How to get 3yr old to stop pooing pants

Mink

My son is nearly 3 and a half and is potty trained (for wee's) since mid November. He trained within 3-4 days and has only had one or two accidents since and was dry at night a week later. I've now gotten him to start weeing in the toilet.

He did do a poo in the potty twice at the beginning (and this was after lots of holding it in and constipation issues) but I think we over-praised and made too big a deal of it.

So then he refused to poo in the potty but would go in a pull up which we would stick on him just for poo's but now he refuses the pull up and just wants to go in his pants.

He's regular and goes every day, sometimes twice, they don't seem to be uncomfortable for him. I know that he senses when he needs to go as he goes off to find somewhere private and goes quiet, and so I can never get to him til it's too late. I doubt he would let me out him on the loo if I did catch him in time.

I've tried every bribe imaginable, talking to him at length about it, lots of encouragement. I even got cross with him the other morning as the clean up made me late for work.

What I am looking for is any advice from someone that has successfully sorted this type of situation, or come across it in other families. The net is just full of thread of parents who are in the middle of the problem but no info on how long it took to sort out. Did the kid just grow out of it and randomly decide to poo in the loo one day?

My gut is telling me to just back off and take all the pressure off for a few weeks and not bring it up. I personally am not hugely inconvenienced or upset about it but my mother in law is at me all the time about it as she minds him half the week.

Sligo1

Mink wrote: »

My son is nearly 3 and a half and is potty trained (for wee's) since mid November. He trained within 3-4 days and has only had one or two accidents since and was dry at night a week later. I've now gotten him to start weeing in the toilet.

He did do a poo in the potty twice at the beginning (and this was after lots of holding it in and constipation issues) but I think we over-praised and made too big a deal of it.

So then he refused to poo in the potty but would go in a pull up which we would stick on him just for poo's but now he refuses the pull up and just wants to go in his pants.

He's regular and goes every day, sometimes twice, they don't seem to be uncomfortable for him. I know that he senses when he needs to go as he goes off to find somewhere private and goes quiet, and so I can never get to him til it's too late. I doubt he would let me out him on the loo if I did catch him in time.

I've tried every bribe imaginable, talking to him at length about it, lots of encouragement. I even got cross with him the other morning as the clean up made me late for work.

What I am looking for is any advice from someone that has successfully sorted this type of situation, or come across it in other families. The net is just full of thread of parents who are in the middle of the problem but no info on how long it took to sort out. Did the kid just grow out of it and randomly decide to poo in the loo one day?

My gut is telling me to just back off and take all the pressure off for a few weeks and not bring it up. I personally am not hugely inconvenienced or upset about it but my mother in law is at me all the time about it as she minds him half the week.

I think he's just not ready tbh. I would just give him time if you can and if its not necessary that he needs to be fully trained for Montessori or the like. Our just gone 3 year old has been toilet trained since last summer. Got the wee very quickly. It took a couple months tho to get him to poo in the potty or toilet. He literally had a melt down when we tried to put him on for the poo. Like full exorcist style! It was awful. He finally did a poo in the potty a couple months later. Thing is we HAD to have him trained for Montessori which he started in september. Boy was it stressful. Even after the first poo it was always an ordeal.

He would sit on the toilet and SCREAM to get off! I don't know what the rhyme or reason for it was tho. Even now he doesn't really like doing it but only recently he will actually hold my hand and let me lift him up to go without a struggle. Mines only just 3 but I really would say give him time. I definitely wouldn't have pressured mine as mine if it wasn't absolutely necessary. I would've let him get used to the idea in his own time.

I'm sure you've used star charts and all the rewards etc? None of that worked with us. I just think he's getting a bit more used to the idea now tbh. So maybe it's a time / phase thing? Just give him time. A couple times I actually gave T my phone was he was sitting on the loo with a special cartoon to calm him down. Needs must and all...

I think he will come around. Perhaps just tell him he's a good boy for doing his poo but next time he has to do it in the toilet etc etc. and tell him he will get a nice new car/truck/insert toy the next time he's a big boy and uses the toilet.

P.s. We also called his poo freddy, and told him he needed to push freddy out into the toilet so he could feed the fishies down there! Then he got to flush freddy and the fishies out to sea! Lol

Mink

Thanks for that. Sometimes it helps just to know you're not alone.

