Acceptable amount of noise in the mornings

haveringchick

Two adults couples sharing a sink is a recipe for disaster
Good luck finding somewhere else to live
Even a shoe box would be better without this aggravation
If you leave now you may be able to salvage your friendship
It's time to have your own place OP

Arbiter of Good Taste

Thargor wrote: »

Why is the advice always to move out on this board? Every single issue in every thread the OP is told to find a new place, you'd think if someone is posting in a forum called Accommodation and Property they'd have an idea what things are like out there atm.

But why not? Life is too short to have to deal with tension at home if you can avoid it

Graces7

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

But why not? Life is too short to have to deal with tension at home if you can avoid it

Pride! " Why should I leave because he is being a ***** and I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! " Human nature.. BUT such a hassle too. I have stood firm in some rentals with dreadful things going on as I hate to be bullied. The place before this was such a place but the last straw there was not the bullying but the terrible outbreak of toxic black mould that nearly put me in hospital. i would not leave to order by a bully! There has been aggression here from a certain quarter but again, the Garda and others know and there is no danger But then I am a pensioner and so no work stress. And I am up very very early so i get my peaceful hours . Coming home to an atmosphere like this is a nogo. The one bit of advice re leaving that made me wince was years ago here on boards when a man had complained to his neighbour re excessively loud music; the man followed him to his flat with an axe handle and attacked him with it. The GARDA advised the man who was attacked to move.

5uspect

Sharing with others can be a pain especially when couples are involved.

I once had a former housemate complain to us about not cleaning a dish, our own dish, while we were eating the food we just baked in it.
Jack sounds a bit like this.

Talk to him about his behaviour and ask him to adjust it or tell him that his behaviour is the reason you want to move out.
It's your home too and you cannot always tiptoe around his unreasonable requests.

Wabbit Ears

I had never seen a food catcher in a sink before my own kitchen was put in and it constantly amazes me how mental my wife goes over my apparent complete apathy towards them. I dont care if its in, out or whatever but she has a weird thing about it.

trust me, If the OP was sharing with herself she would be having more than a few polite words about it.

L1011

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

You know that putting heavy items in the refrigerator door (such as milk) can damage it with all the opening and closing.

The bit of the fridge specifically built for the purpose of holding milk and similar items can be damaged by holding milk and similar items?

No. It can't.

You'd have some trouble dealing with my Hotpoint fridge that has been specifically built to take 2L bottles in the door.


For the OP - Jack is clearly unliveable with, and you may have to tell him this.

Thargor

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

But why not? Life is too short to have to deal with tension at home if you can avoid it

Graces7 wrote: »

Pride! " Why should I leave because he is being a ***** and I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! " Human nature.. BUT such a hassle too. I have stood firm in some rentals with dreadful things going on as I hate to be bullied. The place before this was such a place but the last straw there was not the bullying but the terrible outbreak of toxic black mould that nearly put me in hospital. i would not leave to order by a bully! There has been aggression here from a certain quarter but again, the Garda and others know and there is no danger But then I am a pensioner and so no work stress. And I am up very very early so i get my peaceful hours . Coming home to an atmosphere like this is a nogo. The one bit of advice re leaving that made me wince was years ago here on boards when a man had complained to his neighbour re excessively loud music; the man followed him to his flat with an axe handle and attacked him with it. The GARDA advised the man who was attacked to move.

I wouldn't be pushed out of a house for anything unless it was an actual psychopath that would attack me, if someone whinged at me once or twice over something I cant control Id say okay, after that Id tell them to fcuk off, moving house is a nightmare, let them do it if they think I brush my teeth too loudly...

L1011 wrote: »

The bit of the fridge specifically built for the purpose of holding milk and similar items can be damaged by holding milk and similar items?

No. It can't.

You'd have some trouble dealing with my Hotpoint fridge that has been specifically built to take 2L bottles in the door.

