Christmas can be hard

Diamond Doll

LowOdour wrote: »

Is it possible to see your son early in the morning and drive down to Sligo aftrwards? Its a prety crap situation to be in

Can't drive because I seem to have the beginnings of an eye infection in both eyes. I also think I have a chest infection and throat infection but can't see the doctor until next week. Oh and my ear is starting to feel dodgy too.

Anyways I just rang my mum and told her I'm not coming home. She was upset, possibly crying I think but I'm not sure. She offered to come up to Dublin to spend the day with me but I told her not to (I've a big family, they all need her there more than I do, who else would cook the turkey!)

At least I'll see my son, I've his presents all wrapped up and ready to go, and now at least I won't have any regrets about not seeing him on his second Christmas. I know if I went home, I'd have a crap time and feel really guilty afterwards about not seeing him.

Hokuto

I don't like Christmas. I just want to avoid people tbh. Funnily enough I don't mind tuning in to that Christmas radio station...makes me drift off to sleep. The forced cheeriness gets me.

MPFGLB

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Can't drive because I seem to have the beginnings of an eye infection in both eyes. I also think I have a chest infection and throat infection but can't see the doctor until next week. Oh and my ear is starting to feel dodgy too.

Anyways I just rang my mum and told her I'm not coming home. She was upset, possibly crying I think but I'm not sure. She offered to come up to Dublin to spend the day with me but I told her not to (I've a big family, they all need her there more than I do, who else would cook the turkey!)

At least I'll see my son, I've his presents all wrapped up and ready to go, and now at least I won't have any regrets about not seeing him on his second Christmas. I know if I went home, I'd have a crap time and feel really guilty afterwards about not seeing him.

I am sorry to hear you are unwell

Take care of yourself and I hope you have a great time with your son.
I am sure your mother just want you to be happy .....so have a happy Christmas

Torricelli

To paraphrase Homer Simpson - Christmas, it is the best of times, it is the blurst of times.

Haven't talked to my Dad in about 7 or 8 years after a falling out. I think about him every single day and all those great childhood memories spent with him. It's even harder around Christmas. I miss him a lot.

hairyslug

I collected my dads ashes today, I'm struggling to put on a happy face for tomorrow

Diamond Doll

hairyslug wrote: »

I collected my dads ashes today, I'm struggling to put on a happy face for tomorrow

My sympathies x

donegaLroad

Eugene Norman wrote: »

Yes. We need another big festival end of Jan.

Then the days get longer so we're grand.

the Temple Bar trad festival is on at the end of January.. might shorten the winter

esforum

This thread reminds me of............

http://images2.static-bluray.com/reviews/9088_1.jpg

whatismyname

hairyslug wrote: »

I collected my dads ashes today, I'm struggling to put on a happy face for tomorrow

So sorry for your loss Hairyslug

mad m

hairyslug wrote: »

I collected my dads ashes today, I'm struggling to put on a happy face for tomorrow

Very sorry to hear that, puts in perspective me losing 300 euro during week, haven't a clue how I lost it but its gone now....

Torricelli

Torricelli wrote: »

To paraphrase Homer Simpson - Christmas, it is the best of times, it is the blurst of times.

Haven't talked to my Dad in about 7 or 8 years after a falling out. I think about him every single day and all those great childhood memories spent with him. It's even harder around Christmas. I miss him a lot.

Maybe you can change that this Christmas, even if you don't want to see him, think about picking up the phone. One day he'll be gone, and you'll never have the choice again. Life is just too short.

hairyslug wrote: »

I collected my dads ashes today, I'm struggling to put on a happy face for tomorrow

I'm so sorry hairyslug. I hope you find peace in the new year.

I hope anyone struggling this Christmas can make the best of it, and finds more happiness in the new year. Hugs to everyone. Xxx

KingBrian2

Have a very merry Christmas. HO! HO! HO! and to all a good night.

