Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

inca2

Tell me how wrote: »

If deferring isn't an option for exams, could you just tell yourself that given what you've been through sitting the exams is success. Knowing that might take pressure off you and you may surprise yourself.

Yes, I'm hoping that that will be the case. I've worked hard all year so it's not completely impossible that I will do ok but it's just the last thing in the world that I want to have to worry about at the moment. I feel so uncomfortable being so unprepared but also don't give a damn. I suppose you just have to keep going sometimes. Thanks for your reply

La.de.da

Incredibly low dip in mood today. Just a passing phase I know, but hits like a tonne of bricks sometimes.

Tell me how

La.de.da wrote:

Incredibly low dip in mood today. Just a passing phase I know, but hits like a tonne of bricks sometimes.

Sorry to hear that. It's awful how it can come, seemingly from nowhere.

Hopefully it'll pass soon.

Trebor176

I've been turned down once again by someone, so I'm feeling a bit down now. I have exams coming up that I have been working so hard towards, so I know I need to focus on those. The exams, and trying to find a new job.

But, as a result of being turned down, I have found myself back on online dating, something which I took a break from a few weeks ago, and didn't see myself going back for another while.

I am really starting to feel lonely, despite having others around me - family, who I love, and the few friends that I have. Well, friends being those that I am in regular contact with. Lonely being that at almost 31, I don't have that special someone in my life. That someone is someone who I have been waiting to come into my life for so long. But, I keep ending up getting rejected or turned down. It is really starting to get to me lately.

Lady is a tramp

Sometimes I wonder why I'm as f*cked up as I am. And other times, I realise I really don't have to look all that far.

I took on some advice from my counsellor, and repeated back to my father some of the insults he'd been hurling at me. That I'm stupid, thick, retarded, etc. I told him he'd never stand for anyone else saying those things about me, so why does he think it's OK for him to say it. And he was taken aback, and apologised and agreed that he was in the wrong. And I thought we'd made some progress.

He was dropping me off to collect something at the time, and ten minutes later when I got back to the car, he was on the phone. To his brother, my uncle, who he hasn't spoken to in over a year since I opened up to my parents about how said uncle (a priest at the time) sexually abused me throughout my childhood. He hung up, and told me, "Family is family, and that's that." Basically his way of telling me he was "choosing" his brother over me.

I never asked him to make that choice. I'm not hurt that he's back in contact with his brother, that's nothing really to do with me and I never asked him to NOT talk to him. I'm hurt that he'd purposely try to get to me in such a callous malicious way.

I don't understand it. And he's after texting me just now to say he's lodging money to my bank account, and that's just typical of how things go in our family. You traumatise someone emotionally, and then money will fix it, paper over the cracks and all is grand. It's not though. It's not grand at all.

Gremlinertia

All I'm doing is sleeping.. Off work this week and brought my other half for a little two day trip, anxiety just wouldn't leave me alone. Awake half the night then can't get out of bed.

Turtle_

it's really definitely back.

I'm devastated

Tell me how

Turtle_ wrote:

it's really definitely back.

F*ck.

It left before. It will leave again.

Shannon757

I'm wondering does depression ever end?
I was put onto a higher dose of Prozac last week and since then I have gone way worse than before. And I used to think that seeing my therapist and talking about it would help but I don't see there being any end to it in sight.

stop animal cruelty

Personally, I don't think there is an end. I think it comes down to our actions, acceptance and attitude with our struggles, thats more important.

Do I wish there was an end? I don't know, I believe if there was, really, we would only be waiting for it..... when it might not happen.... therefore wasting time being upset, held back and not getting on with things.

I guess what I see as the end, is if I give up and let this ****e stand in the way and take over my life. Fuk that. Its a almighty struggle at times, but u just gotta keep going.

Clinical depression can be an ongoing battle for so many. There will be months even years of good times but then it rears it's head again. Like Sta says it's about your attitude and managing yourself as best you can. Being aware of when your mood is starting to slip and being able to work through it as best you can when that happens.

Build your inner resistance. There are forums on boards that are fun where you can be a bit silly and lighthearted. Use them for what they are. Wallowing in your pain is counterproductive.

Wafflepie

I've been struggling a lot the last few days. I'm on valdoxin and I haven't missed a tablet but I've been really struggling, I was always on and off again with it, I've been through a lot of difficulties in my life through no fault of my own, I've been to therapy which didn't help me. I asked to go back on valdoxin again as I had been struggling again and unable to pull myself through this time, I started back about 3 months ago. But I'm so down at the moment, I spent Sunday night mostly crying, curled up in my room, I'd go to work and come home back into my room. My boyfriend noticed I was off, but still seems to argue with me which is really not helping. And today, I'm in my room crying again, it's so bad I can feel the pain and it doesn't help that I keep eating so much. My mam sent me a text message to ask if I was okay and I just let her know I needed to be on my own. She now just encouraged me to sit in her room and watch TV for her and I can't explain why I'm so sad and crying. She reckons my dosage might need to go up but I don't know.

