Secondary school detention concerns

beveragelady

No matter what you should not have approached that girl. As somebody has said, just imagine how you would react if somebody confronted your son in the same circumstances. If you're not sure how you would have reacted just look at how you're reacting to his detention.

Juan bu wrote: »

my son would not ....

I'm afraid experience has taught me that this might be the problem. You begin with the assumption that your boy couldn't possibly be at fault. So many of the rest of the details are hard to imagine happening in a school, but I have no problem believing that a mother doesn't want to believe that her son is at least partly responsible.

Of course it's possible that I'm wrong and he is for some reason the victim of a a campaign from one bad-minded teacher, but I'm sorry to say that bitter experience tells me this is unlikely.

The best advice I can give is to talk to the principal armed with just the facts (no exaggeration, no tear-jerking sob stories, no important details conveniently forgotten). Defending yourself and your son here is a complete waste of your energy and will only result in you losing your temper. Talk to the school. If you don't have get any satisfaction there, ask the principal what the next step is. As I have said, the principal is obliged to tell you what options are available to you.

Juan bu

SAMTALK wrote: »

janes1234 wrote: »

It can also be frustrating if a teacher is bullying a child!!

In the past when he received detention I had no issues if he has done wrong he must take the responsibility for it but in this case it is not his fault I'd be a fair person I've have worked with the school on previous occasion s and they have worked with me all for the benefit of my son and his education and things have worked out fine but on this occasion when a teacher is accussing him if something he didn't do and I can prove it and then the teacher changes her story it changes everything and the fact that the school made an agreement with Me to resolve the issue and then went back in that agreement doesn't sit well with me what so ever it's feels Like because I caught them out and can prove it this is theyre retaliation and I'm not accepting it teacher don't like to be proven to be in the wrong

hardCopy

Regardless of what may have happened between OP's son and the other pupil, between OP and the female pupil and what happened between the OP's son and his teacher, an agreement was apparently reached between OP and the principal that the slate would be wiped clean. This agreement seems to have been reneged on.

OP, you should call the principal and clarify why this has been reneged on, maybe the year head wasn't told of the agreement, maybe the year head went against the principal's wishes, maybe it was for another incident.

enda1

We had Saturday morning detention. Lunchtime detention sounds like luxury!

beveragelady

He has a history of poor behaviour. That is a very important factor.
There is nobody as self-righteous as a serial offender who feels maligned.
Have you made an appointment with the principal yet?

Juan bu

beveragelady wrote: »

Wait, what? He was told he had to do it because he refused to do it? That doesn't make any sense at all. How could he have refused before they told him to do it?


This whole situation as you have explained it is seeming less and less likely.

No when they told him he had to do a in house he didn't know what it was for because there was meant to be a fresh start so when they came to him a told him he had an in house he was like what ,I've done nothing wrong ,and said to the teacher I'm not doing an in house till I know what it is for and the teacher told him it was to redo the one I had removed him from, so he went to do his in house , my issue is there was an agreement between the school and myself that there was a fresh start and still they went back in their word once they made him do that in house that I removed him from never mind that they underminded me as his mother ,I didn't know about him been in the in house till he came home from school that evening as he was told not to bother contacting his mother about it

jennyhayes123

How would you feel if another parent approaches your son and asked him did he do something?
Some kids would feel quite intimidated by a parent asking them a question like that and may or may not feel comfortable answering truthfully

Juan bu

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Enough said!

what do you mean by enough said please explain

Juan bu

jennyhayes123 wrote: »

How would you feel if another parent approaches your son and asked him did he do something?
Some kids would feel quite intimidated by a parent asking them a question like that and may or may not feel comfortable answering truthfully

This girl knows me I wouldn't go to a girl I didn't know and the teacher changed her story as to what she seen happening so I know my son didn't kick a girl

beveragelady

Juan bu wrote: »

he was told not to bother contacting his mother about it

Either that's just not true or it played out like this...

Son: "If you try to make me do this detention I'll tell my mammy and she'll get me off the hook again!"

Person in charge of detention: "Well, give it a shot but if I were you I wouldn't bother."

Look, OP. You began by saying the detention policy was unnecessarily cruel. The you said "In the past when he received detention I had no issues." Then you said he was bullied by a teacher. Then it emerged that he has a history of bad behaviour. You're under the impression that in this instance he didn't deserve the detention and you're furious. I suppose there's an outside chance that he doesn't deserve this detention, but he has form and maybe he needs to ask himself why the school is not cutting him any slack. He might realise that repeat offenders get little sympathy from anybody except their long-suffering mammies.


I really really don't think you're helping his situation, but again, talk to the principal.

FAILSAFE 00

My little Johnny is an angel!

It's those teachers that don't like him.

jennyhayes123

I've a 15 year old son who tells me how awful the teacher's are and how unfair they are etc but I think a big part of why the country is in such a mess now is parents who think there little darlings wouldn't do anything wrong and if a teacher says boo to them mummy will go in and give out to the teacher.
I wouldn't do a teacher's job for no money and have great respect and pity for them. Not only do they have to teach them they also have to control them and there job is made harder by kids nowadays knowing that if the teacher doesn't dance to there tune mummy will go in and back them up and belittle the teacher whether there right or wrong

Juan bu

80s Child wrote: »

I'm out - you can't do this! How would you feel if some adult questioned your son??