Capt'n Midnight

LeinsterDub wrote: »

Is there a condensed version?

If you want a sound bite then here's a different version.


More alcohol at Christmas means more people are subject to domestic abuse.

Buona Fortuna

Good thread OP.

The only thing I used to like about Christmas, was when we first moved back all the old boys would stop off for a nip of something in the few days before Christmas.

A lot of them are gone now and drink driving put paid to the rest. Not advocating drink driving just a little saddened that this "tradition" passed

whatismyname

Hope everyone had a good Christmas.

I had a bit of a trigger point and subsequent hard time of it last night, but today was lovely.

Quiet and simple and fattening and funny and sleepy. Perfect:)

Eugene Norman

donegaLroad wrote: »

the Temple Bar trad festival is on at the end of January.. might shorten the winter

Thanks. The 6 nations helps too.

hawkwind23

Any other fathers with Narcissistic or nasty exes? or just dont see the kids?

I havent spent Xmas with my kids aged 17 and 13 for 8 years.
I wont get so much as a phone call or a Facebook message from them, same every year.
Every year i sit here looking at wrapped presents for them until they can be bothered to come and get them , last year that was February.

Pure agony this time of year

whatismyname

hawkwind23 wrote: »

Any other fathers with Narcissistic or nasty exes? or just dont see the kids?

I havent spent Xmas with my kids aged 17 and 13 for 8 years.
I wont get so much as a phone call or a Facebook message from them, same every year.
Every year i sit here looking at wrapped presents for them until they can be bothered to come and get them , last year that was February.

Pure agony this time of year

Not in a similar situation Hawkwind, but that must me so difficult. Thinking of you.

hawkwind23

whatismyname wrote: »

Not in a similar situation Hawkwind, but that must me so difficult. Thinking of you.

Thanks , means a lot , typical Irish male , i spent years saying i was grand , convincing myself it would all be ok next year etc.
Catches up on your health.
No family either.

Have a super partner so not all doom and gloom , id be dead if it wasnt for her.

I was very privileged today to help look after those less fortunate.

You have to take positive steps and have the courage to do something different this time of year

whatismyname

hawkwind23 wrote: »

Thanks , means a lot , typical Irish male , i spent years saying i was grand , convincing myself it would all be ok next year etc.
Catches up on your health.
No family either.

Have a super partner so not all doom and gloom , id be dead if it wasnt for her.

I was very privileged today to help look after those less fortunate.

You have to take positive steps and have the courage to do something different this time of year

I definitely agree. Although I struggle a lot with Christmas, I am able to take positive steps to do what I can to take the good out of it, and make sure it's not as upsetting as it could be.

I think it's important to do that where we can, and to make the best of things.

Armchair Andy

hawkwind23 wrote: »

Thanks , means a lot , typical Irish male , i spent years saying i was grand , convincing myself it would all be ok next year etc.
Catches up on your health.
No family either.

Have a super partner so not all doom and gloom , id be dead if it wasnt for her.

I was very privileged today to help look after those less fortunate.

You have to take positive steps and have the courage to do something different this time of year

Fair play man and happy Christmas to you. Was out with my own family last night and met a middle-aged man at the bar who was in a similar situation as yourself. Tough tough station, nobody wins unfortunately.

skittles8710

I can completely identify.

I've always struggled with Christmas Day. I can't quite explain why, but I feel most alone and alienated at a time when everything around me is forcing home the point that I should feel warm and happy and loved.

Diamond Doll

hawkwind23 wrote: »

Any other fathers with Narcissistic or nasty exes? or just dont see the kids?

I havent spent Xmas with my kids aged 17 and 13 for 8 years.
I wont get so much as a phone call or a Facebook message from them, same every year.
Every year i sit here looking at wrapped presents for them until they can be bothered to come and get them , last year that was February.

Pure agony this time of year

My ex isn't nasty or narcissistic, but I didn't see my son this year. It's only his second Christmas, he turns two in a couple of weeks. I won't see him on his birthday either.

