Football on Wedding Anniversary?

splashthecash

Just mentioned to my wife that I might play 5 a side tomorrow night for a hour, which happens to be out anniversary and she flipped...!?

She said that there aren't that many special days in the year and it obviously doesn't mean as much to me as it does with her...

Am I being out of line here, or what?

She lost her dad a week and a half ago so I think she is just very emotional at the minute...perhaps I should've just left it?

Dial Hard

I think this is far more to do with the loss of her dad than your anniversary, tbh.

It's still very, very early days for that grief so if she feels like she needs you near, then be near, end of.

eviltwin

She only just lost her dad, it's obviously been a difficult Christmas and its your anniversary. I would leave the football and reschedule it for later in the week if possible. She needs you with her tomorrow.

Pawwed Rig

Does she normally place huge importance on anniversaries/birthdays? Some people completely over react to the smallest issues where they are concerned. Is your wife one of these people? If not it is probably because it is a difficult time for her but you would know better than anyone here. Either way I would postpone it for the minute and do something nice together.

Gaygooner

Fcuk me OP, I hope this post is a wind up.

Gaygooner

Dead father in law, dead cousins... social outings...

/pass

Freak Midget

Go out and have a kick about with the lads. She'll manage an hour or two without you. Send her off to her sisters or something.

baby and crumble

Popping my 2c in as a lady here.

She lost her Dad and it's probably been a terrible, awful Christmas. She probably wanted some sort of normal fun (as much as possible) and you have basically said to her you want to play a game with friends rather than be with her at a horrible time.

You need to cancel football and I'd highly recommend making dinner reservations somewhere nice and taking her. Losing a parent is the worst thing ever and it'll be compounded by Christmas.

Stheno

baby and crumble wrote: »

Popping my 2c in as a lady here.

She lost her Dad and it's probably been a terrible, awful Christmas. She probably wanted some sort of normal fun (as much as possible) and you have basically said to her you want to play a game with friends rather than be with her at a horrible time.

You need to cancel football and I'd highly recommend making dinner reservations somewhere nice and taking her. Losing a parent is the worst thing ever and it'll be compounded by Christmas.

And her wedding anniversary, the day her Dad probably walked her up the aisle.

Full Marx

He wants to play football for an hour... its not as if he is off on a trip abroad on the piss.

Given her father had just recently died its likely that she is transferring her grief into anger at you over something insignificant.

With the situation I'd give the football a miss and bite your tongue. You've done nothing wrong but its a hard time for her.

woodchuck

Even aside from the recent death of her Dad, I wouldn't be too impressed. I guess it depends on whether or not you're the type of couple that would usually celebrate your anniversary though?

But add the death into the mix, and I can totally understand her reaction (i.e. she's still grieving and therefore very emotional).

Gaygooner

If you were my oh I'd put you on the sofa

trixychic

Gaygooner wrote: »

Fcuk me OP, I hope this post is a wind up.

Me too. Anniversaries are very important here anyways but there is no way in hell my oh would disappear off so soon after the death of a loved one.

When did you organise this?? If it was recently then it's way out of line. If it was a while ago its still questionable but easy to get out of.

Pawwed Rig

trixychic wrote: »

When did you organise this?? If it was recently then it's way out of line. If it was a while ago its still questionable but easy to get out of.

Bit harsh. He would hardly be disappearing as he said it was only for an hour. How long should one give up exercise in the event of a funeral?
The importance of anniversaries depends completely on the people involved. Some people make a big deal of them while others don't even mark them.

Gaygooner

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Bit harsh. He would hardly be disappearing as he said it was only for an hour. How long should one give up exercise in the event of a funeral?
The importance of anniversaries depends completely on the people involved. Some people make a big deal of them while others don't even mark them.

He can exercise at home tbf

Jeju

It's a personal option for me but I always make the effort on Anniversaries, just one day in the year where I put the normal aside and, do some little gesture that says this is for you. Its not as if you your football carreer depends on it?

trixychic

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Bit harsh. He would hardly be disappearing as he said it was only for an hour. How long should one give up exercise in the event of a funeral?
The importance of anniversaries depends completely on the people involved. Some people make a big deal of them while others don't even mark them.

