Now Ye're Talking - to Santa Claus

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Brett Late Write-off wrote: »

What do your elves do with all the socks they steal.?

Don't deny it, I read it on the wall at your grotto in rathdrum today.

And were was Rudolf last week when my son (age 5) went up to the park to see him and he wasn't there? And of course when he asked the deer about Rudolf's location they wouldn't tell him even though he gave them carrots! Don't you know what that does to a child ?

Thanks for all the pressies BTW

Dad. ..age 47

PS ..my son wants 2 guns ( probably to shoot the deer)

Again, it was one of my helpers. I'll have to have words though - stealing socks is not acceptable. Obviously Rudolph isn't going to be in Rathdrum the week before Christmas - tell your son he was busy getting ready for tonight. Happy Christmas!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

RayM wrote: »

Dear Santa,

How do you know if I've been bad or good? Or if I'm sleeping or awake, for that matter. What... other stuff do you know...?

Raymond (age 33¾)

Hidden malware in the powersockets in your house sees all.

I've said too much.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Ted_YNWA wrote: »

Hey Santa,

Which one of your reindeer ran over my grandmother?

Did you punish them for it.

Also did you ever get stuck in a chimney?

Thanks,

Ted (32)

Hi Ted

It wasn't a reindeer (they fly). Unless your grandmother was also flying at the time? Did she have clearance to fly on Christmas Eve?

I don't get stuck in chimneys. Magic, etc.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

gzoladz wrote: »

Santa, have you ever called a sickie?

Santa #11 did once. Bubonic plague apparently. The elves did it that year and made a balls of it.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

roshje wrote: »

Hi Santa,
There seem to be alot of grinches on boards.ie.
Do they still get presents?
Merry Christmas

They'll get something. Happy Christmas.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Niemoj wrote: »

Hiya Santy, long time fan here.

Years and years ago I made yourself a lovely bowl of Weetabix or Weetabex as the young me called it, anyway the next morning I found half of it in the bin! What happened there?!

Did you and the reindeers not like it or something? I always thought you liked lots of sugar...

Also, an bhfuil tú Gaeilge a labhairt? Or do you have a special division to translate letters from the Gaeltacht children, what about other languages? You must be great with the languages!

Regards,

Nemo, aged 18.

Weetabix is only nice with hot milk, and the microwave may have woken you up. I don't speak foreign languages - we have a group of elves that do that. Don't worry - we've thought of everything! Happy Christmas.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Taltos wrote: »

Hi Santa.

Why have you gotten all cuddly and nice?
We miss the old psychotic Santa that those silly movies are based on?

Any chance we'll see a return to form?

p.s. Loved you in The Dresden Files...

Ah, my last hangover. Frickin' social media.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

This Fat Girl Runs wrote: »

Dear Santa,

I went to a carol service this weekend and while I was singing along with the carols it struck me that a lot of the songs are about peace on earth. But there doesn't seem to be a lot of that lately and it made me really sad.

Is there anything YOU can do about it? About peace on earth I mean?

Sincerely,

C (age 39)

I can't do much about faiths that don't believe in me. Sad but true. You're doing OK in Ireland, and that's the main thing. Happy Christmas.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

antodeco wrote: »

Hi Santa,
Quick question. Do all the Santa's get Garda vetted? There was a questionable year when a guy in a red suit came into my room and basically emptied his sack on my bed.

We have a strict Santa code. I'm sure that sack was full of love.

Ummmm.....

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Agent Smith wrote: »

Do you have a bedside locker?

Whats in your bedside locker?

My kindle. The latest John Grisham was very good.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

The Hill Billy wrote: »

How big is your sack & how long does it take to fill?

My sack is magic and bottomless.

(If your question was an innuendo, that may or may not have been the answer you were hoping for).

Happy Christmas!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Harika wrote: »

Dear Santa, I am a "local" how my new near relatives call me and I asked them to get a bag of coal for Christmas from Santa. They said Santa would only bring me a piece of coal if I was naughty. What can I now do to become so naughty that you will bring us a full bag of coal, cause we really need heating as it is freezing cold at home.

Join ISIS.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Gaspode wrote: »

Dear Santa, I was quite naughty with Josephine from accounts at the party last week, will I still get the playstation I asked for?

Sure! A playstation 2....

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

murpho999 wrote: »

Hello Santa,

Do you mind that some Irish children call you "Santy"?

Also, many British refer to you as Father Chirstmas, and I hate that, do you like it?

Finally, are you not subject to drink driving laws as you have a jar in every house you visit?

