Problems at home..

LegacyUser

Hi,I would really appreciate advice. I had depression during pregnancy and sometimes get bouts of it now and again. They don't last long, mostly few days. I go to CBT every fortnight.

I am a single mother.

I have a part time job but the pay isn't great. I have help from social welfare, but I am still broke. It really gets me down sometimes.

We are meant to be in court at the end of this month for maintenance as he owes a grand in maintenance. However, I can't even afford legal aid. I wouldn't feel comfortable representing myself..

My daughter shouts at me a lot. I sit with her while she screams, I talk to her gently when she shouts.. but she just continues to scream. Every day is the same it's like anything will set her off.. And i'm just sick of the shouting. I don't know how to get through to her that it's wrong and rude to scream at me like that.. She is only two so I know she doesn't fully understand yet.. But it just annoys me so much.

In creche, there is no problem. With nana and grandad, there is no problem. It's just with me. And it makes me feel like she doesn't love me, or that she feels like I don't love her..

I don't know what to do.. Any advice would be appreciated.

mapaca

My heart goes out to you OP, you have a lot on your plate. With regard to your little girl, it sounds like typical Terrible Twos behaviour - all toddlers go through it, it's perfectly normal. It is very hard work though, upsetting and frustrating as hell!
It's very common for toddlers to be good as gold for everyone else and save the tantrums for Mammy. This is because she feels most secure with you and knows she can let rip and you will still love her. Remember she's not being deliberately bold or difficult, she is dealing with huge surges of emotion.
There's loads of info online on how to handle tantrums and avoid them, tips for recognising the triggers and nipping it in the bud, etc. Do some reading up and you'll feel better prepared to deal with her next time. It sounds like you are staying calm throughout anyway which is a good start. Most importantly, you're not alone, all toddlers carry on like this, it is a phase and it will pass, eventually!
Have you any other friends who are mums or any parent/toddler groups where you can chat about it all?

Couchkitten

Sounds very tough. I second the recommendation to get involved with toddler groups. It is a lifeline to speak with people who have children the same age.

My daughter is 2.5 years is the same and screams and shouts. She has lately started to stamp her foot at me and shout NO I WON'T DO IT or whatever it is that has upset. I know it is normal but sometimes it can take me aback as I wonder where she gets her temper from. I do the same as you and try and stay calm.

How Strange

It's definitely the terrible twos with your daughter. Could you ask your local hse office to put you on a parenting course? I've done some myself but I know friends who are parenting alone and they got better courses through the Hse.

I find parenting stressful enough with a partner to share it all with so I can't even imagine how difficult it is to manage all this on your own. I personally found the parenting course great as it gave me the skills to cope with the hard parts of dealing with young children.

Our parenting course told us to consider what is going on with the child when they are acting in a certain way. If you look at your child in the situation what she is getting from her tantrum? She is getting your full and undivided attention. I've found the best thing to do with tantrums is firstly distract if you can, empathise with how they feel in that moment, reassure them that you love them but can't speak to them while they are shouting, ignore, cuddle them once it's over

Also avoid saying no, don't do x because all they hear in that is do x. The negative gets forgotten and they just hear the instruction.