It didn't sound like he is doing it for the exercise. He is going off to have a 5 aside match with the lads. Her dad just died... and at Christmas no less. He should be focusing on her and their family for the moment. Not worrying about hanging with the lads... IMO

Pawwed Rig

Gaygooner wrote: »

He can exercise at home tbf

Can he? None of the exercises I do can be done at home. Is he meant to play football in the garden then??? And anyway how would that be better as he would still need the time to do it?
What is being said is that he should stay at home indefinitely. What would happen if today had been a normal work day?

woodchuck

trixychic wrote: »

It didn't sound like he is doing it for the exercise. He is going off to have a 5 aside match with the lads. Her dad just died... and at Christmas no less. He should be focusing on her and their family for the moment. Not worrying about hanging with the lads... IMO

I'd say if it was any other day, she probably wouldn't have minded him spending a bit of time with his friends. But it's their anniversary. I know it's not a big deal to a lot of people, but it sounds like it is to her. And even moreso atm.

Pawwed Rig

trixychic wrote: »

It didn't sound like he is doing it for the exercise. He is going off to have a 5 aside match with the lads. Her dad just died... and at Christmas no less. He should be focusing on her and their family for the moment. Not worrying about hanging with the lads... IMO

But it is exercise. It is a game of ball where they will be running around getting sweaty. It is the definition of cardio. Sorry I genuinely can't see your point here.

When is he allowed exercise again? Are we talking weeks or months?

miamee

OP after having a terrible week and probably Christmas after the death of her dad your wife possibly just wanted something normal and special that she could enjoy with her husband on your anniversary. I'd cut her some slack and not be too affronted at her asking you to not play football this once. I notice you posted this yesterday about today so it's probably been resolved one way or the other anyway.

eviltwin

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

But it is exercise. It is a game of ball where they will be running around getting sweaty. It is the definition of cardio. Sorry I genuinely can't see your point here.

When is he allowed exercise again? Are we talking weeks or months?

She's hardly putting him under house arrest. The lady has just recently lost her dad and at a very family oriented time of the year. Even if anniversaries aren't usually their thing he should stay home. It's losing people that make you put things into perspective, she might be thinking life is short and they should be celebrating these things while they can, at the very least she might just need one day where she gets to take her mind off her loss . It won't kill him to miss one boys night out.

trixychic

eviltwin wrote: »

She's hardly putting him under house arrest. The lady has just recently lost her dad and at a very family oriented time of the year. Even if anniversaries aren't usually their thing he should stay home. It's losing people that make you put things into perspective, she might be thinking life is short and they should be celebrating these things while they can, at the very least she might just need one day where she gets to take her mind off her loss . It won't kill him to miss one boys night out.

This exactly. No one ever said anything about him giving up indefinitely or having to wait months before he can leave the house.

His wife's father just died. At Christmas. She will need his support and care at a time like this. She probably needed some tlc and reassurance for their anniversary. To see that things are ok. But he wants to go off with the lads.

The poor woman is grieving.

Pawwed Rig

eviltwin wrote: »

She's hardly putting him under house arrest. The lady has just recently lost her dad and at a very family oriented time of the year. Even if anniversaries aren't usually their thing he should stay home. It's losing people that make you put things into perspective, she might be thinking life is short and they should be celebrating these things while they can, at the very least she might just need one day where she gets to take her mind off her loss . It won't kill him to miss one boys night out.

I agree completely and said so in post #4 of this thread but I don't agree that he has somehow done something bad as other posters in this thread seem to think. At worst he misinterpreted the situation and how his wife would react. I don't see any malice here, nor do I see a lack of concern for his wife or think he was inconsiderate at all and did not 'choose' his friends over her.

tritium

I'd initially been quite harsh in my thinking of the op, even assumed a blatant troll. However the more I consider it in the light of my own experiences the more I find myself cutting them some slack.