It's so difficult to be this way because people don't understand and it's not for a lack of trying to make it better. I don't know how to explain it. But it feels painful.

Tell me how

Wafflepie wrote:

It's so difficult to be this way because people don't understand and it's not for a lack of trying to make it better. I don't know how to explain it. But it feels painful.

Hi Wafflepie.

Lots here know how to describe it. Or their version of it anyway. Even so, it can be difficult to discuss with people because it's so subjective. For those that haven't had experience of it personally, it's virtually impossible.

Be kind to yourself. Identifying the dark horrible feeling as depression helps target it as any illness.

Could you arrange to visit your Dr who prescribed your meds? Counselling can take a long time to both find one you click with and then make sustainable progress.

I think just sitting with your mum or BF is very good even if you are not able to engage. Tell your BF things are difficult right now, maybe he doesn't know exactly unless you say it.

Hope you feel better soon.

Wafflepie

Thank you tell me how, I did a few months of counseling, I do try to see things logically rather than from how my head is.

I used to run a lot whenever I felt bad but I gained a leg injury and am undergoing physio now so I can't run anymore. But I am actively trying to find outlets for it such as cycling. I have gone in to sit with my mam and I appreciate everyone here had a similar experience, because it is so hard to explain. I'm working the next few days but I'm going to phone the Dr to try get an appointment Monday morning to see what she thinks.

Thank you for your advice 😊

Tell me how

Wafflepie wrote:

I used to run a lot whenever I felt bad but I gained a leg injury and am undergoing physio now so I can't run anymore. But I am actively trying to find outlets for it such as cycling. I have gone in to sit with my mam and I appreciate everyone here had a similar experience, because it is so hard to explain. I'm working the next few days but I'm going to phone the Dr to try get an appointment Monday morning to see what she thinks.

Very well done.

Could you use gym and go on exercise bike or swim as alternative to running?

Glad you're being proactive. Well done again.

Gremlinertia

Hi there Waffle, well done on getting out to sit with your mam. Wallowing is always the most tempting option but as one who often gave in, it does nothing but postpones things and can even make you feel worse. Perhaps swimming would be good for your injury too?

WinnyThePoo

Had a poor experience with a CBT councillor recently that has left in messy mood. I honestly don't know how some people can get so far in the mental health industry. Sorry, just annoying when you invest money and time.

Tell me how

WinnyThePoo wrote:

Had a poor experience with a CBT councillor recently that has left in messy mood. I honestly don't know how some people can get so far in the mental health industry. Sorry, just annoying when you invest money and time.

Sorry to hear that WinnieThePoo.
Was it your first appointment with them?

Finding a counsellor you click with is not too dissimilar to starting a relationship.
Can take a number of trys.

WinnyThePoo

Tell me how wrote: »

Sorry to hear that WinnieThePoo.
Was it your first appointment with them?

Finding a counsellor you click with is not too dissimilar to starting a relationship.
Can take a number of trys.

Yea it was my first try with a CBT one. It was referral from a doctor who I was referred to by my local doctor, if that makes sense.

I have no problem with CBT, it was the persons actions. Within a minute of sitting down , the counsellor left the room for ten minutes to make a call . It was surreal. I just handed over the money straight away.

Anyway , I know I'll just have to keep keepin' on. I will find a better one.

Tell me how

WinnyThePoo wrote: »

I have no problem with CBT, it was the persons actions. Within a minute of sitting down , the counsellor left the room for ten minutes to make a call . It was surreal. I just handed over the money straight away.

Anyway , I know I'll just have to keep keepin' on. I will find a better one.

I'm not saying there was a valid reason for the therapist to do that but maybe the call was to a patient of theirs who was in distress. It all depends on the context. If it was just a casual call that could have waited, it would definitely be annoying.

As you say, keep searching until you find one that works for you. It's definitely worth it to really connect with a counsellor.

Lady is a tramp

In my own opinion the whole CBT thing can be over-rated, and more importantly I've heard that it can actually quite damaging if you're not already in a relatively stable headspace when you're ready for it. It should be used when you've already done any "deeper" work that needs to be done, rather than a starting point. My own counsellor would say she occasionally uses it with me, when appropriate, but she just incorporates it naturally rather than saying, "Right, we're going to do some CBT now!"

The thing with the phone call sounds really unprofessional, did she offer any apology or explanation?

WinnyThePoo

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

In my own opinion the whole CBT thing can be over-rated, and more importantly I've heard that it can actually quite damaging if you're not already in a relatively stable headspace when you're ready for it. It should be used when you've already done any "deeper" work that needs to be done, rather than a starting point. My own counsellor would say she occasionally uses it with me, when appropriate, but she just incorporates it naturally rather than saying, "Right, we're going to do some CBT now!"