His dad has custody for now (well it's joint, but he has him most of the time), in fairness he agreed for me to have him for three hours this morning, but I'm really sick and couldn't collect him in the end.

Hopefully next Christmas will be so different.

esforum

hawkwind23 wrote: »

Any other fathers with Narcissistic or nasty exes? or just dont see the kids?

I havent spent Xmas with my kids aged 17 and 13 for 8 years.
I wont get so much as a phone call or a Facebook message from them, same every year.
Every year i sit here looking at wrapped presents for them until they can be bothered to come and get them , last year that was February.

Pure agony this time of year

not anymore, was bitter the first few years but thankfully she never got that bad.

Irelands parental rights laws are seriously ****ed up.

Do you mind me asking why they dont make the effort or have they ever even said anything?

Mr_Muffin

skittles8710 wrote: »

I can completely identify.

I've always struggled with Christmas Day. I can't quite explain why, but I feel most alone and alienated at a time when everything around me is forcing home the point that I should feel warm and happy and loved.

I feel the same, like you i can't explain why.

caille

I'm the same, I have never really liked it. I do all the presents thing, putting up the tree, food shopping and cooking but I have lost too many people and around this time of the year, for me to ever really enjoy it. I only really like the time off with all the films on and eating nice food, with my fella (who loves Christmas!!) so for him, I make a big effort.

I am so sorry to read of some people's situations here and their losses, it's only just a day or two that you have to get through, the forced cheeriness is for the ads, not for real life, just do whatever you have to do to get through it.

JupiterKid

There is far too much pressure placed upon people to have a good time at Christmas. This is the second Christmas without my dear father and I really do miss him. But I took today easy and managed to enjoy it.

Just me and my ex (who remains a dear friend - in fact, the closest friend that I've got) and nice presents exchanged and a nice dinner.

Christmas doesn't gave to be a time of joy but IMO it is a time to cherish what you've got.

Frigating

This thread is making me feel so guilty now for not having any real reason to be unhappy. I'm quite lucky really, haven't lost anyone close to me, so I should be happy, but this time of year, especially Christmas, just gets me down. I'm not sure why it is. I think it's partly to do with the fact that more emphasis is placed on family, so I can't just sit in my room and avoid everyone, I have to go down and smile at the presents I didn't want and talk about meaningless nothings with my family and force-feed myself stuffing. Don't get me wrong, I love my family (or at least, I don't hate them) but I prefer being alone, the extra interactions and attention on myself just add to the stress. This morning I nearly didn't get up, except I would have ruined everyone else's day. Last year was far worse, for reasons I won't get into because it will sound like I'm making mountains out of molehills, but let's just say I nearly tried to kill myself.

Heckler

Go get some help. Plenty out there.

whatismyname

Frigating wrote: »

This thread is making me feel so guilty now for not having any real reason to be unhappy. I'm quite lucky really, haven't lost anyone close to me, so I should be happy, but this time of year, especially Christmas, just gets me down. I'm not sure why it is. I think it's partly to do with the fact that more emphasis is placed on family, so I can't just sit in my room and avoid everyone, I have to go down and smile at the presents I didn't want and talk about meaningless nothings with my family and force-feed myself stuffing. Don't get me wrong, I love my family (or at least, I don't hate them) but I prefer being alone, the extra interactions and attention on myself just add to the stress. This morning I nearly didn't get up, except I would have ruined everyone else's day. Last year was far worse, for reasons I won't get into because it will sound like I'm making mountains out of molehills, but let's just say I nearly tried to kill myself.

I can identify, Frigating.

Sorry things are so tough.

If you're not already getting help, please consider it. It's a long road but things can get easier.

whatismyname

Heckler wrote: »

How do you nearly try to kill yourself ? Surely you either try or you don't ?

Not nearly that simple unfortunately.