Grief is hard, and losing a parent is devastating for anyone. What's often missed is how hard it can be on the people you rely on for support. I don't know the circumstances of the father in laws passing, but that kind of event can really test your ability to support someone- in effect you often become an emotional punchbag and have to make allowances for behaviour that wouldn't be the norm from a loved one. if it was protracted, with the additional stress that brings, that could mean a very sustained pressure on someone that they have no valve to release. Add in Christmas, a time with the potential to add to any stress and I can see why the op might want to do something 'normal' now the event has actually happened.

Its not to excuse the op, there's actually nothing to excuse. Its easy to tell people about their responsibilities to a loved one who is grieving. However there does come a point where you simply have no more support left to give and you need to look after yourself for a while, even just to recharge the batteries a bit. An hour of football on their anniversary probably seems heartless to the other half right now, but the op may not have any emotional capacity to celebrate at this time. In a clearer light the partner might easily recognise this but they're still dealing with their own grief.

The only advice I could offer is to lean on family and friends for support here. The op is perhaps trying to do that in a way by socialising with his friends, but maybe their other half needs to have the same option if they've been relying too heavily up to how on the op.

Sam Kade

Some women over react at anniversaries and birthdays they seem to forget that when they marry that they don't gain ownership of their spouse.

WoollyRedHat

Sam Kade wrote: »

Some women over react at anniversaries and birthdays they seem to forget that when they marry that they don't gain ownership of their spouse.

Just women yeah

OldRio

Sam Kade wrote: »

Some women over react at anniversaries and birthdays they seem to forget that when they marry that they don't gain ownership of their spouse.

The Wife has recently lost her father. It's Christmas time. It's their wedding anniversary. Only one thing for the OP to do. Think of his wifes feelings.
Instead he wants to go out with the lads?

Sorry but more to this than meets the eye.

Sam Kade

WoollyRedHat wrote: »

Just women yeah

Some women is what I said, I've yet to see a man bitching about an anniversary.

Gaygooner

Sam Kade wrote: »

Some women is what I said, I've yet to see a man bitching about an anniversary.

She lost her parent. Stay classy

Gaygooner

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Can he? None of the exercises I do can be done at home. Is he meant to play football in the garden then??? And anyway how would that be better as he would still need the time to do it?
What is being said is that he should stay at home indefinitely. What would happen if today had been a normal work day?

Cardio can easily be replicated at home

Wibbs

I personally don't see how this is even a question TBH and I'm about as overtly caring and sharing as a house brick. The woman just buried her dad, at Christmas, a week ago and it's also the anniversary of the two of you starting a life commitment to each other. And she might be emotional? You don't say, really? I would tend to have an extreme hair trigger reaction to emotionals played for effect, but this seems pretty damned clear cut to me. She needs all the basic human support she needs at the moment and as her partner this is a part of what you signed up for and missing a five a side kick about is hardly a chore in such a circumstance. Now YMMV but I'm honestly shaking my head here.

Ormus

If it's a case of him heading off in the morning or afternoon for 2 hours to do some exercise, before having a lovely evening with his wife, I can't see how people think that's inconsiderate of him. As someone else said, what if he had to go to work? If it's a case of the main event of their wedding anniversary being him spending the evening with the lads playing football and going for pints, then he's not a very good husband. There are a million miles between the two scenarios. I think that even if it's the former, and even though he is doing nothing wrong, he should allow for the fact that it's their anniversary and she is going through a hard time, and just do what she wants.

Lux23

Given her loss, you should be making a special effort to cheer her up on your anniversary. I don't understand why you're even posting for advice here, surely you can understand she needs you at a time like this.

Gaygooner

Ormus wrote: »

If it's a case of him heading off in the morning or afternoon for 2 hours to do some exercise, before having a lovely evening with his wife, I can't see how people think that's inconsiderate of him. As someone else said, what if he had to go to work? If it's a case of the main event of their wedding anniversary being him spending the evening with the lads playing football and going for pints, then he's not a very good husband. There are a million miles between the two scenarios. I think that even if it's the former, and even though he is doing nothing wrong, he should allow for the fact that it's their anniversary and she is going through a hard time, and just do what she wants.

Work is a requirement 5 a side football is not
Weak argument

Ormus

Gaygooner wrote: »

Work is a requirement 5 a side football is not
Weak argument

So it's unacceptable for a man to exercise outside the house on his wedding anniversary, no matter what. Ok then. I'm learning.

