child not his?

dimko

pc7 wrote: »

I've relations who have twins, one blue eyed and blonde, other dark hair and dark Browne eyes. Both parents have blue, mind your beeswax and leave them alone.

Which means, wife could sleep with two guys same time. There you go...

dimko

amdublin wrote: »

You are acting as if it is a fact that the child is not the fathers. No one knows this.


The facts are that the op heard a nasty little rumour from 3 or 4 years ago, through a path of 3 or 4 people.

I am not acting, I am pointing possibility here. Everyone is acting, as if child is 100% his. In reality - we don't know. But it's bigger of 2 evils to live a lie, then to tell truth that hurts.(and truth is - that he doubts parenthood of his friend)

amdublin

dimko wrote: »

I am not acting, I am pointing possibility here. Everyone is acting, as if child is 100% his. In reality - we don't know. But it's bigger of 2 evils to live a lie, then to tell truth that hurts.(and truth is - that he doubts parenthood of his friend)

There is a possibility that every child is not a fathers child. But you take it as a fact unless you absolutely know otherwise.


The op does not KNOW otherwise. Instead he is going on a 4 year old 4th hand rumour and that the child does not look like the father (which happens all the time). He would do well to stay out of his friend's business unless he actually KNOWS that the child is not his friends.

Potatoeman

amdublin wrote: »

I would not like the following message delivered to me:
"Amdublin I heard from my sisters friends sisters friend that 3/4 years ago Mrs Amdub was cheating on you"


Completely different scenario from me actually knowing that my partner cheated on me in the past.


I would not want to hear fourth hand gossip and innuendo that may or may not be true from 4 years ago.

If it's a close friend, they have a right to let him know what other people are saying behind his back.

The timing of the supposed affair and the child not looking like him (even though this can happen) together make it more believable. Cheaters generally dont admit cheating and blind trust can be taken advantage of.

dimko

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Ok OP what you have encountered here is an interesting phenomenon in personal issues threads which is worth keeping in mind when you consider why most of the responses swing this way.

1) The scenario itself, this forum AFAIK will tend to swing majority woman, infidelity and most particularly paternity doubts raise a really strong response (can be seen when it comes up in AH threads, even testing is considered a massive breach of trust by some).

2) People here don't care about your friend, well they may a little bit but they also put a higher emphasis on the childs well being and probably an equal amount to his wifes.

3) You've raised peoples hackles by looking at the baby and thinking the eye colour is a sign of suspicion, its very much possible for two people with blue eyes to have brown eyed child, its very much possible for the child not too look like either parent, its possible that it won't look like grandparents or aunts/uncles on either side. People get defensive as they might not look like parents and also people get weird about genetics.
I would say its entirely possible for the child to look absolutely nothing like him or any members of his family, was there a rumor about her having an affair with a darker guy before she got pregnant/gave birth?

4) There is a massive tendency on this forum to be do as I say, not do as I do or wish to be done to me, it always comes up this way, most of the people here would like to know if their partner had cheated on them, most posters here are female so the whole child not being theirs worry is utterly unrelatable to them anyway.
Look at what you would want to happen if it was you in this situation, look at what other people would like to happen to them in that situation, don't look at what other people would like to happen to other people.

5) PI is still an Online forum, they always have there quirks that don't match real life, hell I've seen threads here where a person actually finding infidelity on partners phone gets judgment about not respecting privacy

My advice to you would be not to mention the babies parentage at all, however since your good friends I think its completely acceptable for you to say to him that "others" are talking about his wifes potential infidelity, this is happening anyway so he might end up hearing it from someone else.
Do whats best for your friend not what other people think is easiest or whats best for the wife and kid, he's your friend you owe him that honesty when nobody else is being up front with him.

Guys should give advises to guys. Girls will only do pacifying. Not to say girls insight is not welcome, but lets face it, girls will be on girls side, intentionally or not, so there is major bias listening to girls in this topic There is no bias in case guy gives advise, as we want what is good for guy, whenever that means that child will be tested for fatherhood or not, whenever it will be known to father about it or not.

dudara

Posters - there has been enough discussion. The OP has not posted in 4 days and I don't see the point in further back and forth, as it is turning into a conversation at this point.

Also, I dislike the occasional male vs female comment that has crept in here. No more of that please.

dudara

PressRun

Mind your own business, OP. You have zero evidence to go on, and you and this other 'mate' sound like a pair of ****-stirrers more than anything.

Paddy Cow

ShouldI? wrote: »

I feel terrible for doing this but I brought this up to a mutual friend and he agreed and also told me of rumors of an affair in the office where she worked with a guy from a far eastern country.

......

the mutual friend wants me to tell him but doesn't want to be quoted on the rumour and my gf says the messenger always gets shot so I don't know what to do...

If the friend who heard the rumours first doesn't want to be associated with them, does that not tell you that they are pretty much worthless? Your friend must think you are some fool if he expects you to pass on his half-ass rumour without mentioning his name. Don't be a mug op.

suicide_circus

Personally if there was the slightest chance I was unwittingly raising another man's child, I'd like someone to flag it to me. I know that if any of my close friends said something of that gravity to me, they would be doing so with my best interests at heart and I wouldn't hold it against them no matter how it turned out.

dudara

Closing this thread as it continues to attract attention.

OP can contact the mod team through their Boards account if they wish to reopen the thread.

dudara