The thing with the phone call sounds really unprofessional, did she offer any apology or explanation?

She continued to play with her phone when she came back. I have no problem with taking calls etc.
She was there telling me to talk about myself whilst she texted on her phone, telling me she's listening. I was dumbfounded.
If she was busy with something , she should have rescheduled. I feel like iv'e been robbed.

edit: Bit OTT saying I was robbed, just annoyed.

WinnyThePoo

WinnyThePoo wrote: »

She continued to play with her phone when she came back. I have no problem with taking calls etc.
She was there telling me to talk about myself whilst she texted on her phone, telling me she's listening. I was dumbfounded.
If she was busy with something , she should have rescheduled. I feel like iv'e been robbed.

edit: Bit OTT saying I was robbed, just annoyed.

That is so unprofessional. I would have walked out. It's a tough step to make seeking therapy. The last thing you want is some charlatan sitting opposite you.

snowflaker

I'm descending back into a rut. All I want to do is sleep!

Jamiekelly

My mother died last year so it's coming up to one year without her. What makes it worse is that today is my birthday and I can count on one hand how many people said happy birthday to me, all of them being family. Don't think I've ever truly cried like I did today. Lonely just isn't a strong enough word.

The Lost Sheep

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

In my own opinion the whole CBT thing can be over-rated, and more importantly I've heard that it can actually quite damaging if you're not already in a relatively stable headspace when you're ready for it. It should be used when you've already done any "deeper" work that needs to be done, rather than a starting point. My own counsellor would say she occasionally uses it with me, when appropriate, but she just incorporates it naturally rather than saying, "Right, we're going to do some CBT now!"

The thing with the phone call sounds really unprofessional, did she offer any apology or explanation?

I totally disagree on CBT being over rated. Only this week was first time taking anything for my anxiety and i was first diagnosed about 5 years ago.
And i was far from being in "stable headspace" when i started.

WinnyThePoo wrote: »

She continued to play with her phone when she came back. I have no problem with taking calls etc.
She was there telling me to talk about myself whilst she texted on her phone, telling me she's listening. I was dumbfounded.
If she was busy with something , she should have rescheduled. I feel like iv'e been robbed.

edit: Bit OTT saying I was robbed, just annoyed.

You have a right to feel annoyed but best option is to bring it up with her. I actually wouldnt focus too much on them checking their phone its not needed but as i alreaddy said if you dont like it tell them

blinkwink

Hi,

Am back in CBT a while now for OCD and have a guilt as I just feel I'm sitting around all day and not 'actively' engaging with the homework given and also my folks are paying for it as well so there's that too. Im trying to be compassionate but I feel I'm giving myself too many chances and am losing hope that I'm gonna get better. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Gremlinertia

Hey there Blinkwink, good to hear you're doing Cbt, it's tough going though, you can't be doing the 'homework' at all times. Set aside some part o the day that is usually good for you (or just the least bad) to attempt something from the course.. There's no right or wrong here, having a go is the important part, it may seem like nothing on the day but Cbt is full of lifelong skills - we don't learn multiplication or how to tie our laces in one day! Well done, keep at it, one step at a time

Lady is a tramp

blinkwink wrote: »

Hi,

Am back in CBT a while now for OCD and have a guilt as I just feel I'm sitting around all day and not 'actively' engaging with the homework given and also my folks are paying for it as well so there's that too. Im trying to be compassionate but I feel I'm giving myself too many chances and am losing hope that I'm gonna get better. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

I've had conversations like this with my counsellor recently. It comes to a stage when you're so f*cking sick of looking for and accepting help, when (in my case) it feels like everyone has been so good to me, like I've been given far more chances and help than most, and yet I'm still not where I want to be or where I feel like others expect me to be.

And you need to remember that, actually, those expectations are probably only coming from yourself.

I remember doing a DBT course a couple of years back, it was a group course and I was pretty much the star pupil, always did my homework so thoroughly and said and did all the right things. And you know what - in hindsight, I probably got an awful lot less out of it than those who struggled with it. Because they were engaging with it a lot more honestly than me, rather than just floating along on the surface of everything.

Do your best with the homework, but also be completely honest about how and why you're struggling with it - no matter what the reasons are. Your first inclination might be to think you're just lazy, but chances are it goes a lot deeper than that - we always think the worst of ourselves.

Just remember, if you were breezing through the CBT homework and it was all coming naturally and easily to you - chances are that it wasn't the right course for you in the first place! The fact it's not that way makes it more likely that it's a necessary part of your therapy, and money well spent.

Tell me how

snowflaker wrote: »

I'm descending back into a rut. All I want to do is sleep!

Hopefully, its something you can manage your way through. Maybe allow yourself a few days rest if it is tiredness and then see how you are.