When is the right time to say goodbye

smurfjed

I don't live in Ireland.

I have a 16.5 year old Golden Lab, at this stage his legs are gone, his hearing and eyesight aren't the best. He is still eating and drinking, but his peeing and poohing habits are quite uncontrolled.

How do we decide that its time for him to depart?

I have to admit that as he sleeps in our bedroom, his lack of sleep and crying is affecting our sleep patterns..... but i still dont want to see my friend leave !

Thanks

tom_k

Although more than ten years have passed since our beloved friend and protector died, I still sometimes look around to see is she still there.

She died at just over 16 years of age and the one regret we had afterwards was that we didn't help her along her way sooner. Like your friend, she lost control of bodily functions, had joint/limb problems and was completely deaf at the end.

I'm not going to suggest that you do one thing or another, the 16 years our collie spent with us was and is a huge chunk of our lives so I understand how you must feel.

You've taken the time to post this so you've probably got an idea how this is going to go. In any case, I'm pretty sure that your dog has shared a great life with you and whatever decision you make will be the right one.

Queen-Mise

I am harsh with this.

The dog is crying presumably with pain. Keeping him alive at this stage is cruel, it is not as if the dog has any significant hope of improving.

You are prolonging the dog's pain to prevent your own. Put him to sleep.

And remember the 16 wonderful years you had with him.

mojesius

Ask your vet for advice.

We had to put our dog down at 17 a few years ago and it was such a tough decision. She was going blind, was totally deaf and was very blank and forgetful. But the tail was still wagging and she was still 'her'. This went on for about a year until she developed a really bad cough, and was painting a lot due to her heart going. We tried her on tablets but when she stopped getting out of her bed and was painting/coughing for prolonged periods, we had to make the choice.

Our vet left the decision up to us but gave their recommendation after we tried everyyhing. Wishing you all the best. 16 is a great age.

dave1982

I think it's time to say goodbye tbh, heart breaking an all as its gonna be its the right thing to do. I had to do it 3 years ago it's soul destroying but it's kindest thing to do in long run.

Hope all goes well for ye, like someone said above you posting here suggests you know yourself it's time.

This great forum to help you trough what's going to be very hard.

kylith

Honestly it sounds like your dog's quality of life has deteriorated quite a lot and at his age there's not really any hope of recovery. You have to think about what's best for him rather than what you want.

adelcrowsmel

I have the same dilemma with one of my dogs at the moment and really hoping that I know when it's the right time to let him go. He's only 7 so it's not an old age thing - we/our normal vet thought he just had stomach ulcers but got diagnosed after Christmas with gastric adenocarcinoma and given a prognosis of 2-6 months. We are just 1 month into that and most days he's great. He has only refused to eat one day and than back to normal after that, he vomits every other day and that's just a symptom of his condition and par for the course. So really hoping that I see the signs that's he's had enough and don't let him suffer...he's just too good at the moment to let him go.

If anyone has any advise or experience with canine cancer and seeing the signs its time to say goodbye it would be a great help

Mitzy

Oh god I would not like to be in your shoes purely because I have been there too many times.
I regret every day that I didn't put my first dog to sleep weeks before I had to. The poor dog was in so much pain and was so weak that it was cruel to keep her alive. The only reason I didn't do it was for my own feelings & that I couldn't bear to part with her which was wrong. I just believe that your dog is your best friend and while they are with us we do everything to make sure they are safe and well looked after and having do make this decision is the ultimate thing you can do for your dog because you have to put what is right for them way ahead of what you want.

As others have said, talk to your vet and they will advise you. Think of the joy your dog has given over the past 16 years and I'm sure your dog is grateful for everything you have done for them.

Pretzill

If you have to ask it's probably near time to be honest but no-one can make up your mind for you - you have to do that yourself. I know now we left our 15 yr old probably a few days more than we should - he too had lost his legs and was soiling and terribly upset if we weren't literally sitting beside him

But after a close family bereavement we couldn't take losing him too - when we realised it was kinder (much) to let him go I felt so much better seeing him out of his struggle. It's a tough decision.

aonb

OP, if you are asking the question, you know in your heart that it is time to let him go.

I had my 17 year old put to sleep last year. We should have done it the week before we finally gave in - he went downhill so quickly, he had 2 days of misery that we should not have inflicted on him. We were so selfish trying to keep him with us for a little bit longer, I will be ashamed of myself and feel guilty forever when I think of causing him pain for even a minute longer than he should have.

Its a horrible decision, but its over in 2 seconds, and you owe it to your lovely old dog.

Cherry Blossom

I think most people wait a week or two too long OP. It is very distressing for a house trained dog to loose control of his/her bowels and bladder. For me this would be a main indicator that it's time.

ShaShaBear

adelcrowsmel wrote: »

If anyone has any advise or experience with canine cancer and seeing the signs its time to say goodbye it would be a great help

I made a list of the 10 things my Shadow loved to do. It included things like playing ball, looking out the sitting room window, going out to the garden for a play etc. As he stopped doing things he loved, I took note, and when he wasn't doing more of these things than he was doing (ie 6 out of 10 he could no longer do), we decided it was time for him to go. It's a good indication of each individual dog's quality of life as certain things would upset one dog (not being able to climb onto my bed at night time was one for Shadow) but that might not bother a dog who doesn't normally do things that way.

Agreed that I feel more people leave it too late than do it too early. Shadow was diagnosed with lymphoma and was given 1-2 months. 3 days later it was obvious he wouldn't see the month, 5 days later it was obvious he wouldn't see the week. We left him one day longer than necessary (my partner had to carry him up the stairs as he couldn't lift his legs and he had gone upstairs every single night for his 11 years) and I am still haunted by the pain and misery on his face when he realised he couldn't move.

armaghlad

My family are currently in a bit of a dilemma.

