Best way to meet someone offline

con___manx1

Daisy78 wrote: »

Ha! That's exactly why most women won't!

Most women in Ireland anyway.

LeeLooLee

stefanovich wrote: »

I am trying really hard to not be offensive but when the attributes being pushed are confidence and intelligence it makes me wonder what is wrong.

You seem like such a nice person. I wonder why so many Irish women want to have nothing to do with you...they must be just so picky or up themselves, like.

LeeLooLee

Deleted User wrote: »

There is an attitude I think that exists among some people when it comes to those who are single. We are either too fussy, doing something wrong, set in our single ways, not social enough, not approachable enough etc.

The truth of the matter is a hell of a lot of it is down to chance. If I stayed out that bit longer Saturday night would I have met someone? If I stayed chatting to the guy I accidentally rang yesterday in a case of mistaken identity would we have went on a date? If I allowed the kind stranger to drive behind me after having a tip in the car would we have fallen in love?

Of course we can put ourselves out there and join online dating sites and whatever else is going but again that's no guarantee that two people will connect and even if they do then they may not go the distance.

I read my first post in this thread and feel like I did myself a disservice with it. It reads like I was wondering if there is something wrong with me. There isn't. I'm a confident and intelligent woman. It just hasn't happened for me yet.

That's exactly it. And a lot of people just don't have the spare time to make funding a partner into a full time job, between work and family commitments and keeping up with friends. What I have seen is that a lot of the time the 'happy couple' thing is nothing more than a facade. Several couples I know have split up recently and you'd never have known they were so unhappy. One couple only got married about 14 months ago. So it's not as if everyone else is finding 'the one' either. I think a lot of people end up marrying the person they've been with for years because they feel trapped or like nothing better will come along, or panicking in their early thirties and marrying someone unsuitable.

MaryAntoinette

Funerals and christenings are good places also.

Shelga

I think the sports club and triathlon training idea is really good. It's a cliche for a reason. Get fit, healthy and achieve goals whilst meeting like-minded people. What's not to like?

I think it's important not to expect everything from one outlet or group. Don't join a language class and expect to make 4 new best friends and meet a boyfriend instantly. Don't go to a couple of park runs and expect to meet a soulmate. When I was down in the dumps and lonely a couple of years ago after breaking up with someone, I joined meetup, did a Spanish course, made more effort with people at work, visited friends in other cities more, took some good holidays, did more exercise. Still feel there was and is lots more I can do!

I'm 28 at the moment and just broke up with someone again over Christmas. First guy I had hit it off with online, together 6 months. Right now I'm feeling a bit fed up of it all. Even when you do all the 'right' things and are outgoing etc etc, it can be such bloody hard work. Usually when I'm feeling like this I try to ask myself, if I met a dream guy today, would life suddenly be 100% better? Most likely no, happiness is a complex beast and having a partner is just one aspect of that, unfortunately it's the one we seem to focus on the most

Feeling tired and a bit down this month like a lot of people probably! But yeah, doing things without expecting to meet someone seems to be key.

Hemerodrome

I was hoping this thread might have some useful ideas. After reading it I've developed a bit of a thing for Persepoly, so the only idea I'm taking from the thread is that I might spend this weekend shopping for a cushion for the Irish Setter I might own someday.

Shelga

Yeah what I'm trying to say is there's a difference between "I need a partner to be happy" and "I feel life is that bit more great when I am in a good healthy relationship, and long term it would be nice to meet someone". For most people it's not a case of single = lonely and unhappy and hating life, or in a relationship = life is amazing.

Shelga

Shelga wrote: »

For most people it's not a case of single = lonely and unhappy and hating life, or in a relationship = life is amazing.

And for many people it IS the case. And those people - whether you are one of them or not - should not let themselves be made feel bad of wrong by those for whom it is not the case.

We all need different things to be happy. And unless you are breaking some law or engaging in some weird immorality - never let anyone disparage the things you need - just because they are things THEY do not need. Some people are all too keen and happy to go around judging and disparaging the path to happiness of others - as if they somehow posses the secret objective secret to happiness in life.

Shelga

Very true. Each to their own. I think many people struggle to understand that not everyone is built like they are.

But if someone absolutely despises everything in their life and thinks meeting a partner will fix all of that, that's probably not the case. It's a balance!

JustAThought

Hmmm - tricky prob. Some suggestions:

Meetup - choose gigs & pubs first!
Volunteer at Vantastic
Tagrugby

If you're female NOTnight or language classes or theatre - always stuffed to the gills with women .


There ya go! Don't bother in January - everyone is too busy watching their resolutions or counting their overdrafts to have fun!!