Smidge

For some reason, this year a family member has been very much on my mind.
She is dead nearly 20 years, almost as long as she was alive.
She lost her life to suicide. She was like my sister.
To be fair, she is never very far away from my thoughts. I have what she should of had...travels, children, a wedding, a future.
But as I said, this year, she is hugely there.
And has brought more than one tear(to a non crying person)to my eye.

hawkwind23

esforum wrote: »

not anymore, was bitter the first few years but thankfully she never got that bad.

Irelands parental rights laws are seriously ****ed up.

Do you mind me asking why they dont make the effort or have they ever even said anything?

Bearing in mind its an internet forum and each individual in a situation has a complex background.

In my case , my kids were moved as far away as possible 400km.
Another man was introduced as their new father.
The campaign of denigration was relentless by both the mother and the new husband.
Its a well documented and understood phenomenon

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation

Without being overly dramatic
I can only tell you how it feels for me , like the death of my children who now and then spark hope where i reach out and go through the cycle of grief again when the mother feels she is losing control of the children etc.
This happens several times a year.

Whilst it may be easy to understand the pain a loving parent can be subject to , as an adult , we can survive it and deal with it.

The child however cant , the syndrome is abuse.
There will be repercussions for them and thats what hurts the most.
I am helpless , she uses them to attack me and then shields them when i try do anything to appease the situation.

My kids now act independently of her , the poison has destroyed them , she only has to give certain signals to them and they act accordingly.

The only way to stop it is to take the kids away from her and that wont happen.
My children will leave home and have kids themselves and one day a lightbulb moment will knock them for six and they will come looking for me.
Hopefully for their sake i havent died by then.

mickstupp

I have a suggestion. If you're able, please reach out to the people in your life that you haven't seen or heard from in a while. Saying hello and asking how they are could literally save someone's life. This is an incredibly difficult time for people to reach out for help, even though they need it. People are happy and enjoying time with family and friends and so some of us feel we'll be imposing, be a burden, if we ask for help. So please reach out to the people in your life, even just a short message.

whatismyname

mickstupp wrote: »

I have a suggestion. If you're able, please reach out to the people in your life that you haven't seen or heard from in a while. Saying hello and asking how they are could literally save someone's life. This is an incredibly difficult time for people to reach out for help, even though they need it. People are happy and enjoying time with family and friends and so some of us feel we'll be imposing, be a burden, if we ask for help. So please reach out to the people in your life, even just a short message.

Seconded.

Hope Christmas is as OK as it can be for you.

caille

So well put, mickstupp, I have one friend who has had a lot of ups and downs over the last few years and even though yesterday went ok for me, I thought of my friend and sent her a long text while I was in the kitchen checking on dinner etc. She was really touched as she had been feeling a bit low and my text came just at that moment. After reading your suggestion, I am so glad now I did what I did as while I am seeing her on Mondy, she was on my mind yesterday.

hawkwind23

exactly , just a small bit of empathy and goodwill goes a long way at this time.
Made me feel better too.
Think once i hit 26th morning my mood improves

Collie D

Arrived home about an hour ago after an all-nighter to find a load of debris outside apartment block and bad smoke damage all the way up the stairs. It appears that the bitch in the apartment directly above me had too much to drink last night and torched the place at 4am before ****ing off and leaving the other residents to deal with it. Including my uncle who was dogsitting and went up to make sure everyone was out - she has a son who thankfully must be with his dad for Xmas.

If you're reading this I am sorry you have issues but you could have killed somebody, you ****ing selfish cow. :mad:

Thankfully all are safe and amazingly my apartment wasn't damaged. And thanks to Dublin Fire Brigade who apparently arrived very quickly and contained the fire before it spread or hurt anyone.

Check those smoke alarms, people. The ones in our building probably saved a life this morning

Sapphire3

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

I feel the same, like you i can't explain why.

I have never liked it that much either, but I try to put on a brave face because everyone else does. I am usually glad when it's over.