Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

veganrun

Well I think I've made at least one decision. I'm planning to move back home once my lease is up in December. I was out today and it was just like the decision made itself. I guess things could change and I wont be putting anything into action yet, but I'm going to see how the decision sits with me.

Gremlinertia

veganrun wrote: »

Well I think I've made at least one decision. I'm planning to move back home once my lease is up in December. I was out today and it was just like the decision made itself. I guess things could change and I wont be putting anything into action yet, but I'm going to see how the decision sits with me.

Admire you there. I am almost paralysed by indecisiveness, it's a thing that's held back things for me.. Letting it sit with you is good too, no knee jerk reactions

veganrun

I like to do that, make a decision in my head but not actually put anything into action for a while until I see how things go.

I was off all of last week and I'm back to work tomorrow and I'm feeling quite down. Plus my health anxiety is playing up a bit at the moment, although it's most likely something very minor.

Gremlinertia

I can be quite a hypochondriac at times Well i've slumped like today i torture myself thinking i have something wrong after something wrong.

veganrun

Same here, I can get quite bad at times.

Gremlinertia

Heart attacks are my most frequent thought due to how anxiety makes my chest feel..

veganrun

I seem to veer between that, C or whatever else awful sounding thing is in the news.

I can't seem to get to sleep tonight. My head is all over the place. I was thinking there I'd nearly be better not taking time off as I just feel so down when it's time to go back to work.

stop animal cruelty

Im going to a day center tomorrow, think Im dreading it a bit really cause I cant and dont want to believe things have gone this bad. Nobody knows Im going there, its like a dirty secret Im ashamed of. Looking at me from the outside, not 1person would imagine I would need this much help and support. Feel I have gone 100 steps backwards. I feel shamed. Sorry if this post might offend anyone, I wouldnt judge someone for looking for support, its just when Im surrounded by people who have someone and I dont, I feel weak and shame.

veganrun

Mega stressed and anxious. Can't believe I'm feeling this way after just one week off work. Could get to sleep last night until about 1.30am and woke just before 6am. Had those thoughts where I was wondering how does anyone make big life changes, I'm freaking out over going back to work after only a week off.

Makes me wonder how I can ever have a relationship if every once in a while I'm sitting in bed stressing.

Gremlinertia

I can understand, any little change can set me off. It's a nuisance because it's like i feel I'm not capable of the job after a week off. I know nothing has changed but tell my anxiety that :mad:

veganrun

Tell me about it. Came back to work to find out I have my mid year review next week. Not really a surprise as everyone is having them but I started heavy breathing when my colleague told me they have theirs tomorrow and at that stage I didn't know when mine was. My last review didnt go that well so I don't know what to expect this time, although the manager I had then has since left.

Then I went to have a shower this morning and the boiler stopped working so I have no hot water. I had a weird feeling something might happen with that and it would stop working and sure enough it did. It worries me when I get feelings liked that that turn out to be true. Makes me worry what if it is something really serious the next time.

sunshine and showers

Coming off antidepressants continues to be unpleasant. Thursday was awful, I must have looked as bad as I felt because I was sent home and told to stay home on Friday if I was still sick.

The weekend wasn't too bad. Loading up on omega 3 fish oils, vitamin b complex and vitamin d to try to feel better. I found several articles online saying that the amino acid l-tryptophan is really helpful for "brain zaps". Very disappointed to learn it is prescription only in Ireland.

Feeling very spaced out at work today. I assume they think I'm recovering from a bug last week or whatever. There isn't really an easy way to say "sorry I'm not at my best, my brain is adjusting to not having the chemicals it has had for the last 6.5 years." I'm not ashamed of having taken antidepressants or anything like that, it just seems to make other people uncomfortable as a topic.

veganrun

I went through something a bit similar and I ended up going back on them for a while longer. I was on 10mg citalopram and stopped cold turkey. That's the lowest possible dose but I should have done what I did before and alternated one day on, one day off for s couple of weeks, then one every 3rd day for a few weeks until I'm off them completely.