Gaygooner

Ormus wrote: »

So it's unacceptable for a man to exercise outside the house on his wedding anniversary, no matter what. Ok then. I'm learning.

When his FATHER IN LAW HAS JUST DIED!!!!

Work would give leave in this instance - I don't think it's to play 5 a side...

Ormus

Gaygooner wrote: »

When his FATHER IN LAW HASJUAT DIED!!!!

You didn't read the end of my post: I think that even if it's the former, and even though he is doing nothing wrong, he should allow for the fact that it's their anniversary and she is going through a hard time, and just do what she wants.

Arbiter of Good Taste

The OP recently started a post asking whether it was ok to go to his Christmas party after his cousin's funeral. It looks to me like the OP is someone who rates his social life top on his list of priorities.

Gaygooner

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

The OP recently started a post asking whether it was ok to go to his Christmas party after his cousin's funeral. It looks to me like the OP is someone who rates his social life top on his list of priorities.

Or he lives under a bridge

Arbiter of Good Taste

Gaygooner wrote: »

Or he lives under a bridge

Probably

eviltwin

Ormus wrote: »

So it's unacceptable for a man to exercise outside the house on his wedding anniversary, no matter what. Ok then. I'm learning.

No one said that or anything like it. He needs to get out of the house but would it be more sensitive to rearrange the get together to a more suitable day.

IsMiseMyself

I kinda hope this post is a joke. I'm not sure too many people could actually be this insensitive. I'm not remotely relationship orientated (I'm a terrible girlfriend and will put myself first 95% of the time), but even I wouldn't dream of fecking off to go shopping (female equivalent, yeah?) if my other half's dad had just died and it was our anniversary.

Arbiter of Good Taste

eviltwin wrote: »

No one said that or anything like it. He needs to get out of the house but would it be more sensitive to rearrange the get together to a more suitable day.

Or if his exercise is so important to him (though I doubt it) maybe a brisk walk for 30 minutes should help?

Ormus

eviltwin wrote: »

No one said that or anything like it. He needs to get out of the house but would it be more sensitive to rearrange the get together to a more suitable day.

This is getting funny, you didn't read the end of my post either, it was only about 4 sentences:

I think that even if it's the former, and even though he is doing nothing wrong, he should allow for the fact that it's their anniversary and she is going through a hard time, and just do what she wants.

Gaygooner

Ormus wrote: »

This is getting funny, you didn't read the end of my post either, it was only about 4 sentences:

I think that even if it's the former, and even though he is doing nothing wrong, he should allow for the fact that it's their anniversary and she is going through a hard time, and just do what she wants.

Why are you bringing in non relevant hypotheticals to bolster a pretty thin argument???

FAILSAFE 00

Lol, its quite obvious the OP is just trolling you all.

Ormus

Gaygooner wrote: »

Why are you bringing in non relevant hypotheticals to bolster a pretty thin argument???

I already explained why. If you're not gonna read what I write, there's not much point having this conversation.

I also don't understand why it has to be an argument. I thought it was a discussion.

The whole thing is pretty much hypothetical anyway. The OP left out a lot of details.

Gaygooner

Ormus wrote: »

I already explained why. If you're not gonna read what I write, there's not much point having this conversation.

I also don't understand why it has to be an argument. I thought it was a discussion.

The whole thing is pretty much hypothetical anyway. The OP left out a lot of details.

Argument is the word used to describe one side of a debate...

What if the OP only has a week to live... Let's all throw irrelevancies into the mix...

splashthecash

Hey all, wasn't trolling - I don't have time to bother doing that sort of thing. It was an honest post. I didn't end up going in the end, stayed in with wife and had a takeaway...wasn't the end of the world, I didn't mind staying like I originally said - was just posting to see if the reaction I got was ott from other people's experience.

I noticed a few posts about previous questions I asked on boards, nice to see people put in effort to check my background activity on this website, but unfortunately they didn't bring much in way of feedback to the topic at hand.

/thread imo

Wibbs

splashthecash wrote: »

/thread imo

Agreed.