Second miscarriage

Boots234

Hi, my wife became pregnant last Summer with our first child and when we went for the 12 week scan in September we got a major shock to discover that she had suffered a miscarriage as the foetus had never developed. She hadn't had any sickness or any symptoms up to that point but as this was our first time we just presumed that everything would be ok as miscarriages only happened to 'other people'. We were devastated and she didn't want to say anything to our parents but I felt it would be better for us to say it and not to hide anything.

We tried again after a couple of months and my wife has fallen pregnant once more. She went to the doctor to try and book us in for an early scan which we have at the start of January however she said this evening that it could be a waste of time as she has absolutely no symptoms like the first pregnancy. It broke my heart when she said it. I know that she is constantly worried about it but the worrying hasn't stopped us from conceiving so we don't know what the problem is. She is afraid that the fact that she is a coeliac is affecting the pregnancy but I can't agree or disagree with her on this to ease her mind.

She doesn't want to say anything to our parents if it turns out to be a miscarriage and I am beginning to agree with her so that is the reason that I am writing this here. She is turning 31 next year and although that is still relatively young I know that she feels that we will be back to square one and time will be passing away quickly.

I suppose what I looking to find out is what I could do to ease her mind or is it possible to have gone 5-6 weeks in a pregnancy without showing any symptoms? Of course everything might turn out to be ok but everything is the same as the first pregnancy so we really aren't too confident. The talk of children seems to be everywhere at the moment with Christmas which isn't exactly helping us!

Diamond Doll

There is a TTC (Trying To Conceive) forum on Boards - it might be a good place to see if there's any supplements etc she could be taking to improve her chances.

Bear in mind that 1 in 4 pregnancies sadly end in miscarriage - you have both been unlucky, and my thoughts and sympathies are with you, but there's no reason to think that the next pregnancy won't be successful - and hopefully it will!

Diamond Doll

Oh I'm so sorry, I totally misread your post! I thought you'd already had a second miscarriage!

Of course it's possible to have no pregnancy symptoms, especially in the first trimester! No reason to believe everything isn't going well for now.

olaola

Well, if it's of any help, I was about 8 weeks pregnant when I found out the last time. No hint of a symptom! And I had a perfect wee man 32 weeks later.
Best of luck with the pregnancy, stay positive!

irishgirl19

Im so sorry that happened to you and your partner op.
For what its worth. My pregnancy was completely symptomless. I got sick only twice during the whole pregnancy but I put down that to me having a migraine ( I normally feel sick with these anyway)
So I definitely wouldn't say its a waste of time.
You can get an early pregnancy scans in alot of places from 7/8 weeks. They cost average 100 and would put your mind at ease.
I have heard before that the hospitals don't investigate miscarriage unless it happens 3 times because it is so common. That could be wrong though.
Don't give up hope. Try enjoy the Christmas. Hope everything goes smoothly with this pregnancy

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
It is possible to be pregnant without any symptoms - happened to us.
We had fertility treatment back in January and I pretty much immediately had signs - nausea, bloating, implantation bleed. Positive pregnancy test two weeks after egg transfer.
Unfortunately lost that little one at 7 weeks, which was devastating.

Had a second round of treatment in the summer, and as you can imagine, was hyperaware of any signs or symptoms. I felt nothing and we had convinced ourselves that it hadn't worked. Don't know why but did a test anyway, and both of us nearly collapsed with shock that it was positive. It took another 3 tests and a blood test before we even could consider that it might be true.
Due to the fertility treatments, we were given a scan at 7 weeks I think it is was- at that stage the egg and sac were visible, which reassured us no end.
Symptoms such as morning sickness, nausea and bloating only kicked in at week 10 this time- every pregnancy is different.
Try and see if you can get an early scan somewhere, hopefully it will reassure both of you. Take care of yourselves as well- we had told family we were pregnant as soon as we did the test the first time, but were much more cautious the second time, waited until 12 weeks before we said anything. I think it was a self preservation move, do what feels right for you.
Best of luck to you both!