I might try that trick of something to play with on the loo. Ie tell him if he sits there for 5-10 mins (say when I reckon there is a poo due) then I'll let him play with his leap pad which is normally under lock and key.

And yeah there is some amount of unreadiness. So I'll leave it all 2 wks or so and try again. He's always done things when he is ready, not when I'm ready. He gave up bottles, dodie, blankie all by himself.

I'll have to get a loan to pay for all the pants that are beyond recovery.

bp

I used to put on the tv around poo time and a baby biscuit was given afterwards.

byhookorbycrook

Is it possible that he associated the loo with painful poo, if he had been constipated?

Mink

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Is it possible that he associated the loo with painful poo, if he had been constipated?

It is possible but the ones he passed in the potty didn't seem to hurt him, he was very pleased with himself.

TheBeach

Our youngest liked privacy to do her number twos. I used to put her on the potty /toilet and tell her to call me when she was finished
He might be the same given that he finds a quiet spot to go in.

Mink

Well I'd informed inlaws on weekend that we were not talking about it to him or in front of him for a week or two, just take the pressure off & start again. Then Monday he tells them he wants to do a poo and proceeds to do one in the loo on 2 separate occasions. He was crying a bit while doing them and prior and we reckon he had some cramps, he's been eating a lot more fibre recently & his tummy could have been upset. They were definitely soft.

Anyway, very pleased with himself and got lollies etc. I was over the moon!

Tuesday, 2 poo's in the pants I was so bummed (excuse the pun)

Today, I have sent the Leap pad up in his bag and instructed to sit him down on loo with it around the time he's due one and give him the pad on the basis that he'll sit there for a while and go.

Fingers crossed!

Sligo1

Mink got this a few days ago and it's worked an absolute treat. Before we just had a little stool thing. He loves climbing up the step and sitting on the toilet all by himself the last few days. And now he's actually telling us he wants to do his poo poo all by himself. Maybe worth a try? I. Was so sick of the ordeal every second night when it was poo night! Dreaded it. He would go but he would try and hold it in and could take him ages to go. This seems to be working he last few nights now and he's asking and going every night now instead of every 2-3 days.

http://www.argos.ie/static/Product/partNumber/3768837/Trail/searchtext%3EKETER+TOILET.htm

Mink

Yeah have one of them, funnily enough only got him to use it for wee's last week, he wouldn't go near it. It's a good comfy one to and big enough. Had him on the loo with a lolly, I read 3 books to him, all to try and encourage him to go but no joy.

Between me, the OH and nana, we've been putting a lot of pressure on him since the fluke success from 2 weeks ago. He's started wetting himself and holding in wee a bit now. For instance today he wee'd at 5am and then not again until after 1pm, that's not right especially with several drinks.

So we're actually going to try my plan of backing off on the poo's for at least a couple weeks, not bring it up at all.

His sleep is all over the place as well so I think he must just be anxious about it all.

yellow hen

Mink wrote: »

Yeah have one of them, funnily enough only got him to use it for wee's last week, he wouldn't go near it. It's a good comfy one to and big enough. Had him on the loo with a lolly, I read 3 books to him, all to try and encourage him to go but no joy.

Between me, the OH and nana, we've been putting a lot of pressure on him since the fluke success from 2 weeks ago. He's started wetting himself and holding in wee a bit now. For instance today he wee'd at 5am and then not again until after 1pm, that's not right especially with several drinks.

So we're actually going to try my plan of backing off on the poo's for at least a couple weeks, not bring it up at all.

His sleep is all over the place as well so I think he must just be anxious about it all.

Mink that sounds really stressful. The poor little mite. I think that children are so perceptive to pressure that they can react is the opposite manner than you'd hoped for. We're experiencing the same thing with speech at the moment - the harder I try with him, the more he withdraws. I hope the relaxed approach works for you.

Mink

Just an update on this – really just for parents tearing their hair out now or in the future. This is too long a read for anyone who has never had issues with this with their child!

So finally got it cracked week before last.

