Stuff You Got Wrong As A Kid

valoren

As a 4 year old I thought that the inside of your body was essentially hollow.
And that you had to drink a sufficient amount of liquid so that it 'reached' your mickey, it was only then that you could urinate.

Choc Chip

My mother was to blame for most of my misinformation - she was probably sick of me constantly asking questions.

e.g.

I asked how the holes got into holey cheese. She told me that worms ate their way through the cheese. When I asked how they got out, she told me that they died in there. When I asked what happened to their bodies, she told me that they decomposed so that you couldn't see them any more. I wouldn't eat cheese with holes for years.

When I asked why my great granny always wore long dresses or skirts, mum told me that she had three legs and she wore the long dress/ skirt to hide it. This led on to great-granny being a witch and having a cauldron in the cupboard. I was terrified of that cupboard til the poor old woman died.

If I ever have kids I plan to follow her example - if you don't know the answer, make up the most outrageous lie possible.

Sleepy

I remember when hearing about sex from a childhood friend being told that having sex always led to a baby, unless you wore a condom and then it was called "making love"...

I left that conversation with the notion that a condom was something like a test-tube and that "test tube babies" must have had something to do with that!

thattequilagirl

My parents are from Galway but I spent my childhood in Celbridge. Every day they would have this conversation about what they'd get for Tamara's dinner. I was killed wondering who was Tamara they were always buying dinner for.

kylith

8 Bit Girl wrote: »

All the mammies in my village had short hair, coincidence I suppose but one day I realised this and started bawling, thinking id have to cut all my hair off when I got older too.
Like it was some sort of requirement to be a mammy/older woman!

Gave my mother a good laugh with that one

Not that wrong. In recent years my mum's been on at me about being 'too old' for long hair any more.

Hammer89

mrsdewinter wrote: »

When a news reader would say, 'A body has been found...' I thought police had found literally just a torso - no head, no arms, no legs...

Haha I thought the exact same thing.

I also used to think Howth was part of Great Britain when you see it from Dun Laoghaire.

Turtyturd

Sleepy wrote: »

I remember when hearing about sex from a childhood friend being told that having sex always led to a baby, unless you wore a condom and then it was called "making love"...

I left that conversation with the notion that a condom was something like a test-tube and that "test tube babies" must have had something to do with that!

The official line of information isn't any less confusing. I know a bloke who came out of our sex education session in 6th class convinced you had to urinate inside a girl to get her pregnant.

Still hasn't lived it down.

On a family holiday in France, my Dad and I were out alone together for lunch and stopped at one of those pavement cafes where Dad ordered a kind of chicken affair with ratatouille as a side dish.

After I'd eaten all the ratatouille, my darling Daddy told me it was called that because it was made out of rats. I remember sitting there looking at him in horror. With no warning at all, I puked all over the table, which is a pretty sensible thing to do if you have eaten a side order of rat. Dad didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but he got what he deserved anyway.

When I was about ten, Dad told me that Stillorgan was called that because they found a pit with hundreds of amputated willies in it, called the Pit of Still Organs. I totally believed him. I even told my teacher about this interesting bit of history. I can still picture her face.

Another time, he told me that you could make a person walk funny if you gave them a big enough surprise, and that this was the origin of the London phrase 'knocked bandy'. I nearly gave my Granny heart attack after heart attack, trying to knock her bandy.

SEPT 23 1989

My father brought me to watch LOI matches as a very young kid and i was convinced Shamrock Rovers was Ireland for some reason

CarrickMcJoe

You don't need to be a kid...Arranged to meet a friend in New York only to find her pacing over and back on the pavement.
When I asked her about it she pointed to the No Standing At Anytime sign (meant for motorists)..

kfallon

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

My father brought me to watch LOI matches as a very young kid and i was convinced Shamrock Rovers was Ireland for some reason

When I was younger I seemed to think that EVERY Saturday Liverpool played Everton (brother was a Liverpool fan, cousins were Everton)

PIORUN

thattequilagirl wrote: »

My parents are from Galway but I spent my childhood in Celbridge. Every day they would have this conversation about what they'd get for Tamara's dinner. I was killed wondering who was Tamara they were always buying dinner for.

for years when i was young I though Galway was the place on the Clare hills with the 2 Golf Balls!

