Leaving kids to play alone together (while keeping an ear and eye on them)

fro9etb8j5qsl2

I have a toddler and an 11 month old and apart from the odd squabble over a toy, they get on very well and will play away together without much hassle. Our sitting room is baby proofed, the only furniture in there is a 3 piece suite and a low tv unit (with the tv mounted on the wall) so there isn't anything they could get into mischief with, apart from toys.

They have always been good at entertaining themselves and each other. I would have no problem leaving them play away like this while I tip around the house or nip to the loo. They are always within earshot and I will look in on them every few minutes (without them noticing me).

I mentioned it to a friend in passing recently, she has a little girl the same age as my boy and she was asking how I managed to get anything done around the house. She was horrified when I told her that I leave them in the room on their own like this, she doesn't leave her little girl alone at all unless she's asleep and she said that whatever about 1 child, she most definitely wouldn't leave 2 on their own together. So she thinks now that I am a neglectful monster and I think that she is an overbearing helicopter parent :pac:

Seriously though, I don't see the big issue once the kids play nicely and I'm checking in on them. Am I wrong? What do childminders and parents with 3 or 4 children do?

ladyella

I only have 2 boys but I type this as they watch wreck it Ralph and I take a (imo) well earned 5 minutes to myself in the kitchen on the sofa. If your kids are happy and your happy to leave them then brilliant. How your pal gets a thing done I don't know because I couldn't if I had to have them wthin arms reach every second of the day

fro9etb8j5qsl2

ladyella wrote: »

I only have 2 boys but I type this as they watch wreck it Ralph and I take a (imo) well earned 5 minutes to myself in the kitchen on the sofa. If your kids are happy and your happy to leave them then brilliant. How your pal gets a thing done I don't know because I couldn't if I had to have them wthin arms reach every second of the day

Exactly, she's not able to get much done, that's why she was asking! I think she has a playpen in the kitchen and puts her little one in there when prepping meals etc but she doesn't like being in there and cries so my friend gets stressed and nothing gets done. I hear you with the well deserved break, the kitchen sofa is my favourite spot in the house

mirrorwall14

I have a baby cage in both kitchen and sitting room which he is well used to and will ply in and I often work in the kitchen while keeping an eye through the open door. Our lad is almost 1. I had a friend like that too, I honestly think that part of the problem is never leaving them in the playpen long enough to figure out how to play

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Those baby cage playpens are brilliant mirrorwall The playpen my friend has is a travel cot type one. Her little girl is almost 2 and hates being in it. I think like you said, at this stage she probably doesn't know how to play on her own. My poor friend is run ragged then trying to get all the cleaning etc done at night when the child is in bed and she should be relaxing! I think it might just be that she doesn't know any better, nobody close to her (apart from myself) has kids and her own parents live up the country so wouldn't be there to give her advice. I'll have to drag her along to my toddler group with me and get the other mammys to have a word

RentDayBlues

I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 2 year old, I'll happily leave them to play together. Once the youngest was old enough to hold her own, so from around 10 months. I intervene if there's squabbling or physical fights, but they are generally really good.

Probably will get a lot of "oh my god"'s for this, but I leave them downstairs if I was popping upstairs to clean/tidy quickly. Otherwise I'd get nothing done at all. I know my kids and they know the boundaries

Edit: I was a lot more cautious about leaving my first alone, but with 2, it's a case of needs must.

cnocbui

I'd call your friend overprotective.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

I pop upstairs to do the tidying too. I always keep an ear out and every few minutes I creep halfway down the stairs and peek into the sitting room to make sure they are not doing anything they shouldn't be. I can usually tell from the noises what is going on anyway I think that is what my friend was most shocked about and that's why I was asking here because I wasn't sure if anyone else did it!

I find my 2 play better when they think I'm not around, when I'm in the room with them often one will be vying for attention over the other but when I'm not there they will play quietly and happily together for a good while.

cant26

I have a two and half year old and often run upstairs to grab a wash while he is playing happily in the sitting room. Our kitchen has double doors that lead to the sitting room and are always open so when I have to prep dinner or something he can be in the sitting room playing away. Or under my feet in the kitchen! I pop my head in every few minutes.

I don't know how a two year old could play happily in a travel cot. We had one and it was great but it was gone before his first birthday. He was far to curious and interested in figuring out everything in the kitchen and sitting room to be confined to such a tiny space.

I think it depends on the child too though. My son is well able to be a hyper little monkey but generally he is quiet chilled. Maybe if he was prone to climbing up the blinds or liked pulling at the TV I'd be less likely to leave him for a few minutes.

dori_dormer

Id leave my boy to run upstairs and grab a wash / use the loo etc. he's almost 2. But to be honest he's recently taken to jumping on the sofas and dragging out of the curtains. In the last few weeks I'm less likely to leave him alone. Our downstairs is all open plan though so it's easy to be in the kitchen while he's playing.