We trained him for wee’s last Novemeber, he was 3yrs and 3 mths & we’d had a couple other failed (and half hearted) prior attempts. But he had it down pat in 4 days and was dry at night within the week. He had one bowel movement (BM) in the potty during that time, after a few days holding it, so I think the constipation hampered things as it put him off. Couldn’t get him to poo in potty or loo after that at all.

Essentially we’ve been 5 months trying to crack this, and it’s been a long 5 months. Tried all sorts of bribery, rewards, sticker charts, taking things away, making him clean his own pants, explaining the anatomy, poo goes to pooland story, access to certain toys (ie; leap pad) while on the throne etc. Nothing worked as not one BM was passed into a toilet or potty apart from once when he had diarrhoea and just didn’t have the will to stop the mother in law lifting him onto the loo and he couldn’t hold it!

He does his BM’s in private and always has so I wasn’t even going to try that gradual approach – Do it in the pull up – now do it in the bathroom – now do it sitting on the loo with pull up still on – cut a hole in the pull up etc (this does seem to work for some people).

Whenever we would put pressure on him and try again to crack it, he’d get constipated (sometimes quite badly) and then would have wee accidents (from the impacted bowel pressing on his bladder & also just general anxiety about the whole thing). He’d also act up in other ways, wee’ing his pants on purpose, night time antics & general misbehaving which wasn’t like him.

As an aside, I found the sachets of laxative Movicol to work best (on prescription) as they got things going but didn’t seem to cause him painful cramps or discomfort. The liquid stuff – Dulolax – I thought was too harsh on him and he’d cry with the cramps.

We tried the approach of patience, let him decide when he’s ready, don’t make a big deal of it, don’t give out to him etc. He wouldn’t even sit on the toilet to try, he’d just get up, do his wee and straight off again.

We weren’t able to get any new words of wisdom from PHN’s, GP’s etc. I was able to find thousands of websites with other parents posting “please help, my 3/4/5yr old won’t poop in the toilet” etc but there was never any update of what actually helped crack it, or did it sort out itself. There were just lots of replies of “try this & that and the other”. Finally I found a page that had lots of stories of how parents battled with it for weeks/months and how it sorted for their kid, it gave me a lot of relief that I was not a complete failure as a mother and that my child would not be going to secondary in a feckin pull up. http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/potty/pooppotty.html (hope that’s ok to post mods!)

There was one story about bribing with a highly coveted toy that got my attention. So I asked him what he’d like if he was to get through this and poo in the loo. So we decided on a Jessie (from toy story) figure. In the weeks leading up to this I got him interested again in the Poo goes to Pooland story & about his general digestive system anatomy. I got his agreement to give it all a go. His BM’s were very soft around this time so I thought I had a good shot. We went and got Jessie and she couldn’t come out of the box until he did the deed.

Couple days later (after doing it in his pants and us expressing that we were done with that and he’s absolutely not allowed to poo anywhere except the loo) I saw the signs and managed to reassure him and lure him onto the loo (biccies, leap pad etc). I think at this point he was so desperate to get past the fear himself and get Jessie, and he couldn’t hold it, so he did the business. We made quite the song and dance, he got Jessie and he didn’t stop beaming right up til bed time.

3 more days of poo’s in the pants (not accidents, he snuck off to do them) with us very strenuously expressing our disappointment and being quite stern. We weren’t making him ashamed, we just made it very clear that he’s not allowed do that anymore and he’s well able to do it in the loo. We went on and on and on about it and were mostly housebound to try get through it, but he’d still find an opportunity to sneak off!

On the 4th day he announced to mother in law he needed to go, she set him up on the loo and he dismissed her out of the room til he was done (he likes his privacy). And we haven’t looked back since. What’s lovely is that he’s so proud of himself. He gets the odd treat after a BM if he remembers to ask for one (ie; a smartie or chocolate button). Absolutely no issues now, no accidents at all.

I honestly thought I was going to be dealing with this well into the age of 4 and I was just getting SO fed up with cleaning pants and changing pull ups.

There are some who will think “oh she left it too long to train him” or “I’d never use sweets or bribes to get them to do it”, “they shouldn’t be rewarding him to go toilet, it’s just something they have to do”…. Maybe these viewpoints are all valid, but at the end of the day I had to negotiate with my son for his willingness to get over his fear and trust me and get over this hurdle. You cannot force a child to poo on the loo and each of them is different!