PIORUN

thattequilagirl wrote: »

My parents are from Galway but I spent my childhood in Celbridge. Every day they would have this conversation about what they'd get for Tamara's dinner. I was killed wondering who was Tamara they were always buying dinner for.

for years when i was young I thought Galway was the place on the Clare hills with the 2 Golf Balls!

Coat22

I used to think "Einbahnstrasse" was a place (I was 18 at the time!!!) and couldn't figure out for ages where the hell it was as the arrows on parallel streets would point you in different directions.

Then one day it dawned on me - One Way Street - thankfully I hadn't been driving in the weeks prior to this.

"Ausfahrt" was another - I thought it was a sign telling you to let one rip:):):)

sbsquarepants

Not me, but my own child.

When the Chilean miners were trapped under ground a few years back (he was maybe 8 at the time) it was all over the news for weeks and one day we're talking about it at home and he's asking questions about how will they be rescued and what happened and so on. It's all very mature and informed.....until he says "how come none of their parents were there with them!" Only then I copped he'd no idea what a miner was - he thought the were minors, as in kids!:D

PIORUN

my wife asked me was the movie The Martian based on a true story, last week!!!

Hammer89

Candie wrote: »

On a family holiday in France, my Dad and I were out alone together for lunch and stopped at one of those pavement cafes where Dad ordered a kind of chicken affair with ratatouille as a side dish.

After I'd eaten all the ratatouille, my darling Daddy told me it was called that because it was made out of rats. I remember sitting there looking at him in horror. With no warning at all, I puked all over the table, which is a pretty sensible thing to do if you have eaten a side order of rat. Dad didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but he got what he deserved anyway.

When I was about ten, Dad told me that Stillorgan was called that because they found a pit with hundreds of amputated willies in it, called the Pit of Still Organs. I totally believed him. I even told my teacher about this interesting bit of history. I can still picture her face.

Another time, he told me that you could make a person walk funny if you gave them a big enough surprise, and that this was the origin of the London phrase 'knocked bandy'. I nearly gave my Granny heart attack after heart attack, trying to knock her bandy.

Your father sounds like a legend.

brianomc

Candie wrote: »

Don't get me started on 'Gorilla' Warfare. Dexterous, politicised, apes with machine guns, of course.

This, along with trading "arms" for hostages. Well it made sense to me at the time with footage of people losing limbs from landmines on tv. I never questioned if they needed legs too or where the arms came from either

Badly Drunk Boy

When I was about 4, I used to think that England was in Dublin. Apart from my grand appearance to the world in Holles Street hospital, I probably hadn't visited either. I never said it to anyone so I didn't embarrass myself, until now.

(And I could probably make some comment about West Brits but I won't. )

emeldc

......

One eyed Jack

CarrickMcJoe wrote: »

You don't need to be a kid...Arranged to meet a friend in Ney York only to find her pacing over and back on the pavement.
When I asked her about it she pointed to the No Standing sign (meant for motorists)..

I had to look that up myself, it sounded very confusing -

http://www.ehow.com/info_8275456_do-standing-signs-mean.html

Graces7

RobertKK wrote: »

I am sure other highly intelligence children had similar problems as this...

This is about other children not being up to my intelligence level.

When I was in 6th class in Primary school back in the last 1980s, we were doing geography and we came to talk about Sri Lanka. I put my hand up and said there was guerilla warfare going on in that country. Everyone laughed at me thinking I had said there were gorilla warfare there.
So in their eyes I was wrong, and I was wrong for thinking they would know what I was talking about.
What was worse was the teacher didn't understand either, or at the very least didn't want to explain if he did know...making me look stupid.

I once deliberately spelt " school" wrong for drama reasons when we were playing at being teachers.. skool.... One of the mothers saw it and giggled and I was humiliated...

AndyBoBandy

When I was young, I used to believe that the world was in black and white (from old movies/TV), and then suddenly the world just became colour one day!

valoren

I used to think that condoms were a preventative measure for pissing in the bed.
You just put one on your willy and if you peed yourself then it would fill up like a water balloon.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

As a child I thought birds lived in nests. At about 11 I was quite taken aback when I realised they used nests only for breeding and spent their nights in trees, bushes etc.