Yes they do, every student accomodation I ever lived in had them broken, in a shared house they'll give into fatigue eventually.

Alf Veedersane

Moving is a pain in the hole but living in a terrible atmosphere for months is unpleasant with the unpleasantness dragged out.

Sometimes moving is the least worst option.

But in these circumstances, the OP should surely be able to talk to 'Jack' about the situation given that they've been friends for the best part of a couple of decades. If OP can calmly lay out his issues with Jack and suggest he be more reasonable but Jack doesn't react well to it, then the friendship doesn't have much of a foundation and well....maybe go nuclear and document what's yours and what can't be used.

Or swap rooms if you're not shortchanging yourself

Dubl07

Desist from using my lamp/tv/coffee maker/teapot/saucepan since you've expressed dissatisfaction in how it's cleaned/used.

Step away from my rugs, they're expensive and I need you to walk around them.

The cutlery and crockery are my preciouses - kindly use your own.

Stop pandering to Jack and send him up the beanstalk.

gothic_doll

Snatchy wrote: »

OP here.

Guys, just to put the food-catcher comment into context so you have full information:

....

JACK: well (jokingly) maybe I should install a camera to see who does it.

When he brought up the food-catcher issue for the second time in three days is when I got p*ssed off.

He's being passive-aggressive on purpose for his own amusement, and probably thinks you will just accept it indefinitely.

pwurple

Your relationship with this guy is in tatters. Everything each of you say from now on is going to be seen as an attack by the other. Time to wrap it up.

Your gf has a lot on, so you can arrange the move.

April 73

pwurple wrote: »

Your relationship with this guy is in tatters. Everything each of you say from now on is going to be seen as an attack by the other. Time to wrap it up.

Your gf has a lot on, so you can arrange the move.

I agree. It's like when a romantic relationship has run it's course - everything the other person does annoys you. Even the smallest things are irritating.
You & Jack are bugging each other with everything you're doing. You either sit down & clear the air and see if you can carry on or you make plans to separate.

beertons

What the hell do you need a food catcher for. Clean the plates at the table or at the bin. That's just pure laziness.

Also, group dynamics of 2 couples living together rarely works. Move out and yee can still be friends.

Graces7

Maybe a large printed sign "DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF," by the sink.. And seriously this has gone way past the vinegar v honey idea. Honey also attracts wasps.

athtrasna

Not a food catcher thread

L1011

Thargor wrote: »

Yes they do, every student accomodation I ever lived in had them broken, in a shared house they'll give into fatigue eventually.

Thats misuse/abuse, not "they're not meant to do that". The compartment is clearly made to contain milk cartons; being usually the only bit tall enough

athtrasna

Mod note

This isn't a fridge door thread either. Please stay on topic.

borderlinemeath

OP, I hear your pain.

20 odd years ago I moved in with one of my best friends, we were both really looking forward to it, we had been friends for years and spent all our social time together and regularly stayed over at each others houses after nights out, so we knew each others foibles and routines quite well. It only took maybe 2/3 months of living together to almost destroy our friendship to the degree that we spent maybe 10 years not anywhere near as close as we used to be. We're grand now, but it's taken a lot of water under the bridge to get here.

You don't really know somebody until you live with them
You still don't really know what might be going on in the background
Your own personal habits can really grate on another, even though they've got their own that grate on you.
Add a couple of boyfriends/girlfriends into the mix and things can escalate out of control.

I didn't know at the time but my friends boyfriend was quite controlling and used to nitpick at her and chip away at her confidence, so in turn she was ratty and would be nitpicking at me for simple things like not putting a cup in the sink, when her boyfriend might have left a cup, dirty socks and an ashtray on the living room floor. But rather than giving out to him, she would give out to me. If he was there, I was on eggshells in case I did something wrong. I moved out after 8 months as I couldn't stand the tension but it was only maybe a year later when we were out one night (without him) and he phoned her maybe 30 times in one night trying to bully her into coming home, that I saw the true extent of how controlling he actually was.