The girl does be in my home and I simply asked weather or not my son kicked her she said no and the fact the teacher changed her story also tells me he didn't not that I doubted him as I know he would never kick a girl as he knows there is no way I would tolerate that kind of behaviour ,but questions had to be asked for me to have proof

PinkLemonade

Juan bu wrote: »

The girl does be in my home and I simply asked weather or not my son kicked her she said no and the fact the teacher changed her story also tells me he didn't not that I doubted him as I know he would never kick a girl as he knows there is no way I would tolerate that kind of behaviour ,but questions had to be asked for me to have proof

You don't have proof at all in slightest, you have no idea what actually happened

Juan bu

jennyhayes123 wrote: »

I've a 15 year old son who tells me how awful the teacher's are and how unfair they are etc but I think a big part of why the country is in such a mess now is parents who think there little darlings wouldn't do anything wrong and if a teacher says boo to them mummy will go in and give out to the teacher.
I wouldn't do a teacher's job for no money and have great respect and pity for them. Not only do they have to teach them they also have to control them and there job is made harder by kids nowadays knowing that if the teacher doesn't dance to there tune mummy will go in and back them up and belittle the teacher whether there right or wrong

I'm don't run into the school every time a teacher says boo to my son seems to me as soon as a parent does stand up to a teacher the parent is accused of nannying there children if my son is in the wrong both I and him will accept that but when he is been accused in the wrong he won't accept it and I'll back him 100%

beveragelady

Juan bu wrote: »

I'll back him 100%

We can see that. He's your boy, you feel you need to defend him. I really think though that you're not helping.

Your apparent reluctance to make an appointment with the principal leads me to think that deep down you know what the facts are.

Juan bu

beveragelady wrote: »

We can see that. He's your boy, you feel you need to defend him. I really think though that you're not helping.

Your apparent reluctance to make an appointment with the principal leads me to think that deep down you know what the facts are.

Are you reading this thread ,I've already met with principle,vice pricipke and the teacher involved I've done all I meant too an agreement was made at the meeting for a clean slate fresh start and both sides agreed but the school renaged on that agreement

beveragelady

Juan bu wrote: »

Are you reading this thread ,I've already met with principle,vice pricipke and the teacher involved I've done all I meant too an agreement was made at the meeting for a clean slate fresh start and both sides agreed but the school renaged on that agreement

Right. Now you need to meet with the principal to find out why he's back in detention. You've been advised repeatedly to do that on this thread but you seem more focussed on defending your darling against a bunch of strangers on the internet than talking to the people who might have some answers.
This makes me think that you know, deep down, that your son deserves to be in detention.

SAMTALK

beveragelady wrote: »

He has a history of poor behaviour. That is a very important factor.
There is nobody as self-righteous as a serial offender who feels maligned.
Have you made an appointment with the principal yet?

So therefore he must be the one in the wrong and not the teacher???

Juan bu

PinkLemonade wrote: »

You don't have proof at all in slightest, you have no idea what actually happened

Yeah and the teacher only has what she says she seen and not only that changed the story of what she said she seen ,seems to me a lot of people on here seem to have something to do with the teaching profession as you really can't seem to believe or comprehend that a teacher can bully a teacher can be wrong and a teacher can lie

martingriff

Juan bu wrote: »

beveragelady wrote: »

We can see that. He's your boy, you feel you need to defend him. I really think though that you're not helping.

Your apparent reluctance to make an appointment with the principal leads me to think that deep down you know what the facts are.

Are you reading this thread ,I've already met with principle,vice pricipke and the teacher involved I've done all I meant too an agreement was made at the meeting for a clean slate fresh start and both sides agreed but the school renaged on that agreement

Add your reply here.

You said they have renaged on the deal but how do you know. Who told you the detention was for was it your SON by any chance. How can you be100% sure it not for something he has done since he came back. Maybe he thought he could do what he wanted after the last time. The only way to be sure is to go back in to school to the principal

Juan bu

SAMTALK wrote: »

So therefore he must be the one in the wrong and not the teacher???

Yes I've had the meetings agreement s were made and school renaged on them

Juan bu

martingriff wrote: »

Add your reply here.

You said they have renaged on the deal but how do you know. Who told you the detention was for was it your SON by any chance. How can you be100% sure it not for something he has done since he came back. Maybe he thought he could do what he wanted after the last time. The only way to be sure is to go back in to school to the principal

I am going back to the school on Monday morning

SAMTALK

Juan bu wrote: »

Yes I've had the meetings agreement s were made and school renaged on them

Sorry OP wasnt having a go at you but at poster who seems to think because you son has a history it seems automatic that he's in the wrong this time and that they seem to think that teachers dont get it wrong an odd time

Tiddlypeeps

The amount of mental gymnastics going on in here to try to defend a teacher is clearly in the wrong is astounding.

Teacher claimed boy kicked girl.
Girls says it's not true.
Parent tells teacher girl says it's not true.
Teacher changes story, and starts back peddling by saying she may have handled the situation poorly.

So either the OP is making one of those points up, or the teacher is lying. We can speculate till the cows come home about why this all happened, but unless you are going to accuse the OP of outright lying about any of those points then the teacher is the one in the wrong. Regardless of the teachers history with the child, or the childs previous behaviour it is not appropriate to make up excuses to send a child to detention.

martingriff

I am going back to the school on Monday morning

Add your reply here.

When is the detention should you not go in before that

beveragelady

Juan bu wrote: »

I am going back to the school on Monday morning

That's good. Remember to be calm and rational and in the interim have a very honest chat with your son so you don't get any unpleasant surprises when you're in the school. Good luck!

beveragelady

martingriff wrote: »

Add your reply here.

When is the detention should you not go in before that

Mid-term break, I assume.

Juan bu

SAMTALK wrote: »

So therefore he must be the one in the wrong and not the teacher???

Wow what a sweeping statement , so if my son has mis behaved In the past he must be in the wrong now REALLY

Juan bu

martingriff wrote: »

Add your reply here.

When is the detention should you not go in before that

They got him to do it without me knowing