Teachers have a lot to answer for really.

Graces7

Candie wrote: »

On a family holiday in France, my Dad and I were out alone together for lunch and stopped at one of those pavement cafes where Dad ordered a kind of chicken affair with ratatouille as a side dish.

After I'd eaten all the ratatouille, my darling Daddy told me it was called that because it was made out of rats. I remember sitting there looking at him in horror. With no warning at all, I puked all over the table, which is a pretty sensible thing to do if you have eaten a side order of rat. Dad didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but he got what he deserved anyway.

When I was about ten, Dad told me that Stillorgan was called that because they found a pit with hundreds of amputated willies in it, called the Pit of Still Organs. I totally believed him. I even told my teacher about this interesting bit of history. I can still picture her face.

Another time, he told me that you could make a person walk funny if you gave them a big enough surprise, and that this was the origin of the London phrase 'knocked bandy'. I nearly gave my Granny heart attack after heart attack, trying to knock her bandy.

Helpless laughing here! Thank you! and yes he deserved the rats coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!!

storker

I had the Northern Ireland problem figured out by the time I was 10. If the IRA were so keen on being soldiers, I reasoned, then just let them all join the Irish Army and they could do it to their hearts' content. Seemples!

I remember one day in primary school when our teacher was out and the headmaster, a Christian Brother, was supervising. He was rambling on about some subject I can't even remember, but what stuck in my mind was "...and then the man and woman get married and go off and commit mortal sin together." I couldn't figure out what he meant, but I had a mental image of a newly-married couple donning balaclavas and carrying shotguns into a bank. I found it confusing because, if it was so commonplace then why hadn't I heard about it before? I never asked anyone about it though. I think kids sometimes have an instinct about what to ask adults about, and what to leave alone.

Hammer89

Hammer89 wrote: »

Your father sounds like a legend.

And he'd be the first to agree with you. He is good fun alright!

fleet_admiral

I used to think every football team had a player called the equaliser

Son Of A Vidic

I once had a fight with a good childhood friend over him saying the Earth was round. I insisted it was shaped like a box, slaps were then exchanged and regrettably I won.

cowboyBuilder

When I was about 8 I saw these http://www.staples-3p.com/s7/is/image/Staples/s0395727_sc7?$splssku$

in my cousins house - and thought they were condoms

PIORUN

Zaylee Fluffy Sap wrote: »

As a child I thought birds lived in nests. At about 11 I was quite taken aback when I realised they used nests only for breeding and spent their nights in trees, bushes etc.

Teachers have a lot to answer for really.

huh, they don't???? mind blown!

Stealthfins

Bronski Beat

Small town boy.

I remember watching the video as a kid.
I thought it was about a guy who thought he made a new friend,but the friend decided to turn on him,he was feeling so rejected he decided to run away from home.

It wasn't until I seen the video on YouTube year's later.
I came to the realization there was more to it than the innocence of my childhood mind.

Always liked his music,I still do.

Hammer89

cowboyBuilder wrote: »

When I was about 8 I saw these http://www.staples-3p.com/s7/is/image/Staples/s0395727_sc7?$splssku$

in my cousins house - and thought they were condoms

They're condoms for Asian men.

Graces7

PIORUN wrote: »

for years when i was young I though Galway was the place on the Clare hills with the 2 Golf Balls!

Have read this several times and I still don't get it

Graces7

... then there was the time ( I was 7 I think) when we were camping in Menton, France and were walking down steps to the beach with other campers...All in swimming gear. I stared at the man walking nearest me and asked why he had tennis balls in his swimming trunks...Everyone went very quiet. And no one explained...

_Whimsical_

My mum had a very old,very cantankerous red mini when I was very small , 3 to around 5. We would have to get into it around 10 minutes before it would actually deign to start up. My mum would be there turning the key going "come on, come on, COME ON!!". I on the other hand would be in the back talking to the car, encouraging it saying things like "please start, just today, we love you so much,you're the best car in the world,you can have a big rest later" etc and I fully believed it was my gentle coaxing that would persuade it to start in the end.
When it would start I would be like "see, you just had to be nice to it mam!".