I think it depends on the child / children. I don't know how she can't make a meal when they are playing. They don't have to be trapped in a play pen, she could set them up colouring at the kitchen table or playing with pots and pans if she insists they are all in the same room together

Lashes28

Your friend is definitely being ott. When you have a baby everything is baby proofed so you've taken away a lot of the dangers .I would run up stairs to grab pajamas or clothes to dress her with and leave my one year old playing downstairs .But like that. I'm 8 months pregnant and carrying her up and down stairs for 2 minutes just ain't happening!

heldel00

Little man is only 3 months but this will most definitely be a playpen household.
I've been looking online and would like to get a wooden one like we were all reared in (btw it didn't do me any harm!) but they are difficult to get.
What sort are people using?
Someone suggested a travel cot but I read elsewhere that the mesh on the panels can be hard on a baby's eyes.
Any suggestions?

cyning

I leave my two play alone together: I would get nothing done if I didn't. They are 3.5 and 22 months. Aside from anything they need to learn to play if that makes sense? I won't go for a shower if they are downstairs and I'm upstairs knowing my luck they will figure out how to escape the house or something! Also the 22 month old faints occasionally so I stick my head in and out far more frequently then I would otherwise.

Anyway sometimes you just need a breather to sit down for 5 minutes peace!

mirrorwall14

heldel00 wrote: »

Little man is only 3 months but this will most definitely be a playpen household.
I've been looking online and would like to get a wooden one like we were all reared in (btw it didn't do me any harm!) but they are difficult to get.
What sort are people using?
Someone suggested a travel cot but I read elsewhere that the mesh on the panels can be hard on a baby's eyes.
Any suggestions?

I have a travel cot/playpen in the sitting room and a hexagonal metal one in the kitchen. The metal sides are far higher than the one we had has children which is great coz it'll take him longer to be tall enough to get out. Got mine second hand on adverts for 40e. Best Buy ever

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Yeah, the metal babydan ones are great but expensive new. Handy because with certain models, you can buy extensions or dismantle them and use them as a stairgate.

I haven't a notion why she doesn't just plonk her up at the table to do some colouring or playing while she's cooking I think she definitely has a thing about safety, like if she isn't there to give her little girl full attention, she has to put her into the playpen where she cannot get into any trouble. It's probably habit more than anything at this stage. I wish I had known sooner because I could have gently advised her that she should relax a bit. Her husband works long hours so she is spending the best part of 12 hours a day (excluding naps) in the same room as a toddler. My head would literally be melted :eek:

RentDayBlues

Some parents, more so mums, are over anxious and over protective to the detriment of their sanity and sometimes their kids development.

I cannot imagine having to spend every second of every day watching my two, how would they ever learn to play independently. I'd miss easedropping on their conversations, some of which are hilarious.

It's balance, letting them have some independence while ensuring their safety.

As a matter of interest OP, does your friend allow her child outside to play?

tickingclock

I've a near two year old and I let her play in the sitting room if I'm in the kitchen or vice versa. I leave all the doors open and everywhere is child proofed. I move around the house doing jobs like putting away clothes, sweeping and general housework and she plays away and sometimes follows me. I'd crack up trying to entertain her all day. She plays away and uses her imagination and chats to herself. I had a playpen which I found very handy but after she turned one but then understandably she wanted more freedom. When she plays now I get worried when I can't hear anything as it means she's up to mischief!!

LegacyUser

Gosh!ott friend.I have an 18 month old and we do have double doors betweem living room and sitting room...but from when she could sit up herself, i used to leave her on her mat in the living room where she could see me to play, while I washed up after breakfast or cooked dinner.Playpens never entered this house...why would you bother?I just think you can confine them ubtil they're fed up....and then you've got a toddler who doesn't know their limits and doesn't know what's off-limits, or how to be on their own for two minutes or anything.It might be a short easy fix, but long term I think you're creating more hassle for yourself....

Number two is on the way here, and yes...I will be leaving them to play with each other when a bit bigger.

John Mason

if your friend thinks you are neglectful, i dont know what she would make of me lol. my 20 month old has the run of the house. i have no problem leaving him anywhere up or down stairs. he manage the stairs himself so i just let him get on with. he does his thing, i do mine

pwurple

It really depends on your house, and your children. I think mine are fine in our area with toys, as there are no blinds, curtains, cables or tall pieces of furniture that they could pull down on top of themselves. Also, it's an open plan area, so I can see them from the kitchen, dining area, bathroom door.

My only worry is the small one eating something she shouldn't, like lego etc.. but she seems to be gone past the phase of sticking everything in her mouth. I have a friend who spent quite a bit of time in hospital when her 13 month old ate a battery from a toy (which had been prised out by an older sibling). So, I can see why people need to be careful too.

I can understand both viewpoints, perhaps suggest a sling for your friend. Or involving them in the activity. Toddlers love sorting laundry.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

RentDayBlues wrote: »

As a matter of interest OP, does your friend allow her child outside to play?

She doesn't really have a garden, it's more like a tiny yard so no playing there. They do go out walking an awful lot but she has always refused to bring her to soft play or toddler groups. However, I have finally convinced her to come to the toddler group with me this week so hopefully will be able to talk some sense into her. Poor thing is exhausted.

I definitely agree that it depends on the type of kids/house you have. But at the same time, even the most active children need some kind of space. I think if I was with my lads every minute of the day, they would be as demented from looking at me as I would be from listening to them.

Pwurple I wish I could teach my fella to sort laundry! We are just about at the stage now where he will pick his toys up off the floor and put them in a box and then he empties half the box back on the floor