Jesus' Foreskin: a Holy Relic

Bristolscale7

True story. Christians believe (or last they did a while back) that when you go to heaven your physical body gets resurrected and up you go. Question: if you're a Jewish male and you bodily ascend to heaven, what do you leave behind? A foreskin.
Over the years there have been dozens of foreskins worshiped as the holy foreskin. Charlemagne thought he had the real one and gave it to the Pope as a gift.

You can read about it here:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Prepuce

looksee

According to David Farley, "Depending on what you read, there were eight, twelve, fourteen, or even 18 different holy foreskins in various European towns during the Middle Ages.

I suppose if Jesus could multiply loaves and fishes, foreskins wouldn't have been a problem at all. Unless he had...:eek:

But what does what Christians believe have to do with what happens to Jews?

PopePalpatine

Class 1 relics, eat your heart out! :pac:

Second Toughest in_the Freshers

looksee wrote: »

what does what Christians believe have to do with what happens to Jews?

Jesus Christ...

He was a Jew

Avatar MIA

Weirdest A&A thread ever?

Second Toughest in_the Freshers

I heard it's a little shriveled up thing, but if you rub it (for luck, as is the custom) it doubles in size...

Hoboo

Bristolscale7 wrote: »

True story. Christians believe (or last they did a while back) that when you go to heaven your physical body gets resurrected and up you go. Question: if you're a Jewish male and you bodily ascend to heaven, what do you leave behind? A foreskin.
Over the years there have been dozens of foreskins worshiped as the holy foreskin. Charlemagne thought he had the real one and gave it to the Pope as a gift.

You can read about it here:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Prepuce

And if it's on Wikipedia it must be fact.

Cabaal

Hoboo wrote: »

And if it's on Wikipedia it must be fact.

No, its true because its actually true

http://www.forbes.com/2009/06/12/jesus-relic-calcata-opinions-book-review-holy-foreskin.html

This is yet another thing that the Vatican has tried to white wash from history because it embarrassed them in the end. Not the first and won't be the last,

An official 1900 decree threatened excommunication for anyone who spoke or wrote about the foreskin, and after the Vatican II confab of the 1960s, the Catholic Church made a concerted effort to shake off past scandals or dishonorable appearances, of which the foreskin was but one example.

They tried the same in relation to sex abuse, but thankfully their attempts failed...eventually.

Bristolscale7

There's plenty of peer-reviewed material on the topic.

The Circumcision of Jesus Christ

by Mattelaer, Johan J; Schipper, Robert A; Das, Sakti

Abstract

We study the controversies manifested in religious writings, art, sculpture and music as well as the theological disputes surrounding the circumcision of Jesus Christ. Data are derived from relevant historical and theological articles. Jesus Christ was circumcised as a Jew on the 8th day after his birth. Until 1960 the Catholic church celebrated the day as Circumcision Day. In medieval times the holy foreskin was worshipped in many European churches. Christianity never condoned the ritual of circumcision and established the sacrament of baptism in its place.

Journal of Urology, 07/2007


Should we be surprised that most Christians are ignorant of it? Belated happy Circumcision Day to everyone!

kylith

Bristolscale7 wrote: »

There's plenty of peer-reviewed material on the topic.

The Circumcision of Jesus Christ

by Mattelaer, Johan J; Schipper, Robert A; Das, Sakti



Journal of Urology, 07/2007


Should we be surprised that most Christians are ignorant of it? Belated happy Circumcision Day to everyone!

The amount of stuff Christians don't know about their religion; their ignorance of any aspect wouldn't surprise me. What's your point though?

Kidchameleon

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Weirdest A&A thread ever?

I don't even see what it has to do with not believing in God, could someone enlighten me?

Avatar MIA

kylith wrote: »

The amount of stuff Christians don't know about their religion; their ignorance of any aspect wouldn't surprise me. What's your point though?

In fairness, that's probably more Catholic (or RC) where the mass would be the most understood element and not the actual bible. Not sure if that's bad thing though.

Penn

Second Toughest in_the Freshers wrote: »

I heard it's a little shriveled up thing, but if you rub it (for luck, as is the custom) it doubles in size...

Had a taxi driver one night give me change out of a little purse thing he had. He said it was made from an elephant's foreskin. He said if you rubbed it it became a briefcase.

Aaaaaannnnnyyyway, the concept of your actual body as it is being resurrected points out a huge flaw in heaven; if you're disabled during life, you'll be disabled in Heaven. You could also still be blind, deaf etc.

I mean, if you were hugely morbidly obese, you hated your body shape, then you die and get to Heaven and you're still morbidly obese... that's gotta suck. Or you develop MS or similar and die, is your resurrected body still suffering from the level of MS you had when you died?

People don't seem to realise how awful everlasting life might actually be.

Kidchameleon

Penn wrote: »

Had a taxi driver one night give me change out of a little purse thing he had. He said it was made from an elephant's foreskin. He said if you rubbed it it became a briefcase.