I have my mid year review next week at work so maybe after that if things go ok. I'd like to get off them during the summer.

trixiebust

Anybody get night sweats during sleep ? Couple of nights the past few weeks, I've woke in the morning & realised I've drenched bedsheets etc during the night. Properly soaked pillowcases and everything.

veganrun

Yeah I've had night sweats occasionally. Not sure what causes them but suffering from health anxiety, I always assume the worse.

It hasnt really soaked the bed clothes but I have changed pjs when it happens.

trixiebust

veganrun wrote:

Yeah I've had night sweats occasionally. Not sure what causes them but suffering from health anxiety, I always assume the worse.

veganrun wrote:

It hasnt really soaked the bed clothes but I have changed pjs when it happens.

Happening a lot lately with me. On top of that, doctor took bloods a few days ago. They just rang, they've found "something" which requires more blood tests. It's never ending...

murria

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Im going to a day center tomorrow, think Im dreading it a bit really cause I cant and dont want to believe things have gone this bad. Nobody knows Im going there, its like a dirty secret Im ashamed of. Looking at me from the outside, not 1person would imagine I would need this much help and support. Feel I have gone 100 steps backwards. I feel shamed. Sorry if this post might offend anyone, I wouldnt judge someone for looking for support, its just when Im surrounded by people who have someone and I dont, I feel weak and shame.

Please don't feel ashamed. You knew things had to change and you made an adult decision to start the changes. That's to be commended. Hope today went well for you.

veganrun

Well the boiler got fixed so that is good.

I have my mid year review next week, not really looking forward to it but not thinking much about it just yet. It's at almost the same time as the last one I had that didn't go so well. It's funny how you can think that means it won't go well.

I hate performance reviews and I'm starting to wonder if they are immoral, scoring people. Seems very shallow.

crispycrisps

I'm guessing the anti-depressants are starting to work (2 weeks taking them tomorrow)

I kinda feel nothing....like I'm numb...I'm not happy or sad. Just "meh" feeling

jsms88

crispycrisps wrote: »

I kinda feel nothing....like I'm numb...I'm not happy or sad. Just "meh" feeling

Excuse my ignorance maybe but that sounds pretty good, no?

trixiebust

I think we've all asked ourselves that question so many times over

Good on you, for deciding what's best for you. Kind of in the same boat as you, would love to move home, but have different obstacles in my way. Do whatever your happy with, and more importantly look after yourself.

crispycrisps

jsms88 wrote: »

Excuse my ignorance maybe but that sounds pretty good, no?

Its better than being depressed and sad but I kinda feel hollow, I don't know how to describe how I feel. Just empty of all emotions.

My doctor saw a great improvement from my last visit to her. Should have visited her months ago but we are on the road to improvement now

milli milli

Hi everyone. This week hasn't been great. Last week I could feel myself sinking and I willed myself to be positive and went to one of my evening classes.
And after that I was on a positivity marathon.
And this week I really struggled to get out of bed. I got myself up eventually yesterday but had to go back. And today I got up and dressed (took a while) and planned to go shopping for food (had some lovely meals planned) but when I got in the car - none of the cars would let me out so I started crying and just couldn't face the momentous task of shopping.

God I hate depression. I can't seem to control my mood. Last week I was Miss Sunshine and now it's the opposite. I made a promise to one of my friends last week that I would stay positive- but with depression, you can't make those kind of promises.
What started me off lately is my business is struggling. My personal life isn't great either and I feel like I'm failing at life.

Also do you find that it's hard to make plans? Like I started dancing last year because I love dancing, but with my fluctuating mood I found sometimes I didn't have the motivation to practice the dances. I did keep it up for the year but eventually gave it up because I missed too many sessions.
I wish I could keep my mood stable.

I know the last time I posted here, I was very positive and said that fresh air and exercise are great.
I feel bad for being so negative - I think I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you for listening

trixychic

Ok so I have a confession to make. I have been avoiding this page and I feel horrible.