PaddyWilliams

Meet me in Swords Saturday night and I'll tell you

c_man

I think one of the biggest barriers at the moment to getting talking to a guy/girl offline nowadays randomly is earphones! I like music too but I think we're closing ourselves into our little bubbles a bit too much.

121 Gigawatts!?

stefanovich wrote: »

It's difficult to have a conversation in a mosh pit.

Em....yeah id say so??

Unless you were elbowed in the face and some big strapping beardy rocker fella came to your rescue.

A girl can dream

suicide_circus

Remember to always sleep with the guy on the first date. If you don't, he'll lose interest and you'll end up dying alone.

syklops

c_man wrote: »

I think one of the biggest barriers at the moment to getting talking to a guy/girl offline nowadays randomly is earphones! I like music too but I think we're closing ourselves into our little bubbles a bit too much.

Absolutely!

Man: Hi!
Girl with Earphones, takes one earphone out: What?
Man: I just said Hi
Girl: Ok.....
Girl puts earphone back in ear.



Later...




Girl: I just dont understand why I cant find any nice guys...

^ I would so send such people to "Silent Disco" Where you are positively encouraged to communicate in exactly the way you describe

To make it less sex specific and more general though - I often do feel we are becoming more and more insular as a society and directly proportional to that we see an increase in people simply unsure how to meet someone or find or form relationships.

For many - the trick to finding a relationship is to stop trying - and instead simply break out of these individual little bubbles we too readily form for ourselves these days.

MagicIRL

Deleted User wrote: »

For many - the trick to finding a relationship is to stop trying - and instead simply break out of these individual little bubbles we too readily form for ourselves these days.

This is the key I think. Do things you wouldn't normally say yes to. Once you get out of your comfort zone you'll meet different people. Worked for me. :cool:

MagicIRL

MagicIRL wrote: »

This is the key I think. Do things you wouldn't normally say yes to. Once you get out of your comfort zone you'll meet different people. Worked for me. :cool:

Me too. I was always a shy type. I broke out of my comfort zone by organising pre-gig meet ups before shows I liked.

I would go on to forums for things like The Frames and just declare a time and venue before the show. And I would try and think of a comical way to be visible IN that pub (best way was I used to get a card board life size cut out of some of the very regular fans who could not make it that day) which was a great ice breaker.

Was great for me. I went from shy and introvert to being the focus of attention and the focal point for multiple social circles. I met loads of people - some of whom are still in my inner closest circle of friends. And the girls I am with now in my relationship I met them from there too.

And sometimes it is hard to imagine how people ever meet each other. They get out of their single bed - in their single person apartment - drive to work in their little bubble environment that is their car - work alone at a desk - do it all in reverse. The more we live our lives moving from bubble to bubble the more we see people lamenting not being able to meet people - or form relationships.

MagicIRL

Deleted User wrote: »

Me too. I was always a shy type. I broke out of my comfort zone by organising pre-gig meet ups before shows I liked...

Mine wasn't this extreme but rather I started a new job and just decided I would say yes to every 'event' that came up, regardless how I felt. Simple choices really, without the need to take some huge leap.

I am a man of extremes I guess

Shurimgreat

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Was great for me. I went from shy and introvert to being the focus of attention and the focal point for multiple social circles. I met loads of people - some of whom are still in my inner closest circle of friends. And the girls I am with now in my relationship I met them from there too.

As a matter of curiosity how many girls are you currently in a relationship with?

kyeev

I have a fair few single female friends for some reason.
Here are their mistakes, that I see.

1. Sitting down on a night out. Argh. Bloke is not going to come over and plonk himself down beside you, disrupting conversations. You have to stand for the whole night.

2. If the bloke is 35+, dressed well, chatty and "seems nice", there's a problem; with those attributes he should be married already. Majority of these blokes are not interested in settling down.

3. The fella in a t-shirt, not particularly well groomed, looks a bit boring, maybe not much craic, not entertaining everyone with anecdotes, these are the guys who a) not into their image b) not into pulling birds as an exclusive endeavour on their night out c) probably will remain faithful d) will be delighted to get any of your attention.

4. Wish lists: fella must have a) nice car b) better job than you c) tall, dark and handsome. This doesn't exist in the real world. If you get one of them you are doing well.

5. Not listening to advice from your married friends; we've been there, done that. LOL

syklops

3. The fella in a t-shirt, not particularly well groomed, looks a bit boring, maybe not much craic, not entertaining everyone with anecdotes, these are the guys who a) not into their image b) not into pulling birds as an exclusive endeavour on their night out c) probably will remain faithful d) will be delighted to get any of your attention.