An Bhanríon

I had a miscarriage at the beginning of this year and am now at the end of my second pregnancy of 2015 - hoping to give birth to a healthy baby in January. The timing of my pregnancies sounds very similar to yours. The only difference is that I felt quite different the second time. HOWEVER (please read on!), from what I have read about pregnancy (and I did read a lot after the miscarriage to try and get myself sane again) and from what I have heard from others, the beginning of a pregnancy can often have no symptoms at all. Everything is very possibly fine and you have nothing to worry about.

I don't think there is any one thing that you can say to your wife that will ease her mind straight away. I was very worried until the first scan on my second pregnancy. I tried really hard to pull myself together and, most of the time, failed miserably. And I was a bit on edge too all the way up to the 20 week scan. After that I finally started to chill a bit more. The main thing you can both do is accept that mother nature brings pregnancy but also brings miscarriages. Apart from taking care of yourself in general, and unless there is a particular cause for miscarriage, there is little you can do to 'make sure it works this time'. I would say, though, that taking a supplement, or doing something different to the way you did things for the first pregnancy can be a help to try and get you through the weeks up to the scan. I gave up coffee and although it possibly made no difference at all for my chances to stay pregnant it made me feel a little bit more in control of things - if that makes any sense!

Give each other lots of hugs. Do nice things together. Try to be good to each other. Chat about your feelings. That's what will get you through this uncertain time. It is a really difficult time, and from my experience anyway, I don't think there is anything you can do to totally escape those nasty feelings of uncertainty and being out of control. It is the nature of pregnancy, especially the beginning of pregnancy. And nobody talks about it. Once you start mentioning miscarriages to people, though, and early pregnancy in general, you will find out that loads and loads of family and friends have gone through the same thing. I found this a great help as I tried to drag myself through the weeks before the first scan. To know that I wasn't alone.

Best of luck with this one. Remember, there is no reason whatsoever that this pregnancy shouldn't be a viable one. None at all. Keep saying that to yourselves and you will get through the next few weeks.

marco_polo

Might be worth paying for a private scan for some piece of mind, although to me your doctor has displayed a lack of compassion as when it happened to us we were accomodated with an early scan the next time even as public patients at about 10 weeks.

We had a healthy baby girl a few weeks ago after a quite advanced miscarraige in 2014 (20+ weeks), but to be honest no matter how many "good news" scans we had during the second one I was still sick with worry almost the whole way through even though everything went about as we as it is possibly could. Not sure any one scan will be quite as reassuring as you would hope it will be, but just stay positive, support each other and just take each milestone as it comes and hopefully you both will have a very happy 2016.

Kathy22

I had little to no symptoms of pregnancy in the early stages (4-5 weeks). The only thing I noticed around the 5 week mark was sore breasts and I was very tired. This and my late period made me take a test. I actually went to the doctor around 4 weeks (not my usual one regrettably) as I felt so exhausted and had a sore ear. She diagnosed an ear infection and said get some rest. All of this was in the 5-6 week mark so I would say keep a positive attitude and everything could work out perfectly fine.

spottybananas

Book a private scan, they can be done from 6-8 weeks. We found out I was pregnant when I was a few hours late for my period so the 12 week scan booked in for 15 weeks gestation was too far away for my anxious self to wait. We had a private scan at 7 weeks as I wanted to confirm if there was indeed a heartbeat rather than worry so much for over 2 months. My only symptoms until 10 weeks were period like cramps on and off.

Toots

Another vote for a private scan here, they often call them reassurance scans. If you ring up and explain the situation and how worried ye are they might be able to get you a cancellation so you're seen sooner.

When I was pregnant I knew straight away, I just felt different and at about 5 weeks I got morning sickness. However my friend was also pregnant at the same time and was 11 weeks before she found out - no symptoms other than a missed/late period, took a pregnancy so I'd stop harping on at her to do it and it was positive! She had to go in for a dating scan and nearly fainted when they told her she was nearly through the first trimester already!

Boots234

Thanks for all of yere advice. We got a letter on Tuesday saying that we had a scan for the 2nd of February but we were really anxious to get an early scan, as has been mentioned by previous posters, so my wife was able to get a booking for January 7th. All that we can do at the moment is just try not to think about it until then, easier said than done!