Moral of the story, don't take it to heart, you don't know what might be going on in the background. You say your job is stressful, maybe Jacks is too, maybe his relationship is under stress and he's taking it out on you, to let off steam. As you say, if you and your girlfriend can last until May, it'll be a lot easier then. And maybe when you're on hols can your girlfriend go home to her parents for the weekends at least?

Snatchy

borderlinemeath wrote: »

OP, I hear your pain.

20 odd years ago I moved in with one of my best friends, we were both really looking forward to it, we had been friends for years and spent all our social time together and regularly stayed over at each others houses after nights out, so we knew each others foibles and routines quite well. It only took maybe 2/3 months of living together to almost destroy our friendship to the degree that we spent maybe 10 years not anywhere near as close as we used to be. We're grand now, but it's taken a lot of water under the bridge to get here.

You don't really know somebody until you live with them
You still don't really know what might be going on in the background
Your own personal habits can really grate on another, even though they've got their own that grate on you.
Add a couple of boyfriends/girlfriends into the mix and things can escalate out of control.

I didn't know at the time but my friends boyfriend was quite controlling and used to nitpick at her and chip away at her confidence, so in turn she was ratty and would be nitpicking at me for simple things like not putting a cup in the sink, when her boyfriend might have left a cup, dirty socks and an ashtray on the living room floor. But rather than giving out to him, she would give out to me. If he was there, I was on eggshells in case I did something wrong. I moved out after 8 months as I couldn't stand the tension but it was only maybe a year later when we were out one night (without him) and he phoned her maybe 30 times in one night trying to bully her into coming home, that I saw the true extent of how controlling he actually was.

Moral of the story, don't take it to heart, you don't know what might be going on in the background. You say your job is stressful, maybe Jacks is too, maybe his relationship is under stress and he's taking it out on you, to let off steam. As you say, if you and your girlfriend can last until May, it'll be a lot easier then. And maybe when you're on hols can your girlfriend go home to her parents for the weekends at least?

OP here.

Thanks very much for your very helpful post.

I think there is potential for a lot of the things you've said to be true. His job doesn't sound stressful to me but maybe it is. He works in the IT sector and is highly skilled but in his own words, he has about 5 working hours a day. He leaves the flat after 9 and is home before 6 every day and only spends about 5 hours "productively".

My gf starts work at 0730 and is home at about 7 and then continues to work at home. I start at about 0800 and normally, 2000 is the earliest I would be home - often after 2200. Both of us are a bit fried most of the time - which is possibly a reason why we have so little patience with Jack's "requests".

I know in the last two weeks there have been redundancies in his company but he is yet unaffected and seems confident that his position is secure. Subconsciously however, maybe that is also playing on his mind and causing stress.

Unfortunately, there is no chance of my gf going home to her parent's house while I'm away (they live a good distance away and she'd never make it to work). We did however move her study/work desk and computer into our bedroom before I left, to create a sort of "safe zone" for her as she can minimise the time she needs to spend in the common areas - sad state of affairs really but she's happy with it and it seems to have worked so far.

Our position now is just to hold out until May when things will hopefully ease off.

April 73

If there are redundancies in Jack's workplace it can be very stressful - whether he is directly affected or not. It's hard to see fellow workers impacted & there is also concern about how the remaining workers will be affected with less people working there.

You & your GF are working long hours & I would imagine just want peaceful downtime when you get home.

I think it would be worth having a chat with Jack over a pint & say the atmosphere has been a bit fraught in the house lately. You don't want to get into a "you said, I said" blame-game but you'd like to improve the atmosphere. Mention that you & your GF are wrecked when you get home & ask him if he's finding the redundancies difficult.

It's not easy to start that kind of conversation but May is a long time away & maybe if you could all be a bit more understanding of each other you might be better able to draw a deep breath & pay less attention to what irritates you about each other. It would make for a better atmosphere at home.