Funnily enough these are the guys who never get any attention.

kyeev

syklops wrote: »

Funnily enough these are the guys who never get any attention.

Yep. But if you're 40 and single like my mates, you have to take the chance that he might be Mr. Right!

whiskeyman

kyeev wrote: »

2. If the bloke is 35+, dressed well, chatty and "seems nice", there's a problem; with those attributes he should be married already. Majority of these blokes are not interested in settling down.

What if I turn this on it's head?

2. If the girl is 35+, dressed well, chatty and "seems nice", there's a problem; with those attributes she should be married already. Majority of these girls are not interested in settling down.

??
See how cobblers that sounds now?

What if a really nice bloke (35+) was burnt by some heartless b*tch and is back in the dating scene?
Some really nice people simply haven't met the 'right' person yet.
I know many people who I'm genuinely stumped are still single and are described as above, both male and female.

Sunny Disposition

whiskeyman wrote: »

What if I turn this on it's head?

2. If the girl is 35+, dressed well, chatty and "seems nice", there's a problem; with those attributes she should be married already. Majority of these girls are not interested in settling down.

??
See how cobblers that sounds now?

What if a really nice bloke (35+) was burnt by some heartless b*tch and is back in the dating scene?
Some really nice people simply haven't met the 'right' person yet.
I know many people who I'm genuinely stumped are still single and are described as above, both male and female.

V true, ridiculous assumption. Life hands some people bad luck, relationships can fail at any stage of life.

kyeev

No you're right, of course there are nice girls and guys out there 35+.
I'm talking in sweeping generalisations here.

ChippingSodbury

kyeev wrote: »

I have a fair few single female friends for some reason.
Here are their mistakes, that I see.

1. Sitting down on a night out. Argh. Bloke is not going to come over and plonk himself down beside you, disrupting conversations. You have to stand for the whole night.

2. If the bloke is 35+, dressed well, chatty and "seems nice", there's a problem; with those attributes he should be married already. Majority of these blokes are not interested in settling down.

3. The fella in a t-shirt, not particularly well groomed, looks a bit boring, maybe not much craic, not entertaining everyone with anecdotes, these are the guys who a) not into their image b) not into pulling birds as an exclusive endeavour on their night out c) probably will remain faithful d) will be delighted to get any of your attention.

4. Wish lists: fella must have a) nice car b) better job than you c) tall, dark and handsome. This doesn't exist in the real world. If you get one of them you are doing well.

5. Not listening to advice from your married friends; we've been there, done that. LOL

I think I'd disagree with No. 2/ 3

To add to your list:
6. I don't there is such a thing as "the one", there's feckin' millions of people with whom you could happily settle down. If they attract you in some way, go for it.
7. Instead of looking for someone who will make you happy, look for someone you'd like to make happy. You will always feel better giving something than receiving (no filth now!): if the behaviour is reciprocated, you're onto a winner.
8. Confidence, confidence, confidence. If you come across as confident and happy in your own skin, the world will take notice.

ToddyDoody

thattequilagirl wrote: »

Right guys, I'm 27/F, and just moved home after six years abroad. I've done the whole Tinder thing and other online options, but I'm wondering what is the best way to meet someone the old fashioned way? My four best friends are two couples in long-term relationships, so when we go out it's not an 'on the pull' scenario.

I'd really like to meet someone but just not sure how to go about it. Maybe a new hobby?

A sign you can put around your neck with 'available' written in three foot high letters?

thattequilagirl

ToddyDoody wrote: »

A sign you can put around your neck with 'available' written in three foot high letters?

Is that the real life equivalent of being on Tinder?

ToddyDoody

thattequilagirl wrote: »

Is that the real life equivalent of being on Tinder?

Somewhat, though done a bit better.. such as traffic light parties (red, not available, orange in between, green available), singles meets (eventbrite has a few I think) or even speed 'conveyor belt' dating etc.

LeeLooLee

whiskeyman wrote: »

What if I turn this on it's head?

2. If the girl is 35+, dressed well, chatty and "seems nice", there's a problem; with those attributes she should be married already. Majority of these girls are not interested in settling down.

??
See how cobblers that sounds now?

What if a really nice bloke (35+) was burnt by some heartless b*tch and is back in the dating scene?
Some really nice people simply haven't met the 'right' person yet.
I know many people who I'm genuinely stumped are still single and are described as above, both male and female.