Little Miss Cutie

Boots234 wrote: »

Thanks for all of yere advice. We got a letter on Tuesday saying that we had a scan for the 2nd of February but we were really anxious to get an early scan, as has been mentioned by previous posters, so my wife was able to get a booking for January 7th. All that we can do at the moment is just try not to think about it until then, easier said than done!

Thinking of you and your wife.
Booking an early scan was a great idea. Fingers and toes crossed for you.

rainbow kirby

olaola wrote: »

Well, if it's of any help, I was about 8 weeks pregnant when I found out the last time.

Very similar here - found out at 7+2 as it turned out. Any symptoms were very light early on and I've had a very easy time of it so far (will be 28 weeks this weekend).

borderlinemeath

I was 4 weeks pregnant this time last year and I had no clue! Didn't realise until I was 10 weeks pregnant and booked a private scan as I was 41 at the time. Currently have a healthy 4 month old baby girl on my lap as I type so try not to worry. Some people have symptoms, others don't.

Whereabouts in the country are you so people might be able to recommend a clinic for a private scan? I got the panorama test as well as a scan for our own peace of mind. We went to the Irish Fetal Maternal Foundation in the Beacon in Dublin.

http://www.imff.ie/contact.cfm

Boots234

borderlinemeath wrote: »

I was 4 weeks pregnant this time last year and I had no clue! Didn't realise until I was 10 weeks pregnant and booked a private scan as I was 41 at the time. Currently have a healthy 4 month old baby girl on my lap as I type so try not to worry. Some people have symptoms, others don't.

Whereabouts in the country are you so people might be able to recommend a clinic for a private scan? I got the panorama test as well as a scan for our own peace of mind. We went to the Irish Fetal Maternal Foundation in the Beacon in Dublin.

http://www.imff.ie/contact.cfm

We are in Cork and have an appointment for the maternity part of CUH

LegacyUser

OP I'm pregnant with my second child, 28 weeks.
I didn't know I was pregnant until 6 weeks.And I am someone who knew before I took the test last time.But I was away on holidays this year during the 3-6 week mark and any vague symptoms I had, I put down to being away in a different country etc.I initially had an inkling that I might have been, then I wrote it off, because I told myself I had no symptoms....sore breasts, nausea etc.In reality they didn't actually come til about 8 weeks or so. I had forgotten, convinced myself they came much earlier last time.
Secondly OP, if you have miscarried once many hospitals will call you for an early scan second time round.I have had early scans on both mine,due to bleeding.But be aware, they can only tell you so much.So I had a scan at about 5-6 weeks....they could tell me a sac was there in the right area (ie not ectopic) and that was it.I had to come back at 7 weeks, when they told me there was a heartbeat (and even that isn't guaranteed you'll see it that early), then again at 10 weeks.Now I am in the Rotunda in Dublin and this is done through the early pregnancy unit, but I'd imagine that a hospital the size of Cork should have a similar unit???
Has your wife told them about the miscarriage, because I have friends who have had them and on the second try, have got early scans as routine.
I have a very good friend who miscarried first time ( with no symptoms) and who now has a healthy 10 month old boy.She had no symptoms on her second pregnancy either.She (and I) were the same age as your wife on our first babies.Don't give up hope yet, it's very early days.But be aware that a scan can't tell you everything at this stage either, it is a waiting game.I was sick with worry too through the first after the early bleed, and I'm very nervous about this one, although I've less time for thinking with a toddler around!It never leaves you.

Best of luck to you both, and enjoy your Christmas, and I hope your scan goes well.

Sligo1

Best of luck OP. I hope everything works out. FWIW, found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks. Had minor symptoms from 5 weeks (very slight nausea, sore breast etc). The one weekend at 6 weeks I kinda felt different. All symptoms vanished and I started worrying. So down to the hospital We went and they scanned me there and then. Saw the little heartbeat and all.