Our lab turned 11 just last week but we noticed in the last fortnight or so she was struggling now and again to poop. We also noticed recently her back legs going every now and again. We put it down to constipation and possible arthritis but took her to the vet anyway who after an examination and a few x rays informed us on Friday that she had a lymphoma about the size of a mandarin orange pressing on her bowel. On Monday she went for surgery to see if it could be removed but unfortunately it is attached to her spine and she has to be put down.

The thing is the dog does not seem to be in pain or in any sort of distress. I know dogs can sometimes be deceptive and obviously we want what's best for her; but the thought of putting her down after such a bombshell is heartbreaking for us.

The vet on Monday advised to have it done in the next few days, yet only this morning she went out and pooped not a bother to her. She has been a bit lethargic in the last few days but I put that down to anasthetic twice in the space of a weekend. She's on cat food mixed with wet dog food. Other than lacking a bit of energy she doesn't seem too bad.

It's such a hard thing to do and it's finding the right time to do it. I know the vet is best placed to advise but he wanted to do it almost immediately. It's very confusing. The dog hasn't once cried or moaned.

ShaShaBear

armaghlad wrote: »

My family are currently in a bit of a dilemma.

Our lab turned 11 just last week but we noticed in the last fortnight or so she was struggling now and again to poop. We also noticed recently her back legs going every now and again. We put it down to constipation and possible arthritis but took her to the vet anyway who after an examination and a few x rays informed us on Friday that she had a lymphoma about the size of a mandarin orange pressing on her bowel. On Monday she went for surgery to see if it could be removed but unfortunately it is attached to her spine and she has to be put down.

The thing is the dog does not seem to be in pain or in any sort of distress. I know dogs can sometimes be deceptive and obviously we want what's best for her; but the thought of putting her down after such a bombshell is heartbreaking for us.

The vet on Monday advised to have it done in the next few days, yet only this morning she went out and pooped not a bother to her. She has been a bit lethargic in the last few days but I put that down to anasthetic twice in the space of a weekend. She's on cat food mixed with wet dog food. Other than lacking a bit of energy she doesn't seem too bad.

It's such a hard thing to do and it's finding the right time to do it. I know the vet is best placed to advise but he wanted to do it almost immediately. It's very confusing. The dog hasn't once cried or moaned.

Lymphoma is what my last boy had. Can I just say that while there are a mixture of good and bad days, they deteriorate VERY suddenly and the result can shock you to your core. Overnight he went from just being lethargic and mopey to completely listless and withdrawn. One day he was still fetching a ball and the next he couldnt even lift his head off the floor. If surgery is not an option there is no hope and chances are you will realise one day that you left it one day too late.

Anyone here will tell you its better to do it while they still have a shred of happiness and dignity left, or else you could spend the rest of your life regretting the extra pain you inflicted on your dog.

armaghlad

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Lymphoma is what my last boy had. Can I just say that while there are a mixture of good and bad days, they deteriorate VERY suddenly and the result can shock you to your core. Overnight he went from just being lethargic and mopey to completely listless and withdrawn. One day he was still fetching a ball and the next he couldnt even lift his head off the floor. If surgery is not an option there is no hope and chances are you will realise one day that you left it one day too late.

Anyone here will tell you its better to do it while they still have a shred of happiness and dignity left, or else you could spend the rest of your life regretting the extra pain you inflicted on your dog.

Thanks. It's been so sudden and hard for us to process in such a short time. We are so fond of her, she's been the only pet the family had so it's a whole new experience and one we weren't expecting for another few years. The worst part is the brother in Australia, who has seen her for the last time.

ShaShaBear

armaghlad wrote: »

Thanks. It's been so sudden and hard for us to process in such a short time. We are so fond of her, she's been the only pet the family had so it's a whole new experience and one we weren't expecting for another few years. The worst part is the brother in Australia, who has seen her for the last time.

I can definitely relate. Shadow was a month off 11 when diagnosed. I had him from he was 6 weeks old, given to to as a birthday present by my dad who passed away almost 5 years ago. So as you can imagine, I didn't want to let go either. My heart shattered and I still burst into tears if I think about him for too long (and its been a year and a half since we lost him).

They say you will know when its time to say goodbye. They are so right.

Buona Fortuna

I just knew I shouldn't have opened this thread .

No advice, just trust your own instincts and I wish you all the very best OP.

Just off the hug my boy whether he wants it or not.

puppieperson1

my little dog had cancer in her lungs i opted for surgery and she had 3 months of normal life and then it all came back and i had to put her to sleep in hindsight i was selfish to put her to through the surgery and if i had the time again i would just have put her down after the 1st diagnosis. an old dog is lucky to have owners who can help them to pass peacefully unlike humans who have to suffer with no options.

aonb

You will know when its time.
If he stops eating/drinking/cant walk/looks distressed then you have to call the vet and have it done.
Most of us who have gone through this decision, would I think, admit that they left it a day or two too long before making the call. I know with my last dog who had to be put to sleep, we should have done it 2-3 days beforehand. I feel very bad about that.
The problem with cancer is that usually, in my experience, a dog will go downhill VERY VERY quickly.
Its your choice of course, but looking at your dog, and seeing him have some quality of life left, you have a little time to adjust your mind to the fact that he is on borrowed time. But as long as you have a vet nearby, that you can call as soon as the dog deteriorates and is in trouble, you can love him and cuddle him and get yourself psyched for the right time...

smurfjed

Finishing the bucket list before calling it a day......

smurfjed

Vet came to the house and helped our friend on his way....

kylith

I'm so sorry smurfjed, just know that you did the right thing.

Emma1980

So sorry to hear this - he look a beautiful dog x