Yeah, I was going to say this but you said it better than I could have. I'm not sure why so many people think being single past 30 means you've been single your whole life. An irritating, know-it-all German wan of about 21 I met while I was out the other night asked me why I hadn't found a boyfriend in all of my twenties and was I not worried about settling down. I told her I'd had one - from 22 until 29! Then it ended. That's how life works a lot of the time. Of course I thought I'd marry that guy and have a kid on the way by 30 but it didn't work out. I know a LOT of people who became single from 29-31, because at that stage you've often been in a relationship for 5-6 years, having changed immensely through your twenties, and you either get married or you break up. So plenty of 30+ people are single without having anything 'wrong' with them.

ygolometsipe

It will happen when you least expect it, so expect it less.

Problem solved...

c_man

ygolometsipe wrote: »

It will happen when you least expect it, so expect it less.

So give up all hope? I'm way ahead of you :cool:

Daisy78

The fella in a t-shirt, not particularly well groomed, looks a bit boring, maybe not much craic, not entertaining everyone with anecdotes, [/quote]


Eh so what attributes does this guy actually have? Its one thing to encourage women to have more realistic expectations but settling for a guy who doesn't really have a whole going for him (apart from giving you his undivided attention that is) is not great advice to be honest. There has to be something that attracts you to the guy.

LeeLooLee

Daisy78 wrote: »

The fella in a t-shirt, not particularly well groomed, looks a bit boring, maybe not much craic, not entertaining everyone with anecdotes,


Eh so what attributes does this guy actually have? Its one thing to encourage women to have more realistic expectations but settling for a guy who doesn't really have a whole going for him (apart from giving you his undivided attention that is) is not great advice to be honest. There has to be something that attracts you to the guy.

Yeah, exactly. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone just because they'll give you attention and treat you well? I'm not really demanding when it comes to looks or jobs or education, but no way am I interested in someone who is boring and no craic. What's the point? You'd just be one of those couples who have nothing to say to each other, who go to the pub and each spend the whole time on their phones.

bruno1x

thattequilagirl wrote: »

Right guys, I'm 27/F, and just moved home after six years abroad. I've done the whole Tinder thing and other online options, but I'm wondering what is the best way to meet someone the old fashioned way? My four best friends are two couples in long-term relationships, so when we go out it's not an 'on the pull' scenario.

I'd really like to meet someone but just not sure how to go about it. Maybe a new hobby?

Following the link to your web site, clocked on the About page and there you are in a photo.
You don't look "fun", too dour, doubt many many men would approach as you look like hard work.
Smile,be cheerful when you are in pubs, a simple thing but it will work wonders. You will be beating the men off with a stick.

Lia_lia

ygolometsipe wrote: »

It will happen when you least expect it

I know this is a cliche and everyone hates it, but it's true for me anyway. I never understood why so many single people are actively looking to be in a relationship all the time. I enjoyed being single and was never "looking" for a relationship. Never in my life gone on a dating website or out on the pull. Relationships have always just happened! Met my current boyfriend in college and any other ones have been through friends...

LeeLooLee

Lia_lia wrote: »

I know this is a cliche and everyone hates it, but it's true for me anyway. I never understood why so many single people are actively looking to be in a relationship all the time. I enjoyed being single and was never "looking" for a relationship. Never in my life gone on a dating website or out on the pull. Relationships have always just happened! Met my current boyfriend in college and any other ones have been through friends...

How old are you?

doc11

Lia_lia wrote: »

I know this is a cliche and everyone hates it, but it's true for me anyway. I never understood why so many single people are actively looking to be in a relationship all the time. I enjoyed being single and was never "looking" for a relationship. Never in my life gone on a dating website or out on the pull. Relationships have always just happened! Met my current boyfriend in college and any other ones have been through friends...

Wait till your friends get married and you're out of the prime college environment/age, when you're older you'll have less in common with peers(not students) and face the fact you're competing against younger better looking competition for partners. An average looking young women having no problem with things just happening is nothing to write about.

Lia_lia

Lia_lia wrote: »

I know this is a cliche and everyone hates it, but it's true for me anyway. I never understood why so many single people are actively looking to be in a relationship all the time. I enjoyed being single and was never "looking" for a relationship. Never in my life gone on a dating website or out on the pull. Relationships have always just happened! Met my current boyfriend in college and any other ones have been through friends...

I wonder could it be something to with wanting the intimacy and sharing that comes with a relationship? Perhaps it is the feeling that another person has your back and you have their's? Maybe it's as small as having a woman to straighten your tie or a man to zip up your dress. Then there is the loneliness that can seep inside of you. Swirling around. So you end up posting on a thread such as this. The loneliness can even be powerful enough to make you wonder if you're doing something wrong.