If you want an earlier scan than 7th January OP you could always bring your wife to the A&e over the next few days, and see will they give her a scan in the fetal assessment unit. I'm not sure how accommodating Cork uni hospital is? But I found Holles street very accommodating and reassuring if we ever thought anything was the matter. Perhaps worth a try...

wuffly

Sorry to hear that your wife is stressed and downbeat about things.
I found the early stages of this pregnancy (my 3rd) nerve wracking. I'm lucky to a certain degree where I am the whole system is private so I was sent for a scan very early on (4week). If you can get one do, it will certainly help to a certain degree. I'll be honest it helped me a bit but it wasn't until the 12 week scan that I began to relax a bit. I've been sick and had all sorts of pregnancy related issues and it hasn't stopped me worrying. I just can't help worrying about it.
Just do your best to be there for her, we kept the pregnancy talk to a minimum until the 12 week scan, which i found hard as it felt a bit like we were missing out a bit on the excitement of it but i think it helped to keep us in check. You know her best just try to make sure she doesn't feel alone or like she's done something wrong.. I felt much like it must be me when we miscarried. Wishing you the best..

Flippyfloppy

I too had a missed miscarriage on my first pregnancy. We had an early scan which showed all was good. I had had symptoms from 6 weeks which stopped abruptly around 9 weeks. My (ex) GP thought nothing of it and told me I would have had a bleed etc. Anyway I spent the next few weeks feeling symptomless & pretty good & confident until we found out at our first hospital scan at 13 weeks that baby hadn't made it past 9 weeks. We were absolutely devastated to put it mildly.

We were pregnant again a few months later and all I can say was I was anxious as hell. I had strong symptoms from 6 weeks or so, then they'd go, then they'd come back. I even had a huge unexplained bleed around 8 weeks and more at 16 weeks. Contractions around 24 weeks, steroids for babies lungs. Gave birth to the most beautiful healthy bouncing baby ten days over. I now joke that they were the most scanned baby in Ireland.

So it seemed the symptoms weren't too reliable after all. For my third pregnancy symptoms came on so so strong at 6 weeks, killed me for a week and seemed like they disappeared. And that pregnancy went well as well. I'm now pregnant again and have been up and down again with symptoms.

I really hope things go well for you on this pregnancy and that you and your partner get the news you would love to hear soon. As far as I know babyscan have a clinic in cork. Waiting until you're 7/8 weeks is probably best anyway. On this pregnancy they couldn't pick anything up at 6 weeks and I had to return at 8 weeks for a follow up!

Lucuma

While you're waiting for the scan your wife could use a Clearblue digital pregnancy test. They go up from ''1-2 weeks'' to ''2-3 weeks'' to ''3+ weeks'' and then they don't go up any further. I did one a week for the first few weeks as the reassurance of seeing it go up from 1-2, to 2-3 to 3+ meant I knew the pregnancy hormone was increasing.

At her stage now it should say ''3+ weeks'' it won't say any higher but it might give some reassurance at least.

Boots234

Lucuma wrote: »

While you're waiting for the scan your wife could use a Clearblue digital pregnancy test. They go up from ''1-2 weeks'' to ''2-3 weeks'' to ''3+ weeks'' and then they don't go up any further. I did one a week for the first few weeks as the reassurance of seeing it go up from 1-2, to 2-3 to 3+ meant I knew the pregnancy hormone was increasing.

At her stage now it should say ''3+ weeks'' it won't say any higher but it might give some reassurance at least.

Thanks Lucuma. We have the scan tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. At the moment we aren't talking about it even though both of us are always thinking of it. I just won't know what to say to my wife if it turns out to be bad news again

Lucuma

Boots234 wrote: »

Thanks Lucuma. We have the scan tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. At the moment we aren't talking about it even though both of us are always thinking of it. I just won't know what to say to my wife if it turns out to be bad news again

The very best of luck

Boots234

Just following up on this, we had the scan this morning and everything is as it should be at this stage thankfully. I think that the nurse expected us to be a bit happier than we were but we know that there is a long way to go and don't want to get our hopes up too much. Still though my wife was beaming leaving the hospital which was fantastic to see. Our next scan is at the beginning of February. I presume that there is nothing that we can do in the meantime only wait until the next appointment?

Lucuma

Boots234 wrote: »

Just following up on this, we had the scan this morning and everything is as it should be at this stage thankfully. I think that the nurse expected us to be a bit happier than we were but we know that there is a long way to go and don't want to get our hopes up too much. Still though my wife was beaming leaving the hospital which was fantastic to see. Our next scan is at the beginning of February. I presume that there is nothing that we can do in the meantime only wait until the next appointment?

