I asked for a Millennium Falcon but I got an X-Wing Fighter instead.

Decades have passed but this question has always remained.

Why did this happen?

Also, will you pass over Turkish airspace on Christmas Eve?

It was an X-Wing/Millennium Falcon transformer. Franchise crossover. Try it again.

Already answered the Turkish airspace question.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

mirrorwall14 wrote: »

I got mr frosty two years in a row because I stopped playing with it after 2 days and my dad gave it away. Being a determined little one I demanded it all year with all the outrage of a small child to the extent that it had to be gotten again for me

Well done you!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

sidcon wrote: »

Hi

I saw mammy kissing Santa Claus under neath the mistletoe last year and I haven't seen mammy since.
Care to elaborate why santa?

Wasn't me (maybe someone dressed up as me?). Santa doesn't break up families. Or kidnap. Or murder. Hope she turns up!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

iano.p wrote: »

I am you sure you know what happen in 88. (My brother got up early and put his name on all the labels.) How come he always got the better presents after that?

Your brother knows more than he is letting on.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Into The Blue wrote: »

Hi Santa,

Apologies for the long gap since our last correspondence.

What union are you in?
That's a pretty sweet deal you have there, 1 on 364 off.. You have it nearly as good as council workers breast feeding their shovels looking into a hole.

We don't have a union. The elves love working for me and they are well compensated.

It's a year round job too - the little guys will be off until the 4th, but then it's straight back to work to get ready for next year. Happy Christmas!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Gaygooner wrote: »

Dear Santa,

I love the mic and amplifier you got me- best present ever.
(I hadn't asked for it)

Bananarama- love in the first degree
Whitney Housten- I wanna dance with somebody

Somebody knew 😜

GG
35.9

I remember. The rest of your family got noise cancelling headphones that year too. That was lucky, wasn't it?

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

Is it true that you have the toe nail clippings of the bold children, and that you cut all the childrens toe nails on Christmas morning to cross check DNA?

No man, that's just f**king creepy. Seriously.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Lando Griffin wrote: »

Hi Santa. When you are doing the rounds this year can you check if my neighbours has a TV licence and leave a note in my house telling me if he do or don't so I may surprise him during the year.
Thanks Santa.

I don't have time to go looking for TV Licenses, sorry. I have billions of houses to go to.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

C.K Dexter Haven wrote: »

Dear Santa,

Was great seeing you in Switzers all those years ago. How've you been keeping since?

Must say you continue to do a most excellent job under what must be very cold conditions. Can you recommend me a good Whiskey to keep out Mr. Freeze this Christmas- if anyone knows, it's you.

Thanks Santa

Regards,

C.K Dexter Haven.

Hi CKDH

I'm not an alcohol expert - after a few thousand houses it all start to taste the same! That wasn't me in Switzers - it was one of my trainees. Glad it was a positive experience for you!