That's just a guess.

Lia_lia

LeeLooLee wrote: »

How old are you?

27.

Lia_lia

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I wonder could it be something to with wanting the intimacy and sharing that comes with a relationship? Perhaps it is the feeling that another person has your back and you have their's? Maybe it's as small as having a woman to straighten your tie or a man to zip up your dress. Then there is the loneliness that can seep inside of you. Swirling around. So you end up posting on a thread such as this. The loneliness can even be powerful enough to make you wonder if you're doing something wrong.

That's just a guess.

Luckily never felt that loneliness. As I said I've always enjoyed being single. I like my own time and space. That said I've been with my OH for over 3 years, we live together and I'm very happy.

Maybe it is because I'm too young. But wanting to be in a relationship when single is something I've also noticed in people my own age and younger. Never really understood it.

Aongus Von Bismarck

As a man? If you think you've a sense of humour then you probably don't. And there's nothing meta about it.

Once you've got that out of the way you should focus on dressing well. For the majority of Irish men I'd be going with a pair of dark jeans or chinos, a shirt that you didn't pick up off the bargain rail in River Island, blazer, decent pair of shoes (shoes, not runners).

LeeLooLee

Lia_lia wrote: »

27.

Well, there you go. You're young and in a relationship with someone you met in college in your early twenties, of course you've found it easy. I was the same at your age. Can you not see how someone in their thirties and forties might feel lonely once almost all their friends are married with kids and they have nobody left to do things with? At an age where meeting new people is much more difficult than it is in your twenties and the pool of single people much smaller?

The Backwards Man

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

As a man? If you think you've a sense of humour then you probably don't. And there's nothing meta about it.

Once you've got that out of the way you should focus on dressing well. For the majority of Irish men I'd be going with a pair of dark jeans or chinos, a shirt that you didn't pick up off the bargain rail in River Island, blazer, decent pair of shoes (shoes, not runners).

Yup.

Doesn't matter if you have the personality of a wet newspaper, if you have a decent pair of Bruno Magli the world is your oyster.

Lia_lia

Some people don't want to be in relationships. I know plenty of people that age who are single and happy out.

But yes, I understand where you are coming from of course. As you get older it gets more difficult to find a partner. However, the op is 27. I was referring to people that age. I didnt really make that clear!

Lia_lia

Lia_lia wrote: »

Luckily never felt that loneliness. As I said I've always enjoyed being single. I like my own time and space. That said I've been with my OH for over 3 years, we live together and I'm very happy.

Maybe it is because I'm too young. But wanting to be in a relationship when single is something I've also noticed in people my own age and younger. Never really understood it.

Relationships are complicated, the one we have with ourselves even more so.
Of course plenty of people are very happy being single. Plenty of others are not.

Personally I need my own space and time. I can be rather introverted and being in someone's company for a long period can be draining. That doesn't mean I wouldn't like a relationship.

It is possible to hold opposing pieces within ourselves. Content yet wanting a partner, a need to be alone from time to time, yet wanting to share your life.

Maximus Alexander

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

As a man? If you think you've a sense of humour then you probably don't. And there's nothing meta about it.

Once you've got that out of the way you should focus on dressing well. For the majority of Irish men I'd be going with a pair of dark jeans or chinos, a shirt that you didn't pick up off the bargain rail in River Island, blazer, decent pair of shoes (shoes, not runners).

Spoken like a man with no charm or charisma.

ChippingSodbury

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

For the majority of Irish men I'd be going with a pair of dark jeans or chinos, a shirt that you didn't pick up off the bargain rail in River Island, blazer, decent pair of shoes (shoes, not runners).

Roysh, what about the dubes man???

Honestly though, I don't think the clothes you wear matter all that much (within reason of course)

A slightly similar kind of thing to dating is business networking. I used to hate it. I always felt that everyone else there would be better than me, super flash companies etc. until someone told me that everyone is in the same boat: they're all nervous, nobody likes networking. You'll see the people who stand on their own, use their phones, read "important emails" etc, anything to look like they're busy rather than just standing there. Once you realise this, your own confidence grows and it makes the initial intro a bit easier: after you do it 10 times, it becomes a lot easier and you get a lot better at it.
It's always good to wear something interesting when you go socialising, something that can start a conversation, maybe a name tag or something silly like that: how many people will pass you and say "Hello ChippingSodbury" and there's your icebreaker...
Then practice, practice, practice. How will you ever know if you like someone if you don't talk to them?
"Sure, he's not even wearing dubes (or whatever the equivalent footwear are for girls!)" but he/she could be a lovely person