Aaaaaannnnnyyyway, the concept of your actual body as it is being resurrected points out a huge flaw in heaven; if you're disabled during life, you'll be disabled in Heaven. You could also still be blind, deaf etc.

I mean, if you were hugely morbidly obese, you hated your body shape, then you die and get to Heaven and you're still morbidly obese... that's gotta suck. Or you develop MS or similar and die, is your resurrected body still suffering from the level of MS you had when you died?

People don't seem to realise how awful everlasting life might actually be.

I think the general concensus is that the body is buried and the "spirit" goes to heaven. Google "Catholic funeral"

Second Toughest in_the Freshers

Yeah, but on Judgement Day (he said he'd be back) Jesus will raise us all and bring the righteous to heaven with him, while casting the evil into hell, where there will be weeping and grinding of teeth...

Bristolscale7

Penn wrote: »

Aaaaaannnnnyyyway, the concept of your actual body as it is being resurrected points out a huge flaw in heaven; if you're disabled during life, you'll be disabled in Heaven. You could also still be blind, deaf etc.

... Or you develop MS or similar and die, is your resurrected body still suffering from the level of MS you had when you died?
.

But why would you develop MS later in life unless you had sinned terribly? Surely god would never give anyone MS who had lived a good christian life?

Kidchameleon wrote: »

I think the general concensus is that the body is buried and the "spirit" goes to heaven. Google "Catholic funeral"

This a post-vatican II thing?

lazygal

Kidchameleon wrote: »

I don't even see what it has to do with not believing in God, could someone enlighten me?

This is blasmphemous. Expect Iona-esque cease and desist letters and demands to pay out large sums of money.

kylith

That's a moot point, no one with handicaps is allowed anyway.

Leviticus 21:18
No man who has any defect may come near [the alter]: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed;

If you can't approach the alter you can't be in communion, so you can't go to heaven. At least that's the traditional reading IIRC.

Bristolscale7

kylith wrote: »

That's a moot point, no one with handicaps is allowed anyway.

Leviticus 21:18
No man who has any defect may come near [the alter]: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed;

If you can't approach the alter you can't be in communion, so you can't go to heaven. At least that's the traditional reading IIRC.

Yeah, I think they make an exception for left-handed people but only after the Christian Brothers try to beat the left-handedness out of you.

CarrickMcJoe

I thought OP was Robin addressing Batman!

kylith

Bristolscale7 wrote: »

Yeah, I think they make an exception for left-handed people but only after the Christian Brothers try to beat the left-handedness out of you.

Not the CBS but that's the reason my mother is ambidextrous. True story. Apparently it went on until my nan threatened to give the nun a taste of her own medicine.

robindch

Penn wrote: »

I mean, if you were hugely morbidly obese, you hated your body shape, then you die and get to Heaven and you're still morbidly obese... that's gotta suck. Or you develop MS or similar and die, is your resurrected body still suffering from the level of MS you had when you died?

So far as I'm aware, christian belief, at least at the academic level, is, unsurprisingly, Platonic in this regard - the belief being that the body is resurrected to a metaphysical plane in its perfect metaphysical Form, while the unpleasant physical mess which attends death, is left far behind on the physical, earthly plane.

In this, christian belief is, as it is in so many other regards, basically Platonism with the mildest touch of the Orient.

looksee

Second Toughest in_the Freshers wrote: »

Yeah, but on Judgement Day (he said he'd be back) Jesus will raise us all and bring the righteous to heaven with him, while casting the evil into hell, where there will be weeping and grinding of teeth...

Will there be anyone born after judgement day? Though of course if everyone has gone to hell or to heaven there will not be anyone to reproduce. Except people of other religions, or will they all be in hell? How can anyone be in hell if they don't believe in it?

Will it be one of these things where the earth is left spinning along with no people but all the buildings and machines and stuff still working, and all the poor doggies and kitties looking for their munchies. And then a phone rings, 'Hello, I'm calling from Microsoft, we believe you have a problem with your computer'.

robindch

looksee wrote: »

Except people of other religions, or will they all be in hell?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzfCtGFgRSk

The Randy Riverbeast

Kidchameleon wrote: »

I don't even see what it has to do with not believing in God, could someone enlighten me?

The only path to enlightenment is through the holy foreskin.

Kidchameleon

The Randy Riverbeast wrote: »

The only path to enlightenment is through the holy foreskin.

Very funny yes but not helpful

Pherekydes

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Very funny yes but not helpful

Are you looking for enlightenment in this thread? :eek::pac:

Hotblack Desiato

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Very funny yes but not helpful

The. Irony.

Cabaal

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Very funny yes but not helpful

To get back to your question

I don't even see what it has to do with not believing in God, could someone enlighten me?

