Moving back to Ireland - Genius or Eejit?

LegacyUser

Morning OP

I notice that you mention that your wife is interested in the idea of living in Blarney.

I am from the area, lived in Dublin & London for a decade or two & then came "home" a few years ago. So I feel I can give you some practical advise on living in Blarney.

Firstly, housing is very expensive here & that is if something comes up for sale. As the village & surrounding areas/tiny villages of Tower & Cloghroe are perfectly positioned for EMC, Apple & CUH it is very popular with workers.

There are some great primary schools - the mixed national school in Blarney & the gaelschoil & then there is the national school in Cloghroe which is very good. The secondary schools are more based in the city, although there is one in Blarney & two excellent ones in Ballingcollig which is about a 15/20 mins drive. And then there is UCC & CIT for 3rd level education.

There is a decent enough bus service, every 25 mins during the day into Cork city. Driving into Cork takes only about 15/20 mins but parking is a pain & can be more expensive than Dublin. The train from Cork to Dublin is excellent (2hrs & 10 mins non-stop) & you are relatively close to the airport.

Blarney village itself is very pretty but you can take it from me that you wouldn't see an American tourist from one end of the week to the next - they mostly stay put in the Woollen Mills for shopping and then visit the Castle.

There is an annual pass for the Castle & grounds - think it is about €50/60 & it is great value. The grounds are magnificent to walk through at any season & then of course there is the castle. My daughter loves stalking through the fairy glen trying to spot Tinkerbell!

There are plenty of yoga/pilates classes, crochet groups, mother & baby groups, historical groups, fitness classes, toastmasters groups on the go if you wanted to get involved.

The weather is shocking though - I don't think I have seen a sky, let alone a blue sky, since last October.

I don't envy your decision & wish you luck - the hard past is making the decision & once you decide, whichever way it is, then don't second guess yourself!

Good luck.

LegacyUser

One thing I notice no one else here has mentioned; just because your extended family oohh and aahh over your baby and line up to babysit while you are in Ireland for a couple of weeks a year, doesn't mean they will be queuing up to help if you live here permanently.

Speaking from personal experience, my husband, kids and I moved back from Australia 2 years ago after many years there. We found that a lot of the promises made to us by family ("Any time ye want to go out for a meal or drinks as a couple, we'll take the kids", "We can collect the kids from school if you get stuck in work late") weren't necessarily true when we became a permanent fixture in Ireland.

When we visited for 3 - 4 weeks each year, we were a novelty around the place and everyone wanted to spend time with us, the schedule was hectic with dinners and drinks and meetups with cousins etc. Since moving back permanently, I can count the number of times this happens per year on one hand, and it's always arranged by me when it does happen.

We were very close with our neighbours in Australia, with regular neighbourhood BBQs and pool parties, but other than a wave when we pass on the road, we have little contact with our Irish neighbours.

My cousins who were begging to take the kids for a few hours when we visited on vacation disappeared off the face of the earth, and never took me up on offers to babysit their kids. People have their set routines, and they're less likely to disrupt them for you when you are around all the time. I find this to be even more true when talking about cousins, and more distant relatives (i.e. non siblings).

I think it's important not to place too much emphasis on your extended family.

Reality of life living in Ireland again is VERY different from spending a few weeks per year here, particularly in regards to how you will be received by others.

And I have never taken advantage of anyone, and I always offer to return favours.

I think very few Irish people have ample free babysitters waiting to be called upon.

I believe the difference is when you only visit for a couple of weeks, family/friends know any offers of good will are one-offs, but lots of people fear getting 'caught into a routine' when you are a permanent resident.

Just my 2 cents.

Wompa1

I wouldn't move anywhere for family support being a big factor. The reality is, you can only get so much support. Granted, getting zero support from her family is rough. I just had my first child in Arizona. We haven't needed support yet because my fiance is on her pitiful 6 weeks of maternity leave right now but when we do, her mother is willing to help out and mind him during the day.

Now, our son was in the NICU for 2 days. We're seeing the bill coming in on her insurance...it's astronomical. It's looking like the eventual cost may end up being over $50k...her insurance will cover it. If we went through my insurance, it would have cost $12k. She wants to find a new job but she's torn because the insurance is so good....but her job is not safe. It's a terrible position to be in...feeling unsafe at work, hating your job but feeling inclined to stay in the job because of the terrible healthcare system here.

Her brother just back from active service...which he did for education benefits. That's the best route for affordable college and he's come back with a fascination with guns and is tightly wound.

For the people saying don't worry about the gun thing, it won't impact you. There's been multiple school evacuations in the area here and I'd bet it's the same where you are. Bomb threats, shootings near the schools. Here they do active shooter drills like they are fire drills....that's not the kind of environment I want my son to grow up in.

I might be extra paranoid than most because there was a workplace shooting at a company I previously worked for. I wasn't in that building at the time, I was in a different building. There was a love triangle between three employees...one guy went to the other guys apartment, shot and killed him in the stairwell then went to the office to confront the woman. Found her in the break room and blew his own brains out in front of a bunch of people.

I also worked for an insurance company and a hospital here...so, I have a unique perspective on the healthcare system from multiple angles. It's beyond corrupt and horrible for the majority of people.

I'm jaded and fed up. If my fiance would give the go ahead. I'd move back to Ireland in the morning. After his birth, she's changing her attitude too...she use to say we'll move in a fawning me off kind of way. Just getting me to shut up about it to now saying, she thinks it would be better for our son.

Wompa1

I feel compelled to discuss this even more because this is front and center in my thoughts too. I've been thinking about growing up in Ireland...how much fun it was as a kid. We're a bunch of begrudgers but I'd bet 95% of people who grew up in Ireland hold a lot of love for it and have fond memories.

I fondly remember the community games in our village. St. Patricks Day parades in small towns. The feeling of pride when Ireland did well in 1990 and 1994 in the world cup.

The weather was ****e but it didn't matter. We were out playing soccer or football in it. The buzz around the All Ireland final. Sundays actually feel like a different day of the week..small town businesses are closed.

Forbes said Ireland is one of the greatest countries to grow up in...that wasn't based on any of what I've said...that was based of quality of life measured with services, mortality etc. On top of that, we have an amazing life in Ireland. We're nice to each other for the most part. There's actual compassion and empathy for those who fall on hard times. Even in the down turn, we were one of the most giving nations in terms of charity.

Look at America...first off..Went from not that impressive on the charity giving front to nearing the top in recent years..why? A bunch of billionaires have started to put their money into their own charity foundations so they don't have to pay tax on it.

My fiance has been here for over 20 years. She says she doesn't feel anything for her community or area. Why? there's nothing to feel?...oh remember when we use to go to Flanagans sweet shop after school?...nope, here, it's remember we use to go to QuikTrip that later became a f'kin Pizza Hut and is now an Olive Garden. Nothing is preserved and things change rapidly.

Her parents bought a brand new home about 15 years ago. It was new, the area was new..everything was great. Now it's gone to hell. We drove there a few weekends ago and one of the neighbors was getting arrested in a raid. It's an urban sprawl...it's a cycle of sh1t. I know San Francisco is a little different but part still rings true...I went to the poor part where my great grandfather once lived and it's been regentrified into a plus complex. I went to visit two graves of poor migrant workers..they were in unkept, unmarked graves. I was told a plot in that graveyard today is about the same as a sports car....

Ireland is clearly better for a family. America is good for a young person who wants to achieve career goals and make money but when you've got a family, that's less and less important. How does your wife feel about her career plan now?