Hammer89

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

My mum had a very old,very cantankerous red mini when I was very small , 3 to around 5. We would have to get into it around 10 minutes before it would actually deign to start up. My mum would be there turning the key going "come on, come on, COME ON!!". I on the other hand would be in the back talking to the car, encouraging it saying things like "please start, just today, we love you so much,you're the best car in the world,you can have a big rest later" etc and I fully believed it was my gentle coaxing that would persuade it to start in the end.
When it would start I would be like "see, you just had to be nice to it mam!".

I love this so much. Children are beautifully innocent.

Lahinchians

Loving this thread!

One of the many: when I was very young, I was convinced that before the invention of colour tv the whole world lived in monochrome. Had many lengthy discussions with my mother about her life before the colour invasion! She always played along.

I had also managed to convince myself that dirty sex was just sex with your clothes on.

8 Bit Girl

When I was small I used to think that everyone in ads on the telly were only in the ad because they got a knock on their door and were asked if they wanted to do it. Like I thought any families in ads were actually related to eachother and it was their real house with limescale/needed air freshener...whatever the ad was about.

After a while I got fed up that nobody was knocking on our door asking if we wanted to be in their ad and said this, when one of my older brothers called me an egit and said thats not how they do it!

cowboyBuilder

valoren wrote: »

I used to think that condoms were a preventative measure for pissing in the bed.
You just put one on your willy and if you peed yourself then it would fill up like a water balloon.

That was the catholic church desperately trying to get them used for anything but contraception

8 Bit Girl

Graces7 wrote: »

... then there was the time ( I was 7 I think) when we were camping in Menton, France and were walking down steps to the beach with other campers...All in swimming gear. I stared at the man walking nearest me and asked why he had tennis balls in his swimming trunks...Everyone went very quiet. And no one explained...

Loooooool!!

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

As a child I always said "forgive us our Pastilles..." when saying the Our Father. I had heard of pastilles but never of trespasses.

AndyBoBandy

Lahinchians wrote: »

when I was very young, I was convinced that before the invention of colour tv the whole world lived in monochrome. Had many lengthy discussions with my mother about her life before the colour invasion! She always played along.

Snap!!!

AndyBoBandy wrote: »

When I was young, I used to believe that the world was in black and white (from old movies/TV), and then suddenly the world just became colour one day!

JustShon

Zaylee Fluffy Sap wrote: »

As a child I always said "forgive us our Pastilles..." when saying the Our Father. I had heard of pastilles but never of trespasses.

Similar one from me as a child. I thought we were asking forgiveness for the act of trespassing, y'know: being on someone's private property without their permission.

Had no idea why that one crime was featured in the Our Father, figured God just took people's private property very seriously.

Jimmy Two Times

When I was about 4 my Granny had me convinced that she was Steve Heighway ( ex Liverpool and Rep of Ireland soccer player for those of you too young to remember him ).

She told me that she would fly over to Liverpool every Saturday morning,play her match and be home in time for us to visit that evening.

Talk about naive

dd972

Already mentioned a few posts above, but wasn't the world in black and white before the late 60's? :pac:

Sleepy

8 Bit Girl wrote: »

When I was small I used to think that everyone in ads on the telly were only in the ad because they got a knock on their door and were asked if they wanted to do it. Like I thought any families in ads were actually related to eachother and it was their real house with limescale/needed air freshener...whatever the ad was about.

After a while I got fed up that nobody was knocking on our door asking if we wanted to be in their ad and said this, when one of my older brothers called me an egit and said thats not how they do it!

Depending on your age, that may not have been as silly an idea as your brothers may have believed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeO0AhKPW5Y

whisky_galore

FishOnABike wrote: »

I remember thinking about prayers for the "fatally" departed - I mean was there any other kind of departed.

I used think there was an 'Our Lady of Perpetual Soccer'.

Antar Bolaeisk

When I was younger I used to pronounce the word subtle without silencing the "b".

Oh the ignominy!