Jesus is god, God is Jesus. As such the foreskin is gods foreskin. This means this thread relevant to the forum.

looksee

Unless god is female, in which case the foreskin is only 2/3 holy/relevant. Did the holy spirit have a foreskin, indeed was the holy spirit female too? The foreskin is getting less and less holy :eek:

sbsquarepants

looksee wrote: »

Unless god is female, in which case the foreskin is only 2/3 holy/relevant. Did the holy spirit have a foreskin, indeed was the holy spirit female too? The foreskin is getting less and less holy :eek:

Shít. Without the holy hole how does the holy wee get out?

magicbastarder

Penn wrote: »

Aaaaaannnnnyyyway, the concept of your actual body as it is being resurrected points out a huge flaw in heaven; if you're disabled during life, you'll be disabled in Heaven. You could also still be blind, deaf etc.

I mean, if you were hugely morbidly obese, you hated your body shape, then you die and get to Heaven and you're still morbidly obese... that's gotta suck. Or you develop MS or similar and die, is your resurrected body still suffering from the level of MS you had when you died?

so let's say i live to be 90 and die of old age.
what form do i take in heaven? am i who i was immediately before dying? i.e. my 'presence' would be that of a 90 year old man an instant away from death?
or do i take the form i was when i was hale and hearty at 30?

Kidchameleon

Cabaal wrote: »

To get back to your question



Jesus is god, God is Jesus. As such the foreskin is gods foreskin. This means this thread relevant to the forum.

Thanks for clearing that up I understand now. Yeah stupid religious people bla bla bla (am I doing it right?)

Shrap

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Yeah stupid religious people bla bla bla (am I doing it right?)

Bleating? Yes.

Bristolscale7

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Thanks for clearing that up I understand now. Yeah stupid religious people bla bla bla (am I doing it right?)

It's not our foreskin, don't blame us!

Dyr

Cabaal wrote: »

No, its true because its actually true

http://www.forbes.com/2009/06/12/jesus-relic-calcata-opinions-book-review-holy-foreskin.html

This is yet another thing that the Vatican has tried to white wash from history because it embarrassed them in the end. Not the first and won't be the last,
.

So on this topic you could say the church are quite...circumspect

*dons sunglasses*

Cabaal

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Thanks for clearing that up I understand now. Yeah stupid religious people bla bla bla (am I doing it right?)

You think the Vatican as an organization was intelligent when it thought this foreskin was such an important thing?

By all means please share your thoughts on something that the church celebrated so much but has since decided to white wash from history, might be more interesting then your post above.

robindch

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Yeah stupid religious people bla bla bla (am I doing it right?)

Not quite right - not enough offence has been registered for your complaint to be taken seriously.

I'd suggest getting in touch with La Quinn to find out more about claims of persecution and how to submit them correctly. Quinn's pretty good at the whole "sackcloth and ashes with a loudhailer from the top of the tallest building while live-tweeting how persecuted he feels" thing.

I'll give you a five out of ten for persistence, but only two out of ten for application.

Bristolscale7

I checked on what Anselm had to say about resurrection in _City of God_. This would have been canonical for most of christian history, right? To confirm: resurrection for Anselm is "in the flesh." Book 22 contains Anselm's lengthy discussion about the issue of deformities and resurrection, and also whether or not a child would be resurrected in his or her immature body or the grown up version, and lots more details on resurrection (hair, toe nails). "Deformities" according to Anselm get "fixed." Does that mean that the circumcision was reversed?

Cabaal

Bristolscale7 wrote: »

Does that mean that the circumcision was reversed?

Logically yes you would think so,
But then logic and religion don't really join up very well, so with that said....god works in mysterious ways!?!

robindch

Bristolscale7 wrote: »

I checked on what Anselm had to say about resurrection in _City of God_.

"City of God" was written by Augustine of Hippo.

Bristolscale7

robindch wrote: »

"City of God" was written by Augustine of Hippo.

Oops. I'm always getting those two confused. Anyways, City of God, book 22--longest discussion of resurrection you'll ever want to read.

The Randy Riverbeast

Bristolscale7 wrote: »

I checked on what Anselm had to say about resurrection in _City of God_. This would have been canonical for most of christian history, right? To confirm: resurrection for Anselm is "in the flesh." Book 22 contains Anselm's lengthy discussion about the issue of deformities and resurrection, and also whether or not a child would be resurrected in his or her immature body or the grown up version, and lots more details on resurrection (hair, toe nails). "Deformities" according to Anselm get "fixed." Does that mean that the circumcision was reversed?

There's a comic this reminded me of where God is freaked out because of all the aborted fetuses. Cant find it now.

Bristolscale7

The Randy Riverbeast wrote: »

There's a comic this reminded me of where God is freaked out because of all the aborted fetuses. Cant find it now.

Randy, augustine discusses that too. (Abortions not the comic)

smacl

looksee wrote: »

I suppose if Jesus could multiply loaves and fishes, foreskins wouldn't have been a problem at all. Unless he had...:eek:

... a cousin by the name of Spider Dijon :pac:

Fleawuss

Threads like this are superb because they expose the utter bollix that is religion. Pun intended. It's like communion: who gets an arm who gets leg who gets a piece of the foreskin. Jesus wept.

Second Toughest in_the Freshers

I want BLOOD !!