When im having a good time (no issues or anxiety, just getting on with things, all tipping along fine) im nearly afraid to come into this page and read the struggles of everyone here in case it sends me back down.... but then when I do feel bad and I am struggling I feel too guilty to come on here for support.

I feel ashamed because how can I look for support here when I am too cowardly to come on here and help others when they are going through similar stuff and I could possibly help them.

So I want to apologise to you all. Especially those of yous who are here constantly and have always been a voice of support and comfort for me (Grem and Hugo come straight to mind!!) I am sorry if I have let yous down and I hope yous are ok.

I don't know if I can change yet as right now all my efforts are going into my boys who are struggling themselves. But I had to come on and say it. I am so so sorry.

jsms88

milli milli wrote: »

Hi everyone. This week hasn't been great. Last week I could feel myself sinking and I willed myself to be positive and went to one of my evening classes.
And after that I was on a positivity marathon.
And this week I really struggled to get out of bed. I got myself up eventually yesterday but had to go back. And today I got up and dressed (took a while) and planned to go shopping for food (had some lovely meals planned) but when I got in the car - none of the cars would let me out so I started crying and just couldn't face the momentous task of shopping.

God I hate depression. I can't seem to control my mood. Last week I was Miss Sunshine and now it's the opposite. I made a promise to one of my friends last week that I would stay positive- but with depression, you can't make those kind of promises.
What started me off lately is my business is struggling. My personal life isn't great either and I feel like I'm failing at life.

Also do you find that it's hard to make plans? Like I started dancing last year because I love dancing, but with my fluctuating mood I found sometimes I didn't have the motivation to practice the dances. I did keep it up for the year but eventually gave it up because I missed too many sessions.
I wish I could keep my mood stable.

I know the last time I posted here, I was very positive and said that fresh air and exercise are great.
I feel bad for being so negative - I think I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you for listening

It's the unknown factor that cripples me. I have a good day and I get into bed and I say to myself that I hope I don't wake up anxious. It's like a constant fear that I'm going to fall back into it at any moment.

Tell me how

Sad news about Chester Bennington today.
Another reminder of the awfulness of the disease and also that money/fame/success doesn't mean that you're immune from it.

Gremlinertia

Tell me how wrote: »

Sad news about Chester Bennington today.
Another reminder of the awfulness of the disease and also that money/fame/success doesn't mean that you're immune from it.

With you there, stopped me in my tracks.. I've way too much empathy i think so get very 'stuck' for a while when i hear of these deaths..

NMHS

Hi!
New here, diagnosed PTSD, depression, severe anxiety. Have suffered for quite a few years. On a shed load of pills having tried most of them, finally keeping me stable enough to function though not free of the symptoms which are difficult to deal with to say the least.
I sympathise with veganrun, I wake from nightmares several times a night, usually about an hour and a half to two hours apart and very often sweating profusely. In fact I sympathise with all here who suffer.
43, married with two girls, 12 and 6. My wife is very understanding thankfully, I'd be lost without her support. My kids are wonderful and the centre of my world. I don't go out very much.
Tried CBT, group, psychologist; didn't really help. I see a different doctor every time I go in to the local Mental Health Services, I assume they are students but at this stage I think they are just being told by the head guy to review and prescribe, seems that's all that can be done which is disheartening. Feeling a bit wobbly today but this too shall pass. Hope I can contribute something here.

snowflaker

Feeling you have wasted days away by doing nothing with them

snowflaker

veganrun wrote: »

Well the boiler got fixed so that is good.

I have my mid year review next week, not really looking forward to it but not thinking much about it just yet. It's at almost the same time as the last one I had that didn't go so well. It's funny how you can think that means it won't go well.

I hate performance reviews and I'm starting to wonder if they are immoral, scoring people. Seems very shallow.

I hate them too. I hate everything about them. So crude