Different countries call me different things.

Until your Gardai Siochana start to use flying cars, the poor feckers will never catch me.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

kneemos wrote: »

Any truth in the rumours about Mrs Claus and Snow White?

It was just once. And I was allowed to watch.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

kerry4sam wrote: »

Hello Santa, How's the form?

I've asked for nothing this year as I have what I need...Anywhoo just a few quesies for ya

~ How long did it take you to learn to drive the sleigh?
~ Was the test difficult and who carried it out?
~ Were you accompanied like in a car or followed like on a motorbike?
~ Do you have a motorbike?
~ How fast can you sleigh go?
~ Can it go faster than a modified motorbike?
~ Do you feel Special?
~ What one thing would you like to see before this year ends (aside from less questions) ?

Many Thanks for your time,
Know you're busy
kerry4sam

~ Training for all santas begins at a young age. Everyone is fully trained by the time they need to be.
~ It's all online and in simulators these days.
~ See above.
~ As you may have seen earlier, it's less about the speed of the sleigh and more about the speed of time.
~ Hell yeah.
~ Always. I'm Santa!
~ My bed!

Happy Christmas!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Candie wrote: »

Dear Santa,

Remember that Christmas when I was 8 and you were worried your sleigh would be too overloaded on Christmas Eve, so you left some bags of gifts in my attic to save space? How come you only left the gifts that would be to people in my house?

Also, do the reindeers earn frequent flyer miles (I know it's only once a year, but it's been many years, after all)? Where do Rudolph and the boys go for their summer holidays?

And finally, if I could give you a gift that would make you happy after your long nights work on Christmas Eve, what would you like it to be?

Also, can I have more Lego?

Happy Christmas Santa, and give my love to Mrs Santa, and to Mrs Santas Sister.

Lots of love,
Candie (28)

Hi Candie

For your first question, Santa has in some circumstances sent presents ahead of time (only if parents have a REALLY GOOD hiding place). Obviously your parents' hiding place wasn't REALLY GOOD.

Reindeer don't get frequent flyer miles. They're like Ryanair. They are well treated though. Unlike.... er... never mind. They go wherever they want for holidays. Blitzen was kicked of the Bellagio in Vegas last August. He was caught counting cards.

Santa just wants a really comfy bed after tonight, so that's already taken care of.

Lego on the way. Happy Christmas!

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Brett Late Write-off wrote: »

Dear Santa
Do you realise you're costing me a fortune between this insidious outsourcing of toy provision to parents and the purchase of mince pies and carrots.

I know we've experienced a global recession and all that and lots of enterprises had to downsize but come on Santa, getting rid of your elves and selling off your factory and requiring parents to buy toys for the kids and pretend they're from you is beyond words.....I assume you're a non union house!

Just to let you know I'll be watching you ...literally http://www.noradsanta.org/

You're the same guy who started that biblical references thread in Feedback, aren't you? You're a real bundle of fun - I bet you get invited to ALL the fun parties. Happy Christmas.

heldel00

These answers are fantastic. Well done Santy. Your head must be mithered with all the questions though on one of the busiest days of the year for you.

Have you everything sorted at this stage and what time are you hitting the road?

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Joey Jo-Jo Junior wrote: »

Your handwriting is AWFUL, sorry. I think I have it though - please do not worry.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

heldel00 wrote: »

These answers are fantastic. Well done Santy. Your head must be mithered with all the questions though on one of the busiest days of the year for you.

Have you everything sorted at this stage and what time are you hitting the road?

The elves are loading up now heldel00, thanks for your feedback. It was good fun!

Thanks to Niamh for inviting me. If the management of Boards HQ are reading this, she isn't being paid enough.

I'm going to have something light for dinner, and I'll be heading off about 2pm Irish time to start on the other side of the world. Roll on the chocolate digestives and hobnobs (and roll me off the sleigh afterwards!)

FYI Rudolph loves Fig Rolls, not carrots (he said to mention that he's a reindeer, not a bloody rabbit). He used stronger language than that too.

Make sure you and your kids are all in bed nice and early tonight and Santa hopes that you all have a lovely Christmas and a happy 2016. Best wishes to all your families and friends. Your health and that of those close to you is far more important than any material things.

If I had one piece of advice for you all, it's this - turn off the TV, gadgets and consoles for at least an hour or two every day and do a family activity - play cards, play a board game, play charades, go for a walk, have a conversation. If you don't, you may look back with regret when they're not around any more.

Happy Christmas!