Great news. The wait from scan to scan is agonising in the early days. I can imagine it's even worse when you suffered a miscarriage in the past. The only thing I can suggest I did already with the clearblue tests that they keep saying 3+ weeks, but other than that I can't think of anything. You can of course go to babyscan in Ballincollig and pay for a scan (100 euro) yourself between now and the beginning of February.

spottybananas

Early February is quite soon anyway for the next scan, not too long to wait. Other than private scan and ones when they were concerned about the baby at the end because I was sick I was just getting 12, 30 and 36 week scans. She should take up pregnancy yoga or similar and try to enjoy this time if she's feeling well.

Neyite

Boots234 wrote: »

Just following up on this, we had the scan this morning and everything is as it should be at this stage thankfully. I think that the nurse expected us to be a bit happier than we were but we know that there is a long way to go and don't want to get our hopes up too much. Still though my wife was beaming leaving the hospital which was fantastic to see. Our next scan is at the beginning of February. I presume that there is nothing that we can do in the meantime only wait until the next appointment?

How many weeks along is she now? You could book a private scan in two weeks to break up the time to the next appointment, or if she is more than 10 weeks, you might be able to find a heartbeat with a good doppler. A word of warning though, its tricky to find the heartbeat with one until at least the second trimester, so you could panic unduly if you couldn't find a heartbeat but need to remember that you might be missing it and all could be fine deep inside.

I had zero typical symptoms of pregnancy on any of my pregnancies. I used to briefly envy women who had nausea because I felt that they had a sign at least that all was ok.

Boots234

Neyite wrote: »

How many weeks along is she now? You could book a private scan in two weeks to break up the time to the next appointment, or if she is more than 10 weeks, you might be able to find a heartbeat with a good doppler. A word of warning though, its tricky to find the heartbeat with one until at least the second trimester, so you could panic unduly if you couldn't find a heartbeat but need to remember that you might be missing it and all could be fine deep inside.

I had zero typical symptoms of pregnancy on any of my pregnancies. I used to briefly envy women who had nausea because I felt that they had a sign at least that all was ok.

My wife is the same regarding the nausea as she hasn't had symptoms yet, that is why we were so nervous about today's scan. The nurse said that she is at almost 8 weeks now and she was able to see the heartbeat on the screen, is that normal for this stage?

Kathy22

Firstly OP huge congrats and delighted to hear that your scan went well. I was/am a very anxious first timer and the wait between scans had me on edge but the worrying will not do your wife or the baby any good. I had an early scan as I simply could not wait until the 12 week mark, although you only have 4 more weeks to wait it will be the best €100 you ever spend in order to get some reassurance. I hope all works out well for you guys

wuffly

Great news on the scan, hopefully some peace of mind. I had a scan at 4 weeks (it was just a dot) 9 weeks, 12 weeks, 16 weeks and 20 wks so far. We heard the heart beat at 9 weeks i thinks its pretty normal for that stage. With each scan i do get a little less worried. I've been sick and had all sorts of random symptoms, its good and bad, while being sick is no party, any day I wasn't feeling sick early on I was worried there was something wrong so it can make you just as worried.
Like lucuma say you can keep doing the tests, or book in for another private scan in two weeks so there's less of a wait. To me 100e if ye can afford it, for piece of mind is money well spent. Just try and take it easy on yourselves for the few weeks. Do some nice stuff together, all going well everything will start to change in a few weeks. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I had scans at 5/6 weeks, 8/9 weeks, 12 weeks and so on, on both.What you're saying is pretty normal...they can usually (not always) just see heartbeat and developing feotus at 8 weeks or so.
Unfortunately it is a waiting game now.You can go for more scans, but even if you do, they can't tell you much more than it's there and there's a heartbeat.And unfortunately, if something is wrong, there's very little they can do to correct it at this stage.I'm not trying to be harsh here, because genuinely have felt your fear....even still, this far along on the second, I'm waiting for it all to go wrong...but those early scans in the first pregnancy was really the first time in my life that I realised that doctors and modern medicine can't fix everything and that for some things, nature is firmly in control.The best of luck to you both and do your best to relax.